What would you call someone who does experience sexual attraction but has never had the actual desire to have real sex and intrinsically hates doing it?
I experience sexual attraction, which would I assume not make me a candidate for asexuality -- and that's fine. But what, then, would you call someone who, despite feeling sexual attraction, still doesn't fit into an allo-normative view of sexuality and desire for sex? Because there's clearly something different about me but I don't know how to explain it. Any help or thoughts are appreciated.
I find other people sexually attractive. I'm capable of and very much enjoy 'imbibing' people and body parts I find sexually attractive with my eyes. I masturbate while imagining sexual scenarios and I enjoy it. But I don't want actual sex, have never wanted actual sex, and the few times I've gotten close enough to actually doing it I could never go through with it because I just intrinsically ... don't want it and hate doing it. I've never experienced any sexual trauma as far as I'm aware of and grew up in a pretty sex-positive liberal environment; I just know I stepped into adulthood already feeling this way and I don't think anything "caused" it. I find the experience of actually (almost) doing sex universally boring, unappealing, and vaguely upsetting. The idea of actual sex feels like doing something inconvenient and frustrating, like filing a tax return. I can never understand why people enjoy it or continue wanting to do it past the 'that would be nice' imagining stage. I feel the same way about it as I do taking an elevator down 50 floors that stops at every. single. floor.
I guess one way of putting it is: I can get turned on, but sex is a total turnoff.
I know some people would call that "sex-repulsed", but I'm not sure if that's accurate either -- at least according to what I know about sex-repulsion from people post about it online. I'm actually entirely indifferent to the notion of sex except in the specific instance where I'm part of it. I don't think sex itself or the people who have sex are disgusting. I'm totally fine with sex scenes in movies, I don't think it's gross or unaccommodating to me to openly discuss sex with other people, and the abstract idea of sex itself is actually pretty inspirational and beautiful to me from a purely artistic standpoint. I just can't be part of it.
I sometimes utilize the paradigm of asexuality on myself not because I think I'm a "true" asexual per se, but just because I find that it's the closest on a practical level to what I experience and makes things easier to explain to other people. I feel a bit bad about it, but I really don't know how else to describe it that wouldn't sound vaguely insulting to other people. Anyone I get into a relationship with would need to treat me as "functionally" asexual. I don't want to call myself celibate because that implies a conscious choice and implies a hidden desire, which is not what this is and not what I have.
https://redd.it/1es2igc
@asexualityonreddit
I experience sexual attraction, which would I assume not make me a candidate for asexuality -- and that's fine. But what, then, would you call someone who, despite feeling sexual attraction, still doesn't fit into an allo-normative view of sexuality and desire for sex? Because there's clearly something different about me but I don't know how to explain it. Any help or thoughts are appreciated.
I find other people sexually attractive. I'm capable of and very much enjoy 'imbibing' people and body parts I find sexually attractive with my eyes. I masturbate while imagining sexual scenarios and I enjoy it. But I don't want actual sex, have never wanted actual sex, and the few times I've gotten close enough to actually doing it I could never go through with it because I just intrinsically ... don't want it and hate doing it. I've never experienced any sexual trauma as far as I'm aware of and grew up in a pretty sex-positive liberal environment; I just know I stepped into adulthood already feeling this way and I don't think anything "caused" it. I find the experience of actually (almost) doing sex universally boring, unappealing, and vaguely upsetting. The idea of actual sex feels like doing something inconvenient and frustrating, like filing a tax return. I can never understand why people enjoy it or continue wanting to do it past the 'that would be nice' imagining stage. I feel the same way about it as I do taking an elevator down 50 floors that stops at every. single. floor.
I guess one way of putting it is: I can get turned on, but sex is a total turnoff.
I know some people would call that "sex-repulsed", but I'm not sure if that's accurate either -- at least according to what I know about sex-repulsion from people post about it online. I'm actually entirely indifferent to the notion of sex except in the specific instance where I'm part of it. I don't think sex itself or the people who have sex are disgusting. I'm totally fine with sex scenes in movies, I don't think it's gross or unaccommodating to me to openly discuss sex with other people, and the abstract idea of sex itself is actually pretty inspirational and beautiful to me from a purely artistic standpoint. I just can't be part of it.
