What am I actually?
Sorry for reposting, but this went completely ignored when I posted it last night.
I don’t know what I am anymore. I thought I was grey-ace, then fully asexual, but now I’m back to being… idk anymore.
I’m not sex-repulsed, I don’t even know if I’m sex-neutral or sex-favorable.
I play VRChat a lot and in-game (and in text fantasy roleplay with trusted friends), I’m sex-favorable and even partake in sexual activities. I do a good job at appearing or sounding like I’m “enjoying” myself… but in reality, behind the screen, I’m just… neutral. I don’t feel physically aroused, I don’t really get “excited” at the thought of sexual activities or anything. The idea of some sexual activity is… okay, but like, I have no irl experience or even desires so I don’t really know.
I blame a lot of this on my physical health. I have a health condition that causes me to have critically low to nonexistent libido and I don’t exercise (bad triggering thoughts around it, working on it in therapy), but like… what would that make me in a sexual orientation sense? A sex-positive grey ace? An allosexual of some kind?
I don’t know anymore. I still consider myself to be on the ace spectrum, but I’m thinking of just skipping the whole label scene entirely and just be whatever I want.
https://redd.it/1mmh60o
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Sorry for reposting, but this went completely ignored when I posted it last night.
I don’t know what I am anymore. I thought I was grey-ace, then fully asexual, but now I’m back to being… idk anymore.
I’m not sex-repulsed, I don’t even know if I’m sex-neutral or sex-favorable.
I play VRChat a lot and in-game (and in text fantasy roleplay with trusted friends), I’m sex-favorable and even partake in sexual activities. I do a good job at appearing or sounding like I’m “enjoying” myself… but in reality, behind the screen, I’m just… neutral. I don’t feel physically aroused, I don’t really get “excited” at the thought of sexual activities or anything. The idea of some sexual activity is… okay, but like, I have no irl experience or even desires so I don’t really know.
I blame a lot of this on my physical health. I have a health condition that causes me to have critically low to nonexistent libido and I don’t exercise (bad triggering thoughts around it, working on it in therapy), but like… what would that make me in a sexual orientation sense? A sex-positive grey ace? An allosexual of some kind?
I don’t know anymore. I still consider myself to be on the ace spectrum, but I’m thinking of just skipping the whole label scene entirely and just be whatever I want.
https://redd.it/1mmh60o
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Realizing I’m ace at 29
Just need to rant a bit, I’ve been in an identity crisis for years and I don’t know how to proceed.
My whole life I’ve considered myself a typical straight male, but I realized in the past couple years I’ve really enjoyed sex. In my relationships I’ve had it’s always felt like a chore, something I’m supposed to do as a man. Every time I’ve had sex has been a result of this dynamic, and I’m now trying to figure out how to accept that I don’t want sex to be a part of my life or personality.
I’m really struggling with this, because as a “normal” person so much conversation with other men revolves around sex, and so many women think you’re gay or just weird if you tell them you’re “not a sexual person.” When I talk to my family the conversation becomes “when are you going to get married and have children?” I think it would break my parents’ hearts to learn I’m not going to carry on the family name.
I’ve been faking being sexual for so long, and I just can’t anymore, I’m exhausted. The last time I had sex was a couple years ago. It was so uncomfortable and I felt situationally forced into it. I still feel awful about the whole thing.
I don’t want to be part of any community, I hate all the stupid classifications and identities. I just want to be seen as a person. But I’m so tired of feeling lonely in a world that is so sex-focused. How do I even navigate the world and relationships after coming to the realization that I’m ace?
https://redd.it/1mmizr6
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Just need to rant a bit, I’ve been in an identity crisis for years and I don’t know how to proceed.
My whole life I’ve considered myself a typical straight male, but I realized in the past couple years I’ve really enjoyed sex. In my relationships I’ve had it’s always felt like a chore, something I’m supposed to do as a man. Every time I’ve had sex has been a result of this dynamic, and I’m now trying to figure out how to accept that I don’t want sex to be a part of my life or personality.
I’m really struggling with this, because as a “normal” person so much conversation with other men revolves around sex, and so many women think you’re gay or just weird if you tell them you’re “not a sexual person.” When I talk to my family the conversation becomes “when are you going to get married and have children?” I think it would break my parents’ hearts to learn I’m not going to carry on the family name.
I’ve been faking being sexual for so long, and I just can’t anymore, I’m exhausted. The last time I had sex was a couple years ago. It was so uncomfortable and I felt situationally forced into it. I still feel awful about the whole thing.
