Nationalism
https://redd.it/1prh6ud
@asexualityonreddit

My allo partner wants to have sex

So, my girlfriend, since i said i was assexual, first she doenst believed me that much, but now she believes but still insists on having oral sex and all that stuff, yesterday she tried to "seduce me" to do something just cuz my pen was hard, but i dont even know the cause of that erection, i didnt want anything, we did oral sex to each other and by the end of the act she said it could happen more, and said to me to consider having normal sex with her BUT I DONT WANT TO, first, this month we already had oral sex, second i cant handle the risk of having a kid, I DONT WANT TO HAVE SEX THIS OFTEN, man, if we had the night just watching tiktok or sum i would enjoy SO MUCH MORE. I did enjoy the "mechanic" part of sex, and the end that it, but i dont want to have it, when its happening im like, "ok this is kinda good" but on the start and on the after i feel like someone is talking about some shit that i dont fucking care, i dont want sex that often, maybe sometimes in a 2-4 months span i can handle, but more than this its fucking overwhelming. Someone help me

https://redd.it/1prkp3h
@asexualityonreddit

Stop it damn it I am just trying to exist
https://redd.it/1prlb0b
@asexualityonreddit

Songs Recommendations that are Ace coded

Hello! I am creating an ace playlist for myself and am having a hard time finding songs that are ace or at least ace coded. It just seems that most songs are about romance or sex (which are good songs) and I’m looking for something different.

https://redd.it/1prjcdo
@asexualityonreddit

I wish I was a aroace.

I’m asexual, unfortunately not aromantic. I’m literally a hopeless romantic, constantly daydreaming about it and it’s frustrating.
The realistic chances of me being in a romantic relationship feel close to zero, and not just for me but for many people in this situation.
This realization often makes me wish I were aroace so I wouldn’t have to want something that feels largely inaccessible.

I’m still pretty young and most relationships at this age aren’t very sexual but even participating in them feels pointless. It feels unfair to invest time, mine or someone else’s in something that’s unlikely to work out.

And people often advise me that have good platonic relationships, I do.. I do have very good friends but the need for the other won’t go away by just having good friends, I keep myself busy all the time, studies, hobbies and what not but yet…

Anyone who relates? And would like to share their experience or opinion?

https://redd.it/1prkzi1
@asexualityonreddit

Being so scared of sex bad english not running by sentence

Sorry for my bad English I have always been so scared of sex for no reason I am a virgin I never got sa or rape or anything but it genuinely scares me so bad like I am so scared of sex to the point where I wanna die a virgin.. my biggest fear is losing my virginity like seriously i do watch porn but i don’t want it to happen to me in fact I am scared it will happen to me alot of people assume that I seen something that made me scared or that I did get sa or rape but not remembering what happened I just wanna know what is wrong with me it is this normal??

https://redd.it/1progyf
@asexualityonreddit

I’m really confused, help

Hi, I (17F) have always been able to enjoy looking at or reading sex in fiction or whatever but I have never in my life ever been turned on as in my body has never had a reaction to it really? Sometimes I think I experience a want for sex but when I’m in real life scenarios where it could potentially happen I feel no desire for it, I don’t think it’s disgusting and I want to want it i just don’t. I’ve had one proper boyfriend before and it still only lasted maybe 3 months. (Would like to add this is mainly because I suffer mentally and so am in and out of hospitals which makes dating hard.) If we were doing anything sexual(never more than kissing really maybe we would get handsy) I would enjoy jt in the way that I knew I should or something like it was fun but my body had no reaction I was never turned on. I’m also on medications that could potentially lower libido but it was the same before I was on them and now I havnt been on them for a while and it’s still the same. Any advice or insight would be super appreciated ❤️

https://redd.it/1propkt
@asexualityonreddit

Am I aroace or simply avoidant?

Hey. I identify as aroace but I am wondering if I shouldn't be. The thing is that, first of all, I do have sexual fantasies involving me and other people from real life but I just don't feel like they can be actually acted on. They are separate from my real life experience. The real thing for me is neither romantic like in the movies, nor sexual like in fantasies. I mean I did have "sexual" and "romantic" experiences but they feel like nothing.
Secondly, when I like someone, I avoid them. To me it all sounds like my mental conditions are preventing me from feeling the actual feelings irl. It's like If I could, I would be the most basic allosexual person

I am questioning myself because I am proud and out and too often it happens that I don't behave like a "true" aroace spec. By this I mean that I understand allo people too well. I feel their pain, but not their pleasure. So yeah all that causes some aroace people to be surprised how can I be one of them. I am writing this because I feel like I'm in an identity crisis and I am just wondering if you guys think that I'm one of you or not.

https://redd.it/1prqwgb
@asexualityonreddit

Some Flowers! by Me.

https://redd.it/1prv47r
@asexualityonreddit

Asexual couples? Do you face a lot of criticism?

