WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR ALLOSEXUALS TO EXPLAIN WHAT SEXUAL ATTRACTION FEELS LIKE?

I've read at least three research papers and six blogs trying to figure this out but every one has a different answer. It's all contradictory and I'm just so confused like does it feel soft and warm or is it chilling and spiky? Is it like velcro? Because its starting to sound like its just velcro-y.

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I've been trying to figure this shit out since 4am this morning. I need answers!

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EDIT: Most helpful sources I found

https://www.yourtango.com/2021343498/what-sexual-attraction-feels-10-signs-look#:\~:text=According%20to%20hypnotherapist%20Keya%20Murthy,often%20feels%20like%20an%20obsession.

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https://www.reddit.com/r/asexuality/comments/ag01h3/allosexuals\_what\_does\_sexual\_attraction\_feel\_like/

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https://asexualitytrust.org.nz/what-is-asexuality/attraction-vs-arousal/

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https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/81869-what-does-sexual-attraction-feel-like/

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stills from “dear luke love me” 💜
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Do y'all feel grossed out by people talking about their sex lives?

It makes me feel super uncomfortable and disgusted in some way. Same thing with sexual songs and stuff. It's getting really bad lately and idk why because I never really had that much of a problem with it, just recently it's really getting to me somehow.

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gaming at its finest
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How did that happen
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Important Note about Allo/Ace romantic relationships

I know some allos browse this sub to get advice about their ace partners and it is amazing to see so many people so passionate about caring for and respecting their partner. However, I do want to state that if your partner says they do not want to have sex/have no interest in sex DO NOT EXPECT TO HAVE SEX WITH THEM. This should go without saying but I know from experience that some people don’t always understand that aces won’t necessarily do it just to please their partner. Please don’t do this. It puts everyone in a very uncomfortable situation overall and is just sketchy. I was in a position where my ex kept pressuring me to do things I was uncomfortable with and I made the mistake of being really passive about it until it hit a boiling point. I’m glad I was able to get the courage to stand up for myself and talk to him about it but I know that it’s is super hard for some people to say no, especially to someone they care about. If you truly care about your partner, please respect their boundaries. That is all, thank you!

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Do you like the idea of being pregnant?

I know this is a private question, but I am really interested how you guys feel about it. I don't love kids like many of my friends, but the things that keep me from actually wanting to have an own kid someday the most are the pregnancy and birth tbh. I can't imagine anything more frightening than having to get a human out of your own body. Moreover, imagining all the hardships you have to go through for 9 months to get there just make me so uncomfortable. How about you? 🤔💜

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The best relationship trade offer ♠️💜
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I'm just done with people sometimes >:(

Why do some people make everything sexual?? Today while I was waiting for my bus after school, I was just talking with some friends and enjoying a rasberry flavored lollipop my parter had given me. Just,, having a nice time. Some people sitting across the room kept beckoning me over like they wanted to talk to me. Kinda weird, but usually when I talk to random people it's to give them a compliment or something, so I think it could be fine. I go over (and thankfully one of my friends went with me) and this girl literally just says “you gonna suck me like you suck that lollipop?“ I was absolutely dumbfounded, and so incredibly uncomfortable. The only words I could think to even say were “I'm asexual please stop“ and walk away. It just made me feel so shitty and uncomfortable for just enjoying a piece of candy. I tried to shrug it off, but I felt lowkey awful for the rest of the afternoon. I just, how does anyone even think that's okay to say?? Thanks for listening, I didn't really have anyone to rant to :)

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Does anyone wish they were allo? Why?

Sorry if this is asked too much, I'm new here.

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Gender is becoming kinda confusing

How am I 19(m?) to understand what it feels like to be masculine when it seems so much of what it means to be masculine is defined by sexuality or romanticism. What are gender roles how can I ascertain where I would or if I would fit into them. please help

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How old are you?

I am gonna be writing a speech for speech class on asexuality and would like to include a poll of my own sampling. I feel like this sub is a good sample of diverse people who all identify as ace in some capacity. If you feel inclined, leave something in the comments that you’d like me to include in my speech, something you wish allos would understand, a way people can be supportive, a myth you’d like to dispel, an analogy that you find works to explain asexuality. Anything. If I use it in my speech I will credit you but you will stay anonymous. (A Reddit user said: ___. Etc) thank y’all <3 (I’d like to get the biggest sample I can so please please vote)

[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/ptm9tb)

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Is it okay to identify as ace and bi?

