being asexual is like not smoking weed

just as not everyone likes weed, not everyone enjoys sex. sex is almost like a drug and for some reason i don’t like it. they pressured me to try it and it made me uncomfortable.

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coming out in the context of others talking about lgbtqa+

I always try to suppress my need to come out as asexual to random people but as soon as someone talks about lgbtqa+ I feel the urge to be a part of the conversation so I end up coming out as an asexual and this is awkward as hell , most people don't even know how to comprehend this and some of them even mistaken asexuality to bisexuality because that's one of their only "default" terms they know so they make a "whatever" face . I really try to hold myself not to come out but I get too enthusiastic

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Am i asexual?..

I honestly don’t know if I’m asexual. I do not get sexual urges anymore . Last time I did was back in 2018 that’s when it stoped. I think I might have pof or just my pcos but would I still be considered asexual or is this just a disorder I’m not sure if that’s what to call it. Also I’m 25 if that even matters.

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I'm ace and my friend's aro. We decided to have matching status
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Made bracelets at youth! I’m biromantic for some context.
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Am I ace? I don’t want to be.

My therapist told me to look into this, so here I am I guess.

I’ve had like… 1 partner my whole life. I’m 22F.

He’s not exactly my type physically, but I still feel an emotional connection to him. With him, I firmly dislike all aspects of the act of sex, even if I like thinking about them. Penetration, fingers, toys, and oral. I dislike it all. He also has a high drive, like 2-4 times a week, which seems excessive to me and a chore to keep up with.

We’re apart now, and I keep feeling so relieved I don’t have to perform sex when I don’t feel it just to make him happy.

It’s hard for me to describe my sexual attraction. I’m into androgynous and feminine men, and most women, though I can’t imagine myself having sex with a woman. I do want to have sex with the people I’m attracted to, but I also know that when I do, I will likely be disappointed in the way it feels. The phrase I said to my therapist which made him call me ace was “I have never seen a person and thought that I would like to bang them every day.”

I’m also lonely. I have few friends where I live now, so maybe this is all just loneliness.

I don’t want to be ace. I want to have loving, close, and intimate relationships with people. I don’t want to be alone, but I also don’t want to have to put up with discomfort and/or disappointment just to keep people attracted to and interested in me. I feel pathetic.

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@asexualityonreddit

This happened to me yesterday, 12:30 brain wasn’t very helpful.
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I tried one of those sexuality tests. It just confirmed what i l thought
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What the fuck
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Never again
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Oh baby... never mind.
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I swear this video is so ace coded (credit to Matt Storer)

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Just my luck!
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Oh boy, can't wait to come out to family (not) Credits to RJ Cardenas
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@asexualityonreddit

So sick of acephobia being dressed up as sex positivity

I've (24 FTM) come a hell of a long way in my journey to finding out the intricacies of my aceness. (Frey/Grey ace)

I went from an ace who would comply with sex for others' pleasure, to an ace who tried not to comply but would try to explain why, to an ace who won't comply and won't give an explanation if asked.

That middle phase though... It's crazy because so many "progressive" people would be hear that I'm ace and MAKE IT ABOUT SEX POSITIVITY.

TW- I'm quoting some ace-phobic statements

>!"Oh, but I could make it fun for you! I care about *your* pleasure!" - Good! Then STOP WHEN I SAY I'M DONE AND STOP EXPECTING MORE. "But I want you to finish!" FUCK OFF! That's so disgusting to tell someone "Fuck your consent, I need you to orgasm for MY ego!" and this happens. So. Often... and it's usually in queer spaces. And the shittiest part is every partner I had like this would make it about their will to please me and would NOT stop trying until I gave in out of guilt/shame. These partners always loop around and make their forcefulness about sex positivity. !<

Sex positivity means you care about what your partner(s) want/like, this INCLUDES aversion to sex. So many people miss that. I've learned that it doesn't make a difference how much you try to explain to people - now its just "NO because I said NO. End of story. We're NOT continuing intercourse for the rest of the night. Let's get a snack and play animal grossing" and if they get offended, so be it. IDK what else to do.

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@asexualityonreddit

Advice needed - What surgery am I supposed to get if I’m not going to reproduce?

Hi, r/asexuality! I’ve been thinking a lot about this recently and I wasn’t sure if this was the appropriate place to ask- so if it’s not please redirect me to where it is- but what kind of surgery am I supposed to get if I’m not going to reproduce?

For a little more context, I have a uterus and I have a period every month. Since I’m never going to have sex with anyone, nor will I (obviously) ever try for a pregnancy, is it really necessary for me to have a period?

Is there some kind of surgery I can get to make the periods stop and make me unable to reproduce?



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@asexualityonreddit

are dragon tattoos a symbol of asexuality?

CONTEXT i am an allosexual, but i thought i’d ask people on the ace spectrum about this. i’ve always wanted a dragon tattoo and one of my special interests are dragons. i love mythology and all that. but it’s come to my attention that the ace community has an affinity for them, and a lot of people get dragon tattoos to symbolize that.

i don’t want to be mistaken for being ace. not that there’s anything wrong with it, because there absolutely isn’t, but if i’m going out with a potential partner i don’t want them to get the wrong idea. or worse, they stop interacting/persuing anything because they think i’m ace. is this (getting a dragon tattoo) a genuine thing i should reconsider to avoid confusion? or am i just chronically online and it doesn’t matter?

