Dating this guy and he might be ace but he goes from 0 to 100 sexually
We met a little over a month ago. He had a higher body count then me (like most 20 year olds since mine is 1) and had hookups before so I assumed he was into sex. I was even scared he'd leave when I wanted to date for a month or two before having sex.
The first date he was sad I wouldn't kiss him. The second I was still waiting, but we kissed anyways because I was attracted to him. Whenever I brought you sex he would ask if I wanted to go have it right away. If I said no he would ask if we could give each other head instead, or he could finger me whatever. I still said no because it felt weird and abrupt. Iwanted to cuddle for hours at first. Then after a few weeks all the kissing and cuddling stopped when we hungout.
I mentioned this to him and he said I just don't initiate it is all. Well I've been asking him about it, then he said he doesnt like it and never has. I was confused because he was the one trying to at first and he said I was basically SA him. I obviously backed all the way off and said I would never want him to do things with me if he doesn't want to do them. I asked if he just doesn't like me if he didn't want to kiss, cuddle, or have sex and he said he does like me. I've literally never experienced this before normally guys lie about liking you to get sex. I offered to just be friends and he said that's not what he wants.
He said "we can cuddle" and then got mad when I no longer wanted to. He then proceeded to borderline force himself onto me and started rubbing me and kissing really hard. I don't feel assaulted but I could see someone else feeling that way. He was hard too, and kept saying he thought I wanted sex. I said I did but I no longer do because he said he doesn't. Honestly I think it's over since touching him feels like SA, it always feels like he doesn't want it then says I don't intiate. He keeps going from don't touch me to being very tough sexually and I'm starting to get scared
https://redd.it/1o311g3
@asexualityonreddit
We met a little over a month ago. He had a higher body count then me (like most 20 year olds since mine is 1) and had hookups before so I assumed he was into sex. I was even scared he'd leave when I wanted to date for a month or two before having sex.
The first date he was sad I wouldn't kiss him. The second I was still waiting, but we kissed anyways because I was attracted to him. Whenever I brought you sex he would ask if I wanted to go have it right away. If I said no he would ask if we could give each other head instead, or he could finger me whatever. I still said no because it felt weird and abrupt. Iwanted to cuddle for hours at first. Then after a few weeks all the kissing and cuddling stopped when we hungout.
I mentioned this to him and he said I just don't initiate it is all. Well I've been asking him about it, then he said he doesnt like it and never has. I was confused because he was the one trying to at first and he said I was basically SA him. I obviously backed all the way off and said I would never want him to do things with me if he doesn't want to do them. I asked if he just doesn't like me if he didn't want to kiss, cuddle, or have sex and he said he does like me. I've literally never experienced this before normally guys lie about liking you to get sex. I offered to just be friends and he said that's not what he wants.
He said "we can cuddle" and then got mad when I no longer wanted to. He then proceeded to borderline force himself onto me and started rubbing me and kissing really hard. I don't feel assaulted but I could see someone else feeling that way. He was hard too, and kept saying he thought I wanted sex. I said I did but I no longer do because he said he doesn't. Honestly I think it's over since touching him feels like SA, it always feels like he doesn't want it then says I don't intiate. He keeps going from don't touch me to being very tough sexually and I'm starting to get scared
https://redd.it/1o311g3
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the asexuality community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the asexuality community
Finding love whilst graysexual
Hey so i discovered a few months ago that I am graysexual and it has made my dating life so hard because all people want to do in this generation is the deed.
How do I find someone and keep them when they find out cus im currently talking to someone and when we meet up for the first time he wants to do it but I feel repulsed at the thought of it.
Please help
https://redd.it/1o33g7m
@asexualityonreddit
Hey so i discovered a few months ago that I am graysexual and it has made my dating life so hard because all people want to do in this generation is the deed.
How do I find someone and keep them when they find out cus im currently talking to someone and when we meet up for the first time he wants to do it but I feel repulsed at the thought of it.
Please help
https://redd.it/1o33g7m
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the asexuality community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the asexuality community
Something “wrong” with asexual people
I was talking with a friend and she had an opinion which i’d like to talk about because I find it interesting.