I don’t want to be part of any community, I hate all the stupid classifications and identities. I just want to be seen as a person. But I’m so tired of feeling lonely in a world that is so sex-focused. How do I even navigate the world and relationships after coming to the realization that I’m ace?
https://redd.it/1mmizr6
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being sex repulsed when everything seems to be getting more ‘traditional’/conservative/right wing
I don’t think I’m the only ace person in the world to have thought much about this, but I’ve been thinking a lot recently about The World and the way things are going, especially with the swing to everything suddenly being really conservative, at least in the West. Jojo Siwa’s Betty Davis song and all the discussion with that, all the backlash Sabrina Carpenter got with that album cover, Andrew Tate, tradwives, all of it, it feels like modesty and being anti-sex is slowly starting to become the ‘in’ thing.
Thing is, I’m a sex repulsed aroace, which is a solid part of my identity. I’m very sex positive for other people (every adult should be able to do what they like with whoever they like, with consent - that should be celebrated!), but being more modest in the way i dress and feeling comfortable not dating have been pretty empowering parts of my own identity as a queer person - it feels unsettling now to see those same things celebrated by the right wing to push other people down, especially queer people. has anyone else ever had the same feeling or thoughts?? does it ever affect you?
https://redd.it/1mmldeo
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I don’t think I’m the only ace person in the world to have thought much about this, but I’ve been thinking a lot recently about The World and the way things are going, especially with the swing to everything suddenly being really conservative, at least in the West. Jojo Siwa’s Betty Davis song and all the discussion with that, all the backlash Sabrina Carpenter got with that album cover, Andrew Tate, tradwives, all of it, it feels like modesty and being anti-sex is slowly starting to become the ‘in’ thing.
Thing is, I’m a sex repulsed aroace, which is a solid part of my identity. I’m very sex positive for other people (every adult should be able to do what they like with whoever they like, with consent - that should be celebrated!), but being more modest in the way i dress and feeling comfortable not dating have been pretty empowering parts of my own identity as a queer person - it feels unsettling now to see those same things celebrated by the right wing to push other people down, especially queer people. has anyone else ever had the same feeling or thoughts?? does it ever affect you?
https://redd.it/1mmldeo
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Thats my biggest fear as sex repulsed
I saw this post in the other sub (NSFW details), long story short guy tried to have sex with his girlfriend but freak out after touching her genitalia, he said he have OCD, but I think thats how I would react if it happened to me as sex repulsed.
All the jokes and comments judging him... I feel embarassed for OP and for myself, even thougth it never happened to me.
I only date a girl once for about a month, even thought she was patience and knew I was ace I got overwelmed fast because she want to touch hand and kiss, and thats nothing comapare to sex. With this aversion I will never will get a healthy relationtionship.
https://redd.it/1mmlv5o
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I saw this post in the other sub (NSFW details), long story short guy tried to have sex with his girlfriend but freak out after touching her genitalia, he said he have OCD, but I think thats how I would react if it happened to me as sex repulsed.
All the jokes and comments judging him... I feel embarassed for OP and for myself, even thougth it never happened to me.
I only date a girl once for about a month, even thought she was patience and knew I was ace I got overwelmed fast because she want to touch hand and kiss, and thats nothing comapare to sex. With this aversion I will never will get a healthy relationtionship.
https://redd.it/1mmlv5o
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[Mature Content] From the confessions community on Reddit: I grossed out while fingering my girlfriend for the first time
Posted by Turbulent-Language78 - 1,326 votes and 378 comments
Am I asexual, aegosexual or just mentally ill?
This may sound like trolling to some of you but I promise it's not...
so I'm 28 yo man and quite a late-bloomer. Due to my difficult childhood and early teens, I was never in a relationship until a couple of months ago. It's not like I wasn't interested in women at all, I had some crushes, but I also had some things to fix about myself first, at least so I thought (I thought I'm not "good enough" to even try looking for someone).
A couple months ago I entered into my first relationship with an incredibly hot girl that was a few years younger and my opposite in almost every single way (yes, bed-experience as well). She was my first everything: first cuddling, first kissing, first sex. That relationship wasn't long, I ended it after like a month (unrelated to sex, mainly because of her avoidant attachment style).
I only had sex twice with her.
I loved hugging her. I could literally hug her a whole day when she was on her sleeping pills. I was so happy doing this.
