"Its like you are looking for a roomate"
Just something an ex said that is sitting strangely with me right now.
I am sex repulsed and a bit claustrophobic so I can do hugs and some intimacy but especially in bed with someone I am very restless and need space.
The thing is it is probably from an outside perspective true but also felt really insensitive as I do go out of my way to give intimacy because none of it feels comfortable so I do try my best.
This was over 3 years ago and I worked on myself a lot solving many of the other issues from that relationship but this is one thing that recently has come to the forefront of my mind again because it is not easily solved
I communicated me being ace to them, that I am slow to be intimate, not very spontaneous and that sex is a no go, I just just don't know how else I could of done it.
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Just something an ex said that is sitting strangely with me right now.
I am sex repulsed and a bit claustrophobic so I can do hugs and some intimacy but especially in bed with someone I am very restless and need space.
The thing is it is probably from an outside perspective true but also felt really insensitive as I do go out of my way to give intimacy because none of it feels comfortable so I do try my best.
This was over 3 years ago and I worked on myself a lot solving many of the other issues from that relationship but this is one thing that recently has come to the forefront of my mind again because it is not easily solved
I communicated me being ace to them, that I am slow to be intimate, not very spontaneous and that sex is a no go, I just just don't know how else I could of done it.
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My bf came out as potentially ace and I didn't react well
Using a throwaway because he follows my other account and I want this private for now I hope you all don't mind. Also sorry if it's a bit of a mess it's super late but I can't sleep.
Tldr: boyfriend of 5 years came out as potentially ace, I reacted worse than I would have liked, looking for advice as someone who isn't ace.
also sorry if the format is shit, I'm using my phone.
I feel like such an awful girlfriend. We have been together for 5 years now, both early 20s. He never had the biggest sex drive and barely masterbates but we usually had sex about once a week and that worked for us. Since the beginning of the year our sex life started to fizzle out, he's been dealing with depression and burnout so I attributed it to that and have been trying to be patient and supportive while struggling for my own needs for sexual intimacy. If I do try to initiate I'm often rejected, now sex is about 1-2 times a month which is not really enough for me although I feel bad for saying it.
After a weekend away with friends and seeing them all horny for each (the whole friend group consisted of people in relationships with eachother) I expressed to him that I worry about being wanted by him because he doesn't initiate any type of sex and that I feel insecure about being the only one to initiate and often getting rejected.
I asked if he could potentially be ace and he said yes. He apparently brought it up years ago but I dismissed it. I feel disgusted at myself for doing so (although I don't remember it at all, I have a bad memory because of ADHD. I probably thought he was joking because at that time he would initiate sex with me. Believe me I feel awful that I reacted that way and he didn't feel he could bring it up with me again.)
I am also ashamed to say that I reacted badly and started hyperventilating, I was already crying quite a bit before hand and I just freaked out because my head goes a million miles an hour and I think of the worst possible scenario when I'm upset and anxious.
We didn't talk much more on the subject as I kept hyperventilating and he was calming me down and then said he really needed to sleep. I don't know what kind of ace he is or if he is sure that he is. He shows me lots of love and thinks I'm super hot and beautiful, it's just sex itself that he has a problem with.
I'm just super scared because I love him so much and want to spend the rest of my life with him but, i don't know that I can be in a relationship without sexual intimacy. I know there are lots of different kinds of intimacy and I enjoy them immensely but I also have the need to be sexual intimate, I feel connected to my partner in a different way that I just don't get with other forms of intimacy.
I think he is an amazing human and man and I really want our relationship to work but I'm just scared that I need more than he will be okay with giving.
We are usually really open about sex so I'm almost 100% sure he wouldn't be okay with opening up our relationship and I don't think I'd want that either, I only want him and I'm really struggling with the fact that he doesn't want me in the same way, It's okay, but it still hurts right now.
I just want advice on how to go on from this, I really want our relationship to work, I love this man with all my soul. Also if there's any advice on how to apologise for reacting so badly that would be great as I feel horrible about it.
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Using a throwaway because he follows my other account and I want this private for now I hope you all don't mind. Also sorry if it's a bit of a mess it's super late but I can't sleep.
Tldr: boyfriend of 5 years came out as potentially ace, I reacted worse than I would have liked, looking for advice as someone who isn't ace.
also sorry if the format is shit, I'm using my phone.
I feel like such an awful girlfriend. We have been together for 5 years now, both early 20s. He never had the biggest sex drive and barely masterbates but we usually had sex about once a week and that worked for us. Since the beginning of the year our sex life started to fizzle out, he's been dealing with depression and burnout so I attributed it to that and have been trying to be patient and supportive while struggling for my own needs for sexual intimacy. If I do try to initiate I'm often rejected, now sex is about 1-2 times a month which is not really enough for me although I feel bad for saying it.