She said that asexual people have some kind of “genetic” failure due to not having an urge to reproduce or such. Of course she said she meant no offense by it (Though I was a bit offended but I let it pass).
I keep thinking about how she may be wrong because, yes, despite us being animals, we really no longer belong in nature and we dont really have any instincts left. So she basically said that we, as animals should have the instinct to reproduce, and that if we dont (refering to asexual people), then there is something wrong with our biology.
I think she is wrong because as I said before, even if we are animals we no longer form part of nature. And despite animals experiencing sexual attraction, I doubt they do the same way as humans do. I know there are animals that purely engage in sex due to pleasure, like some primates. But most animals reproduce in order to survive, pleasure being there as a bonus to reinforce the act, but not the main reason.
I just think humans have differentiated a lot from animals so saying there is something biologically wrong with asexual people for not feeling sexual attraction to another person is a bit weird. Its just not comparable.
Just thought I’d share. Would be interesting to see what other people think!
https://redd.it/1o36ljn
@asexualityonreddit
I was talking with a friend and she had an opinion which i’d like to talk about because I find it interesting.
She said that asexual people have some kind of “genetic” failure due to not having an urge to reproduce or such. Of course she said she meant no offense by it (Though I was a bit offended but I let it pass).
I keep thinking about how she may be wrong because, yes, despite us being animals, we really no longer belong in nature and we dont really have any instincts left. So she basically said that we, as animals should have the instinct to reproduce, and that if we dont (refering to asexual people), then there is something wrong with our biology.
I think she is wrong because as I said before, even if we are animals we no longer form part of nature. And despite animals experiencing sexual attraction, I doubt they do the same way as humans do. I know there are animals that purely engage in sex due to pleasure, like some primates. But most animals reproduce in order to survive, pleasure being there as a bonus to reinforce the act, but not the main reason.
I just think humans have differentiated a lot from animals so saying there is something biologically wrong with asexual people for not feeling sexual attraction to another person is a bit weird. Its just not comparable.
Just thought I’d share. Would be interesting to see what other people think!
https://redd.it/1o36ljn
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the asexuality community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the asexuality community
A questionnaire had my labels
It’s the little things, right? I did some training that included demographic questions as part of a survey.
First, the racial/ethnic options included my background, which almost never happens. It wasn’t even that detailed, about 9 broad options. But I finally got to pick the ones that actually describe me how I usually describe myself. Again, that never happens, and I’ve answered formal demographic questions since I was a young child. I’m in my late 30s now.
Second, the list of orientations (also 9, including ‘other: “please describe”’) included asexual! Right at the top because alphabetical order. I really wasn’t expecting that. This is also something that’s never included when these questions are asked, so I usually select Prefer not to answer.
It was really nice to be able select the correct categories. No aromantic option, but you can’t have it all, I guess. (If I were to improve it, I’d at least say ‘asexual and/or aromantic,’ especially since it’s multiple choice.)
Anyway, just thought I’d share. Things are slowly improving in some ways, in some places. This was through a university, so not as surprising, I suppose. But still surprising to me and was a nice feeling, like, “ah, finally.”
https://redd.it/1o35wus
@asexualityonreddit
It’s the little things, right? I did some training that included demographic questions as part of a survey.
First, the racial/ethnic options included my background, which almost never happens. It wasn’t even that detailed, about 9 broad options. But I finally got to pick the ones that actually describe me how I usually describe myself. Again, that never happens, and I’ve answered formal demographic questions since I was a young child. I’m in my late 30s now.
Second, the list of orientations (also 9, including ‘other: “please describe”’) included asexual! Right at the top because alphabetical order. I really wasn’t expecting that. This is also something that’s never included when these questions are asked, so I usually select Prefer not to answer.
It was really nice to be able select the correct categories. No aromantic option, but you can’t have it all, I guess. (If I were to improve it, I’d at least say ‘asexual and/or aromantic,’ especially since it’s multiple choice.)
Anyway, just thought I’d share. Things are slowly improving in some ways, in some places. This was through a university, so not as surprising, I suppose. But still surprising to me and was a nice feeling, like, “ah, finally.”
https://redd.it/1o35wus
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the asexuality community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the asexuality community
Probably gonna regret this but...