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Married for 5 years and I think im ace

Hello I have been married to a ma for 5 years and after having a child(3) with this man I feel like I may have been ace all along because I hate sex. To have a bit of back story growing up I never thought about sex, hated talking about sex and only did it because I thought it was the right thing to do. I got married to a guy and at first we had sex quite often agian I thought it was just what people did and did not want to seem weird. I was a very sheltered kid and am still trying to find out who I really am at 28. My mom was a narcissist and basically told me no to anything that interested me but that's a totally diffrent story just take from that I have a very hard time speaking my mind and boundaries are an issue. So I married this man and had a kid with him in 2021 because that what I was "supposed" to do in my head & my parents never shut up about wanting a grandkids Now not only am I afraid to get pregnant again by accident, I just hate sex in general.

I have tried telling my husband that I just don't think about sex, like it's never on my radar even. His response was that he has needs too and he didn't sign up for this when we got married.
I am just so confused because I feel like I have to lie to myself about who I really am. I don't know what to do.

Sorry if this post doesn't belong in this forum, if you think it would be better somewhere else please let me know

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How my asexuality has protected me

I never knew there was a term for what I was until three years ago. I'm 23 now.

Back in high school, there was no pining after boys, no distractions pulling me away from my studies, and none of the usual teenage drama. Instead, I was quiet, alone, and thriving in solitude—losing myself in books, finishing the Harry Potter series multiple times, and earning top grades. Sitting by myself at lunch never bothered me. Being the butt of jokes for not having romantic interests didn't faze me either because I genuinely didn't understand the humor behind it. I simply didn’t grasp why people thought something was wrong with a smart, pretty girl who wasn’t interested in romance or seeking male attention,(or female amorous attention either)

I want to be clear: I don’t mean to shame or insult the natural desires people have. Being a teenager with raging hormones is tough, and what I observed around me was just normal teenage behaviour.

But I was protected all the same—from gossip, abusive language, backstabbing friends, and vicious girls fighting over the same boy. I was spared from the drama of breakups, the jealousy-fueled fights, and the toxic relationships that many of my peers experienced. I was protected from the emotional turmoil of unrequited love, the pressure to conform to romantic expectations, and the heartache of betrayal. High school parties, where bad decisions often lead to regrettable consequences, were not part of my world. I was sheltered from the anxieties of trying to fit in, the fears of rejection, and the constant search for validation through others. My asexuality became an unseen shield, guarding me against the chaos that so often entangles young lives.

Now,I am in university.

Now,I will spend years and years,fighting to get the one and ONLY career path I want

And the advantages remain with me because of what I am

I’m not preoccupied with the so-called "ticking clock" of my childbearing years,or my "peak fertility" coming to an end in my twenties. The societal pressure to hurry up and find a mate, to get married, and to settle down simply doesn’t affect me. I find myself free from the anxiety that comes with searching for "the one." I'm not running around on dating apps, lamenting the supposed shortage of good men, nor am I caught up in the exhausting cycle of dating and heartbreak.

I’m not making devastating, impulsive, life-altering decisions that I see so many young people around me making—decisions driven by the fear of being alone or the need to meet societal milestones. Instead, I’m focused on my own path, unhindered by the distractions and pressures that come with seeking romantic fulfillment. This freedom allows me to invest fully in my passions, my growth, and my future, without the constant worry of whether I’m on track with someone else’s timeline.

(Really, Sarah? You’re 24, in nursing school, with a bright future ahead of you! Why on earth are you dropping out to marry a guy with failing grades? A guy who only now decided to pursue a relationship with you after all the nonsense he’s been pulling with countless other young women,some of them not even of legal age? And you want to have a kid with him? Seriously?! Do you think that will make him love you more? Newsflash: being the mother of his child won’t magically turn him into a devoted partner. Being a "young mom" isn’t some fairytale—it’s a lifelong responsibility, not a cute Instagram post. WHY? WHY? WHY? For the love of all that is holy, WHY? Are you really doing this for love? For sex? He doesn’t love you, Sarah. He’ll leave you when you hit 40, with a bunch of his children in tow, because boys like him never grow up. I’ve seen it happen, over and over again. It’s inevitable—like watching a train wreck in slow motion, knowing there’s nothing you can do to stop it. I’ve seen it up close, happen to two good and decent women.)

(Someone, please, make it make sense. Why do people do this to themselves? Am I the only one screaming internally at the sheer lack of sense in the people around me?)

On a

darker note, I realize that my asexuality has provided me with a degree of protection from male violence. I am somewhat shielded from the inherent misogyny that so many men bring into their romantic relationships—the jealousy, the narcissism, the need to control. I’m protected from the devastating effects of financial abuse, where a partner can strip away your independence and leave you trapped. I’m insulated from the horrors of physical abuse, from the terror and trauma of sexual abuse, and from the risks of sexually transmitted infections. I’m not vulnerable to being manipulated or controlled, to having my life’s potential stifled by someone who doesn’t truly love me but pretends to for their own gain.

In a patriarchal society that often leaves women at the mercy of men, I find myself standing outside that dynamic, untouched by its most harmful aspects. I’m not at risk of having decades of my life stolen by a man who would use me, drain me, and discard me when I’m no longer convenient for him.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but by simply living as I am, I was "decentering" men—removing them from the core of my life and my decisions. I wasn’t intentionally aligning myself with any particular feminist ideology, like the "4B movement" that seeks to reject male-centered societal norms. It just happened naturally, as a result of who I am. In a world where so many women are pressured to prioritize men’s desires and needs, I unknowingly carved out a space where I could exist on my own terms, free from those constraints.

I exist,only for me.Only to provide kindness and compassion to the human beings around me in the life path that I know I want.

I PROUDLY embrace my asexuality.I OWN it.I am not ashamed of it

I Thank God for it

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