I can’t go on like this anymore. Please, I am desperate for any advice on how to “come out” to my bf as asexual.
I am so sick and tired of sex. I’m tired of pretending, tired of faking, tired of forcing myself to perform. I hate it. Every second I spend fucking I am in my head screaming, “MAKE IT STOP. GOD, PLEASE MAKE THIS END.” It disgusts me. Makes me sick. Tonight my bf wants to have shower sex. I feel obligated as a gf to say yes. I’ve been dreading it, perseverating on the shower since he mentioned it this morning. It makes me want to scream and cry. I can’t DO THIS ANYMORE.
I should have been upfront in the relationship about my sexuality. But I thought I could preserve—that forcing occasional sex was worth being with the person I love. Over the last 7 months, I’ve learned differently. I am suffering. I need to finally be honest. But how? How do I bring this up? What do I say? I’m panicking.
Rant over.
If you have any advice please help me. Or if you are familiar with interpersonal communication skills, please educate me. If you have words of encouragement, I would greatly appreciate that too. Thank you in advance.
P.S. Maybe you need to hear this like I do: it is okay to be asexual. You are not wrong. You do not need to shame yourself. You don’t need to fit society’s bullshit standards to be absolutely deserving of love and respect. Okay, I’ll get off my soap box now. Cheers, everyone.
https://redd.it/1f4f40g
@asexualityonreddit
I am so sick and tired of sex. I’m tired of pretending, tired of faking, tired of forcing myself to perform. I hate it. Every second I spend fucking I am in my head screaming, “MAKE IT STOP. GOD, PLEASE MAKE THIS END.” It disgusts me. Makes me sick. Tonight my bf wants to have shower sex. I feel obligated as a gf to say yes. I’ve been dreading it, perseverating on the shower since he mentioned it this morning. It makes me want to scream and cry. I can’t DO THIS ANYMORE.
I should have been upfront in the relationship about my sexuality. But I thought I could preserve—that forcing occasional sex was worth being with the person I love. Over the last 7 months, I’ve learned differently. I am suffering. I need to finally be honest. But how? How do I bring this up? What do I say? I’m panicking.
Rant over.
If you have any advice please help me. Or if you are familiar with interpersonal communication skills, please educate me. If you have words of encouragement, I would greatly appreciate that too. Thank you in advance.
P.S. Maybe you need to hear this like I do: it is okay to be asexual. You are not wrong. You do not need to shame yourself. You don’t need to fit society’s bullshit standards to be absolutely deserving of love and respect. Okay, I’ll get off my soap box now. Cheers, everyone.
https://redd.it/1f4f40g
@asexualityonreddit
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I didn't realize sex was real
bro bro literally for the longest time I actually thought people being sexually attracted to other people was some sort of an inside joke, honestly, I still kind of do
https://redd.it/1f4h05n
@asexualityonreddit
bro bro literally for the longest time I actually thought people being sexually attracted to other people was some sort of an inside joke, honestly, I still kind of do
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Dating someone who is not asexual
Hi everyone!
So I recently started dating someone who is not asexual. I asked him when he asked me out if he was okay with me being asexual and he said yes.
I know that sex is a big part of a relationship sometimes, and when we first talked about me being asexual he mentioned it’s not really super important for him in that way.
It almost makes me feel bad that I don’t want to have sex. I absolutely do like him and definitely want to connect in other ways, but again I feel guilty.
I feel like eventually he will wanna have sex.
(Also wanna preface I have never had sex because I’ve never had a sexual attraction to someone in any way so I’ve never wanted to try it). I feel like I would eventually give in because I want him to be pleased and not feel like that’s a missing link in our relationship.
I just feel guilty and dunno what to do :/
https://redd.it/1f4ipzp
@asexualityonreddit
Hi everyone!
So I recently started dating someone who is not asexual. I asked him when he asked me out if he was okay with me being asexual and he said yes.