I sometimes utilize the paradigm of asexuality on myself not because I think I'm a "true" asexual per se, but just because I find that it's the closest on a practical level to what I experience and makes things easier to explain to other people. I feel a bit bad about it, but I really don't know how else to describe it that wouldn't sound vaguely insulting to other people. Anyone I get into a relationship with would need to treat me as "functionally" asexual. I don't want to call myself celibate because that implies a conscious choice and implies a hidden desire, which is not what this is and not what I have.
https://redd.it/1es2igc
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a problem I notice in the asexual community
I used to identify as asexual and I acted like this too.
I noticed some asexual people will shame non asexuals for experiencing sexual attraction. I'm bisexual and got called disgusting and weird by my ace friend because I was talking about how attractive an actor is....
I know a lot of ace ppl might know this already, but especially younger ones dont (my friends and I are in highschool).
it's okay to be uncomfortable, and you don't have to talk about sex or attraction if you don't want to!!! Just say you dont wanna talk about that. But please, don't shame others for it!
Anyways, I love the asexual community, you all helped me discover who I am.
https://redd.it/1es3g5m
@asexualityonreddit
I used to identify as asexual and I acted like this too.
I noticed some asexual people will shame non asexuals for experiencing sexual attraction. I'm bisexual and got called disgusting and weird by my ace friend because I was talking about how attractive an actor is....
I know a lot of ace ppl might know this already, but especially younger ones dont (my friends and I are in highschool).
it's okay to be uncomfortable, and you don't have to talk about sex or attraction if you don't want to!!! Just say you dont wanna talk about that. But please, don't shame others for it!
Anyways, I love the asexual community, you all helped me discover who I am.
https://redd.it/1es3g5m
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I’m so confused, can we all agree on a definition?
So we all know it’s lack of sexual attraction to others. But half the internet and people say it’s also lack of libido. And it makes it so confusing when either having a conversation or arguing with someone. Why don’t people agree on a definition? It’s also confusing for the newcomers who are just learning about asexuality. It’s hurting my brain lmao. I see sooooooo many posts in here, like majority of the posts, talk about lack of libido which is where my confusion comes in too, and it’s making it confusing for new people who think asexual is just no sex drive
https://redd.it/1es4u1s
@asexualityonreddit
So we all know it’s lack of sexual attraction to others. But half the internet and people say it’s also lack of libido. And it makes it so confusing when either having a conversation or arguing with someone. Why don’t people agree on a definition? It’s also confusing for the newcomers who are just learning about asexuality. It’s hurting my brain lmao. I see sooooooo many posts in here, like majority of the posts, talk about lack of libido which is where my confusion comes in too, and it’s making it confusing for new people who think asexual is just no sex drive
https://redd.it/1es4u1s
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Would you care if you swapped genders?
I was reading a comment explaining transgender and it said "imagine this instant, you, without choice, turn into a girl. you get called a girl, have to wear feminine clothes, have a girl name, get addressed as a girl in every aspect of your life (ex: “oh, she didn’t finish her dinner”). it’d suck, right? it’s not who you are."
And for me the answer to that is no it wouldn't suck, I wouldn't care. I am a straight male, and I wouldn't care if tomorrow I became a girl. Only change would be I would be a lesbian instead, or maybe even bi if I am a girl. And being able to wear feminine clothes is honestly such a plus because female fashion is so much better than male fashion, but that's besides the point. I would not necessarily like the change, nor I would hate it; I am just completely neutral. And btw, I still use he/him pronouns, and if I were to become a girl tomorrow I would just use she/her pronouns so I am not gender neutral either. So ig I would just live with what's given to me. This is not discrediting trans people at all btw, different people would process this change differently and I completely get that.
