How do I talk to my partner?
I (19ftm) am hypersexual, my partner (19gf) is sex-positive asexual. Everything about our relationship is perfect, but I am really unsatisfied with our intimate life. How do I talk to her about this?
We're intimate 1-2 days a week, but we always have to "schedule" our time together a week in advance, and it makes me feel like I'm just a chore she has to do. I don't know how to tell her I'm unhappy without making her feel guilty. We've been together for almost 4 years, and if I just tell her all of a sudden I'm not happy, what happens after? I really do not want to break up with her. She's the love of my life. I don't want to split apart because of this. What do I do? What can I even do? Is there any way where we're both happy in the end? Should I look into ways to lower my libido somehow? I'm at a loss. I love her so much and I really do not want to make her upset by talking to her about this. Should I not say anything to her and instead try to solve my problems myself? Please help me.
https://redd.it/1ofdjcn
@asexualityonreddit
I (19ftm) am hypersexual, my partner (19gf) is sex-positive asexual. Everything about our relationship is perfect, but I am really unsatisfied with our intimate life. How do I talk to her about this?
We're intimate 1-2 days a week, but we always have to "schedule" our time together a week in advance, and it makes me feel like I'm just a chore she has to do. I don't know how to tell her I'm unhappy without making her feel guilty. We've been together for almost 4 years, and if I just tell her all of a sudden I'm not happy, what happens after? I really do not want to break up with her. She's the love of my life. I don't want to split apart because of this. What do I do? What can I even do? Is there any way where we're both happy in the end? Should I look into ways to lower my libido somehow? I'm at a loss. I love her so much and I really do not want to make her upset by talking to her about this. Should I not say anything to her and instead try to solve my problems myself? Please help me.
https://redd.it/1ofdjcn
@asexualityonreddit
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24 F looking for people who understand what I'm going through
For the longest time I've known that I am Panromantic but asexual and I've been looking for other people who resonate with that feeling being romantic but not sexual because I feel like it's an interesting position to be in just looking for people to talk to who understand me! I am more active on discord so ask me for my discord if you wanna have a conversation!
https://redd.it/1ofdbw5
@asexualityonreddit
For the longest time I've known that I am Panromantic but asexual and I've been looking for other people who resonate with that feeling being romantic but not sexual because I feel like it's an interesting position to be in just looking for people to talk to who understand me! I am more active on discord so ask me for my discord if you wanna have a conversation!
https://redd.it/1ofdbw5
@asexualityonreddit
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Best friend lost virginity; making me feel weird
So we are seniors in high school. My best friend just told me about how he had sex with his girlfriend(who I am also really good friends with). It just feels really weird because I love them both so much, but for some reason my opinion of them has shifted. Not necessarily negative, but just different. It makes me feel like I’m not as “grown up” as they are, like they feel like they’re better than me, which I know they don’t really feel. I love them both and I’m so glad to have them. Whenever I find out about someone losing their virginity, this happens, but this won’t leave my mind for some reason. Even though it doesn’t affect me at all, it makes me feel a little weird. They started dating a few months ago, although I’ve been friends with them each for over 4 years each. They were never friends until recently, and then they started dating. I was so happy two really good friends of mine were dating, but this adds a weird aspect to it, even though it shouldn’t. 17 is what I assume to be a normal age to lose your virginity. I’m not necessarily opposed to sex, but I don’t feel any need to have it. I do have a romantic relationship with my girlfriend, but I haven’t wanted to do anything sexual. This has kinda warped my perception of what I want. I don’t want to, but it would make me feel on par with my friends. It’s just isolating I think. I don’t really know how to feel better about this.
https://redd.it/1ofi3j9
@asexualityonreddit
So we are seniors in high school. My best friend just told me about how he had sex with his girlfriend(who I am also really good friends with). It just feels really weird because I love them both so much, but for some reason my opinion of them has shifted. Not necessarily negative, but just different. It makes me feel like I’m not as “grown up” as they are, like they feel like they’re better than me, which I know they don’t really feel. I love them both and I’m so glad to have them. Whenever I find out about someone losing their virginity, this happens, but this won’t leave my mind for some reason. Even though it doesn’t affect me at all, it makes me feel a little weird. They started dating a few months ago, although I’ve been friends with them each for over 4 years each. They were never friends until recently, and then they started dating. I was so happy two really good friends of mine were dating, but this adds a weird aspect to it, even though it shouldn’t. 17 is what I assume to be a normal age to lose your virginity. I’m not necessarily opposed to sex, but I don’t feel any need to have it. I do have a romantic relationship with my girlfriend, but I haven’t wanted to do anything sexual. This has kinda warped my perception of what I want. I don’t want to, but it would make me feel on par with my friends. It’s just isolating I think. I don’t really know how to feel better about this.
https://redd.it/1ofi3j9
@asexualityonreddit
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Why are others so mean
I just posted on another subreddit with a different account regarding a relationship question since I have a lovely girlfriend but she’s not ace herself.
