My partner doesn’t want intimacy “ace mode”
Throwaway account as my partner knows my main and I don’t wanna make them feel uncomfortable.
My partner is trans masc and non binary, this is my first relationship with someone who’s trans and NB as well as my first relationship I feel genuinely safe and comfortable in, I’m doing my damn hardest to learn about it and support them.
Typically our lives are electric, good times had in the bedroom and endless cuddles/kisses, but lately things have been kinda quiet the last few weeks on that front, not a problem - while I have a high drive and can easily out run my partner on the sexual side of things I’m fine sorting myself out. But i have questioned it as it’s not like them to not initiate cuddles.
They told me cuddles are making them feel weird at the moment, like it’s super intimate and it’s sending uncomfortable feelings down their spine, same with sex mentally they want to but physically they’re just not feeling it. They called it their “ace mode” to them cuddles is an aftercare thing. (Even tho we cuddle outside of sex anyway especially before sleeping)
They’ve assured me it’s not me, that mentally they want me and want to pleasure me but their body gets the ick at the idea of performing those actions? They’ve also assured me it’s temporary
I’m not sure how to feel about it, I get it, I think but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t triggering abandonment issues of mine as well as other things.
I’d appreciate someone else’s thoughts on this/ just an ear so I can vent
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Throwaway account as my partner knows my main and I don’t wanna make them feel uncomfortable.
My partner is trans masc and non binary, this is my first relationship with someone who’s trans and NB as well as my first relationship I feel genuinely safe and comfortable in, I’m doing my damn hardest to learn about it and support them.
Typically our lives are electric, good times had in the bedroom and endless cuddles/kisses, but lately things have been kinda quiet the last few weeks on that front, not a problem - while I have a high drive and can easily out run my partner on the sexual side of things I’m fine sorting myself out. But i have questioned it as it’s not like them to not initiate cuddles.
They told me cuddles are making them feel weird at the moment, like it’s super intimate and it’s sending uncomfortable feelings down their spine, same with sex mentally they want to but physically they’re just not feeling it. They called it their “ace mode” to them cuddles is an aftercare thing. (Even tho we cuddle outside of sex anyway especially before sleeping)
They’ve assured me it’s not me, that mentally they want me and want to pleasure me but their body gets the ick at the idea of performing those actions? They’ve also assured me it’s temporary
I’m not sure how to feel about it, I get it, I think but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t triggering abandonment issues of mine as well as other things.
I’d appreciate someone else’s thoughts on this/ just an ear so I can vent
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First time “feeling” like this.
Hello all,
I’m hoping this is okay (first time poster). I didn’t feel comfortable posting this on my main Reddit account so I made this one to log into when needed.
Anyway, I’m not sure how to process what I’m feeling. I’ve been friends with a woman I’ll refer to as “H” for her. We have been friends for many years now. I know I am asexual. I won’t share “H”s sexuality, as that feels disrespectful to share information that she obviously cannot consent to me sharing. I will share thought that we are both females and near the same age as each other.
I’m unsure of what I’m feeling towards her though. Being asexual I’ve never felt genuine romantic or sexual attraction towards someone to know what it feels like. I’m not sure I’m smart enough for the “you just know” recognition, like I’m sure everyone has heard said before. What i have noticed these last few months is that I just always want to be with her. I maintain the same level of stress and anxiety whether I’m with her or not, but when I am around her life feels much easier to mentally cope with. When I’m not around her though I am constantly worried about her. I’m not worried about my place in her life or how she feels about me. I just worry about if she’s doing okay, if she’s safe, if she’s taking care of herself, etc.. I think I have this longing feeling for some kind of contact with her that I never have with others, but not in a NSFW way. Sometimes I think I just want to hold her or be held by her, maybe some light tickles like on our backs or arms, a kiss on the cheek or forehead at the most. Prior to these random feelings, I’ve never liked the idea of participating in any kind of “relationship” activities of the sorts.
It’s unlikely that I would ever confess these feelings to her. I can imagine how uncomfortable I would be if a friend confessed that they might have feelings for me that go beyond a normal friendship. I also would not want to cut contact either because she is my best friend. I’m afraid though. I’m afraid that one day I’ll ruin the best friendship I’ve ever had for feelings I don’t even understand. I’m also afraid that I feel like I suddenly don’t know myself. It took so long to understand and accept the fact that I was asexual. Being that different felt broken, but then it became a new type of comfort and felt like a bunch of weight was off my shoulders. I also feel like I’m too old to be having these school girl type crushes. It feels silly but normal and scary all at once.
Have others gone through a similar situation? For those who didn’t pursue further, was it easy to let those feelings fizzle out? Did you find out more about yourself?
Even if no one has any advice, it was nice to get this off my chest. Thanks in advance to whoever takes the time to read this.
https://redd.it/1p1sxrh
@asexualityonreddit
Hello all,
I’m hoping this is okay (first time poster). I didn’t feel comfortable posting this on my main Reddit account so I made this one to log into when needed.