I know that sex is a big part of a relationship sometimes, and when we first talked about me being asexual he mentioned it’s not really super important for him in that way.
It almost makes me feel bad that I don’t want to have sex. I absolutely do like him and definitely want to connect in other ways, but again I feel guilty.
I feel like eventually he will wanna have sex.
(Also wanna preface I have never had sex because I’ve never had a sexual attraction to someone in any way so I’ve never wanted to try it). I feel like I would eventually give in because I want him to be pleased and not feel like that’s a missing link in our relationship.
I just feel guilty and dunno what to do :/
https://redd.it/1f4ipzp
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I could use some support.
TL;DR at bottom
My story makes me feel ashamed. Rather, it causes all the shame already inside to rise to the top of my throat.
For context, I'm a 48 y/o cis woman. As a teenager and young adult, I had sex of one kind or another with anyone who was interested. I hated myself so much I would look in the mirror and spit at my reflection (this was the cause, not the result, of me engaging in sex with anybody who paid any attention to me at all). I was so desperately searching for someone to want me, someone to make me feel valued. (Spoiler alert: it never worked.) My heart is filled with compassion for the person I was then.
FF 20 ish years... I'm married to a straight, cis man, we have 3 children together.
About 10 years ago, I developed very severe PGAD. It is absolute torture, and affects my life on literally every single level - what I wear, what I watch on TV, how long I can travel by car or plane - it's devastating. Doctors don't understand it - hell, most of them have never heard of it and laugh at you when you tell them what it is. At least 8 doctors have said to me "Oh, your husband must love that!" when I tell them about my struggles. I stopped seeing doctors years ago. Medical PTSD is real.
I am sex-repulsed now. I hate even seeing people kiss on TV - I have been known to exclaim "eww" or some other remark that your typical 9 year old would do. I immediately shield my eyes - imagine someone who hates horror movies watching The Shining. (Side note: it feels good to say this in a space where I know others will nod along.)
I am definitely ace and aro, as well. On some level I feel like I used to want someone to love me romantically - but I never quite tracked the idea that all everybody wanted was a person to love them romantically - which is obviously something the entire world sees daily in popular media.
Now, I absolutely cannot fathom wanting to be with someone romantically. I have an amazing best friend - she is truly my rock. I can lay in bed with her and hold her, or let her rub my back while I cry. To me, what we have is platonic in the TRUE sense of the term - it's the ideal love.
When I posted something similar to this, (it was at least a year ago? maybe more) asking "Am I Ace...", a lot of vitriol came out about how you're not truly ace if it's "medical". That really hurt, and I haven't talked to anybody about it since.
Well ... I've also been too scared to post again on this sub, but right now, I wanted to tell my story.
(To clarify, I'm not disparaging this sub. I still read it all the time and 99% of people are very supportive, and the unsupportive folks get downvoted all to hell, which I love. I just think I may have told it wrong last time.)
TL;DR: I evolved to the understanding that I was aro/ace/sex-repulsed partly as a result of a medical issue, and was sort of flamed by gatekeepers on this sub previously. I now feel the courage to share my story again.
https://redd.it/1f4lykp
@asexualityonreddit
TL;DR at bottom
My story makes me feel ashamed. Rather, it causes all the shame already inside to rise to the top of my throat.
For context, I'm a 48 y/o cis woman. As a teenager and young adult, I had sex of one kind or another with anyone who was interested. I hated myself so much I would look in the mirror and spit at my reflection (this was the cause, not the result, of me engaging in sex with anybody who paid any attention to me at all). I was so desperately searching for someone to want me, someone to make me feel valued. (Spoiler alert: it never worked.) My heart is filled with compassion for the person I was then.
FF 20 ish years... I'm married to a straight, cis man, we have 3 children together.