After a weekend away with friends and seeing them all horny for each (the whole friend group consisted of people in relationships with eachother) I expressed to him that I worry about being wanted by him because he doesn't initiate any type of sex and that I feel insecure about being the only one to initiate and often getting rejected.
I asked if he could potentially be ace and he said yes. He apparently brought it up years ago but I dismissed it. I feel disgusted at myself for doing so (although I don't remember it at all, I have a bad memory because of ADHD. I probably thought he was joking because at that time he would initiate sex with me. Believe me I feel awful that I reacted that way and he didn't feel he could bring it up with me again.)
I am also ashamed to say that I reacted badly and started hyperventilating, I was already crying quite a bit before hand and I just freaked out because my head goes a million miles an hour and I think of the worst possible scenario when I'm upset and anxious.
We didn't talk much more on the subject as I kept hyperventilating and he was calming me down and then said he really needed to sleep. I don't know what kind of ace he is or if he is sure that he is. He shows me lots of love and thinks I'm super hot and beautiful, it's just sex itself that he has a problem with.
I'm just super scared because I love him so much and want to spend the rest of my life with him but, i don't know that I can be in a relationship without sexual intimacy. I know there are lots of different kinds of intimacy and I enjoy them immensely but I also have the need to be sexual intimate, I feel connected to my partner in a different way that I just don't get with other forms of intimacy.
I think he is an amazing human and man and I really want our relationship to work but I'm just scared that I need more than he will be okay with giving.
We are usually really open about sex so I'm almost 100% sure he wouldn't be okay with opening up our relationship and I don't think I'd want that either, I only want him and I'm really struggling with the fact that he doesn't want me in the same way, It's okay, but it still hurts right now.
I just want advice on how to go on from this, I really want our relationship to work, I love this man with all my soul. Also if there's any advice on how to apologise for reacting so badly that would be great as I feel horrible about it.
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prejudice about asexuals
Well yeah, I know we all have made efforts, but there are still many forms of prejudice and bias. I'm considered by people that I'm conventionally attractive, which I don't fully understand, and after coming out, people are like hmm? you??? why?? then I say, it's not like a choice, it's just rather how I am. and some folks seem to assume asexual people as unattractive, and that's weird since I know apart from appearance and all that, we all have charming things at least one or two, like talents, personality, mindset, and so forth. Just the sexual orientations can decide whether the person is attractive or not does not make sense at all, but some people still believe so. also, some people just say "oh, you just haven't met the right person" but nah, it's just the way I am. well, have you experienced these kinds of prejudice? how do you cope with it?
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Well yeah, I know we all have made efforts, but there are still many forms of prejudice and bias. I'm considered by people that I'm conventionally attractive, which I don't fully understand, and after coming out, people are like hmm? you??? why?? then I say, it's not like a choice, it's just rather how I am. and some folks seem to assume asexual people as unattractive, and that's weird since I know apart from appearance and all that, we all have charming things at least one or two, like talents, personality, mindset, and so forth. Just the sexual orientations can decide whether the person is attractive or not does not make sense at all, but some people still believe so. also, some people just say "oh, you just haven't met the right person" but nah, it's just the way I am. well, have you experienced these kinds of prejudice? how do you cope with it?
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Sorry if thats a dumb question but would a black ring like this also "pass"/be ok as an ace ring? Or is it supposed to be just the simple black straight line type of ring? I know technically i could just wear whatever i want but still i'm curious, thank you!
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I just came back from a first date and idk how I feel about it.