I just wanted to understand her side more since I don’t know much and so far the only comment is saying I should just split with her. Not even an explanation of her possible side or referring to Information I gave in the post about how she’s been lovely and accepting. Just an immediate “break up with her” :c
https://redd.it/1ofjy5b
@asexualityonreddit
I just posted on another subreddit with a different account regarding a relationship question since I have a lovely girlfriend but she’s not ace herself.
I just wanted to understand her side more since I don’t know much and so far the only comment is saying I should just split with her. Not even an explanation of her possible side or referring to Information I gave in the post about how she’s been lovely and accepting. Just an immediate “break up with her” :c
https://redd.it/1ofjy5b
@asexualityonreddit
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I made some ace and enby earrings :) I wore the ace ones, my wife wore the enby ones, today, at a halloween market. We only stayed an hour, SO MANY kids!
https://redd.it/1ofnbsr
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/1ofnbsr
@asexualityonreddit
I didn't get the appeal of garlic bread so I made garlic butter focaccia because I love focaccia. I really wanted to love it as an asexual...
https://redd.it/1ofpebs
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/1ofpebs
@asexualityonreddit
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From the asexuality community on Reddit: I didn't get the appeal of garlic bread so I made garlic butter focaccia because I love…
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Damned if you do, damned if you don't
I feel like I'm going mad.
Me 34F *exists* never so much as been on a date, has been using use ace label the past 3-4 years, wears an ace pin on my work lanyard, tells friends when they ask that I've never dated and that I don't think that I want to, (although I do still visibly find it difficult and uncomfortable to talk about). Extreme social anxiety, working on it with doctor and counsellor. Social anxiety spikes around men since I don't know how to act, since it's really difficult to predict how people will react around an emotion you've never felt. Work in a field where the higher levels are almost completely male dominated so most of my colleagues my age are male (although 99% of junior members are female...). Tries harder to interact with men as kind of exposure therapy and because I'm genuinely worried I'm becoming misandronous (an aside: I was worried I was becoming misandronous because I read and watch an awful lot of thrillers and murder mysteries, 99% of which depict violence against women perpetrated by men. However, I can honestly say that spending more time with my male colleagues and being constantly patronised and consdescended to by them, even around work tasks that I taught THEM, has made me more misandronous than anything else...). And, honestly, because I'm lonely and they are the nearest and easiest possiblity to make FRIENDS with. Interactions:
Guy #1: Same age as my little brother (who's 7 years younger than me). Find him sooo young - he has the same existentialist-lite^(TM) philosophical point of view of every 13 year old girl and thinks it's edgy. I treat him with a touch of (what I think is) indulgent, big sister energy.
Them: "Ooo do you lliiiikkkkeee him?!?" or comments implying this
Me: "huh, what, no?!?"
Them: "uh huh, yeah suuurreeee" *smirks* *continues making little comments*
Me: "huh?"
Guy #2: male colleague who's...fine. I'm don't have many opinions on him one way or the other, he's just always there and reliably up for going to the pub. A couple of times he's asked around if people want to go to the pub after work. I'm free. No one else is. I really, really don't want to go with him alone as 1-1 socialising triggers my social anxiety and I find him boring as hell as we've never been able to keep a 1-1 conversation going. Say "oh well, next time" or awkwardly don't say anything and just go home after work.
Them: seem to think the fact that I DON'T want to spend time with him alone means that I llliiikkkeeee him?!? Can anyone explain this to me? Why would the fact that SPENDING TIME ALONE WITH HIM WOULD BE A CIRCLE OF HELL TAILORED JUST FOR ME make them think that I LIKE him rather than the truth that I DON'T particularly like him. Maybe because I was awkward about it? But I was awkward because you can't really tell someone that you'd rather swallow glass than spend time with them 1-1...
