How do you deal with people who show sexual interest in you

So I’m doing an apprenticeship (I think it’s called in English) and I’m the only female in my class which already sucks. There’s one guy who’s kind of nice and we have similar interests so we talk a lot. A couple of weeks ago we went out for coffee and he tried to kiss me and sought physical contact. He has a couple of kids and is in a long term relationship but as he told me he’s suffering from a dead bedroom.

Anyway just like the last time something like this happened to me, I instantly lost any interest I had. Not only because he’s apparently open to cheat on his partner but I also feel instantly disgusted he sees me in a sexual way. I since dread going to class everyday (we sit next to each other) and I barely want to talk to him anymore.

I do admit I’m not used to stuff like this. Before I entered my 30s no one showed any interest in me and now it’s just people who want to cheat on their partner.

How do you deal with this? Am I too sensitive and just need to push away those negative feelings?

https://redd.it/1oj3oue
@asexualityonreddit

Do you, as fellow asexuals, see the appeal of (super-)models?

Recently, my social media algorithm has decided to display several videos of apparently iconic moments of female models on runways. Always highlighting how special the models are and how amazing they looked. And I just did not see how these people are supposed to me any more aesthetically pleasing than the „normal“ people I see. (If anything, the look like they ought to eat a proper meal before they starve, not something I find attractive. But I digress…)

So I got to wondering if the whole (super-)model thing works better/ mostly for allosexuals? Especially lingerie-centered fashion shows? But not for us, who do not feel sexual attraction towards people based on (only) their looks, no matter how conventionally/ universally attractive they are presented as? Or is this just an aesthetic preference of mine?
But I feel like the supposed heightened beauty of (super-)models is mostly that: supposed. I know people from university and work that I would rank as objectively more beautiful? But is this just me or do you experience something similar? Yes, I perceive some people to be more aesthetically pleasing than others. But some people I have met I would rank aesthetically equal or superior to supermodels? Like, I can not tell you why those models have that special status of being seen as much more beautiful?
Looking forward to your thoughts!

(And yes, I know that the job of modeling ist not only about looks, but also about things like gait and charisma, my question however is specifically about the physical appearance only)

https://redd.it/1oj4mk4
@asexualityonreddit

I figured out our abilities

Attacks: Ace beam
Delustifaction (tell me if you get a better way to spell that-)
Anti-fuck

Ult: nuclear bomb

Proficient in: the blade
+any skill you focus on, we aren’t distracted by hornyness

Immunities: seduction
Sex-appeal

Counter: rejection

Tell me if you think of more :D

https://redd.it/1oj2vnz
@asexualityonreddit

I think I finally found a good description of what it's like to be asexual

My sociology professor assigned us to write about our feelings on sex. I had a feeling that he would have a hard time understanding asexuality (because he's in the older generation) so I opted for an analogy instead of using the proper label.


"Conceptually, I understand why people do it; the physical sensations and chemical reactions that occur during sexual activity make people feel good. It makes sense to me why it’s a popular activity, but I cannot fully comprehend it because I seem to be wired differently. It’s kind of like how a creature without a stomach or tongue would understand the concept of eating. The creature knows that food nourishes and it tastes good, but it cannot fully grasp what that means because it lacks the proper tools to do so."

Anyone else relate to this illustration? I didn't realize how well it put words to my feelings until I wrote it down, so I thought I'd share 🤷‍♂️

https://redd.it/1oj85u7
@asexualityonreddit

Genuinely, what's wrong with guys on reddit 💀

A while ago I vented about my love life in another subreddit, and well obviously, many asexuals have a love life, and even if they've never been in a relationship, they can for heaven's sake still vent about it without wanting online strangers to message them.

Now with the vent thing, I made that post in another subreddit, and unbelievably I got 24 messages the exact day. Most of them just stat with a simple 'hi' and then they straight up get into relationships. Like it's annoying af. Sometimes I've even made clear that I'm an ace, and they still don't stop 😭🙏

It's disgusting. GENUINELY DISGUSTING. I can't handle what older single women must have to handle just for wanting to post something.

I've honestly had terrible experiences with all the guys I've talked to. Neither of them thought twice about what they're saying. Online relationships, specially without knowing anything about the other person, I can't even imagine.

I just want to give advice to anyone who's looking to date on reddit or in general, please don't trust anyone blindly. On apps like reddit, you don't even know sometimes WHAT they look like, relationship are just something else.

Stay Safe! And be proud!!



https://redd.it/1ojawua
@asexualityonreddit

Would it be wrong of me to not tell my wife that I'm asexual?

I've been with my wife for 8 years. I've recently come to the realization that I am, in fact, asexual. Nothing has changed about the way I feel about my wife at all, just the label that I apply to myself internally. I'm just scared that no matter how I explain it to her or how reassuring I try to be, she won't understand and will feel like I'm saying I'm not attracted to her anymore.