Hi, so I'm gonna try to keep this short. I (20f) just went on a first date with this guy I met on tinder a couple weeks ago. He seemed really nice and we had a lot in common so after a couple days I decided to ask him If he wanted to hang out which he agreed to. I had already explained my situation about basically being asexual but also not really being apposed to sex either and that it was really just something that I didnt need but if it was with the right person I guess I would be willing to give it a try and see if I liked it. Basically we went and got mcdonald's and the plan was to go to his place after to play Mario kart. We did both of those and the date was going really well and one thing led go another and stuff started happening. I didn't have sex with him, I just wanted to point that out. I made that clear with him ahead of time that i wasnt ready for that and he respected that which was really great, not a lot of guys do. But he did ask if I wanted to "snuggle" while we watched a movie which I was a bit hesitant about because in the past I get really uncomfortable with physical touch especially with people I don't know that well but the date was going well and I felt comfortable so I just went along with it. Long story short we ended up going forward with more than me just laying on him but he took it really slow and kept on reminding me that whenever I got uncomfortable he would stop. Basically I said he could do whatever he wanted as long as I kept my underwear on cause that was my boundary and re respected that. But we did that and I guess it was nice but that's kinda where my question is. He definitely had fun, that wasn't in the question, and he really liked me for me which was a first and I really liked that which was why I never stopped him. I definitely wouldn't say that I didn't like what he was doing but I also can't say that I did. It was kinda just like, ok. Like it wasn't bad, I didn't hate it and I wasn't uncomfortable but I also wouldn't say that I really enjoyed it either other than the fact that I found someone who liked me. I feel like most of the time the main thing going threw my head was what should I do next, what does he want me to do? And when I would ask and say that I don't know what to do he would just be like, you do whatever you want to do. I'm like, sir, I don't know what i want to do, that's why I'm asking you. Idk, I'm kinda just conflicted about the whole thing, like I think I like him and would like to get to know him more but also I know for a fact that I don't like him half as much as he likes me and I kinda feel bad because I know I can never give him what he wants. Sorry I don't know how much of a question this is, I kinda just wanted to tell someone become I only have 1 other asexual friend and they're sex repulsed so I don't think they will understand. Like he wants to go on a second date soon and I think the plan is to actually have sex then and I guess I'm not really apposed to it but also I don't really want to if that makes sence. But also I know that chances are I will never want to but I also want to be "normal" and maybe one day have a bf and not be 40 and still a virgin and live alone with my 6 cats. Which I don't have a problem with cats but I feel like I should at least try for more and this guy is the first person who I feel like I'd possibly be ok with more. But I can't say that I want to have sex with him cause it just seems weird. We're also both going to 2 different colleges in 2 weeks and they're like 8 house away so I know if I loose him now I'll loose him forever. I know I don't have to rush things and I don't think that I will, I think I'll just tell him I'm not ready yet but I also have 2 weeks to be ready or I don't think that it will ever happen and I'll be back again at the possibility of cats forever. I'm just conflicted and I was hoping someone could tell me what they would do just so I can get some opinions. Sorry again for the paragraph, I just needed to tell someone who would
Hi, so I'm gonna try to keep this short. I (20f) just went on a first date with this guy I met on tinder a couple weeks ago. He seemed really nice and we had a lot in common so after a couple days I decided to ask him If he wanted to hang out which he agreed to. I had already explained my situation about basically being asexual but also not really being apposed to sex either and that it was really just something that I didnt need but if it was with the right person I guess I would be willing to give it a try and see if I liked it. Basically we went and got mcdonald's and the plan was to go to his place after to play Mario kart. We did both of those and the date was going really well and one thing led go another and stuff started happening. I didn't have sex with him, I just wanted to point that out. I made that clear with him ahead of time that i wasnt ready for that and he respected that which was really great, not a lot of guys do. But he did ask if I wanted to "snuggle" while we watched a movie which I was a bit hesitant about because in the past I get really uncomfortable with physical touch especially with people I don't know that well but the date was going well and I felt comfortable so I just went along with it. Long story short we ended up going forward with more than me just laying on him but he took it really slow and kept on reminding me that whenever I got uncomfortable he would stop. Basically I said he could do whatever he wanted as long as I kept my underwear on cause that was my boundary and re respected that. But we did that and I guess it was nice but that's kinda where my question is. He definitely had fun, that wasn't in the question, and he really liked me for me which was a first and I really liked that which was why I never stopped him. I definitely wouldn't say that I didn't like what he was doing but I also can't say that I did. It was kinda just like, ok. Like it wasn't bad, I didn't hate it and I wasn't uncomfortable but I also wouldn't say that I really enjoyed it either other than the fact that I found someone who liked me. I feel like most of the time the main thing going threw my head was what should I do next, what does he want me to do? And when I would ask and say that I don't know what to do he would just be like, you do whatever you want to do. I'm like, sir, I don't know what i want to do, that's why I'm asking you. Idk, I'm kinda just conflicted about the whole thing, like I think I like him and would like to get to know him more but also I know for a fact that I don't like him half as much as he likes me and I kinda feel bad because I know I can never give him what he wants. Sorry I don't know how much of a question this is, I kinda just wanted to tell someone become I only have 1 other asexual friend and they're sex repulsed so I don't think they will understand. Like he wants to go on a second date soon and I think the plan is to actually have sex then and I guess I'm not really apposed to it but also I don't really want to if that makes sence. But also I know that chances are I will never want to but I also want to be "normal" and maybe one day have a bf and not be 40 and still a virgin and live alone with my 6 cats. Which I don't have a problem with cats but I feel like I should at least try for more and this guy is the first person who I feel like I'd possibly be ok with more. But I can't say that I want to have sex with him cause it just seems weird. We're also both going to 2 different colleges in 2 weeks and they're like 8 house away so I know if I loose him now I'll loose him forever. I know I don't have to rush things and I don't think that I will, I think I'll just tell him I'm not ready yet but I also have 2 weeks to be ready or I don't think that it will ever happen and I'll be back again at the possibility of cats forever. I'm just conflicted and I was hoping someone could tell me what they would do just so I can get some opinions. Sorry again for the paragraph, I just needed to tell someone who would
What was your first kiss like?
