Having sex for the first time made me realize I'm ace

Hello everyone, I'll be using a throwaway for this as my irls know my main.

I recently had my first time at the ripe age of 21. It had always been on my bucketlist, in fact I yearned for it for quite some time. The person I was with was amazing, they knew it was my first, they were guiding, patient and chill about it. I honestly couldn't have asked for a better partner. Despite this, I felt barely anything, no connection, no sexual fulfillment. It didn't turn me on. I enjoyed pleasuring them, but not so much receiving. Seeing what I did made them happy made me happy, but it didn't turn me on.

Now I do masturbate, quite often in fact. So I thought sex would be even better. It really wasn't. I had to focus on so many things, remembering to breathe, trying to find a comfortable position, hands not reaching places properly etc, that I actually ended up not being able to focus on the physical sensation.

We tried again in the morning, but it didn't really go anywhere.

I've always had this in the back of my mind, but given I was virgin I didn't want to make any assumptions. However this experience really solidified it all. I don't like sex. It was physically exhausting, tiring and dare I say it quite boring and lacklustre. It felt like a chore and quite repetitive.

What's more, ever since this happened, I feel my sex-drive and over-all libido drastically declining. I find this quite intriguing.

Despite this my libido remain relatively high at the moment, and I enjoy doing it on my own, but when I was with a partner, it was exceedingly dull and I found no interest in the act, so I feel torn on the matter. I still believe this qualifies me as asexual, though I'd like to hear your opinions on this matter as well, have any of you been in a similar experience? Do you share these feelings?

https://redd.it/1p7dkog
@asexualityonreddit

sending much love to the person that has listens to We’ll Never Have Sex 144 times this week 😭💔
https://redd.it/1p7fju0
@asexualityonreddit

Are You Aro (Advice)?

**Hi everyone!**



Welcome to our weekly Advice post about Aromanticism! Aromantic people experience little to no romantic attraction.



**Do any of these resonate with you?**

\* You rarely (if ever) experience crushes on others.

\* You find the idea of a romantic relationship unappealing, and prefer strong platonic bonds.

\* You've been in romantic relationships but felt like you were going through the motions.

\* You've researched what crushes are "supposed" to feel like, but can't relate.



These are just a few signs you might be Aromantic. Aromanticism is a spectrum, and every person's experience is unique.



\*\*Have questions about aromanticism or your own identity?\*\* Ask away in the comments below, and we'll and your fellow Aro’s will do the best to help!

* [**More signs that you are Aro**](https://aromanticguide.com/am-i-aro)

* [**Honeymoon Phase**](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-the-honeymoon-phase)

* [**Types of attraction (might be incomplete)**](https://types-of-attraction.carrd.co/)

https://redd.it/1p7kv7t
@asexualityonreddit

how to know if you're sexually attracted to others?

I know what sexual attraction is, y'know its when you wanna have sex with someone, or at the very least engage in some level of suggestive acts
aesthetic attraction is just that but without the sex

(uhhhhh example, being sexually attracted to someone you find hot, y'know means you wanna have sex with em, while on the other hand being aesthetically attracted to that same hot person means you don wanna have sex with em, but you still find em hot)

then there's arousal, which is when your dih gets hard, y'know primal instinct, not under your control, its your body speaking

now my question is uhhhhh, how is one sure they're sexually attracted to others?
I heard its an urge, but is it an urge that you're aware of whenever it appears
y'know is it possible for people to be sexually attracted to others without their own knowledge?
like their urge is just really subtle and they can't even tell themselves

or am I just thinking bout something that just, doesn't work
maybe sexual urges are truly something that you are aware of, whenever they appear
I don know which is why I'm here

https://redd.it/1p792h5
@asexualityonreddit

Some Drinks! By Me.

https://redd.it/1p7mv92
@asexualityonreddit

I hate being asexual

Just as the title says, I hate being asexual, a sex repulsed asexual at that.

I hate how I feel romantic attraction to people, and then realise they either wouldn't find me attractive, or if they did, they'd want sex, and I can't provide that. I've tried dating allos and ignoring my cursed aceness, and every partner has left/ cheated because, surprise surprise, they couldnt handle my sexuality. I've also recently been trying to date other sex repulsed aces, one lied to my face, and then I met someone whom I genuinely connected with and started to feel romantic attraction for, and then they ghosted. I think we got stuck on the talking phase for too long, and every time we tried to meet up in person, various aspects of life for the two of us got in the way of doing so, so I guess they rightly got bored and dumped the sorry excuse for a human that I am.

Maybe I'm unfairly blaming being ace on the fact that I hate myself and who I am. Having autism just adds to the curse that's my life, plus the joys of a suspected medical condition I may have. So, I've come to the conclusion that I'm not worthy of love. Oh well.

https://redd.it/1p7ng6c
@asexualityonreddit

Some Drinks! By Me.

https://redd.it/1p7n3af
@asexualityonreddit

Never the first always the last

Have you ever thought that you don't have someone who really cares for you ?

These days I've been thinking about this... Everyone has their special someone, my friends are nice and all but am not as important to them as they are for me, my family is all about my brother ( who was doing therapy since 4 years old) while I was always scared of the world that nobody took the time to teach me how it worked, I was bullied, harassed, ridiculed and nobody knew, nobody tried to understand how tired I was. Now I'm 21 almost 22 and still feel like a child, lost in the adult-act I pull every day, it is so exhausting and in the end I feel like if I don't reach to them, if I don't force my presence in their lives I'll be easily forgotten and every time I tell them how I feel they always say I'm trying to find culprits to a problem that I created, that I am being dramatic and everything is just in my head. I'm not looking for solutions, it's just a rant, is life always that tiring for everyone? (My second therapist said I probably have anxiety and depression )

https://redd.it/1p7pksl
@asexualityonreddit

Some Drinks! By Me.

https://redd.it/1p7mpey
@asexualityonreddit

Yukari is the best
https://redd.it/1p7qbmi
@asexualityonreddit

allo guy willing to learn more about my aceness

This will be a bit of a short story but i recently downloaded Hinge for fun and made a whole profile and everything. i put the asexual tag on there (of course) and since most people completely ignore that and just go straight for beauty, i thought no one would take me seriously. all of a sudden, here comes this guy who is pretty decent, relates to a lot of the things i like, and is a pretty much a sweetheart all around.

after two days of talking he asks about me being asexual and i immediately think “well, this is the end” because of how unserious people are when it comes to asexuality. i end up explaining it to him and even though he didn’t have the best understanding of it, he asked me if i could teach him about it, which 1000% shocked me. i was completely expecting rejection and coping with that but instead, i got someone who is willing to learn more about who i am and my identity, which is rare.

i tell this story to say that me immediately thinking about rejection when he asked what being asexual means is… sad? like i shouldn’t have to prepare for rejection because of my identity but because of the how the asexual community is treated, i just automatically assumed it wouldn’t work between me and an allo guy.
i’m extremely happy he’s interested in learning and curious to see how this will turn our for me! thanks for coming to my ACE talk!

https://redd.it/1p7tmkd
@asexualityonreddit

Do you other aces experience arousal?

So I've known I was graysexual for a while. I have EXTREMELY low libido, but it's still there, so I was wondering; do any of you guys experience physical arousal just spontaneously? or even at all? I've been curious about this but i wanted to see other people's experiences, because I'm contemplating whether i really am graysexual or if i'm fully ace.

https://redd.it/1p7u990
@asexualityonreddit