Anyway, I’m not sure how to process what I’m feeling. I’ve been friends with a woman I’ll refer to as “H” for her. We have been friends for many years now. I know I am asexual. I won’t share “H”s sexuality, as that feels disrespectful to share information that she obviously cannot consent to me sharing. I will share thought that we are both females and near the same age as each other.
I’m unsure of what I’m feeling towards her though. Being asexual I’ve never felt genuine romantic or sexual attraction towards someone to know what it feels like. I’m not sure I’m smart enough for the “you just know” recognition, like I’m sure everyone has heard said before. What i have noticed these last few months is that I just always want to be with her. I maintain the same level of stress and anxiety whether I’m with her or not, but when I am around her life feels much easier to mentally cope with. When I’m not around her though I am constantly worried about her. I’m not worried about my place in her life or how she feels about me. I just worry about if she’s doing okay, if she’s safe, if she’s taking care of herself, etc.. I think I have this longing feeling for some kind of contact with her that I never have with others, but not in a NSFW way. Sometimes I think I just want to hold her or be held by her, maybe some light tickles like on our backs or arms, a kiss on the cheek or forehead at the most. Prior to these random feelings, I’ve never liked the idea of participating in any kind of “relationship” activities of the sorts.
It’s unlikely that I would ever confess these feelings to her. I can imagine how uncomfortable I would be if a friend confessed that they might have feelings for me that go beyond a normal friendship. I also would not want to cut contact either because she is my best friend. I’m afraid though. I’m afraid that one day I’ll ruin the best friendship I’ve ever had for feelings I don’t even understand. I’m also afraid that I feel like I suddenly don’t know myself. It took so long to understand and accept the fact that I was asexual. Being that different felt broken, but then it became a new type of comfort and felt like a bunch of weight was off my shoulders. I also feel like I’m too old to be having these school girl type crushes. It feels silly but normal and scary all at once.
Have others gone through a similar situation? For those who didn’t pursue further, was it easy to let those feelings fizzle out? Did you find out more about yourself?
Even if no one has any advice, it was nice to get this off my chest. Thanks in advance to whoever takes the time to read this.
https://redd.it/1p1sxrh
@asexualityonreddit
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I love the asexual community
I love you guys. You make me feel okay. I get so excited when I find out someone is also asexual. I feel like theres an understanding that I can have with you guys that I can’t with allos… that’s nothing against allos, I just think that I feel a camaraderie with a fellow ace in a certain way. And that feeling is something that really brings me joy. Thank you all.
Sorry if this is weird.. Im feeling heartfelt
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@asexualityonreddit
I love you guys. You make me feel okay. I get so excited when I find out someone is also asexual. I feel like theres an understanding that I can have with you guys that I can’t with allos… that’s nothing against allos, I just think that I feel a camaraderie with a fellow ace in a certain way. And that feeling is something that really brings me joy. Thank you all.
Sorry if this is weird.. Im feeling heartfelt
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What's the closest, most intimate term you're willing to call someone without leaning towards the "twin flame" or "soulmate" category?
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How do you feel about the daily “is my partner ace?” posts?
Interested in what other people’s take on this is. It’s not one or two posts, it’s all the time!
I think people ask with the best intentions, but it comes from a place of entitlement and allo privilege. I don’t think we need to hear how miserable a fellow ace is making their partner by not putting out. Our community really lacks in pride, and stuff like this just contributes to that. Also hate that there are asexuals who feel they have to partake in sexual activity just to keep their partner happy. I have so much love and empathy for our community, this should be a safe space. Kinda feels like a bit of an invasion.
What’s your take?
https://redd.it/1p23lyj
@asexualityonreddit
Interested in what other people’s take on this is. It’s not one or two posts, it’s all the time!
I think people ask with the best intentions, but it comes from a place of entitlement and allo privilege. I don’t think we need to hear how miserable a fellow ace is making their partner by not putting out. Our community really lacks in pride, and stuff like this just contributes to that. Also hate that there are asexuals who feel they have to partake in sexual activity just to keep their partner happy. I have so much love and empathy for our community, this should be a safe space. Kinda feels like a bit of an invasion.
What’s your take?
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Guess what I found! A perfect recipe for garlic bread
https://youtu.be/I0YD30ZUjnI?si=j22ZUza5sSMhyNZg
https://redd.it/1p21tlm
@asexualityonreddit
https://youtu.be/I0YD30ZUjnI?si=j22ZUza5sSMhyNZg
https://redd.it/1p21tlm
@asexualityonreddit
YouTube
This Cheesy Garlic Bread MELTS in Your Mouth! You’ll Never Go Back!
