"But you want kids!"

And? Why do aphobic people act like wanting kids suddenly makes you not ace?

If anything, the two are tied together. I see sex as the means to create my biological children/babies. That's it. I feel no other reason or desire to engage in sex other than procreation. And yes, I believe that this view does come from my asexuality.

Also there's plenty of ways to become a parent without having sex. Adoption, surrogacy, fostering. And you can become pregnant without having sex through IVF or artificial insemination.

I'm just tired of people learning I'm ace and then acting like I'm not supposed to want kids. The two can and do coexist.

Oh and DON'T get me started on the "your poor boyfriend" comments I get when I tell people I'm ace, in a relationship and still will only really have sex for procreation. They act like I'm some evil witch withholding some drastic need from him and that I must not really love him. Firstly, I'm 18. I don't "love" anyone, I like him in a romantic sense. Secondly, I'm 18. Why would I have sex and risk getting pregnant this young?

https://redd.it/1nqdmpa
@asexualityonreddit

Seriously hugging a horse is the best
https://redd.it/1nqfjym
@asexualityonreddit

The thought of sex being real is horrifying to me

i don’t know why i have such a negative visceral reaction to it but the thought that humans have sex gives me a similar emotional response to the thought that everyone i care about will die someday. It’s true but i can’t do anything to change that and i just hate that i live in a world where sex and death are real and that everyone acts like both things are just normal

https://redd.it/1nqianb
@asexualityonreddit

Is this weird for an asexual?

I'm an asexual teen girl who believes that sex strips people out of their dignity, and I never tried sex and NEVER will. Doesn't even want to try having a boyfriend. But I don't know why I enjoy writing and drawing a couple (they're my original characters) arousing each other and the girl keeps lusting over the guy in her sleep and talking intimate stuff in her dreams, and she keeps asking him to guess her underwear's color, also there're tons of French kiss scenes and/or the guy touching her in arousing areas but without removing her dress. They even had sex later in the story when they got married because the girl is a princess and she should stay virgin till married. These fictional characters that I created don't seem that they lost their dignity to me and I absolutely love it when I imagine them being intimate because I love to create a happy story where my favorite original characters are enjoying their heterosexual sexual life because it's THEIR sexuality. Same with anime characters, but once it gets portrayed as real actors/actresses or an overly romantic story that happened in real life I absolutely get grossed out. Also I don't feel aroused when I'm writing/drawing them, maybe just a little ROMANTIC attraction to the guy character, sexual attraction to him may be present but very, very little. Am I weird? do you ENJOY writing characters lusting over each other but not feel anything with yourself when writing them, like just enjoy it non-sexually because you're giving someone else you wrote the life they want according to THEIR sexuality?

Tysm for reading my post!!

https://redd.it/1nqk4en
@asexualityonreddit

scared to leave my toxic relationship

ok so first i’m 19 and i’ve been in a relationship for about a year and he accepts my asexuality, he isn’t asexual but he’s been curious about it before and asked me stuff multiple times throughout our relationship. he’s been treating me awfully the past month and i need to leave but im scared because what if i don’t find anyone else who accepts it? idk how far id be willing to compromise so leaving this relationship just makes me feel like ill never find anyone again.

https://redd.it/1nqgsbz
@asexualityonreddit

Bro….im so tired rn….WHY ARE PPL SHIPPING ME WITH THE SAME BOZO IN MY CLASS
https://redd.it/1nql9o0
@asexualityonreddit

What relationship do y’all have with religion?

I’m 23M(sex averse for context) and I was raised in America, but my folks are Indian, so I’m Indian-American. But my dad used to be an atheist(not anymore) and my mom was very religious but chill. None of them ever forced their religion on me, but I grew up watching my mom do Hindu rituals.

Today, as an adult, I would say I’m semi-religious. I do pray and do stuff during big Hindu festivals, but on a day to day basis I’m a bit selfish and only pray when I need something haha. Trying to be better about it though. I asked my mom why she never pushed religion on me like other religious parents did and she said “if god wants you to be spiritual, god will guide you, it’s not my job; god guides those who need religion if and when they need it”. So shout out mom for the laid back take.