I wish I had an easy, clear label to help people understand how I feel. I know I’m ace—I have no interest in sex or romance, but I also feel bi? Bi-WHAT is the part that’s confusing me. I see beautiful, talented, charismatic people and feel so infatuated by them, in a way that makes me feel warm and happy. I just don’t know what I want from them lol. Not sex, not a relationship, so what’s left? I have no idea what to call this sort of attraction. It’s also almost always on fictional characters. I’ve heard of comphet, but would that apply when I know I’m ace and still get these “crushes”?

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Figured my fellow aces would like this. Halloween garland found at my local dollar tree for, you guessed it, $1. 😉
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we’re all gods
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Anybody else scared of ending up all alone?

I feel like i'm slowly figuring out who i might be, and even through i'm still struggling coming to terms with being on the asexual spectrum i'm scared of ending up all alone.

It's so nice to dream about being with someone in a queer platonic relationship like scenario. But i know real life doesn't work that way, and i will eventually end up alone, or i date an allosexual person and i become more and more sex repulsed eventually breaking up with them.

I'm currently dating an allosexual man who doesn't respect my boundaries and even through i try to do everything to make him happy and i do many many things i don't want, i know i can't do it forever. It's been 2 years and i don't think i can take it anymore. I had enough of being touched inappropriately when i don't want to be touched, and i had enough of submitting and doing everything to make him happy.

I want to be in a relationship where we respect each other and each other's boundaries. But i feel like with an allosexual person that's not possible. ( Based on my current and past relationships. ) I feel like it will be really hard for me, to find someone who thinks and feels the similar way.. and i'm scared of ending up all alone. I kinda want to be alone, but i know i don't want to be alone forever.

How i said a queer platonic relationship sounds like a dream. A non romantic nor sexual relationship? Just perfect! But i also know i will probably never find that person i can be with.. and i will be all alone forever.

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I've been called a narcissist different times because I play with women's feelings

I made this throwaway account specifically to post this.. I need to talk about this and I hope someone will read, I'll keep this as short as possible. I see that this subreddit has a '' vent '' flair so I guess I can post something just to vent.

It took me very long to realise that I was/am asexual. Because I am attracted to women, even visually, though I have high standards, but at the same time I don't want sex. I read more about asexuality two years ago and found out that this is asexuality, I thought asexuality was a complete lack of attraction/interest in romantic relationships and therefore I was confused because I knew I wasn't gay but I didn't want sex with women either. I'm 24 and I have never had sex indeed.

I'm an attractive man, when I say attractive I mean people like, you know, Ian Somerhalder, David Beckham, young DiCaprio etc. I've had a few women genuinely tell me to send my pictures to modeling agencies or take acting classes to become an actor because '' with those looks you should be able to become famous ''

I'm not saying this to brag about my looks, I'm saying this because I very often have women flirting with me. A few years ago I realised that my friend was into me, I never officially dated her, we sometimes went out together privately, but I would actively avoid the word '' date '' because I didn't want her to think things were getting serious. I knew she was attracted to me and I wanted to keep her attracted to me, but I didn't want to have sex.

Because I do like the feeling of a woman hugging me, but if a woman isn't attracted to me, the hug is not as intense and passionate, and I also enjoy cuddling and kisses on the cheeks. To keep it short, she felt I was leading her on and playing with her feelings and she started calling me a manipulative psychopath/narcissist.

Now that I am in University I've also had to deal with people thinking I'm gay because a few women have been interested in me - I don't want to make it sound like every woman is interested in me -

but everyone knows I haven't slept with any of them and people are starting to question my sexuality. My parents are questioning my sexuality too, because I am simply too good-looking to not have a girlfriend. I once went to a family gathering with my parents and my cousin's girlfriend was blatantly interested in me and I straight up ignored her and my father was like '' you always ignore every girl ''.

I hate bragging about my looks, I find it lame, but I'm here to explain my situation. My mum tried to bring this up, she was like '' you know that your father and I are open-minded, if you don't like women you can tell us ''

Basically, I love it when a girl is attracted to me, not because I want an ego-boost, but because I do enjoy it when a woman is into me and she wants to hug me and make physical contact, but I find sex unpleasant. And I've been called a narcissist a few times because it looks like I play with women's feelings.. plus, when a woman realises I'm not going to do anything with her, she will eventually avoid me and try to forget about me, you can't keep someone interested for ages.

&#x200B;

I feel a little better after typing this. I have yet to send it but I already feel a little better, lol.

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Asexual lesbian flag :)
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Found this on IG, thought it belonged here 😄

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