Feeling alienated & alone as a sex-repulsed ace
As a sex-repulsed ace, I feel alienated from every single space, and it really hurts. I feel genuine despair over this. I feel like I have nowhere to go to feel safe and supported. I feel like my identity is constantly the butt of every joke, and I just don’t know what to do anymore. We don’t even have a flair on this subreddit.
I can’t even tell you how many times in the past month I’ve cried over how much I feel like an alien, only to come onto ace subreddits for some semblance of reprieve and see someone talking poorly about sex-repulsed aces and getting upvoted for it. I just feel so alone, and I’m so tired. And I wake up every day feeling like I wasn’t made correctly for this world.
https://redd.it/1ojrmag
@asexualityonreddit
As a sex-repulsed ace, I feel alienated from every single space, and it really hurts. I feel genuine despair over this. I feel like I have nowhere to go to feel safe and supported. I feel like my identity is constantly the butt of every joke, and I just don’t know what to do anymore. We don’t even have a flair on this subreddit.
I can’t even tell you how many times in the past month I’ve cried over how much I feel like an alien, only to come onto ace subreddits for some semblance of reprieve and see someone talking poorly about sex-repulsed aces and getting upvoted for it. I just feel so alone, and I’m so tired. And I wake up every day feeling like I wasn’t made correctly for this world.
https://redd.it/1ojrmag
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the asexuality community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the asexuality community
Do you guys feel the ‘regular’ feelings of ‘love’?
So I’m ace, that’s for sure, but I’ve been wondering if I’m aromantic as well. I was wondering if other aces felt the usual descriptions of love ie heart quickening, butterflies, heart swelling etc or if my lack of these feelings towards anyone is a sign I’m aromantic
My therapist mentioned those are often descriptors of lust and if I’m ace I biologically might not feel those things (just a theory, he isn’t like pushing it onto me or anything. Just a note because I know a lot of people look disapprovingly on therapists and their knowledge of asexuality as a whole)
This kinda makes sense to me but I wanna know what other people have experienced!!
Thank you :)
https://redd.it/1ojtro0
@asexualityonreddit
So I’m ace, that’s for sure, but I’ve been wondering if I’m aromantic as well. I was wondering if other aces felt the usual descriptions of love ie heart quickening, butterflies, heart swelling etc or if my lack of these feelings towards anyone is a sign I’m aromantic
My therapist mentioned those are often descriptors of lust and if I’m ace I biologically might not feel those things (just a theory, he isn’t like pushing it onto me or anything. Just a note because I know a lot of people look disapprovingly on therapists and their knowledge of asexuality as a whole)
This kinda makes sense to me but I wanna know what other people have experienced!!
Thank you :)
https://redd.it/1ojtro0
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the Asexual community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the Asexual community
Am I still Ace
From a young age I have been extremely sex-neutral, didn't really enjoy seeing random ppl naked, like in porn, or like of my friends took their shirts off or something when everyone else was okay with it, surely didn't think about sex.
I just became conscious that I'm ace, probably demi, in the past two years or so, I had an inkling in HS but still did things I was uncomfortable with bc I thought that's what normal ppl did and I didnt have the knowledge of what asexuality was. All I was told was by my grandmother "asexuals can't exist and if they do there's something wrong with them bc everyone wants to have sex" (I'm p sure her and my aunt are ace but ok grandma).
Then I realized as an adult that I can enjoy sex but like not in the same way others do. I enjoy it for a closeness with a person and that's literally about it otherwise it kinda feels like a chore, like I do not wanna be doing it every day. Well in the midst of me discovering this I was seeing a guy for 5 years and he was, to put shortly and bluntly a sex addict. So now I literally don't want to do it ever at all and don't even think I'm really ace and think I'm just traumatized, but also I've always been indifferent to it, I never think about it.
Idk if I'm looking for validation or to see if like this is still me being ace, like, idk, like I think I'm still ace but everytime I say that there's a part of me that feels like I'm lying? Does that make sense?
To clarify when I say I don't think I'm ace I'm just traumatized that's what my inner thoughts are constantly saying
https://redd.it/1ojzbd1
@asexualityonreddit
From a young age I have been extremely sex-neutral, didn't really enjoy seeing random ppl naked, like in porn, or like of my friends took their shirts off or something when everyone else was okay with it, surely didn't think about sex.
I just became conscious that I'm ace, probably demi, in the past two years or so, I had an inkling in HS but still did things I was uncomfortable with bc I thought that's what normal ppl did and I didnt have the knowledge of what asexuality was. All I was told was by my grandmother "asexuals can't exist and if they do there's something wrong with them bc everyone wants to have sex" (I'm p sure her and my aunt are ace but ok grandma).