I don't want to change anything about our relationship as it is now, so this theoretical declaration wouldn't come with new expectations regarding sex. Would it be wrong of me to just keep the label to myself? I know that if the roles were reversed, I would want her to tell me. I just don't want this to cause a rift in our relationship that I can't heal.

I've read all of the relevant entries on the companion website, but does anyone have any advice for telling (or not telling) their married significant other about their asexuality?

https://redd.it/1ojc9ag
@asexualityonreddit

Asexual women would understand
https://redd.it/1ojfvul
@asexualityonreddit

Are You Aro (Advice)?

**Hi everyone!**



Welcome to our weekly Advice post about Aromanticism! Aromantic people experience little to no romantic attraction.



**Do any of these resonate with you?**

\* You rarely (if ever) experience crushes on others.

\* You find the idea of a romantic relationship unappealing, and prefer strong platonic bonds.

\* You've been in romantic relationships but felt like you were going through the motions.

\* You've researched what crushes are "supposed" to feel like, but can't relate.



These are just a few signs you might be Aromantic. Aromanticism is a spectrum, and every person's experience is unique.



\*\*Have questions about aromanticism or your own identity?\*\* Ask away in the comments below, and we'll and your fellow Aro’s will do the best to help!

* [**More signs that you are Aro**](https://aromanticguide.com/am-i-aro)

* [**Honeymoon Phase**](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-the-honeymoon-phase)

* [**Types of attraction (might be incomplete)**](https://types-of-attraction.carrd.co/)

https://redd.it/1ojgh6e
@asexualityonreddit

Does the feeling of loneliness stay forever

I’ve known I’m asexual for about 2 years now. And since then, I’ve come to peace about it. I’m 15 so naturally I get a lot of “oh you’re not” and “just wait till you grow up.”

I’ve grown up and I still feel the same. Where there’s meant to be attraction, there’s just an emptiness.

Nobody really understands it. They all think I’ll grow out of it. I hate it. I’m so lonely man. Every queer sorta group or friendship group I join has nobody else on my wavelength.

So my question is, for any older aces who may read this, is that does it get better? I just want to be accepted.

https://redd.it/1ojje4n
@asexualityonreddit

Check your fingering

https://redd.it/1ojjl58
@asexualityonreddit

Asexual unless

I’m asexual in that if there is no emotional intimacy and feeling of safeness and non judgement then I cannot enjoy sex. I will literally feel nothing.

https://redd.it/1ojlily
@asexualityonreddit

This saddened me deeply to learn
https://redd.it/1ojkrjx
@asexualityonreddit

A surprising amount of the OPM fandom seem to view Saitama as AroAce
https://redd.it/1ojg2sf
@asexualityonreddit

No Sex; only Art!
https://redd.it/1ojq3p1
@asexualityonreddit

Feeling alienated & alone as a sex-repulsed ace

As a sex-repulsed ace, I feel alienated from every single space, and it really hurts. I feel genuine despair over this. I feel like I have nowhere to go to feel safe and supported. I feel like my identity is constantly the butt of every joke, and I just don’t know what to do anymore. We don’t even have a flair on this subreddit.

I can’t even tell you how many times in the past month I’ve cried over how much I feel like an alien, only to come onto ace subreddits for some semblance of reprieve and see someone talking poorly about sex-repulsed aces and getting upvoted for it. I just feel so alone, and I’m so tired. And I wake up every day feeling like I wasn’t made correctly for this world.

https://redd.it/1ojrmag
@asexualityonreddit

Cupcakke new album
https://redd.it/1ojt3hu
@asexualityonreddit

Do you guys feel the ‘regular’ feelings of ‘love’?


So I’m ace, that’s for sure, but I’ve been wondering if I’m aromantic as well. I was wondering if other aces felt the usual descriptions of love ie heart quickening, butterflies, heart swelling etc or if my lack of these feelings towards anyone is a sign I’m aromantic

My therapist mentioned those are often descriptors of lust and if I’m ace I biologically might not feel those things (just a theory, he isn’t like pushing it onto me or anything. Just a note because I know a lot of people look disapprovingly on therapists and their knowledge of asexuality as a whole)

This kinda makes sense to me but I wanna know what other people have experienced!!

Thank you :)

https://redd.it/1ojtro0
@asexualityonreddit

Am I still Ace

From a young age I have been extremely sex-neutral, didn't really enjoy seeing random ppl naked, like in porn, or like of my friends took their shirts off or something when everyone else was okay with it, surely didn't think about sex.

I just became conscious that I'm ace, probably demi, in the past two years or so, I had an inkling in HS but still did things I was uncomfortable with bc I thought that's what normal ppl did and I didnt have the knowledge of what asexuality was. All I was told was by my grandmother "asexuals can't exist and if they do there's something wrong with them bc everyone wants to have sex" (I'm p sure her and my aunt are ace but ok grandma).