I'm not in a relationship right now but when I was a teen I dated my high school sweetheart but we were abstinent the entire 4 years we dated but our relationship was often described as "weird" and we got ostracized as a result by school mates and even our own friends called us "just friends" or said we just seemed like we were just friends and honestly this kinda hurt me. It still kinda does looking back because first off, we were so young when we were dating but apparently we were supposed to already be banging each other by the first year 🫠 this just goes to show how judgmental people are over ace/aro type relationships and coin the term "you're just friends" just cause the couple doesn't appear "romantically enough" or just cause they don't sleep with each other, when there's plenty of "just friends" who in fact sleep with each other. Is that supposed to be an insult by any means? One of my exes said our relationship felt like it was just a friendship just cause we were long distant but cause I didn't give into him and that term just triggers me now. I hate it. Why can't people just accept that there's sexless relationships or aromantic couples without being so rude or judgemental?

https://redd.it/1prt6jg
@asexualityonreddit

Why do I keep having sex, and how do I stop? TW: MENTIONS OF CSA

Hello. I'm AFAB, I'm 20 years old, and I'm 99% sure that I am asexual or, at the very least, demisexual.

It's been a pattern for me that when someone (usually men) makes sexual advances toward me, or I know they want to have sex with me. I do it despite the fact that I am not sexually attracted to them. Afterwards, I feel weird. I feel good that someone found me attractive, but that brief ego boost is followed up with this deep sense that I betrayed myself. I'm fine during foreplay and when he gets hard, and I just kind of ignore it, but during sex, I kind of just try and do what he wants. It becomes all about making sure he's happy. I think to myself, "I could've gone without that. I gained nothing." It brings me back to when I was younger, when I would let guys touch me even though I didn't want to, so they "wouldn't be mad" or "stop being friends with me".

I'm not sure how relevant this is, but I ONLY have this feeling with men. Granted, I've only slept with one AFAB person who was also feminine-presenting, but it was different. She also claimed to be demi, but we ended up sleeping together. For once, I was actually enthusiastic about it and didn't feel gross or anything afterwards. And after that, I no longer want to be attracted to men romantically. I still am, of course, but now I've developed this kind of aversion.

Even so, even when I'm met with that initial punch of disgust when a man is aroused by me. I still have sex with him. It's like, "just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I have to force other people to be asexual. This is what allo-people would do in this situation, why should I change that just because I'm not?"

I don't know, it's a lot. It would just be nice to know if anyone else has dealt with this or is going through something similar.

TLDR: I'm on the ace spectrum, but impulsively have sex/put myself in sexual situations to make the other person happy. Help.

https://redd.it/1prwo0g
@asexualityonreddit

Raw thoughts

Raw thoughts. Lately I’ve been thinking. I enjoy being alone, but I crave physical affection, physical affection that does not deem a relationship, I don’t see the point in being with one person for the rest of your life, but we’ve made it such a societal norm that you have to be with somebody and intimate to be physically affectionate. I’m nobody’s first choice, I don’t like sex, I don’t like commitments, and I don’t like compromising but Jesus Christ do I crave somebody to want me. Is it OK to be with somebody who does but on my terms? Is it OK to appreciate somebody’s body without wanting to have sex? I easily get overwhelmed I don’t mean to, but I don’t feel like I deserve to be loved because of it. I get attached too easily so I push myself away. I don’t want these feelings. I want to be loved and reciprocate it. I wish somebody could understand how I feel.

https://redd.it/1prwkhy
@asexualityonreddit

Yesterday I asked if you guys find hands or collarbones more aesthetically pleasing and there were lots of different opinions. So now I’m asking, what is any body part apart from genitals that you find very aesthetically pleasing?

I saw lots of people say noses and backs, which I totally second, but as the title says, what are some niche body parts you find attractive?

https://redd.it/1ps2nth
@asexualityonreddit

Coping with an Ace-Allo Breakup

Just got broken up with after 3 years and one of the reasons that was cited was that our ace-allo relationship is not a compatible one. I just feel so lost and hopeless. Any advice that might make me hate my identity less is appreciated 🙃

https://redd.it/1ps40ss
@asexualityonreddit

I never thought I'd find someone who truly understood me - Don't give up!