Then I realized as an adult that I can enjoy sex but like not in the same way others do. I enjoy it for a closeness with a person and that's literally about it otherwise it kinda feels like a chore, like I do not wanna be doing it every day. Well in the midst of me discovering this I was seeing a guy for 5 years and he was, to put shortly and bluntly a sex addict. So now I literally don't want to do it ever at all and don't even think I'm really ace and think I'm just traumatized, but also I've always been indifferent to it, I never think about it.
Idk if I'm looking for validation or to see if like this is still me being ace, like, idk, like I think I'm still ace but everytime I say that there's a part of me that feels like I'm lying? Does that make sense?
To clarify when I say I don't think I'm ace I'm just traumatized that's what my inner thoughts are constantly saying
https://redd.it/1ojzbd1
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the Asexual community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the Asexual community
Looking for support or perhaps some advice in my journey of understanding myself.
*I hope I've used the flairs correctly. I don't really post on Reddit much. I'm unsure if this needs to be tagged as NSFW or not? I've tried not to be too explicit, but please let me know if I should add the NSFW tag.*
For quite some time now, I have been questioning my sexual identity.
I am still incredibly confused, if I'm being completely honest.
I got sober 2 years ago, and since then, my sexual desire has dwindled to barely negligible.
Before then, almost all of my sexual encounters were had when I was under the influence. The only ones that weren't, were with my partners. But in that entire time, I have only had 3 partners. All of my other encounters were with hook ups, both regular and irregular, and I wasn't sober for any of the hook ups.
1 partner was 9 years ago, and the other 2 are my current partners. (I'm poly).
I don't know if this is relevant, but I also am autistic and ADHD.
I have been trying to learn more about asexuality and demisexuality, to see if I perhaps fit into one of these labels?
Here is what I've deduced about myself:
* I still find people sexually attractive, but that doesn't mean I want to have sex with them. I still find all gender identities attractive, that hasn't changed.
* I love my partners, and I find them sexually attractive and I want to have sex with them, but I don't feel *desire* like I did when I wasn't sober.
* I do know that when we engage in sexual activity, I do enjoy it, and I do get turned on, but it is really hard for me to feel the desire to actually engage in sexual activity? As a result, it has been approximately a year now since I've had sex with either of my partners.
* I think that I want the intimacy that comes with sex more than the actual act of sex itself?
* I don't like mess. I don't like it having to turn into this big production to prevent mess from affecting my ability to sleep in my bed.
* I have an aversion to self-pleasure. It is hard to feel the sexual desire enough to engage in it, and then I have to go through with this whole production because I don't like mess, and then it feels like it takes far too long and is so hard for me to keep myself engaged long enough to actually reach any sort of completion, and it's just…every time I consider it, it feels exhausting and not worth it.
* I like kissing. I like intimacy. But even if I am kissing, it doesn't necessarily mean that this overwhelming sexual desire will appear. I say overwhelming, because that is what it used to be like when I wasn't sober. It would completely take over my thoughts and my body until I was thoroughly satisfied. (And if I was with a partner, that would be amended to until we were both satisfied.)
* The only sexual desire I really feel these days is every few months when I have a sex dream and my body forces me to semi do something about it, but I just do the bare minimum so it will stop, because my body might be active, but my mind isn't.
* I think the closest I am regarding sex from what I have researched on asexuality, is that I'm sex-neutral? I think that can change if given the right circumstances, but the desire to achieve those set of circumstances is fairly low, due to the indifference I feel?
* I do miss the intimacy, but I don't know if I miss the sex.
* I do have some shame regarding sexual activity as well, however that one is specifically due to bodily functions that I am working on getting sorted out. It has only ever bothered me, not my partners.
PLEASE NOTE: I have not discussed this with either of my partners yet, I don't feel ready to even speak it out loud. I do plan to talk to them both about it, but I guess I just want to feel a bit more ready to speak aloud about it.
I know asexuality and demisexuality are both a spectrum. I also know that I used those old vices of mine to mask and to allow me to truly believe I was a certain way (Such as: That I was a social butterfly, that I loved to party, that I loved being slutty and having a high sex drive).
I
*I hope I've used the flairs correctly. I don't really post on Reddit much. I'm unsure if this needs to be tagged as NSFW or not? I've tried not to be too explicit, but please let me know if I should add the NSFW tag.*
For quite some time now, I have been questioning my sexual identity.
I am still incredibly confused, if I'm being completely honest.
I got sober 2 years ago, and since then, my sexual desire has dwindled to barely negligible.
Before then, almost all of my sexual encounters were had when I was under the influence. The only ones that weren't, were with my partners. But in that entire time, I have only had 3 partners. All of my other encounters were with hook ups, both regular and irregular, and I wasn't sober for any of the hook ups.
1 partner was 9 years ago, and the other 2 are my current partners. (I'm poly).
I don't know if this is relevant, but I also am autistic and ADHD.