Then I realized as an adult that I can enjoy sex but like not in the same way others do. I enjoy it for a closeness with a person and that's literally about it otherwise it kinda feels like a chore, like I do not wanna be doing it every day. Well in the midst of me discovering this I was seeing a guy for 5 years and he was, to put shortly and bluntly a sex addict. So now I literally don't want to do it ever at all and don't even think I'm really ace and think I'm just traumatized, but also I've always been indifferent to it, I never think about it.

Idk if I'm looking for validation or to see if like this is still me being ace, like, idk, like I think I'm still ace but everytime I say that there's a part of me that feels like I'm lying? Does that make sense?

To clarify when I say I don't think I'm ace I'm just traumatized that's what my inner thoughts are constantly saying

https://redd.it/1ojzbd1
@asexualityonreddit

Looking for support or perhaps some advice in my journey of understanding myself.

*I hope I've used the flairs correctly. I don't really post on Reddit much. I'm unsure if this needs to be tagged as NSFW or not? I've tried not to be too explicit, but please let me know if I should add the NSFW tag.*



For quite some time now, I have been questioning my sexual identity.

I am still incredibly confused, if I'm being completely honest.

I got sober 2 years ago, and since then, my sexual desire has dwindled to barely negligible.

Before then, almost all of my sexual encounters were had when I was under the influence. The only ones that weren't, were with my partners. But in that entire time, I have only had 3 partners. All of my other encounters were with hook ups, both regular and irregular, and I wasn't sober for any of the hook ups.

1 partner was 9 years ago, and the other 2 are my current partners. (I'm poly).

I don't know if this is relevant, but I also am autistic and ADHD.

 

I have been trying to learn more about asexuality and demisexuality, to see if I perhaps fit into one of these labels?

Here is what I've deduced about myself:

 

* I still find people sexually attractive, but that doesn't mean I want to have sex with them. I still find all gender identities attractive, that hasn't changed.
* I love my partners, and I find them sexually attractive and I want to have sex with them, but I don't feel *desire* like I did when I wasn't sober.
* I do know that when we engage in sexual activity, I do enjoy it, and I do get turned on, but it is really hard for me to feel the desire to actually engage in sexual activity? As a result, it has been approximately a year now since I've had sex with either of my partners.
* I think that I want the intimacy that comes with sex more than the actual act of sex itself?
* I don't like mess. I don't like it having to turn into this big production to prevent mess from affecting my ability to sleep in my bed.
* I have an aversion to self-pleasure. It is hard to feel the sexual desire enough to engage in it, and then I have to go through with this whole production because I don't like mess, and then it feels like it takes far too long and is so hard for me to keep myself engaged long enough to actually reach any sort of completion, and it's just…every time I consider it, it feels exhausting and not worth it.
* I like kissing. I like intimacy. But even if I am kissing, it doesn't necessarily mean that this overwhelming sexual desire will appear. I say overwhelming, because that is what it used to be like when I wasn't sober. It would completely take over my thoughts and my body until I was thoroughly satisfied. (And if I was with a partner, that would be amended to until we were both satisfied.)
* The only sexual desire I really feel these days is every few months when I have a sex dream and my body forces me to semi do something about it, but I just do the bare minimum so it will stop, because my body might be active, but my mind isn't.
* I think the closest I am regarding sex from what I have researched on asexuality, is that I'm sex-neutral? I think that can change if given the right circumstances, but the desire to achieve those set of circumstances is fairly low, due to the indifference I feel?
* I do miss the intimacy, but I don't know if I miss the sex.
* I do have some shame regarding sexual activity as well, however that one is specifically due to bodily functions that I am working on getting sorted out. It has only ever bothered me, not my partners.

 

PLEASE NOTE: I have not discussed this with either of my partners yet, I don't feel ready to even speak it out loud. I do plan to talk to them both about it, but I guess I just want to feel a bit more ready to speak aloud about it.

 

I know asexuality and demisexuality are both a spectrum. I also know that I used those old vices of mine to mask and to allow me to truly believe I was a certain way (Such as: That I was a social butterfly, that  I loved to party, that I loved being slutty and having a high sex drive).

I

guess I am posting here to see if people might have any advice, suggestions, or thoughts on where I might fit in? If someone might be able to help me ease some of my own internal confusion and help me understand where I might fit in all of this. This is something I feel very vulnerable about discussing and I'm afraid people won't be kind, or will judge. But I'm hoping people here will be kind.

 

Ultimately I know that not all people fit the labels, and at the end of the day I am just looking for some understanding on my identity and where I could fit in. See that other people have experienced something similar, and perhaps help me feel less alone.

 

Thank you for taking the time to read my somewhat rambling post, it is very much appreciated.

 

 

 

 

 

 

https://redd.it/1ok71mp
@asexualityonreddit