What I was wondering is are asexual people more likely to not care about changing genders? Also, I was confused why I would be ok with being bi if I were a girl.
p.s. I am a demi/grayace and I think I am sex-neutral idk never tried, have only ever been sexually attracted to anyone like twice. I still like intimacy through other means tho.
https://redd.it/1es86dx
@asexualityonreddit
I was reading a comment explaining transgender and it said "imagine this instant, you, without choice, turn into a girl. you get called a girl, have to wear feminine clothes, have a girl name, get addressed as a girl in every aspect of your life (ex: “oh, she didn’t finish her dinner”). it’d suck, right? it’s not who you are."
And for me the answer to that is no it wouldn't suck, I wouldn't care. I am a straight male, and I wouldn't care if tomorrow I became a girl. Only change would be I would be a lesbian instead, or maybe even bi if I am a girl. And being able to wear feminine clothes is honestly such a plus because female fashion is so much better than male fashion, but that's besides the point. I would not necessarily like the change, nor I would hate it; I am just completely neutral. And btw, I still use he/him pronouns, and if I were to become a girl tomorrow I would just use she/her pronouns so I am not gender neutral either. So ig I would just live with what's given to me. This is not discrediting trans people at all btw, different people would process this change differently and I completely get that.
What I was wondering is are asexual people more likely to not care about changing genders? Also, I was confused why I would be ok with being bi if I were a girl.
p.s. I am a demi/grayace and I think I am sex-neutral idk never tried, have only ever been sexually attracted to anyone like twice. I still like intimacy through other means tho.
https://redd.it/1es86dx
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Would you care if you swapped genders?
I was reading a comment explaining transgender and it said "imagine this instant, you, without choice, turn into a girl. you get called a girl, have to wear feminine clothes, have a girl name, get addressed as a girl in every aspect of your life (ex: “oh, she didn’t finish her dinner”). it’d suck, right? it’s not who you are."
And for me the answer to that is no it wouldn't suck, I wouldn't care. I am a straight male, and I wouldn't care if tomorrow I became a girl. Only change would be I would be a lesbian instead, or maybe even bi if I am a girl. And being able to wear feminine clothes is honestly such a plus because female fashion is so much better than male fashion, but that's besides the point. I would not necessarily like the change, nor I would hate it; I am just completely neutral. And btw, I still use he/him pronouns, and if I were to become a girl tomorrow I would just use she/her pronouns so I am not gender neutral either. So ig I would just live with what's given to me. This is not discrediting trans people at all btw, different people would process this change differently and I completely get that.
What I was wondering is are asexual people more likely to not care about changing genders? Also, I was confused why I would be ok with being bi if I were a girl.
p.s. I am a demi/grayace and I think I am sex-neutral idk never tried, have only ever been sexually attracted to anyone like twice. I still like intimacy through other means tho.
https://redd.it/1es85ag
@asexualityonreddit
I was reading a comment explaining transgender and it said "imagine this instant, you, without choice, turn into a girl. you get called a girl, have to wear feminine clothes, have a girl name, get addressed as a girl in every aspect of your life (ex: “oh, she didn’t finish her dinner”). it’d suck, right? it’s not who you are."
And for me the answer to that is no it wouldn't suck, I wouldn't care. I am a straight male, and I wouldn't care if tomorrow I became a girl. Only change would be I would be a lesbian instead, or maybe even bi if I am a girl. And being able to wear feminine clothes is honestly such a plus because female fashion is so much better than male fashion, but that's besides the point. I would not necessarily like the change, nor I would hate it; I am just completely neutral. And btw, I still use he/him pronouns, and if I were to become a girl tomorrow I would just use she/her pronouns so I am not gender neutral either. So ig I would just live with what's given to me. This is not discrediting trans people at all btw, different people would process this change differently and I completely get that.
What I was wondering is are asexual people more likely to not care about changing genders? Also, I was confused why I would be ok with being bi if I were a girl.
p.s. I am a demi/grayace and I think I am sex-neutral idk never tried, have only ever been sexually attracted to anyone like twice. I still like intimacy through other means tho.
https://redd.it/1es85ag
@asexualityonreddit
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Are You Aro (Advice)?
**Hi everyone!**
​
Welcome to our weekly Advice post about Aromanticism! Aromantic people experience little to no romantic attraction.
