Problems with gay male friend understanding me

Long time lurker here.

I have known I am ace for a long time. I have very little experience dating and I have never had sex, nor do I feel very interested in the idea of that right now. I’m still figuring out whether I am asexual or demi, but I know I am ace either way.

I have told many friends that I am ace, including my gay friend (let’s call him Jack). Almost all of them have accepted me, asked respectful questions, or even shared their own experiences with their sexuality (including straight friends). Everyone except Jack. Jack didn’t outright dismiss me, but we very quickly moved on to a different topic after I told him.

At one point I thought he may have forgotten that I am ace because we were joking back and forth and I asked him to “name every asexual person” and he listed some random celebrities as a joke. Another time, I made a sexual joke and he said something along the lines of “for an asexual person…”

Typing this all out makes me feel like it’s not that much, but I’ve just found myself hurt by this and wondering if he isn’t taking me seriously.

I guess I just don’t know what I should do in this circumstance. I am good friends with him otherwise and I don’t want to cause friction.

https://redd.it/1oipw2v
@asexualityonreddit

Am I Ace? (TW: SA)

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Hello, I am a 25f who was always self identifying as Bi... I married my husband after 6 years of living together and he started SAing me... every day almost for 9 months... anyway long story short I think I have a phobia of sex and I feel bad bc he hasn't hurt me the last few months trying to get better but I feel nothing. 0 drive. I am terrified of the concept of sex at all I cant even listen to music or read something that talks about it or I shake and get sick.. they say its an aversion that I can go to therapy to desensitize myself but I panic at the idea of ever trying to do it again or training myself like a misbehaving animal. Is it ace if I just don't ever want to do it again?...or do you think its just trauma?
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Sorry for the trauma dump. Thanks if you can reply.

https://redd.it/1oiskc3
@asexualityonreddit

My wife is asexual, I am not

Is it acceptable for me to be here? I mean that sincerely. If not, please let me know and I will delete this post.

I’m an allosexual male and my wife, my best friend, my person, has come out as asexual.

We’ve been together over 25 years, but she only came out as asexually after a ten year dead bedroom led to couples councelling, therapy, and introspection.

We are the people we are meant to be with. We love each other dearly. We match for most things, and are opposites where important. Except for, well, that.

Is it appropriate for me to seek advice here, or is the a better sub to look for?

https://redd.it/1oissu0
@asexualityonreddit

Ace Week Dragon

https://redd.it/1oiryqc
@asexualityonreddit

Am I an impersonation of asexuality? Pt. 2
https://redd.it/1oiu4tx
@asexualityonreddit

Ace Rep in the Wild Part 2

https://redd.it/1oiufwk
@asexualityonreddit

How do I tell my gf I might be asexual

I’m a straight male and I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 months, I’ve recently been realizing that im probably asexual, or at the least gray-asexual, but I don’t know how to tell my gf that I don’t like having sex with her. She can be quite insecure so I don’t want her to think it’s anything to do with her because it really isn’t. I don’t want her to think that I’m not attracted to her, I just really don’t like having sex. Any advice on how to bring this up to her?

https://redd.it/1oix65c
@asexualityonreddit

HAPPY ENBY SOUNDS
https://redd.it/1oiz8pe
@asexualityonreddit

[aphobia] This image has set us back 100 years
https://redd.it/1oiywjo
@asexualityonreddit

I created my own asexuality term!

I know it might not get out there that much BUT there was no already commonly used sexuality that I resonated with so I created my own

Velaric - some romantic attraction with responsive sexual attraction

I basically feel some romantic attraction but I only respond to sexual attraction, I don't automatically have it, even after sex (my partner has to initiate any sort of sexual action). I feel more romantic attraction than sexual but its not graysexual or demisexual. I might think of a flag soon but yk, that's all lol

https://redd.it/1oj08bl
@asexualityonreddit

Is it just me or does society think a sex-averse Allosexual needs to be fixed?

I've heard people say something like "that's not normal, if you feel sexual attraction you should want sex"

https://redd.it/1oj1hts
@asexualityonreddit

How do you deal with people who show sexual interest in you

So I’m doing an apprenticeship (I think it’s called in English) and I’m the only female in my class which already sucks. There’s one guy who’s kind of nice and we have similar interests so we talk a lot. A couple of weeks ago we went out for coffee and he tried to kiss me and sought physical contact. He has a couple of kids and is in a long term relationship but as he told me he’s suffering from a dead bedroom.

Anyway just like the last time something like this happened to me, I instantly lost any interest I had. Not only because he’s apparently open to cheat on his partner but I also feel instantly disgusted he sees me in a sexual way. I since dread going to class everyday (we sit next to each other) and I barely want to talk to him anymore.

I do admit I’m not used to stuff like this. Before I entered my 30s no one showed any interest in me and now it’s just people who want to cheat on their partner.

How do you deal with this? Am I too sensitive and just need to push away those negative feelings?

https://redd.it/1oj3oue
@asexualityonreddit

Do you, as fellow asexuals, see the appeal of (super-)models?