Kissing... from what she said I was surprisingly good at it, given my lack of experience, but it wasn't really arousing me and I was doing it because she was doing it. And the sex... our first time she started with a blowjob and she tried hard to make me cum. And tbh I felt like it was very close to actually make me cum but eventually she got physically tired (she was trying for like 5-10 minutes I think). My penis was also quite hard when she was doing it. After that failed blowjob we tried normal sex but, well... it was quite hard to keep my erection inside her. To be honest it wasn't quite pleasant, she felt like too tight for me (which I told her and I saw the confusion painted on her face). It wasn't easy for me to keep the erection when I wasn't fucking her and when I was starting to fuck her it was even harder, going soft within seconds. We eventually stopped, concluded that it's probably due to stress and went to sleep. As for the tightness, she had some illness that was sometimes causing her pussy to be so tight that it was painful to her. But I have no idea if she was experiencing it during our first sex, at least she didn't say so. Anyway the sex itself felt like a chore to me, like physically it was exhausting and not really pleasant.
Before I talk about the second time I tried sex with her, a little side-note about masturbation. I masturbate on average every 2-3 days, been doing it since I was a teenager. I get aroused watching porn (straight porn, never gay) and my penis is harder than when I have real sex. I was also able without much problem to fap to her photos.
Ok, back to our relationship. After that first failed sex experience I immediately decided to quit porn and masturbation. The idea was: if I quit it, I will probably be more horny the next time and it will help. The next time we tried sex was like 3 or 4 weeks later. I didn't masturbate at all during that time, actually I'm quite surprised now that I didn't even found it that hard.
Anyway when the time came and I initiated, there was no blowjob, just a bit of kissing/biting and we went straight to business. But the story repeated itself, it was even harder to keep my penis aroused this time, it was getting flaccid instantly upon entering her pussy and after a few tries it didn't want to get up at all. I felt down because of this.
What surprised be was that during that period (between first and second time we had sex), when we were sleeping together and she was hugging me, it was enough that she moved her leg near my crotch-area and I would get full, hard boner, harder than when I actually had sex with her. I think it was the only thing that was making me really hard. Kissing, touching her boobs, biting her ear or when she was biting mine... it didn't really arouse me. Only blowjob was somewhat making is hard (but not at 100%).
Fast-forward to today, after multiple failed tinder dates (I'm lonely and I'm looking for a soulmate to cuddle with), I decided to pay for sex for the first time in my life, simply to find out if I'm even
This may sound like trolling to some of you but I promise it's not...
so I'm 28 yo man and quite a late-bloomer. Due to my difficult childhood and early teens, I was never in a relationship until a couple of months ago. It's not like I wasn't interested in women at all, I had some crushes, but I also had some things to fix about myself first, at least so I thought (I thought I'm not "good enough" to even try looking for someone).
A couple months ago I entered into my first relationship with an incredibly hot girl that was a few years younger and my opposite in almost every single way (yes, bed-experience as well). She was my first everything: first cuddling, first kissing, first sex. That relationship wasn't long, I ended it after like a month (unrelated to sex, mainly because of her avoidant attachment style).
I only had sex twice with her.
I loved hugging her. I could literally hug her a whole day when she was on her sleeping pills. I was so happy doing this.
Kissing... from what she said I was surprisingly good at it, given my lack of experience, but it wasn't really arousing me and I was doing it because she was doing it. And the sex... our first time she started with a blowjob and she tried hard to make me cum. And tbh I felt like it was very close to actually make me cum but eventually she got physically tired (she was trying for like 5-10 minutes I think). My penis was also quite hard when she was doing it. After that failed blowjob we tried normal sex but, well... it was quite hard to keep my erection inside her. To be honest it wasn't quite pleasant, she felt like too tight for me (which I told her and I saw the confusion painted on her face). It wasn't easy for me to keep the erection when I wasn't fucking her and when I was starting to fuck her it was even harder, going soft within seconds. We eventually stopped, concluded that it's probably due to stress and went to sleep. As for the tightness, she had some illness that was sometimes causing her pussy to be so tight that it was painful to her. But I have no idea if she was experiencing it during our first sex, at least she didn't say so. Anyway the sex itself felt like a chore to me, like physically it was exhausting and not really pleasant.
Before I talk about the second time I tried sex with her, a little side-note about masturbation. I masturbate on average every 2-3 days, been doing it since I was a teenager. I get aroused watching porn (straight porn, never gay) and my penis is harder than when I have real sex. I was also able without much problem to fap to her photos.