​
**Do any of these resonate with you?**
​
​
* You rarely (if ever) experience crushes on others.
* You find the idea of a romantic relationship unappealing, and prefer strong platonic bonds.
* You've been in romantic relationships but felt like you were going through the motions.
* You've researched what crushes are "supposed" to feel like, but can't relate.
​
These are just a few signs you might be Aromantic. Aromanticism is a spectrum, and every person's experience is unique.
​
**Have questions about aromanticism or your own identity?** Ask away in the comments below, and we'll and your fellow Aro’s will do the best to help!
​
[**More signs that you are Aro:**\](https://aromanticguide.com/am-i-aro/)
​
[**Honeymoon Phase:**\](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-the-honeymoon-phase)
​
[**Types of attraction (might be incomplete):**\](https://types-of-attraction.carrd.co/
https://redd.it/1escm03
@asexualityonreddit
**Hi everyone!**
​
Welcome to our weekly Advice post about Aromanticism! Aromantic people experience little to no romantic attraction.
​
**Do any of these resonate with you?**
​
​
* You rarely (if ever) experience crushes on others.
* You find the idea of a romantic relationship unappealing, and prefer strong platonic bonds.
* You've been in romantic relationships but felt like you were going through the motions.
* You've researched what crushes are "supposed" to feel like, but can't relate.
​
These are just a few signs you might be Aromantic. Aromanticism is a spectrum, and every person's experience is unique.
​
**Have questions about aromanticism or your own identity?** Ask away in the comments below, and we'll and your fellow Aro’s will do the best to help!
​
[**More signs that you are Aro:**\](https://aromanticguide.com/am-i-aro/)
​
[**Honeymoon Phase:**\](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-the-honeymoon-phase)
​
[**Types of attraction (might be incomplete):**\](https://types-of-attraction.carrd.co/
https://redd.it/1escm03
@asexualityonreddit
Actually had an okay experience at the OBGYN
Context: I am a sex repulsed asexual. Haven't gone to the gynecologist in 7 years. I know that's really bad, so I made myself go. I get seriously triggered when people touch me in areas that are sensitive. The last time I went to the gynecologist, the doctor didn't care that I was in pain and didn't care that I didn't want to be touched. I was crying and shaking and the doctor could not have cared less.
This doctor that I went to this time was very patient with me. Asked me if I was doing okay every 10 seconds, and checked in with me all the time to see how my pain was. Basically, I actually had an okay experience for once in my life. I still have an adversion to the OBGYN because I don't like being touched, but at least I have a doctor that's patient and understands me. I know I've seen posts here about the situation so I just want to say it depends on the doctor you get. Some don't give a shit, and some will actually care about your well-being. Thankfully I found one, and I hope the sex repulsed people here will find someone too. ❤️❤️ Just know you are not alone.
https://redd.it/1escatp
@asexualityonreddit
Context: I am a sex repulsed asexual. Haven't gone to the gynecologist in 7 years. I know that's really bad, so I made myself go. I get seriously triggered when people touch me in areas that are sensitive. The last time I went to the gynecologist, the doctor didn't care that I was in pain and didn't care that I didn't want to be touched. I was crying and shaking and the doctor could not have cared less.
This doctor that I went to this time was very patient with me. Asked me if I was doing okay every 10 seconds, and checked in with me all the time to see how my pain was. Basically, I actually had an okay experience for once in my life. I still have an adversion to the OBGYN because I don't like being touched, but at least I have a doctor that's patient and understands me. I know I've seen posts here about the situation so I just want to say it depends on the doctor you get. Some don't give a shit, and some will actually care about your well-being. Thankfully I found one, and I hope the sex repulsed people here will find someone too. ❤️❤️ Just know you are not alone.
https://redd.it/1escatp
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Does anyone else find comfort in books with a found family trope?
I love books that don’t center on romance and sex (but it’s okay if there’s still some romance), but rather focus on a group of people who come together for some sort of common goal and go on adventures. I was wondering if anyone else finds comfort in that trope and if anyone has book recommendations?
https://redd.it/1esamp2
@asexualityonreddit
I love books that don’t center on romance and sex (but it’s okay if there’s still some romance), but rather focus on a group of people who come together for some sort of common goal and go on adventures. I was wondering if anyone else finds comfort in that trope and if anyone has book recommendations?
https://redd.it/1esamp2
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What is lesbian and asexual called?