Ehi, guys. Hi. So... first of all i am 19, also i don't have much knowledge on these things and i had internet as my only source. I know you can't tell if i am ace just by a description on reddit. But maybe you can give your opinion, since it's probably the best reference i got. Promise i am not ginna take it as pure gold, but an help is always an help. If i found something to add, i am gonna edit my message.
I never was interested in having sex so i am still a virgin. I never had experiences, i am trying to understand if i am asexual also because i don't want to find myself with someone and realize that it's not what i want. I always found penetration repulsive. Every kind of penetration always felt so... unsettling. I have kinks (they don't involve sex) and i find kissing and hugging really romantic and nice. But i also found out asexuality is a spectrum and some aces likes kissing and some don't.
I have ADHD and slight neurodivergence. Does these things can be an influence? Waiting for answers, thank you for your time.
https://redd.it/1o3acoa
@asexualityonreddit
Ehi, guys. Hi. So... first of all i am 19, also i don't have much knowledge on these things and i had internet as my only source. I know you can't tell if i am ace just by a description on reddit. But maybe you can give your opinion, since it's probably the best reference i got. Promise i am not ginna take it as pure gold, but an help is always an help. If i found something to add, i am gonna edit my message.
I never was interested in having sex so i am still a virgin. I never had experiences, i am trying to understand if i am asexual also because i don't want to find myself with someone and realize that it's not what i want. I always found penetration repulsive. Every kind of penetration always felt so... unsettling. I have kinks (they don't involve sex) and i find kissing and hugging really romantic and nice. But i also found out asexuality is a spectrum and some aces likes kissing and some don't.
I have ADHD and slight neurodivergence. Does these things can be an influence? Waiting for answers, thank you for your time.
https://redd.it/1o3acoa
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the asexuality community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the asexuality community
Genuine question. Do people who aren’t asexual actually like crap like this…?
https://redd.it/1o3dd8i
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/1o3dd8i
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the asexuality community on Reddit: Genuine question. Do people who aren’t asexual actually like crap like this…?
Explore this post and more from the asexuality community
How do you answer questions about being asexual? Also rant kinda
Okay so I've been scrolling this thread for a while and have come to the conclusion im definitely asexual. That being said I am very romantically and emotionally attracted to people and when starting talking stages I try to be very upfront about the fact that I am asexual. The problem is the spew of questions that come after. I dontt know how to answer because I'm not sure what my boundaries look like as I have only ever "dated" one person and it was as a very young teen. I originally would give them very broad answers and say everything was a no but thats just not true for me. Sure I'm not sexually attracted to anyone but I feel like I might do stuff purely for the other parties pleasure but at the same time things as little as being called hot or sexy really bother me. Im not sure exactly what im trying to get at with this post hopefully just some advice or support. Thanks in advance :)
https://redd.it/1o3fdob
@asexualityonreddit
Okay so I've been scrolling this thread for a while and have come to the conclusion im definitely asexual. That being said I am very romantically and emotionally attracted to people and when starting talking stages I try to be very upfront about the fact that I am asexual. The problem is the spew of questions that come after. I dontt know how to answer because I'm not sure what my boundaries look like as I have only ever "dated" one person and it was as a very young teen. I originally would give them very broad answers and say everything was a no but thats just not true for me. Sure I'm not sexually attracted to anyone but I feel like I might do stuff purely for the other parties pleasure but at the same time things as little as being called hot or sexy really bother me. Im not sure exactly what im trying to get at with this post hopefully just some advice or support. Thanks in advance :)
https://redd.it/1o3fdob
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the Asexual community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the Asexual community
Be me an asexual:
Step 1: Live in a western country were obesity is considered a less attractive trait.
Step 2: Stay always just a bit overweight enough to be healthy but more importantly overweight enough to be sexually undesireable to most of the population.
Step 3: Profit.
https://redd.it/1o32wa5
@asexualityonreddit
Step 1: Live in a western country were obesity is considered a less attractive trait.
Step 2: Stay always just a bit overweight enough to be healthy but more importantly overweight enough to be sexually undesireable to most of the population.