But despite all this, I would say my dad’s still more conservative than my mom even though he only recently became religious. He’s not super religious, kinda like me, but even when he was an atheist he was a super conservative dude compared to my mom. If I ever come out as ace to any of my folks, my mom would probably be chill with it and not care but my dad would care for sure.

So that’s my story, what about y’all? I’m curious to see my fellow aces and their perspective.

https://redd.it/1nqn9o6
@asexualityonreddit

Craving platonic intimacy

I'm not gonna try to rant too much because I really just want to get my thoughts out. So like, I'm pretty new to the whole asexuality thing, so I apologize in advance if what I'm saying doesn't make any sense.

Just as a very tiny bit of context, I'm a 20-year-old dude.

I've been experiencing a lot of feelings recently where I just want to cuddle with people. I don't think of it as a romantic thing though. The part that worries me is that it's a very strong craving. Every time I'm around my close friends, I constantly have these uncontrollable thoughts of leaning on them or holding their hand. Really weird, I know...

It's hard to deal with because I know I can't just say what I'm feeling out loud. I don't exactly want them to get the wrong idea if I said something like that, so I always keep it to myself. I think the only people who know this about me are all online friends, which really sucks because they all live so far away from me. It's honestly just a painful feeling.

But anywho, I'm gonna leave it there for now. There are a lot of details I've left out, but that's just because I know y'all don't really want to read my whole life story or anything. I guess my overall question is just: what do I do?

https://redd.it/1nqpq00
@asexualityonreddit

New ally just dropped
https://i.imgur.com/l4DOWLy.png

https://redd.it/1nqt0cm
@asexualityonreddit

Aces have family. You have family. I have family. :) Never forget that!!!
https://redd.it/1nqsvoh
@asexualityonreddit

Mainly just venting

I dont even know what I'm doing anymore. I'm on vacation at the moment in a rather...romantic place. And thats exactly what I'm getting shoved down my throat. I even witnessed two proposals already in the past 2 days alone. And it makes me think that the last time I have gotten a real hug was literally 4 years ago.

I have made peace with the fact that I might stay alone throughout my entire life due to my preferences already quite a while ago. But being here and having it held under my nose is still pretty rough. I'm a romantic too, which only makes it worse.

Sorry, I dont know what I'm even ranting about, just blowing off some steam.

https://redd.it/1nquje4
@asexualityonreddit

What is even the basis of aphobia???

Like I don't get it, what are you mad about? What religion am i offending by not wanting to screw someone? Tbh i think aphobes are just sad i don't think they're hot.

So anyways, what are your guy's experiences with aphobia and how common is it?

https://redd.it/1nqsu4u
@asexualityonreddit

The shameful story of my username

Hi folks, I wanted to share with you the story behind the ABSURDITY of my Reddit username.

Soooo back when I never heard of ace and still struggle like shit to « heal what’s broken with me and my sexuality » I was thinking that maybe I had to try more, to try different things. So as a woman living in this overly sexualized society, I thought : why not try an OF account (😭). i am currently mortified writing this. So I created a Reddit account to know more about how to start and find tips lmao

Long story short OF FUCKING COURSE it felt wrong and I quickly dropped this insane project. And now, the same Reddit account is used to know more about Asexuality and find confort in the community 🫂.

That’s it, I can’t change it unfortunately. Sometimes it makes me a bit sad but most of the time I find it funny and oddly representative of my journey to aceness

:)

https://redd.it/1nqvb94
@asexualityonreddit

Does aesthetic attraction matter to you when dating?

I'm ace, biromantic and potentially demi- or aromantic, but as of now still intereted in the pursuit of romantic relationships. I'm not interested in sex whatsoever and experience no sexual attraction, but definitely aesthetic attraction and it is for sure impacting my romantic attraction to other people. Just wanted to see what it is like for others because I have some doubts nagging me in the back of my mind that it's shallow to filter romantic partners by physical apperance if the physical technically "doesn't even matter" for me, but like ... it does 😭 for me, aesthetic attraction is important to romantic and not just sexual attraction, but idk how to explain it. How do y'all feel about it?

https://redd.it/1nqz5df
@asexualityonreddit

If this isn't us
https://redd.it/1nr2me9
@asexualityonreddit

Libido around ovulation?