I see people who are asexual but not aromantic go by things like biromantic or panromantic, is there a lesbian equivalent for that?
https://redd.it/1es8n45
@asexualityonreddit
I see people who are asexual but not aromantic go by things like biromantic or panromantic, is there a lesbian equivalent for that?
https://redd.it/1es8n45
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ONLY INTIMACY IS BY SEX RAHHH 😡
I was reading this amazing slow burn romance and the buildup was just insane and then when they FINALLY confess, they don't stare into each other's eyes, they don't hug, they don't cuddle, they just immediately go to sex aaaahhhhhhhg why is everyone like this why is every romance story just sex aaaaahahhhhhhh fuckkkk whyyyyyyy 😭😡😭
It's like, to me, sex can achieve about 1% of the intimacy that can be achieved by basically any other means; and so for such an amazing story, building up such an incredible potential for romantic/emotional exchange...to only be completely short-cutted by the sex (which again, to me, just people rubbing their organs against each other) is just so AAAHHHHH (incredibly disappointing and sad, considering I read romance for the mental-emotional connection between the characters. I understand sex is supposed to be peak intimacy and is for many people and these characters, but gosh darnit if it's the exact opposite for me)
So. Many. Stories. Ruined for me like this goshhhh, I wonder so often if I'll ever be able to date/romance someone if for every person the peak of intimacy is sex godshgoodness. Like brilliant date? sex. Passionately in love? Sex. Missed each other for a long time and just reunited? Sex.
HOW AM I GONNA BE INTIMATE WITH ANYONE RVER IF IT'S ALL JIST SEX SEX SEX GOSHHHHA.
And it seems so rare to find fellow asexuals, all the awesome people I meet and no one on the that I'm interested ace spectrum, or if they are they're also aro :((
I get that I'm being somewhat hyperbolic in my thinking; after all, even allosexuals have among them people who see cuddling and talks as just as important, or who aren't so interested in sex...but still.... :((
https://redd.it/1eskd5h
@asexualityonreddit
I was reading this amazing slow burn romance and the buildup was just insane and then when they FINALLY confess, they don't stare into each other's eyes, they don't hug, they don't cuddle, they just immediately go to sex aaaahhhhhhhg why is everyone like this why is every romance story just sex aaaaahahhhhhhh fuckkkk whyyyyyyy 😭😡😭
It's like, to me, sex can achieve about 1% of the intimacy that can be achieved by basically any other means; and so for such an amazing story, building up such an incredible potential for romantic/emotional exchange...to only be completely short-cutted by the sex (which again, to me, just people rubbing their organs against each other) is just so AAAHHHHH (incredibly disappointing and sad, considering I read romance for the mental-emotional connection between the characters. I understand sex is supposed to be peak intimacy and is for many people and these characters, but gosh darnit if it's the exact opposite for me)
So. Many. Stories. Ruined for me like this goshhhh, I wonder so often if I'll ever be able to date/romance someone if for every person the peak of intimacy is sex godshgoodness. Like brilliant date? sex. Passionately in love? Sex. Missed each other for a long time and just reunited? Sex.
HOW AM I GONNA BE INTIMATE WITH ANYONE RVER IF IT'S ALL JIST SEX SEX SEX GOSHHHHA.
And it seems so rare to find fellow asexuals, all the awesome people I meet and no one on the that I'm interested ace spectrum, or if they are they're also aro :((
I get that I'm being somewhat hyperbolic in my thinking; after all, even allosexuals have among them people who see cuddling and talks as just as important, or who aren't so interested in sex...but still.... :((
https://redd.it/1eskd5h
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So what exactly is a "crush"? Now that I look back at it, I think everyone was talking about sexual attraction...
(So this is my first proper post on reddit so bear with me. Also, English isn't my first language...)
This is a bit of a stupid overthinking spiral I had in the shower today over the word "crush" in the shower today lol...
