The correct response to "my asexual girlfriend doesn't want sex" is not "well aces can still enjoy sex"
I've seen this come up so many times, in a space that's supposed to be safe for all aces including ones who will never ever enjoy sex.
(Before I go on: I have no problem with sex favorable aces. This post just isn't about you.)
Our rules for consent are not looser. If we don't want to, we don't want to. Especially as a woman, I already get told to 'learn to like it.' I already get told 'do it for his sake.' And then, if not that, I get told 'go to a therapist' or 'you're just not compatible.'
Sure, people accept that asexual women are ace, but then instead of asking 'what do you want?' they ask 'what can you put up with?' Again: Our rules for consent are just the same as they are for everyone else. If you wouldn't ask a gay man if he could put up with dating a woman, don't ask us to do things we wouldn't do of our own accord.
Maybe I'm not compatible with 99% of the population, like so many people on Reddit love to say, but I'm sure there's a better place to say that.
And also: let's not pretend we're the only ones 'tricking people.' In how many of these relationships did the allosexual partner tell their asexual, sex-repulsed partner that they were perfectly fine with a sexless relationship, and then later when they were committed, change their mind?
It's fine to leave. I may not personally understand how you can be 'so in love with someone' that you'd want them to have sex they don't want to have, but I don't judge anyone for leaving a relationship.
Honestly, I'd rather read a hundred messages telling me I'll never find love than read one telling me that people like me can change. Even if it comes from someone who's also on the ace spectrum. Your advice may work for you, if you're sex-favorable or sex-neutral or gray-ace or demi-sexual, but my sex repulsion is just as important to me as not being attracted to anyone.
If she doesn't want to have sex, she doesn't want to. I'm tired of 'liberating' myself and waking up in the same cage I've always been in.
https://redd.it/rt0cs2
@asexualityonreddit
I've seen this come up so many times, in a space that's supposed to be safe for all aces including ones who will never ever enjoy sex.
(Before I go on: I have no problem with sex favorable aces. This post just isn't about you.)
Our rules for consent are not looser. If we don't want to, we don't want to. Especially as a woman, I already get told to 'learn to like it.' I already get told 'do it for his sake.' And then, if not that, I get told 'go to a therapist' or 'you're just not compatible.'
Sure, people accept that asexual women are ace, but then instead of asking 'what do you want?' they ask 'what can you put up with?' Again: Our rules for consent are just the same as they are for everyone else. If you wouldn't ask a gay man if he could put up with dating a woman, don't ask us to do things we wouldn't do of our own accord.
Maybe I'm not compatible with 99% of the population, like so many people on Reddit love to say, but I'm sure there's a better place to say that.
And also: let's not pretend we're the only ones 'tricking people.' In how many of these relationships did the allosexual partner tell their asexual, sex-repulsed partner that they were perfectly fine with a sexless relationship, and then later when they were committed, change their mind?
It's fine to leave. I may not personally understand how you can be 'so in love with someone' that you'd want them to have sex they don't want to have, but I don't judge anyone for leaving a relationship.
Honestly, I'd rather read a hundred messages telling me I'll never find love than read one telling me that people like me can change. Even if it comes from someone who's also on the ace spectrum. Your advice may work for you, if you're sex-favorable or sex-neutral or gray-ace or demi-sexual, but my sex repulsion is just as important to me as not being attracted to anyone.
If she doesn't want to have sex, she doesn't want to. I'm tired of 'liberating' myself and waking up in the same cage I've always been in.
https://redd.it/rt0cs2
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
The correct response to "my asexual girlfriend doesn't want sex"...
I've seen this come up so many times, in a space that's supposed to be safe for all aces including ones who will never ever enjoy sex. (Before I...
My boyfriend made me touch him while I was asleep. Is it okay for me to feel hurt?
I’m a 20 year old female and I came out as asexual last year. I’ve struggled with my sexuality for years. I don’t find pleasure in sex or anything sexually related. My boyfriend and I have had sex before. Coming out as asexual was quite a shock but he was very accepting of it.
We’re in a long distance relationship so he flew out here to spend time with me for a few weeks. He asked me what I’m not comfortable with and I told him. He once again was very accepting.
At least that’s what I thought.
While I was asleep, I felt him take my hand and place it on his penis over his underwear. I didn’t say anything. I was just in a state of shock. I felt sick to my stomach. I pretended to still be asleep. He took off his underwear and placed my hand on his bare penis. After a while, he rolled over and started jacking off next to me.
I just feel extremely uncomfortable. I made it clear to him what I didn’t like and he took advantage of me when he thought I was asleep.
Idk if I’m overreacting. All I know is I wanna cry and scream.
https://redd.it/rt0ht7
@asexualityonreddit
I’m a 20 year old female and I came out as asexual last year. I’ve struggled with my sexuality for years. I don’t find pleasure in sex or anything sexually related. My boyfriend and I have had sex before. Coming out as asexual was quite a shock but he was very accepting of it.