About 10 years ago, I developed very severe PGAD. It is absolute torture, and affects my life on literally every single level - what I wear, what I watch on TV, how long I can travel by car or plane - it's devastating. Doctors don't understand it - hell, most of them have never heard of it and laugh at you when you tell them what it is. At least 8 doctors have said to me "Oh, your husband must love that!" when I tell them about my struggles. I stopped seeing doctors years ago. Medical PTSD is real.
I am sex-repulsed now. I hate even seeing people kiss on TV - I have been known to exclaim "eww" or some other remark that your typical 9 year old would do. I immediately shield my eyes - imagine someone who hates horror movies watching The Shining. (Side note: it feels good to say this in a space where I know others will nod along.)
I am definitely ace and aro, as well. On some level I feel like I used to want someone to love me romantically - but I never quite tracked the idea that all everybody wanted was a person to love them romantically - which is obviously something the entire world sees daily in popular media.
Now, I absolutely cannot fathom wanting to be with someone romantically. I have an amazing best friend - she is truly my rock. I can lay in bed with her and hold her, or let her rub my back while I cry. To me, what we have is platonic in the TRUE sense of the term - it's the ideal love.
When I posted something similar to this, (it was at least a year ago? maybe more) asking "Am I Ace...", a lot of vitriol came out about how you're not truly ace if it's "medical". That really hurt, and I haven't talked to anybody about it since.
Well ... I've also been too scared to post again on this sub, but right now, I wanted to tell my story.
(To clarify, I'm not disparaging this sub. I still read it all the time and 99% of people are very supportive, and the unsupportive folks get downvoted all to hell, which I love. I just think I may have told it wrong last time.)
TL;DR: I evolved to the understanding that I was aro/ace/sex-repulsed partly as a result of a medical issue, and was sort of flamed by gatekeepers on this sub previously. I now feel the courage to share my story again.
https://redd.it/1f4lykp
@asexualityonreddit
Cleveland Clinic
Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder: Causes & Treatment
Persistent genital arousal disorder is a rare condition that involves experiencing unwanted, uncontrollable sensations of arousal in your genitals.
My first ever greentext because it's the only way to describe how oblivious (respectfully) I was
https://redd.it/1f4pyn8
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/1f4pyn8
@asexualityonreddit
The story of how I realized I am asexual that I never get to share
TW : sexual violence, caedosexual
I (30F) am caedosexual. I was raped when I was 14. I won't get into the details, except that trauma works in mysterious ways. At first I had blocked most of the memory, then felt sexul urges, as if my body wanted to experience something 'normal' to soothe the pain. I had boyfriends, I never enjoyed sex, sometimes it was painful even. But I felt that I owed it to my partners, and I somehow also owed it to myself to keep on trying. I wanted to be normal and not a rape victim.
Then one day, when I was 24, I met my ex, and we had this instant connexion, it was very strong. For several months, we just went to concerts and parties together. We didn't go as a couple,, we just ran into each other and I could see the smile on his face realising we'd get to spend time together. It was magical. Then one day, we came home from a party, we escaped the rest of the group. We lied down on his futon, and very gently, he started caressing me. Then he asked "are you stressed ? tired maybe ? we don't have to do this if you don't want to". I was being my usual self in bed, that is, cramped and scared. I answered "yes, actually, first times are always very stressful to me", he hugged and kissed me on the forehead and said "let's just watch a movie then".
And we watched a movie and we fell asleep. The next morning I left, feeling unsure and insecure, until he texted me that he had a good time and he loved soft moments like these.
We dated for three years, and were physically intimate rarely, and it was always just cuddles and caresses. There was a lot of introspection and self doubt on my part, I felt that I was a bad girlffriend. He never made me feel like that but still, at some point we decided to break up so I could figure out the rest of my journey by myself. This relationship made me realize that I had never enjoyed sex, but I also had been forcing myself to do it with my former partners and it had caused me a lot of pain.
I owe him a lot, for showing me what boundaries are and how to set them, for teaching me to say no and trust my instincts. We are still very good friends to this day but are no longer romantically involved. He's the only person in the world I would hug and cuddle with.