Well to be honest - He found me.

So I'm still quite young, 19F, and I met my boyfriend (21M) about 3 years ago whilst I was a junior in high school and he was a senior. During high school, I never really participated in dating since I knew from a younger age I seemed to be on the asexual/demisexual spectrum, and I always felt ashamed and like I would never find anyone that would be okay with that.

Many guys displayed interest in me throughout the years, but I knew that being ace would deter them (and it did) because guys typically care a lot about physical intimacy, especially young high school ones.

On top of that, I also considered myself more androgynous looking at the time. It was the beginning of the year, and a guy randomly came up to me as we waited outside for the school doors to open and introduced himself. Apparently he was also in my math class, so I did see him before I just didn't realize it (he sat right next to me, I was so unobservational lol).

He admitted later that he didn't really know for sure whether I was a girl or guy which I thought was funny. He was a band kid (or rather, he was until his senior year) and I could tell he liked me right away.

Now, I have a very hard time trusting people and I don't usually relate to people very easily since I'm also on the autism spectrum. Knowing people's true intentions is hard, so it would take a very long time for this guy to grow on me, but he didn't seem to mind.

To be honest, there was never really an exact day when we decided to start dating, it just sort of turned into that. We were best friends before anything, though. I came to realize over time that this man would literally do anything for me, and expect nothing in return which was so surprising to me.

Even to this day, he's always the one that drives (I'm scared of driving, but I do if I have to), he always makes me food or brings me food especially if it's that time of month, he would buy me anything I asked for (even though I'm always too scared to ask for stuff, and I always feel very guilty doing so), and he overall treats me like a queen.

He goes everywhere with me. We've even been on some trips out of town (soon out of state, hopefully), His family likes me, and my family absolutely loves him. He spoils me way more than I deserve, and he's just such a goofball and makes me laugh all the time.

We have such similar interests, like music, my art, our mutual feeling of not wanting kids. He's my biggest supporter in anything I do. I look back when I was younger, and I felt that a relationship like this wasn't possible for me, I never would have imagined how my life would change.

Something that helped immensely was realizing I also had to fix my own issues and love myself before I could love someone else. Throughout my entire life, I have had such bad anxiety and even depressive episodes due to genetics and past traumas. I only started medicating with Lexapro this year, but my god has that helped me so much. I used to be more angry in life, and it would cause me to lash out on others sometimes, and it just made everything more difficult for me in general. Getting over my fear of simply asking for help changed me for the better, and I can love better because of it, too.

There's so much more I could say, but the main points are there. I know were both still very young and we hopefully have a long life ahead of us, but I often do think he really is my soulmate in many ways (if you believe in that stuff, anyway) and I share this because I know many people on the ace spectrum, especially younger ages, may feel helpless when it comes to finding someone who truly sees you and validates your feelings.

My boyfriend and I talk everyday, even if we don't see each other in person. He wants to make a lot of money and become a software engineer so I can stay home, and he's a nerd who's interested in that kind of stuff (green flag!). I do art commissions sometimes. Overall, I'm excited for what the future holds, and what our

domestic life could look like (many cats and reptiles for sure). Never ever feel bad about what you can't control about yourself. People 'do' see beyond physical gratification, knowing someone on such a deep emotional level is everything. You are worthy of love and respect, and anyone who thinks otherwise are just dummies.

https://redd.it/1ps4hi9
@asexualityonreddit

I am tired of the allos. Solution:
https://redd.it/1ps4xa6
@asexualityonreddit

Leg Hair

How well do you pay attention to and maintain your leg hair, ladies?

I'm so bad about it cause I wear pants all the time and associate it to sex. Given I dont care for sex, I dont care to shave frequently. Lol

I learned from the TV show Friends that 1 week is too long, so since middle school I'd made sure to shave at least once a week. Nair and razor commercials taught me to shave from my ankle to my knee... which later on I found out youre supposed to do your whole leg when I told my sisters and they said "gross!" We won't get into discovering shaving pubic hair as I want to keep this G rated.

Now that I've been married for 18 years, I often forget. I still try to maintain but it's been probably months. I think my husband has given up or stopped caring about my leg hair cause he hasn't said anything.

So now im curious, do any of you feel the same way? How much do you pay attention to your leg hair? Those attracted to women, how much do you care or pay attention given youre asexual?

Edit: Wow! I really thought i was alone in this. I'm so glad I'm not. Lol

https://redd.it/1ps5mqy
@asexualityonreddit