Ok, back to our relationship. After that first failed sex experience I immediately decided to quit porn and masturbation. The idea was: if I quit it, I will probably be more horny the next time and it will help. The next time we tried sex was like 3 or 4 weeks later. I didn't masturbate at all during that time, actually I'm quite surprised now that I didn't even found it that hard.
Anyway when the time came and I initiated, there was no blowjob, just a bit of kissing/biting and we went straight to business. But the story repeated itself, it was even harder to keep my penis aroused this time, it was getting flaccid instantly upon entering her pussy and after a few tries it didn't want to get up at all. I felt down because of this.
What surprised be was that during that period (between first and second time we had sex), when we were sleeping together and she was hugging me, it was enough that she moved her leg near my crotch-area and I would get full, hard boner, harder than when I actually had sex with her. I think it was the only thing that was making me really hard. Kissing, touching her boobs, biting her ear or when she was biting mine... it didn't really arouse me. Only blowjob was somewhat making is hard (but not at 100%).
Fast-forward to today, after multiple failed tinder dates (I'm lonely and I'm looking for a soulmate to cuddle with), I decided to pay for sex for the first time in my life, simply to find out if I'm even
capable of getting an orgasm. The woman I met with didn't look like on the photos but wasn't ugly either and I really tried to have fun and cum. Although it went a bit better than during the sex with my now ex-girlfriend, as I wasn't instantly going flaccid upon entering the pussy, I wasn't able to cum and my penis wasn't fully hard, more like 70% hard. The sex felt physically tiring and even though I felt a bit of physical pleasure in my penis when fucking her, it wasn't enough.
Now, for the last part, I want to talk a bit of my mental health. For years I was wondering if I have depression. I talk about this because apparently depression can influence libido or something. After meeting some people with depression (my ex-gf being one of them), I realized I probably don't have depression, however I suspect I may have dysthymia, which is somewhat similar (just longer and lighter, I think some people call it high-functioning depression). Next week I'm seeing a psychiatrist for the first time to confirm or deny that. I'm not sure how relevant is that to this topic but I wrote that just in case it's relevant.
Soo... what am I? What should I do? For the time being my plan is to see the psychiatrist and if he confirms I need meds, I will be taking them and if they actually work and make me happier, I will pay for sex again and see if anything changed. I guess..
PS. my testosterone levels are healthy
https://redd.it/1mmpk00
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Now, for the last part, I want to talk a bit of my mental health. For years I was wondering if I have depression. I talk about this because apparently depression can influence libido or something. After meeting some people with depression (my ex-gf being one of them), I realized I probably don't have depression, however I suspect I may have dysthymia, which is somewhat similar (just longer and lighter, I think some people call it high-functioning depression). Next week I'm seeing a psychiatrist for the first time to confirm or deny that. I'm not sure how relevant is that to this topic but I wrote that just in case it's relevant.
Soo... what am I? What should I do? For the time being my plan is to see the psychiatrist and if he confirms I need meds, I will be taking them and if they actually work and make me happier, I will pay for sex again and see if anything changed. I guess..
PS. my testosterone levels are healthy
https://redd.it/1mmpk00
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I’ve seen a lot of attractive naked people, but just don’t understand how people get off to nudity alone.
I’m for sure aromantic, generally very sex-repulsed & likely gray-ace. I’ve had one enjoyable sexual experience in my life, I posted about it here. I’m AFAB NB and the only group I’ve ever felt any sexual attraction to ever is femme women.
I definitely do kinda understand the theoretical reasons why people like sex. Biological imperative mediated by culture & personal development, makes sense. What I really don’t understand, why do so many people find nudity that big of a deal? It makes sense that it’s escalation from being clothed toward sex… but why is there such a huge difference between bikini & naked? It seems disproportionate. Not even just in arousal or personal perception/behavior, but culturally & legally too. Why does that tiny escalation in the same context (eg a beach) make the difference between being fined (or arrested in some countries) & being totally culturally acceptable?
I’ve been in healthcare since I was 16, med student since 17 (non-western country with undergraduate entry programs), and paramedic since 18. I’ve probably seen thousands of naked people. Given my paramedic role is in the military, I do see a more physically athletic & conventionally attractive naked people than others in healthcare. Outside of healthcare, due to military experience (which there is a very high rate of military service in my country so this is very common), I have showered in the same room as dozens of other naked showering women — members of my preferred sex. Nothing from it at all.