It is a very private story that I never got to share even with my closest friends, but I wanted to share it with this account that I created specifically to talk about my asexuality. Thanks for reading.
https://redd.it/1f4ru57
@asexualityonreddit
TW : sexual violence, caedosexual
I (30F) am caedosexual. I was raped when I was 14. I won't get into the details, except that trauma works in mysterious ways. At first I had blocked most of the memory, then felt sexul urges, as if my body wanted to experience something 'normal' to soothe the pain. I had boyfriends, I never enjoyed sex, sometimes it was painful even. But I felt that I owed it to my partners, and I somehow also owed it to myself to keep on trying. I wanted to be normal and not a rape victim.
Then one day, when I was 24, I met my ex, and we had this instant connexion, it was very strong. For several months, we just went to concerts and parties together. We didn't go as a couple,, we just ran into each other and I could see the smile on his face realising we'd get to spend time together. It was magical. Then one day, we came home from a party, we escaped the rest of the group. We lied down on his futon, and very gently, he started caressing me. Then he asked "are you stressed ? tired maybe ? we don't have to do this if you don't want to". I was being my usual self in bed, that is, cramped and scared. I answered "yes, actually, first times are always very stressful to me", he hugged and kissed me on the forehead and said "let's just watch a movie then".
And we watched a movie and we fell asleep. The next morning I left, feeling unsure and insecure, until he texted me that he had a good time and he loved soft moments like these.
We dated for three years, and were physically intimate rarely, and it was always just cuddles and caresses. There was a lot of introspection and self doubt on my part, I felt that I was a bad girlffriend. He never made me feel like that but still, at some point we decided to break up so I could figure out the rest of my journey by myself. This relationship made me realize that I had never enjoyed sex, but I also had been forcing myself to do it with my former partners and it had caused me a lot of pain.
I owe him a lot, for showing me what boundaries are and how to set them, for teaching me to say no and trust my instincts. We are still very good friends to this day but are no longer romantically involved. He's the only person in the world I would hug and cuddle with.
It is a very private story that I never got to share even with my closest friends, but I wanted to share it with this account that I created specifically to talk about my asexuality. Thanks for reading.
https://redd.it/1f4ru57
@asexualityonreddit
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Does anyone else feel weird for having a body?
I forget I have one, and I’m like I don’t know what to do with it sometimes.
And it feels weird thinking about what other people do with their bodies.
https://redd.it/1f4x26k
@asexualityonreddit
I forget I have one, and I’m like I don’t know what to do with it sometimes.
And it feels weird thinking about what other people do with their bodies.
https://redd.it/1f4x26k
@asexualityonreddit
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I think I have a squish
Hi 😊
I think I have a squish and am excited and terrified the same to time. I'm not a friendship person, so I don't really have friends. It's hard for me to maintain a good friendship and if it gets too close I retreat in my shell. I got burned a lot when I was a teen.
But a few weeks ago I met with the parents of my daughter's friend and it immediately clicked between the mother, Steph, and me. Every time we see each other we talk nonstop and I enjoy it a lot. I've never felt such an immediate connection to someone. I love her voice messages because her voice is amazing and after the second meet-up she wrote that she misses me and that got my heart. I want to help her in every way I can and I want to take care of her beautiful kids. She's married to an amazing husband, I like him a lot too. I want to meet her to lunch or just hang out. I'm not in love, even if it sounds like that, I just really really appreciate her. I also asked her if I can join her to church one day and I am not religious at all. But I want to be a part of her world.
It's confusing and wonderful and I'm a little afraid I destroy this friendship because I don't really know what I'm doing.
Let's see how this turns out.
Thank you all for reading 💜
https://redd.it/1f4u0o1
@asexualityonreddit
Hi 😊
I think I have a squish and am excited and terrified the same to time. I'm not a friendship person, so I don't really have friends. It's hard for me to maintain a good friendship and if it gets too close I retreat in my shell. I got burned a lot when I was a teen.