Garlic bread, garlic bread roll , Cheesy garlic bread recipe,This Cheesy Garlic Bread is crispy on the outside, soft and fluffy inside, and packed with rich garlic butter and melted cheese. The golden crust gives a perfect crunch, while the layers stay light…
There are allosauruses, but where are asauruses? This is ace erasure!
https://redd.it/1p28em9
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/1p28em9
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Finding safer community
Maybe it's just me but as non-materialistic queer/ asexual neurodivergent person I constantly feel like I'm attracting same type of people who "get off" on trying to see me poor or mentally vulnerable to
"break me"
Since I essentially don't want all the things a normal person should want, sometimes I feel off-put by the peer pressure to do things. Any tips on how to handle these misaligned situations??
https://redd.it/1p2511n
@asexualityonreddit
Maybe it's just me but as non-materialistic queer/ asexual neurodivergent person I constantly feel like I'm attracting same type of people who "get off" on trying to see me poor or mentally vulnerable to
"break me"
Since I essentially don't want all the things a normal person should want, sometimes I feel off-put by the peer pressure to do things. Any tips on how to handle these misaligned situations??
https://redd.it/1p2511n
@asexualityonreddit
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I am doing great today! ( sexuality OCD vent sorry if it is a long post)
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What asexual dating platforms are out there?
Just curious if there's anything else besides acespace
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@asexualityonreddit
Just curious if there's anything else besides acespace
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Is asexuality part of the queer community?
So I (23f) am bisexual and definitely on the asexuality spectrum, and think of myself as queer. The issue is that I don’t want to say that I am if being asexual is not included in the queer terminology. Anyway idk if that made sense lol and any advice would be greatly appreciated!
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So I (23f) am bisexual and definitely on the asexuality spectrum, and think of myself as queer. The issue is that I don’t want to say that I am if being asexual is not included in the queer terminology. Anyway idk if that made sense lol and any advice would be greatly appreciated!
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Confused if I am ace or not
Hi, I(25F) am trying to understand where I fall on the sexual orientation spectrum, and I’m confused about whether I might be asexual or trauma-averse to sex. I’ve never felt sexual attraction to anyone, even though I can recognize when someone is attractive like seeing a painting, I mean I get the techniques and strokes but I don't want to disrupt with the painting. I’ve only felt romantic attraction toward men. I enjoy the idea of cuddling, hand-holding, cheek kisses, and emotional closeness, but sexual activity, being naked with someone, or even lip-kissing makes me uncomfortable or nauseous. I have libido during ovulation, but it feels purely physical like being hungry or thirsty. Also, I have a history of sexual abuse (a female relative in childhood for 7 years and assault by a guy when I was 23), so I’m trying to untangle that too. When I told my close friend I might be ace, she said not to label myself because “sexual attraction will come naturally in a serious relationship,” which only confused me more. I want companionship and a long-term partner, but I don’t know where I fit or how to label this. And I feel like getting into a relationship just to see if I am ace or not seems highly unfair to my future partner.
I cannot stop thinking about this and I am highly confused. I live in a pretty conservative place so talking about this openly isn't a viable option. This is kind of gnawing me from inside out so some feedback or advice would be highly appreciated, please.
https://redd.it/1p2vqhi
@asexualityonreddit
Hi, I(25F) am trying to understand where I fall on the sexual orientation spectrum, and I’m confused about whether I might be asexual or trauma-averse to sex. I’ve never felt sexual attraction to anyone, even though I can recognize when someone is attractive like seeing a painting, I mean I get the techniques and strokes but I don't want to disrupt with the painting. I’ve only felt romantic attraction toward men. I enjoy the idea of cuddling, hand-holding, cheek kisses, and emotional closeness, but sexual activity, being naked with someone, or even lip-kissing makes me uncomfortable or nauseous. I have libido during ovulation, but it feels purely physical like being hungry or thirsty. Also, I have a history of sexual abuse (a female relative in childhood for 7 years and assault by a guy when I was 23), so I’m trying to untangle that too. When I told my close friend I might be ace, she said not to label myself because “sexual attraction will come naturally in a serious relationship,” which only confused me more. I want companionship and a long-term partner, but I don’t know where I fit or how to label this. And I feel like getting into a relationship just to see if I am ace or not seems highly unfair to my future partner.
I cannot stop thinking about this and I am highly confused. I live in a pretty conservative place so talking about this openly isn't a viable option. This is kind of gnawing me from inside out so some feedback or advice would be highly appreciated, please.
https://redd.it/1p2vqhi
@asexualityonreddit
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'Asexuality isn’t about a lack of intimacy, it’s about redefining it'
https://www.gaytimes.com/community/asexuality-isnt-about-a-lack-of-intimacy-its-about-redefining-it/
https://redd.it/1p2ty0p
@asexualityonreddit
https://www.gaytimes.com/community/asexuality-isnt-about-a-lack-of-intimacy-its-about-redefining-it/
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GAY TIMES
‘Asexuality isn’t about a lack of intimacy, it’s about redefining it’
Just Like Us ambassador Sarah Sharp explains why Ace Week is the perfect time to reimagine intimacy beyond romance and sex.