My Mom Accepted Me After Many Years
I was at a comedy club with my mom last night and we were talking and getting drinks before the show. My mom is pretty much my only family and we’re incredibly close since my dad was hardly in the picture, but due to her lifestyle (she loves dating and the culture behind it) she never understood that I was asexual (she didn’t even believe it was a thing until a couple years ago).
And tonight we were talking about the raunchy jokes we heard last time we were there and I mentioned how I don’t want a relationship, and I expected her to say her usual “you’ll come around”
But instead she said “You just don’t see a real reason”
and she mentioned that I was like the white dragon from Dragon Riders of Pern. And how in that series when the riders enter a relationship, the dragons do too.
But this one dragon, Ruth, didn’t do that and when questioned he said “why would I want to?” And became friends with the other dragon instead.
And she looked me in the eyes after explaining that and was like “that’s you, isn’t it? You don’t need any of that, you don’t feel that towards other people and that’s ok”
And I started crying because she finally understood.
I’m going to start reading Dragons of Pern now
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I was at a comedy club with my mom last night and we were talking and getting drinks before the show. My mom is pretty much my only family and we’re incredibly close since my dad was hardly in the picture, but due to her lifestyle (she loves dating and the culture behind it) she never understood that I was asexual (she didn’t even believe it was a thing until a couple years ago).
And tonight we were talking about the raunchy jokes we heard last time we were there and I mentioned how I don’t want a relationship, and I expected her to say her usual “you’ll come around”
But instead she said “You just don’t see a real reason”
and she mentioned that I was like the white dragon from Dragon Riders of Pern. And how in that series when the riders enter a relationship, the dragons do too.
But this one dragon, Ruth, didn’t do that and when questioned he said “why would I want to?” And became friends with the other dragon instead.
And she looked me in the eyes after explaining that and was like “that’s you, isn’t it? You don’t need any of that, you don’t feel that towards other people and that’s ok”
And I started crying because she finally understood.
I’m going to start reading Dragons of Pern now
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Does any other guy take pride in not being attracted to anyone? Especially women?
My straight guy friends and many guys seem to spend a lot of their money, and try to impress women.
It’s also because women seem to be put on a pedestal more. I often get told by male relatives and other guys how I should “learn to talk to women” and criticize me on certain behaviors and hobbies because it’s not considered attractive to women.
I’m into anime and video games and people tell me women will find it cringe and unattractive.
Also a lot of women seem to just… have big egos. I’ve tried being nice to women and a lot of them thought I was flirting with them or something. I’ve had women bring up boyfriends randomly in a conversation or something.
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My straight guy friends and many guys seem to spend a lot of their money, and try to impress women.
It’s also because women seem to be put on a pedestal more. I often get told by male relatives and other guys how I should “learn to talk to women” and criticize me on certain behaviors and hobbies because it’s not considered attractive to women.
I’m into anime and video games and people tell me women will find it cringe and unattractive.
Also a lot of women seem to just… have big egos. I’ve tried being nice to women and a lot of them thought I was flirting with them or something. I’ve had women bring up boyfriends randomly in a conversation or something.
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Being asexual doesn’t mean hating sexual people
I’ve seen a lot of posts here criticizing sexual people for liking sex and acting like they’re weird, which isn’t fair. They enjoy sex, and we don’t because we either don’t enjoy it or find it uncomfortable—or even disgusting
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I’ve seen a lot of posts here criticizing sexual people for liking sex and acting like they’re weird, which isn’t fair. They enjoy sex, and we don’t because we either don’t enjoy it or find it uncomfortable—or even disgusting
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A basic primer on the four main types of attraction.
I recently replied to a post on r/NoStupidQuestions about what “hot” means, from someone who seemed to be grappling with whether or not they were ace. It turned into a bit of an essay, and some people in the replies told me I should post it here.
So I’ve copied the text, removed a few bits that were specific to the discussion at hand, and here it is. (Disclaimer: this is just my understanding. Asexuality is obviously an incredibly broad spectrum, so if there are things I’m missing, I’d love to be educated and informed.)