But a few weeks ago I met with the parents of my daughter's friend and it immediately clicked between the mother, Steph, and me. Every time we see each other we talk nonstop and I enjoy it a lot. I've never felt such an immediate connection to someone. I love her voice messages because her voice is amazing and after the second meet-up she wrote that she misses me and that got my heart. I want to help her in every way I can and I want to take care of her beautiful kids. She's married to an amazing husband, I like him a lot too. I want to meet her to lunch or just hang out. I'm not in love, even if it sounds like that, I just really really appreciate her. I also asked her if I can join her to church one day and I am not religious at all. But I want to be a part of her world.
It's confusing and wonderful and I'm a little afraid I destroy this friendship because I don't really know what I'm doing.
Let's see how this turns out.
Thank you all for reading 💜
https://redd.it/1f4u0o1
@asexualityonreddit
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They gave me weird looks and act like it’s not normal bruh 😭
https://redd.it/1f4zdf6
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/1f4zdf6
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High libido aces, what made you realize you were in the ace spectrum ?
I am the opposite of that, I am low libido and sex averse, that was the main signs to discover asexuality to ME.
I want to understand more how the other side feel, the high libido (and sex favorable) aces, what made you realize you were in the ace spectrum? what we as ace feel the same that conect us ?
https://redd.it/1f51vdk
@asexualityonreddit
I am the opposite of that, I am low libido and sex averse, that was the main signs to discover asexuality to ME.
I want to understand more how the other side feel, the high libido (and sex favorable) aces, what made you realize you were in the ace spectrum? what we as ace feel the same that conect us ?
https://redd.it/1f51vdk
@asexualityonreddit
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I feel condemned, I dont like being asexual.
Being asexual feels like a curse tbh. i see some people saying it's a gift but how exactly. I have no interest in sex, everytime I try to picture myself having intercourse Im like "ehm yeah no thank u". I also feel little to no romantic interest. but I dream about being loved and loving someone, cuddling, being happy but when I come back to reality I know Im unable to do that for.. whatever reason ?
I don't understand why I cannot be interested romanticly with someone even if I find the person attractive and interesting. like why. I see so many people in couple, being happy, hugging and kissing each other, this lowkey feel like a must-do in life, at least experiencing it once and it looks nice you know.
I just feel condemned to be lonely and sad and all that stuff, Im in my early 20's and Ive always felt this way, but that no-interest feeling became stronger and stronger as I grew up. My friend often ask me when I get a girl and I say jockingly "never bro Im virgin for life, im asexual" but they don't know Im being serious lmao... and it makes me feel kinda empty also... I know some people have way worse issues but man it feels terrible,
https://redd.it/1f544ac
@asexualityonreddit
Being asexual feels like a curse tbh. i see some people saying it's a gift but how exactly. I have no interest in sex, everytime I try to picture myself having intercourse Im like "ehm yeah no thank u". I also feel little to no romantic interest. but I dream about being loved and loving someone, cuddling, being happy but when I come back to reality I know Im unable to do that for.. whatever reason ?
I don't understand why I cannot be interested romanticly with someone even if I find the person attractive and interesting. like why. I see so many people in couple, being happy, hugging and kissing each other, this lowkey feel like a must-do in life, at least experiencing it once and it looks nice you know.
I just feel condemned to be lonely and sad and all that stuff, Im in my early 20's and Ive always felt this way, but that no-interest feeling became stronger and stronger as I grew up. My friend often ask me when I get a girl and I say jockingly "never bro Im virgin for life, im asexual" but they don't know Im being serious lmao... and it makes me feel kinda empty also... I know some people have way worse issues but man it feels terrible,
https://redd.it/1f544ac
@asexualityonreddit
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Realized there's alot of negative interactions her so I thought I'd record one that went well
https://redd.it/1f55eje
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/1f55eje
@asexualityonreddit