I have been trying to learn more about asexuality and demisexuality, to see if I perhaps fit into one of these labels?
Here is what I've deduced about myself:
* I still find people sexually attractive, but that doesn't mean I want to have sex with them. I still find all gender identities attractive, that hasn't changed.
* I love my partners, and I find them sexually attractive and I want to have sex with them, but I don't feel *desire* like I did when I wasn't sober.
* I do know that when we engage in sexual activity, I do enjoy it, and I do get turned on, but it is really hard for me to feel the desire to actually engage in sexual activity? As a result, it has been approximately a year now since I've had sex with either of my partners.
* I think that I want the intimacy that comes with sex more than the actual act of sex itself?
* I don't like mess. I don't like it having to turn into this big production to prevent mess from affecting my ability to sleep in my bed.
* I have an aversion to self-pleasure. It is hard to feel the sexual desire enough to engage in it, and then I have to go through with this whole production because I don't like mess, and then it feels like it takes far too long and is so hard for me to keep myself engaged long enough to actually reach any sort of completion, and it's just…every time I consider it, it feels exhausting and not worth it.
* I like kissing. I like intimacy. But even if I am kissing, it doesn't necessarily mean that this overwhelming sexual desire will appear. I say overwhelming, because that is what it used to be like when I wasn't sober. It would completely take over my thoughts and my body until I was thoroughly satisfied. (And if I was with a partner, that would be amended to until we were both satisfied.)
* The only sexual desire I really feel these days is every few months when I have a sex dream and my body forces me to semi do something about it, but I just do the bare minimum so it will stop, because my body might be active, but my mind isn't.
* I think the closest I am regarding sex from what I have researched on asexuality, is that I'm sex-neutral? I think that can change if given the right circumstances, but the desire to achieve those set of circumstances is fairly low, due to the indifference I feel?
* I do miss the intimacy, but I don't know if I miss the sex.
* I do have some shame regarding sexual activity as well, however that one is specifically due to bodily functions that I am working on getting sorted out. It has only ever bothered me, not my partners.
PLEASE NOTE: I have not discussed this with either of my partners yet, I don't feel ready to even speak it out loud. I do plan to talk to them both about it, but I guess I just want to feel a bit more ready to speak aloud about it.
I know asexuality and demisexuality are both a spectrum. I also know that I used those old vices of mine to mask and to allow me to truly believe I was a certain way (Such as: That I was a social butterfly, that I loved to party, that I loved being slutty and having a high sex drive).
I
guess I am posting here to see if people might have any advice, suggestions, or thoughts on where I might fit in? If someone might be able to help me ease some of my own internal confusion and help me understand where I might fit in all of this. This is something I feel very vulnerable about discussing and I'm afraid people won't be kind, or will judge. But I'm hoping people here will be kind.
Ultimately I know that not all people fit the labels, and at the end of the day I am just looking for some understanding on my identity and where I could fit in. See that other people have experienced something similar, and perhaps help me feel less alone.
Thank you for taking the time to read my somewhat rambling post, it is very much appreciated.
https://redd.it/1ok71mp
@asexualityonreddit
Ultimately I know that not all people fit the labels, and at the end of the day I am just looking for some understanding on my identity and where I could fit in. See that other people have experienced something similar, and perhaps help me feel less alone.
Thank you for taking the time to read my somewhat rambling post, it is very much appreciated.
https://redd.it/1ok71mp
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the Asexual community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the Asexual community
Am I Ace
Hey, so I (29nb) have been going through a lot of changes recently and one thing I noticed through therapy is that I don't experience sexual attraction for almost anyone. I thought it was how everyone was. I know when someone is attractive and when someone is aesthetically pleasing but nothing really more than that.
I've had sex in the past and a long term partner where I enjoyed sex but it was strange for them that I felt nothing during the build up, detached during sex and viewed it as a fun past time" then I was back to normal.
Therapy has helped a lot and I've another session in a 2 weeks but this has been a hard one to unpack. I've ordered ace by Angela chen and that's coming in a few days so any advice or support would be greatly appreciated..I don't feel any different but I feel.a but overwhelmed when I look at the ace spectrum.
https://redd.it/1okjdyk
@asexualityonreddit
Hey, so I (29nb) have been going through a lot of changes recently and one thing I noticed through therapy is that I don't experience sexual attraction for almost anyone. I thought it was how everyone was. I know when someone is attractive and when someone is aesthetically pleasing but nothing really more than that.
I've had sex in the past and a long term partner where I enjoyed sex but it was strange for them that I felt nothing during the build up, detached during sex and viewed it as a fun past time" then I was back to normal.
Therapy has helped a lot and I've another session in a 2 weeks but this has been a hard one to unpack. I've ordered ace by Angela chen and that's coming in a few days so any advice or support would be greatly appreciated..I don't feel any different but I feel.a but overwhelmed when I look at the ace spectrum.
https://redd.it/1okjdyk
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the Asexual community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the Asexual community
Is it normal i never masturbating?