As an asexual person myself, I’ve had a lot of practice explaining these to people, so I’ll give it my best shot here. These are the four main types of attraction.
1)Aesthetic attraction. “I like looking at you”. This doesn’t just apply to people. You can feel aesthetic attraction to a painting, a well-designed house, a sunset, a cake, anything. Aesthetic attraction is when looking at something (or someone) gives you a nice, pleasant feeling, and you want to look at it (or them) more.
2)Romantic attraction. “I want to be personally intimate with you.” You want to make them happy, share parts of your life with them, tell them about your day and ask them about theirs, learn their favourite song or flower or ice cream flavour so you can get them meaningful gifts, know their deep secrets and share yours with them. Romantic attraction is when you want to be emotionally close to someone in a way that goes beyond friendship.
3)Sensual attraction. “I want to be physically intimate with you.” This doesn’t cover sex - we’ll get to that - but it does cover things like hand-holding, kissing, cuddling, having your arm around someone (or vice versa), sharing a bed, basically any physical closeness or affection that doesn’t involve genitals. Sensual attraction is when you want to feel someone’s body on yours, and express your affection for them in a physical way.
Sensual attraction is the murkiest of the four, and the one most often left out, as some see it as just an intersection of romantic and sexual attraction. It’s not though. It’s its own thing.
4)Sexual attraction. “I’d like to engage in erotic acts with you”. (This one is probably the hardest for me to define, as it’s the one I do not and have never felt, but I’ll try.) This goes beyond arousal, which is a mechanical physical response that has very little to do with your feelings of attraction, causatively speaking. It’s the lustful urge of wanting to see someone naked, or wanting to feel their genitals, or wanting them to feel yours. I’m told it can manifest as a sort of itch, or a feeling like hunger. Sexual attraction is the physical desire for something that goes beyond sensuality.
Think about these four types of attraction. How many have you felt? Do you feel some for certain people, and others for other people?
If you see someone in the street and think “wow, they’re attractive”, what does that mean you want?
• To look at them?
• To get to know them on a deep, personal level? - To kiss them and have their body close to yours?
• To have sex with them?
• Or some combination of the above?
Asexuality is a wide spectrum. It may be worth looking up more specific labels, but be warned, there are a lot of them, it’s easy to get confused.
If you’ve never felt 4, you might well be asexual. This doesn’t mean you’re repulsed by sex, or have never had it - those are categories of asexuality, but they’re not part of the core definition.
If you’ve felt 4, but only after knowing someone for a long time and forming a close emotional bond, you might well be demisexual.
If you’ve never felt 2, you might well be aromantic. Honestly, I’m not aromantic, so I have no idea what that’s like, but there are plenty of communities and creators who could inform you if that’s something that rings true for you.
This is the question that helped me figure out that I was asexual: say you’re with a significant other, and you start feeling physically aroused. What do you do? My answer was “hide it, it’s embarrassing and I
I recently replied to a post on r/NoStupidQuestions about what “hot” means, from someone who seemed to be grappling with whether or not they were ace. It turned into a bit of an essay, and some people in the replies told me I should post it here.
So I’ve copied the text, removed a few bits that were specific to the discussion at hand, and here it is. (Disclaimer: this is just my understanding. Asexuality is obviously an incredibly broad spectrum, so if there are things I’m missing, I’d love to be educated and informed.)
As an asexual person myself, I’ve had a lot of practice explaining these to people, so I’ll give it my best shot here. These are the four main types of attraction.
1)Aesthetic attraction. “I like looking at you”. This doesn’t just apply to people. You can feel aesthetic attraction to a painting, a well-designed house, a sunset, a cake, anything. Aesthetic attraction is when looking at something (or someone) gives you a nice, pleasant feeling, and you want to look at it (or them) more.
2)Romantic attraction. “I want to be personally intimate with you.” You want to make them happy, share parts of your life with them, tell them about your day and ask them about theirs, learn their favourite song or flower or ice cream flavour so you can get them meaningful gifts, know their deep secrets and share yours with them. Romantic attraction is when you want to be emotionally close to someone in a way that goes beyond friendship.