Did I mention he has a girlfriend? I realise I have before made the naive assumption before that men in relationships are "safe" to be around without having to guard against this kind of misunderstanding, because how could I like him if he's taken? And have then had little disaproving looks and remarks aimed at me for being overly familiar with a claimed man... and I bet you ANYTHING I would have gotten the same thing if I had regularly gone to the pub with Guy #2 alone...
Guy #3: male colleague who's...also fine. A bit condescending... He's Irish and has the typical Irish sense of humour making fun of everyone and everything. I give as good as I get as I'M NOT A F@#!ING DOORMAT and don't want to just smile sweetly and take his patronising "jokes"
Them: Oooo you two are flirting tee hee
Me: what?!?! He's literally being sooooo patronising and I hate it and react against it! What is wrong with you people that you think men should treat women this way and it's a sign of attraction??
Guy #4: Guy joins workplace. I feel a little sorry for since he's terribly sheltered and a little ignorant and socially a little
I feel like I'm going mad.
Me 34F *exists* never so much as been on a date, has been using use ace label the past 3-4 years, wears an ace pin on my work lanyard, tells friends when they ask that I've never dated and that I don't think that I want to, (although I do still visibly find it difficult and uncomfortable to talk about). Extreme social anxiety, working on it with doctor and counsellor. Social anxiety spikes around men since I don't know how to act, since it's really difficult to predict how people will react around an emotion you've never felt. Work in a field where the higher levels are almost completely male dominated so most of my colleagues my age are male (although 99% of junior members are female...). Tries harder to interact with men as kind of exposure therapy and because I'm genuinely worried I'm becoming misandronous (an aside: I was worried I was becoming misandronous because I read and watch an awful lot of thrillers and murder mysteries, 99% of which depict violence against women perpetrated by men. However, I can honestly say that spending more time with my male colleagues and being constantly patronised and consdescended to by them, even around work tasks that I taught THEM, has made me more misandronous than anything else...). And, honestly, because I'm lonely and they are the nearest and easiest possiblity to make FRIENDS with. Interactions:
Guy #1: Same age as my little brother (who's 7 years younger than me). Find him sooo young - he has the same existentialist-lite^(TM) philosophical point of view of every 13 year old girl and thinks it's edgy. I treat him with a touch of (what I think is) indulgent, big sister energy.
Them: "Ooo do you lliiiikkkkeee him?!?" or comments implying this
Me: "huh, what, no?!?"
Them: "uh huh, yeah suuurreeee" *smirks* *continues making little comments*
Me: "huh?"
Guy #2: male colleague who's...fine. I'm don't have many opinions on him one way or the other, he's just always there and reliably up for going to the pub. A couple of times he's asked around if people want to go to the pub after work. I'm free. No one else is. I really, really don't want to go with him alone as 1-1 socialising triggers my social anxiety and I find him boring as hell as we've never been able to keep a 1-1 conversation going. Say "oh well, next time" or awkwardly don't say anything and just go home after work.
Them: seem to think the fact that I DON'T want to spend time with him alone means that I llliiikkkeeee him?!? Can anyone explain this to me? Why would the fact that SPENDING TIME ALONE WITH HIM WOULD BE A CIRCLE OF HELL TAILORED JUST FOR ME make them think that I LIKE him rather than the truth that I DON'T particularly like him. Maybe because I was awkward about it? But I was awkward because you can't really tell someone that you'd rather swallow glass than spend time with them 1-1...
Did I mention he has a girlfriend? I realise I have before made the naive assumption before that men in relationships are "safe" to be around without having to guard against this kind of misunderstanding, because how could I like him if he's taken? And have then had little disaproving looks and remarks aimed at me for being overly familiar with a claimed man... and I bet you ANYTHING I would have gotten the same thing if I had regularly gone to the pub with Guy #2 alone...
Guy #3: male colleague who's...also fine. A bit condescending... He's Irish and has the typical Irish sense of humour making fun of everyone and everything. I give as good as I get as I'M NOT A F@#!ING DOORMAT and don't want to just smile sweetly and take his patronising "jokes"
Them: Oooo you two are flirting tee hee
Me: what?!?! He's literally being sooooo patronising and I hate it and react against it! What is wrong with you people that you think men should treat women this way and it's a sign of attraction??
Guy #4: Guy joins workplace. I feel a little sorry for since he's terribly sheltered and a little ignorant and socially a little