Recently, my social media algorithm has decided to display several videos of apparently iconic moments of female models on runways. Always highlighting how special the models are and how amazing they looked. And I just did not see how these people are supposed to me any more aesthetically pleasing than the „normal“ people I see. (If anything, the look like they ought to eat a proper meal before they starve, not something I find attractive. But I digress…)

So I got to wondering if the whole (super-)model thing works better/ mostly for allosexuals? Especially lingerie-centered fashion shows? But not for us, who do not feel sexual attraction towards people based on (only) their looks, no matter how conventionally/ universally attractive they are presented as? Or is this just an aesthetic preference of mine?
But I feel like the supposed heightened beauty of (super-)models is mostly that: supposed. I know people from university and work that I would rank as objectively more beautiful? But is this just me or do you experience something similar? Yes, I perceive some people to be more aesthetically pleasing than others. But some people I have met I would rank aesthetically equal or superior to supermodels? Like, I can not tell you why those models have that special status of being seen as much more beautiful?
Looking forward to your thoughts!

(And yes, I know that the job of modeling ist not only about looks, but also about things like gait and charisma, my question however is specifically about the physical appearance only)

https://redd.it/1oj4mk4
@asexualityonreddit

I figured out our abilities

Attacks: Ace beam
Delustifaction (tell me if you get a better way to spell that-)
Anti-fuck

Ult: nuclear bomb

Proficient in: the blade
+any skill you focus on, we aren’t distracted by hornyness

Immunities: seduction
Sex-appeal

Counter: rejection

Tell me if you think of more :D

https://redd.it/1oj2vnz
@asexualityonreddit

I think I finally found a good description of what it's like to be asexual

My sociology professor assigned us to write about our feelings on sex. I had a feeling that he would have a hard time understanding asexuality (because he's in the older generation) so I opted for an analogy instead of using the proper label.


"Conceptually, I understand why people do it; the physical sensations and chemical reactions that occur during sexual activity make people feel good. It makes sense to me why it’s a popular activity, but I cannot fully comprehend it because I seem to be wired differently. It’s kind of like how a creature without a stomach or tongue would understand the concept of eating. The creature knows that food nourishes and it tastes good, but it cannot fully grasp what that means because it lacks the proper tools to do so."

Anyone else relate to this illustration? I didn't realize how well it put words to my feelings until I wrote it down, so I thought I'd share 🤷‍♂️

https://redd.it/1oj85u7
@asexualityonreddit

Genuinely, what's wrong with guys on reddit 💀

A while ago I vented about my love life in another subreddit, and well obviously, many asexuals have a love life, and even if they've never been in a relationship, they can for heaven's sake still vent about it without wanting online strangers to message them.

Now with the vent thing, I made that post in another subreddit, and unbelievably I got 24 messages the exact day. Most of them just stat with a simple 'hi' and then they straight up get into relationships. Like it's annoying af. Sometimes I've even made clear that I'm an ace, and they still don't stop 😭🙏

It's disgusting. GENUINELY DISGUSTING. I can't handle what older single women must have to handle just for wanting to post something.

I've honestly had terrible experiences with all the guys I've talked to. Neither of them thought twice about what they're saying. Online relationships, specially without knowing anything about the other person, I can't even imagine.

I just want to give advice to anyone who's looking to date on reddit or in general, please don't trust anyone blindly. On apps like reddit, you don't even know sometimes WHAT they look like, relationship are just something else.

Stay Safe! And be proud!!



https://redd.it/1ojawua
@asexualityonreddit

Would it be wrong of me to not tell my wife that I'm asexual?

I've been with my wife for 8 years. I've recently come to the realization that I am, in fact, asexual. Nothing has changed about the way I feel about my wife at all, just the label that I apply to myself internally. I'm just scared that no matter how I explain it to her or how reassuring I try to be, she won't understand and will feel like I'm saying I'm not attracted to her anymore.

I don't want to change anything about our relationship as it is now, so this theoretical declaration wouldn't come with new expectations regarding sex. Would it be wrong of me to just keep the label to myself? I know that if the roles were reversed, I would want her to tell me. I just don't want this to cause a rift in our relationship that I can't heal.

I've read all of the relevant entries on the companion website, but does anyone have any advice for telling (or not telling) their married significant other about their asexuality?

https://redd.it/1ojc9ag
@asexualityonreddit

Asexual women would understand
https://redd.it/1ojfvul
@asexualityonreddit

Are You Aro (Advice)?

**Hi everyone!**



Welcome to our weekly Advice post about Aromanticism! Aromantic people experience little to no romantic attraction.



**Do any of these resonate with you?**

\* You rarely (if ever) experience crushes on others.

\* You find the idea of a romantic relationship unappealing, and prefer strong platonic bonds.

\* You've been in romantic relationships but felt like you were going through the motions.

\* You've researched what crushes are "supposed" to feel like, but can't relate.



These are just a few signs you might be Aromantic. Aromanticism is a spectrum, and every person's experience is unique.



\*\*Have questions about aromanticism or your own identity?\*\* Ask away in the comments below, and we'll and your fellow Aro’s will do the best to help!

* [**More signs that you are Aro**](https://aromanticguide.com/am-i-aro)

* [**Honeymoon Phase**](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-the-honeymoon-phase)

* [**Types of attraction (might be incomplete)**](https://types-of-attraction.carrd.co/)

https://redd.it/1ojgh6e
@asexualityonreddit