We’re in a long distance relationship so he flew out here to spend time with me for a few weeks. He asked me what I’m not comfortable with and I told him. He once again was very accepting.
At least that’s what I thought.
While I was asleep, I felt him take my hand and place it on his penis over his underwear. I didn’t say anything. I was just in a state of shock. I felt sick to my stomach. I pretended to still be asleep. He took off his underwear and placed my hand on his bare penis. After a while, he rolled over and started jacking off next to me.
I just feel extremely uncomfortable. I made it clear to him what I didn’t like and he took advantage of me when he thought I was asleep.
Idk if I’m overreacting. All I know is I wanna cry and scream.
https://redd.it/rt0ht7
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
My boyfriend made me touch him while I was asleep. Is it okay for...
I’m a 20 year old female and I came out as asexual last year. I’ve struggled with my sexuality for years. I don’t find pleasure in sex or anything...
he moment cishet people (mostly them) will stop seeing every LGBT interaction as inherently sexual, it will be the beginning of a new time
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@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/rta6ki
@asexualityonreddit
Does being 14 and thinking sex is gross count as being asexual. No I haven’t hit puberty
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https://redd.it/rt60od
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
Does being 14 and thinking sex is gross count as being asexual. No...
Posted in r/asexuality by u/CardinalsFan47 • 179 points and 70 comments
Home made garlic bread!! Happy new year to the asexual community :) <3 One year with you guys (hope this is the right flair)
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@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/rt5g9h
@asexualityonreddit
My mum got me this ace whale for Christmas! Top comment is what I name it.
https://redd.it/rtfngm
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/rtfngm
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
My mum got me this ace whale for Christmas! Top comment is what I...
Posted in r/asexuality by u/SonatPrism739 • 126 points and 16 comments
I just experienced sexual attraction!
I've been identifying as ace or grey ace for most of my life now, and have always been curious about this elusive sexual attraction that allos talk about.
Well I just experienced it for the first time in my life (as far as I remember). I won't go into the specifics of how it happened since it's personal to me, but I can share that a key aspect was this person is from my own ethnicity and culture, which I don't see all that often in the western world.
This is what it felt like: I noticed it as soon as I saw the other person, as soon as I was in the same room as them. There was this "magnetic" energy, very visceral in my body, seeming to physically pull me towards them. I wanted to look at them, stare at them if I could, just drink in the view of them. The energy excited me, woke me up. It was strangely pleasurable just to feel it in my body. It was impossible not to notice. I had a physical urge to be near them, hold them tightly, kiss them all over, have sex with them, merge together with them. I don't know how I knew I wanted those things, I just knew, and it felt like I could so easily just allow myself to completely lose myself in the passion of what I was feeling and my body would act automatically. My body knew exactly what it wanted and what to do.
This is the first time in my life I've felt this with another. It was quite overpowering, I couldn't think of anything else or focus on a conversation with anyone else while I was in the same room as them. To any other aces that are wondering about sexual attraction, when it happens you literally cannot miss it. Like it's right there, in your face.
I still identify as greyace, and it's exciting to explore these new realms and feelings.
https://redd.it/rtg6zs
@asexualityonreddit
I've been identifying as ace or grey ace for most of my life now, and have always been curious about this elusive sexual attraction that allos talk about.
Well I just experienced it for the first time in my life (as far as I remember). I won't go into the specifics of how it happened since it's personal to me, but I can share that a key aspect was this person is from my own ethnicity and culture, which I don't see all that often in the western world.
This is what it felt like: I noticed it as soon as I saw the other person, as soon as I was in the same room as them. There was this "magnetic" energy, very visceral in my body, seeming to physically pull me towards them. I wanted to look at them, stare at them if I could, just drink in the view of them. The energy excited me, woke me up. It was strangely pleasurable just to feel it in my body. It was impossible not to notice. I had a physical urge to be near them, hold them tightly, kiss them all over, have sex with them, merge together with them. I don't know how I knew I wanted those things, I just knew, and it felt like I could so easily just allow myself to completely lose myself in the passion of what I was feeling and my body would act automatically. My body knew exactly what it wanted and what to do.
This is the first time in my life I've felt this with another. It was quite overpowering, I couldn't think of anything else or focus on a conversation with anyone else while I was in the same room as them. To any other aces that are wondering about sexual attraction, when it happens you literally cannot miss it. Like it's right there, in your face.
I still identify as greyace, and it's exciting to explore these new realms and feelings.
https://redd.it/rtg6zs
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
I just experienced sexual attraction!
I've been identifying as ace or grey ace for most of my life now, and have always been curious about this elusive sexual attraction that allos...