19M. I tried it but feel nothing. I also don't have wet dreams or i just didn't notice them
https://redd.it/1okorcu
@asexualityonreddit
19M. I tried it but feel nothing. I also don't have wet dreams or i just didn't notice them
https://redd.it/1okorcu
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the asexuality community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the asexuality community
When I realise the I can use Asexuality as a valid reason/excuse to not conform to societal expectations
https://redd.it/1okt94r
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/1okt94r
@asexualityonreddit
Oh no, I have to measure a cute girl’s bust and inseam for a cosplay outfit. oh no,what will happen - my nose is bleeding and I’m flustered - oh no
https://redd.it/1okujl7
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/1okujl7
@asexualityonreddit
You belong. You are valued. You are understood.
Sex-averse? Sex-indifferent? Sex-favorable? Questioning? Aroace? Alloromantic and ace? Any identity under our large and beautiful asexual umbrella?
You belong here and always have a space in the rest of the world and in this community. With how topics fluctuate in this sub, it can be hard to always feel and see that belonging, but it doesn't mean it's not there. There is always someone here who can relate to your experiences, even when they don't always speak out for it. You are loved for who you are. You are accepted. You are understood. You belong, even when it feels like the world screams that you don't.
You don't have to come out to the world unless you want to. It's okay to wait until you feel the time is right. Do what you feel is best for you and trust your decision, even if that means staying in the closet or coming out to your conservative parents. Even when it feels like the rest of the world rejects you, we see your beauty and the challenges you face.
You are perfect and lovely as you are now, and will continue to be as you live, change, and grow. We see you.
Your existence is a gift to all of us that brings understanding, kinship, perspective, support, and so much more (even if you tend to lurk like me 😊). You belong here on this earth and in this community. We accept you and every part of yourself that you bring to us. We are proud of you.
https://redd.it/1okvpqm
@asexualityonreddit
Sex-averse? Sex-indifferent? Sex-favorable? Questioning? Aroace? Alloromantic and ace? Any identity under our large and beautiful asexual umbrella?
You belong here and always have a space in the rest of the world and in this community. With how topics fluctuate in this sub, it can be hard to always feel and see that belonging, but it doesn't mean it's not there. There is always someone here who can relate to your experiences, even when they don't always speak out for it. You are loved for who you are. You are accepted. You are understood. You belong, even when it feels like the world screams that you don't.
You don't have to come out to the world unless you want to. It's okay to wait until you feel the time is right. Do what you feel is best for you and trust your decision, even if that means staying in the closet or coming out to your conservative parents. Even when it feels like the rest of the world rejects you, we see your beauty and the challenges you face.
You are perfect and lovely as you are now, and will continue to be as you live, change, and grow. We see you.
Your existence is a gift to all of us that brings understanding, kinship, perspective, support, and so much more (even if you tend to lurk like me 😊). You belong here on this earth and in this community. We accept you and every part of yourself that you bring to us. We are proud of you.
https://redd.it/1okvpqm
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the asexuality community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the asexuality community
Always thought I'm asexual, but
I met this new guy and we went out couple times, did some kissing etc. I find myself thinking of him all the time in a sexual way, I get wet and want him to do stuff with me and I want to do stuff with him. Never had this in my life(30f), always thought im asexual and hate sex. Few times I had sex it was like chore and I hated it.
Does it mean they were right and I just haven't met the right one?!?! Wtf haha help a confused ace( if im even an ace)
https://redd.it/1ol1k2n
@asexualityonreddit
I met this new guy and we went out couple times, did some kissing etc. I find myself thinking of him all the time in a sexual way, I get wet and want him to do stuff with me and I want to do stuff with him. Never had this in my life(30f), always thought im asexual and hate sex. Few times I had sex it was like chore and I hated it.
Does it mean they were right and I just haven't met the right one?!?! Wtf haha help a confused ace( if im even an ace)
https://redd.it/1ol1k2n
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the Asexual community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the Asexual community
It should be a rule that “Am I asexual?” posts should be deleted and the users directed to the pinned post to help them instead
Because it’s the only thing I see on my feed from this community… I don’t see any other posts unless I go to the community page directly
Does anyone else agree? I’m not trying to be mean here but I just want to see something else from the community is all.
https://redd.it/1okz6sl
@asexualityonreddit
Because it’s the only thing I see on my feed from this community… I don’t see any other posts unless I go to the community page directly
Does anyone else agree? I’m not trying to be mean here but I just want to see something else from the community is all.
https://redd.it/1okz6sl
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the asexuality community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the asexuality community
If this is true its definitely the scariest Halloween song.
https://redd.it/1okzxvg
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/1okzxvg
@asexualityonreddit