I recently started my dermatology rotation in medical school as well. My first placement on this rotation is the skin screening program, which involves a lot of looking at naked people (to find skin cancer). Yesterday alone I saw 38 patients. Because this placement is at an aesthetic derm clinic marketed to young people, some of them quite conventionally attractive. Cannot fathom getting anything from that.
https://redd.it/1mmo52p
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I’m for sure aromantic, generally very sex-repulsed & likely gray-ace. I’ve had one enjoyable sexual experience in my life, I posted about it here. I’m AFAB NB and the only group I’ve ever felt any sexual attraction to ever is femme women.
I definitely do kinda understand the theoretical reasons why people like sex. Biological imperative mediated by culture & personal development, makes sense. What I really don’t understand, why do so many people find nudity that big of a deal? It makes sense that it’s escalation from being clothed toward sex… but why is there such a huge difference between bikini & naked? It seems disproportionate. Not even just in arousal or personal perception/behavior, but culturally & legally too. Why does that tiny escalation in the same context (eg a beach) make the difference between being fined (or arrested in some countries) & being totally culturally acceptable?
I’ve been in healthcare since I was 16, med student since 17 (non-western country with undergraduate entry programs), and paramedic since 18. I’ve probably seen thousands of naked people. Given my paramedic role is in the military, I do see a more physically athletic & conventionally attractive naked people than others in healthcare. Outside of healthcare, due to military experience (which there is a very high rate of military service in my country so this is very common), I have showered in the same room as dozens of other naked showering women — members of my preferred sex. Nothing from it at all.
I recently started my dermatology rotation in medical school as well. My first placement on this rotation is the skin screening program, which involves a lot of looking at naked people (to find skin cancer). Yesterday alone I saw 38 patients. Because this placement is at an aesthetic derm clinic marketed to young people, some of them quite conventionally attractive. Cannot fathom getting anything from that.
https://redd.it/1mmo52p
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Am I asexual?
I'm writing here because I'm not an expert on the subject (and sorry for the grammar, English is not my language). I don't think I experience sexual attraction, or at least I don't understand how it works. I like engaging in sexual activity, I really enjoy getting pleasure from it, I also like reading stuff about sex and got excited, but I don't think of other people that way. I can't imagine myself having sex with others even though I want to, I've never had thoughts like "I want to have sex with that person". When I try to imagine other people in that way, it feels out of place and almost disgusting. Sometimes it's as if my brain is trying to figure out how or what it feels like to be sexually attracted to others, but this desire for satisfaction seems contradictory(?). I don't know how to explain it, and I don't know if I fit the spectrum...
https://redd.it/1mmrxw4
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I'm writing here because I'm not an expert on the subject (and sorry for the grammar, English is not my language). I don't think I experience sexual attraction, or at least I don't understand how it works. I like engaging in sexual activity, I really enjoy getting pleasure from it, I also like reading stuff about sex and got excited, but I don't think of other people that way. I can't imagine myself having sex with others even though I want to, I've never had thoughts like "I want to have sex with that person". When I try to imagine other people in that way, it feels out of place and almost disgusting. Sometimes it's as if my brain is trying to figure out how or what it feels like to be sexually attracted to others, but this desire for satisfaction seems contradictory(?). I don't know how to explain it, and I don't know if I fit the spectrum...
https://redd.it/1mmrxw4
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Sex positive asexuality discrimination
I could just scream right now. Over the past day, ive been getting berated and downvoted on a post i made where in the comments i mentioned being a sex positive asexual. I dont understand why so many people cant get it through their head that just because i dont look at people and experience attraction doesnt mean i cant have the good feels in my pants. The ignorance is just beyond me. This one redditor in particular commented no less than five times that im “mislabelling” myself and “confused” and im actually aromantic (ive been in love many, many times so trust me im not). I know reddit is a place full of trolls and bigots but its honestly just exhausting and ruined my day.
Thanks for listening to my vent
https://redd.it/1mmqzds
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I could just scream right now. Over the past day, ive been getting berated and downvoted on a post i made where in the comments i mentioned being a sex positive asexual. I dont understand why so many people cant get it through their head that just because i dont look at people and experience attraction doesnt mean i cant have the good feels in my pants. The ignorance is just beyond me. This one redditor in particular commented no less than five times that im “mislabelling” myself and “confused” and im actually aromantic (ive been in love many, many times so trust me im not). I know reddit is a place full of trolls and bigots but its honestly just exhausting and ruined my day.
Thanks for listening to my vent
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Alternatively: "What if I asexually reproduced on the ace pride bed?"
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