I just saw a similar question in the bisexual subreddit (I’m biromantic asexual) and it made me curious because my response was so different from everyone there. I actually hated my first kiss, even though I thought I liked the guy. It was just sort of slimy and gross and I kissed several people before I found anyone that I actually enjoyed kissing. This was back in 1998 so being Ace wasn’t really a thing yet, but looking back it’s so obvious to me now and I wish I had known that asexual was a valid identity. So I’m curious about the rest of you folks. Did you enjoy your first kiss or have you never even bothered?
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I just saw a similar question in the bisexual subreddit (I’m biromantic asexual) and it made me curious because my response was so different from everyone there. I actually hated my first kiss, even though I thought I liked the guy. It was just sort of slimy and gross and I kissed several people before I found anyone that I actually enjoyed kissing. This was back in 1998 so being Ace wasn’t really a thing yet, but looking back it’s so obvious to me now and I wish I had known that asexual was a valid identity. So I’m curious about the rest of you folks. Did you enjoy your first kiss or have you never even bothered?
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asexual or not?
Hi, I’m a 19F and I think I might be asexual or definitely something.
I’ll explain a little:
- I’ve never really had a relationship
- I do find guys attractive but I could never be in a relationship with one or do anything with a guy
- never kissed anyone either the thought of it makes me feel sick tbh
- there’s maybe been like 2 guys in my life that I wouldn’t of mind doing stuff with but still any chance I’ve had I’ve either turned it down or stopped talking to them completely.
Idk if this is just insecurity or maybe because I’m a little shy or something more any help??
Thanks
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Hi, I’m a 19F and I think I might be asexual or definitely something.
I’ll explain a little:
- I’ve never really had a relationship
- I do find guys attractive but I could never be in a relationship with one or do anything with a guy
- never kissed anyone either the thought of it makes me feel sick tbh
- there’s maybe been like 2 guys in my life that I wouldn’t of mind doing stuff with but still any chance I’ve had I’ve either turned it down or stopped talking to them completely.
Idk if this is just insecurity or maybe because I’m a little shy or something more any help??
Thanks
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Asexual moments in hindsight
While I didn't fully figure out I was ace until my late 20s, looking back there were moments earlier in life that suddenly made sense. I remember sitting in high school health class learning about STDs and thinking, "Well, if you have an STD just don't have sex. It's not a big deal right???" What kinds of moments like these have you folks had looking back?
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While I didn't fully figure out I was ace until my late 20s, looking back there were moments earlier in life that suddenly made sense. I remember sitting in high school health class learning about STDs and thinking, "Well, if you have an STD just don't have sex. It's not a big deal right???" What kinds of moments like these have you folks had looking back?
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All of my boyfriends dumped me.
Before the internet, I didn't know what being asexual was. I just called myself a nonsexual. I didn't know how to explain it to people, so I just told them I was saving myself for marriage. Throughout my life, I've only had three boyfriends. All of them pressured me to have sex with them and all of them left me within three months because I wouldn't give in. It taught me that I was not valued as a human being. I was just a body for satisfying their needs. Has anyone else been through something like this?
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Before the internet, I didn't know what being asexual was. I just called myself a nonsexual. I didn't know how to explain it to people, so I just told them I was saving myself for marriage. Throughout my life, I've only had three boyfriends. All of them pressured me to have sex with them and all of them left me within three months because I wouldn't give in. It taught me that I was not valued as a human being. I was just a body for satisfying their needs. Has anyone else been through something like this?
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What is best ace representation in media?
What is best character who is on asexual spectrum in media like tv to movies books video games or anything really?
I been wondering since bojack horseman introduced me to Todd who is confirmed to be asexual and kinda find it hard to find other ace characters in media and that are 100% ace in canon
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What is best character who is on asexual spectrum in media like tv to movies books video games or anything really?
I been wondering since bojack horseman introduced me to Todd who is confirmed to be asexual and kinda find it hard to find other ace characters in media and that are 100% ace in canon
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