(19 F) In the last few months, I realized I'm ace (although as I look back at life, there were so many signs that I missed but I didn't know what asexuality was to label them) and I am sure of my asexuality but it's still confusing sometimes because I've felt romantic & even sensual attraction (never dated anyone btw).
Back in middle school, 'crushes' became a big deal. When my friends asked me about my crush, I did like a guy so I said his name. The attraction was NEVER-EVER sexual thank you. I found him super cute & charming & when we got partnered up for a project, I felt all the butterflies & whatever. I used to wonder how nice it would be to go on dates, hold hands, cuddle, talk to him all day long, etc. Had a few crushes after him. My latest crush was on a friend & I was head-over-heels for her oh god... Had all the romantic & some sensual feels but never sexual.
I've heard many aromantic people say that they never had crushes but after I saw some ace people said it too, I got confused. So are these 2 scenarios above "crushes" or is there another term for it? I know queerplatonic attraction is called a "squish" so is a "crush" the equivalent of sexual attraction or does it include other non-platonic attractions as well? Because now that I look back at my school days, I think everyone meant "who are you sexually attracted to" when they said "who is your crush" lol...
https://redd.it/1eskb8v
@asexualityonreddit
(So this is my first proper post on reddit so bear with me. Also, English isn't my first language...)
This is a bit of a stupid overthinking spiral I had in the shower today over the word "crush" in the shower today lol...
(19 F) In the last few months, I realized I'm ace (although as I look back at life, there were so many signs that I missed but I didn't know what asexuality was to label them) and I am sure of my asexuality but it's still confusing sometimes because I've felt romantic & even sensual attraction (never dated anyone btw).
Back in middle school, 'crushes' became a big deal. When my friends asked me about my crush, I did like a guy so I said his name. The attraction was NEVER-EVER sexual thank you. I found him super cute & charming & when we got partnered up for a project, I felt all the butterflies & whatever. I used to wonder how nice it would be to go on dates, hold hands, cuddle, talk to him all day long, etc. Had a few crushes after him. My latest crush was on a friend & I was head-over-heels for her oh god... Had all the romantic & some sensual feels but never sexual.
I've heard many aromantic people say that they never had crushes but after I saw some ace people said it too, I got confused. So are these 2 scenarios above "crushes" or is there another term for it? I know queerplatonic attraction is called a "squish" so is a "crush" the equivalent of sexual attraction or does it include other non-platonic attractions as well? Because now that I look back at my school days, I think everyone meant "who are you sexually attracted to" when they said "who is your crush" lol...
https://redd.it/1eskb8v
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Any alloromantic asexuals here?
Anyone else here feel romantic attraction but not sexual attraction?
https://redd.it/1esmmrh
@asexualityonreddit
Anyone else here feel romantic attraction but not sexual attraction?
https://redd.it/1esmmrh
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Share your favorite 'romantic', non-sexual songs
Just looking for those sort of romantic songs about emotional and or mental connection and sweet moments instead of hard core sexual stuff or hints at that.
Please share your favorites, from whatever genre you're interested in.
https://redd.it/1esr98x
@asexualityonreddit
Just looking for those sort of romantic songs about emotional and or mental connection and sweet moments instead of hard core sexual stuff or hints at that.
Please share your favorites, from whatever genre you're interested in.
https://redd.it/1esr98x
@asexualityonreddit
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It’s weird honestly. Why do people care about sex so much. It’s so odd
I’m trying to live my life and all my friends are talking about sex and having a girlfriend like damn there’s more to life then that shit bro. Why is the media so obsessed with it. Idk I find it odd and kinda disgusting. It feels like I can’t relate to people my age yk. Thanks for the rant ? I guess lol
https://redd.it/1esx128
@asexualityonreddit
I’m trying to live my life and all my friends are talking about sex and having a girlfriend like damn there’s more to life then that shit bro. Why is the media so obsessed with it. Idk I find it odd and kinda disgusting. It feels like I can’t relate to people my age yk. Thanks for the rant ? I guess lol
https://redd.it/1esx128
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