3)Sensual attraction. “I want to be physically intimate with you.” This doesn’t cover sex - we’ll get to that - but it does cover things like hand-holding, kissing, cuddling, having your arm around someone (or vice versa), sharing a bed, basically any physical closeness or affection that doesn’t involve genitals. Sensual attraction is when you want to feel someone’s body on yours, and express your affection for them in a physical way.
Sensual attraction is the murkiest of the four, and the one most often left out, as some see it as just an intersection of romantic and sexual attraction. It’s not though. It’s its own thing.
4)Sexual attraction. “I’d like to engage in erotic acts with you”. (This one is probably the hardest for me to define, as it’s the one I do not and have never felt, but I’ll try.) This goes beyond arousal, which is a mechanical physical response that has very little to do with your feelings of attraction, causatively speaking. It’s the lustful urge of wanting to see someone naked, or wanting to feel their genitals, or wanting them to feel yours. I’m told it can manifest as a sort of itch, or a feeling like hunger. Sexual attraction is the physical desire for something that goes beyond sensuality.
Think about these four types of attraction. How many have you felt? Do you feel some for certain people, and others for other people?
If you see someone in the street and think “wow, they’re attractive”, what does that mean you want?
• To look at them?
• To get to know them on a deep, personal level? - To kiss them and have their body close to yours?
• To have sex with them?
• Or some combination of the above?
Asexuality is a wide spectrum. It may be worth looking up more specific labels, but be warned, there are a lot of them, it’s easy to get confused.
If you’ve never felt 4, you might well be asexual. This doesn’t mean you’re repulsed by sex, or have never had it - those are categories of asexuality, but they’re not part of the core definition.
If you’ve felt 4, but only after knowing someone for a long time and forming a close emotional bond, you might well be demisexual.
If you’ve never felt 2, you might well be aromantic. Honestly, I’m not aromantic, so I have no idea what that’s like, but there are plenty of communities and creators who could inform you if that’s something that rings true for you.
This is the question that helped me figure out that I was asexual: say you’re with a significant other, and you start feeling physically aroused. What do you do? My answer was “hide it, it’s embarrassing and I
don’t want her thinking I’m some rabid horndog who only has sex on the brain.”
According to the friend who asked me, that’s a very unusual response, and most people would want to share that feeling with their partner, and maybe see if the partner felt the same way. I don’t know if there’s any real basis to that, but it really helped me clarify how I felt about sex and sexuality, and why I felt that way.
Think about your answer to that, and the other questions I’ve asked, in relation to the four types of attraction. Hopefully that can shed some light, and help you figure out who you are and who you want to be. Whatever you settle on, you’ll always have plenty of support, I guarantee that. Much love.
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According to the friend who asked me, that’s a very unusual response, and most people would want to share that feeling with their partner, and maybe see if the partner felt the same way. I don’t know if there’s any real basis to that, but it really helped me clarify how I felt about sex and sexuality, and why I felt that way.
Think about your answer to that, and the other questions I’ve asked, in relation to the four types of attraction. Hopefully that can shed some light, and help you figure out who you are and who you want to be. Whatever you settle on, you’ll always have plenty of support, I guarantee that. Much love.
https://redd.it/1p4posc
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Pridesaur Aro-opter-Ace art done by me, god I love puns...if anyone else has some other cool suggestions for Aroace dinos please feel free to let me know :D
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From the Asexual community on Reddit: Pridesaur Aro-opter-Ace art done by me, god I love puns...if anyone else has some other cool…
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I'm sex-positive, but want it kept away from me.
I'm in kind of a weird position. I don't believe that sex should be a shameful and dirty thing, and I believe in free sexual expression for all, but I'd prefer if that free sexual expression happened away from me. For example, I have no problem with sex toys being sold in Target, but I don't really want to see people buying them.This just feels like an odd in-between position to have. I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm not fully okay with sexuality either.