(I didn’t know which category)

Am I the only one never experiencing elevated libido around my ovulations? Like NEVER. It’s actually more oppusite, it tends to get lower than baseline instead. Turned off. Idk why. I can’t even get it if i try.

This is coming from a 22 yearold with an unstable libido, long periods of time being asexual and other periods where i’m hypersexual. (Not cycle related but more like random months in my life). Attraction to others is difficult no matter which mode I’m in

https://redd.it/1nr4po4
@asexualityonreddit

probably don't have to be ace to find this relatable but i think it fits all the same

https://redd.it/1nr4bze
@asexualityonreddit

A bop is a bop
https://redd.it/1nr6zy5
@asexualityonreddit

When to tell partner about trauma?

TW: Some talk of past sexual assault

So I(16F) am not in a relationship and never have been but I plan to be in relationships eventually so I'm asking this question now to avoid as much pain as possible in the future. I am asexual and a victim of CSA something that I don't really feel comfortable discussing with people I know personally but basically I was touched as a child(never raped though) and it is something I would ideally like to tell future partners before we get too serious but when I'm comfortable enough to talk about it the two problems with that

1. I can't tell what stage in a relationship that is

2. I wouldn't want it to effect their relationship with my family as it was a family member I cannot avoid interacting with in my life. I thought I had forgiven them as the thing happened when I was 6 and I didn't really remember it that well and I thought what had happened didn't really count because it never went further than touching basically they got found out by my parents and as of late I'm starting to remember more and I can't help but wonder how far they would've gone if they never got found out and have started to harbor a lot of feelings of hate towards them and again wouldn't want a partner to not be able to talk to them the same or anything like that

I'm also nervous about what if they weaponize that because I've been in arguments with some of my siblings before and had them bring that up without actually meaning it and even though they apologized and I told them I was fine it still actually really hurt and I just wouldn't want that to happen and sorry for ranting a bunch I think I needed to get that off my chest.

Basically when would be an ideal time to tell a partner about it in a relationship, how would you tell them, and in what level of detail for those of you who've had similar situations.

https://redd.it/1nrakpf
@asexualityonreddit

Really heard a super sad conversation at work… can’t get allos

I work at a place with people older than me, and I’m also the only guy there. So I keep to myself sometimes, cuz I truly can’t relate with them sometimes.

The person who sits in the cubicle next to mine is the “designated meet up” spot for a lot of the older women. They forget I’m there and sometimes talk.

One lady, who’s like late 30s, said her husband has been having a stressful time at work, and has been having “performance issues”(she went into detail but I’ll spare you guys). But he’s allergic to something in the pill you take for those things, and he can’t do it. She says they tried alternate stuff, but she can’t “see him as a man anymore” and wants to leave him. Even though, she confessed this is due to the work stress in his life right now(he started his own business recently and left a steady job to do it, with his wife’s encouragement).

They have kids together, and she wants to leave him over this. And everyone else agreed. Let me repeat… EVERY SINGLE FRIEND AGREED AND TOLD HER TO LEAVE OR CHEAT!!!

These two have been together for 12 years and these issues only started 7-8 months ago.

I understand a healthy sex life is needed for allos, but man, hearing that 7-8 months of hardship was enough for her to leave her husband was insane. And I know allo men are the same given how many people we see cheat during their wife’s pregnancy.

I understand the importance of sex for them, but leaving someone you built a life with and “not seeing him as a man” over it?

I’m okay to die alone, but I don’t think I’ll ever date an allo. I’ll continue waiting for an ace woman. Sorry for the rant, but this just broke my heart hearing this. Wish people valued relationships beyond sex.

https://redd.it/1nr3xoe
@asexualityonreddit