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I'm in kind of a weird position. I don't believe that sex should be a shameful and dirty thing, and I believe in free sexual expression for all, but I'd prefer if that free sexual expression happened away from me. For example, I have no problem with sex toys being sold in Target, but I don't really want to see people buying them.This just feels like an odd in-between position to have. I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm not fully okay with sexuality either.
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Attraction to unobtainable people like celebs
Hey, all! I've been pondering for a long while now whether I might be aro, and I think I am but wanted some other insights.
I've dated several people, and I was even engaged at one point, but my interest seems to be more in physical and sexual contact than anything romantic. Reading a lot of people's descriptions of what romantic attraction feels like, I don't think I've ever experienced anything like that.
I do experience what one might call crushes, but it's pretty much exclusively to people that are unobtainable like celebrities, people who live halfway around the world, fictional characters, and so on. The second one of those people seems like they might be able to come to me and actually meet up/go on a date, my interest evaporates like magic.
A small part (tiny, tiny part) of me wants to have a lifelong relationship, but I genuinely love being on my own. As I'm writing this, I'm realizing that I've never truly been happy in a relationship either.
Does this sound like I might be aromantic, or might I fall into another category? Any help and advice would be appreciated!
https://redd.it/1p4y8ri
@asexualityonreddit
Hey, all! I've been pondering for a long while now whether I might be aro, and I think I am but wanted some other insights.
I've dated several people, and I was even engaged at one point, but my interest seems to be more in physical and sexual contact than anything romantic. Reading a lot of people's descriptions of what romantic attraction feels like, I don't think I've ever experienced anything like that.
I do experience what one might call crushes, but it's pretty much exclusively to people that are unobtainable like celebrities, people who live halfway around the world, fictional characters, and so on. The second one of those people seems like they might be able to come to me and actually meet up/go on a date, my interest evaporates like magic.
A small part (tiny, tiny part) of me wants to have a lifelong relationship, but I genuinely love being on my own. As I'm writing this, I'm realizing that I've never truly been happy in a relationship either.
Does this sound like I might be aromantic, or might I fall into another category? Any help and advice would be appreciated!
https://redd.it/1p4y8ri
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not asexual but i dont like sex
hello everybody.
I am neither asexual nor aromantic, and yes I have found myself to be attracted to people and have sexual thoughts. But the thing is... I don't like it at all.
I don't have a problem with people being sexual, not being virgins blabla, nothing shameful, but I just can't see myself doing stuff like that. It feels so unserious and just so human, can't rlly explain it.
So it's like... I'm not asexual but I wish I was. Not saying life would be easier, not saying I would always like it, but it definitely suits my own values and the philosophy I follow. I want to voluntarily stay a virgin my whole life, without being intimate with anybody. I could be and probably want to be, but it's a limit that I like having for myself, if it makes sense...? I don't 100% get it myself but I'm very loyal to it. (not religious)
I was just wondering if anybody else feels like this, rejecting sex and physical intimacy altogether, and probably even romantic love, even though I feel the want to do all of that, but I think it's just my human body making me desire such things, yet my mind says other things.
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hello everybody.
I am neither asexual nor aromantic, and yes I have found myself to be attracted to people and have sexual thoughts. But the thing is... I don't like it at all.
I don't have a problem with people being sexual, not being virgins blabla, nothing shameful, but I just can't see myself doing stuff like that. It feels so unserious and just so human, can't rlly explain it.
So it's like... I'm not asexual but I wish I was. Not saying life would be easier, not saying I would always like it, but it definitely suits my own values and the philosophy I follow. I want to voluntarily stay a virgin my whole life, without being intimate with anybody. I could be and probably want to be, but it's a limit that I like having for myself, if it makes sense...? I don't 100% get it myself but I'm very loyal to it. (not religious)
I was just wondering if anybody else feels like this, rejecting sex and physical intimacy altogether, and probably even romantic love, even though I feel the want to do all of that, but I think it's just my human body making me desire such things, yet my mind says other things.
https://redd.it/1p4xmnv
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