Step 3: Profit.
https://redd.it/1o32wa5
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the aaaaaaacccccccce community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the aaaaaaacccccccce community
Am I allo? Am I dimi? I am confused
Hi I’m new to this whole thing & I like sex with strap ons but I do not like ✂️ but I only will if one my desires is done first, am I dimi or allo ??? My desire is a breast feeding kink where I get breastfed then sexual attraction will come out
https://redd.it/1o3iss6
@asexualityonreddit
Hi I’m new to this whole thing & I like sex with strap ons but I do not like ✂️ but I only will if one my desires is done first, am I dimi or allo ??? My desire is a breast feeding kink where I get breastfed then sexual attraction will come out
https://redd.it/1o3iss6
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the Asexual community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the Asexual community
What tf is even “sexual attraction”
The more I think about it, the more it hurts my brain. I have an extremely difficult time fathoming the idea that the majority of people walk around in this world and feel attracted sexually to other people, whether strangers or people they know.
Like I can conceptualize aesthetic attraction, definitely romantic attraction, and I get the concept of sex drive or libido or horniness, but to think that there is a separate sensation that people think “oo, I’d like to do the sex thing with that human being” is so foreign to me I almost can’t believe it’s real.
Do any of you think this way? Or have any useful metaphors for understanding sexual attraction in context for an ace?
https://redd.it/1o3dfd1
@asexualityonreddit
The more I think about it, the more it hurts my brain. I have an extremely difficult time fathoming the idea that the majority of people walk around in this world and feel attracted sexually to other people, whether strangers or people they know.
Like I can conceptualize aesthetic attraction, definitely romantic attraction, and I get the concept of sex drive or libido or horniness, but to think that there is a separate sensation that people think “oo, I’d like to do the sex thing with that human being” is so foreign to me I almost can’t believe it’s real.
Do any of you think this way? Or have any useful metaphors for understanding sexual attraction in context for an ace?
https://redd.it/1o3dfd1
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the asexuality community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the asexuality community
Does anyone else feel like calling yourself "ace" feels different from "asexual"?
I know I'm asexual, there is no question of that. I just don't really like the word. My gay and lesbian friends almost never refer to themselves as homosexuals. My straight friends rarely call themselves heterosexuals. I'm happy to call myself ace, but asexual sounds too clinical. Does anyone else feel this way or am I overthinking this?
https://redd.it/1o3jbor
@asexualityonreddit
I know I'm asexual, there is no question of that. I just don't really like the word. My gay and lesbian friends almost never refer to themselves as homosexuals. My straight friends rarely call themselves heterosexuals. I'm happy to call myself ace, but asexual sounds too clinical. Does anyone else feel this way or am I overthinking this?
https://redd.it/1o3jbor
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the asexuality community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the asexuality community
i need help understanding asexuality
my partner recently came out to me as asexual. we’ve been sexual before and he told me that the reason he hadn’t told me until recently is because he was confused, he didn’t really understand it himself and he knew that i enjoyed it so he was mostly doing it because “he didn’t mind” it for my enjoyment. i want to support him, but admittedly i’m having my own confused feelings about it. i’m not mad at him for being asexual, certainly not mad that he doesn’t want to have sex. but i guess i’m just feeling a little hurt.
to help explain this i would like yo explain some back story. i was sexually assaulted last year by a boy who was very close to me. my partner is the only person who i have trusted with my body or been able to be sexually active with and not have severe flashbacks and breakdowns. to me, it wasn’t just sex. i can’t explain it but to me it was so much more than sex. it was trusting someone in a way that i never thought would be possible again , allowing someone to see me in ways i thought i was going to hide forever. but as a person with diagnosed bpd, i know that i tend to become more sentimental about things and become easily upset or emotional about things i don’t understand. i have a feeling that’s what happening. i’m upset because something that meant so much to me and i thought meant something to him was really just a chore, but i know this probably isn’t entirely reasonable.
i want to understand him and support him as much as i can. i don’t want him to feel bad about it. but i’m struggling to understand it all and i can’t really decipher why it’s hurting me so much. i want to make it clear that i am not mad at him in anyway, and definitely not mad that he doesn’t want to have sex. i guess i’m just more hurt that it wasn’t as important to him as it was to me.
i was hoping that maybe someone who is asexual could help explain it to me?? or maybe things that help them feel supported in their relationship? i want him to be comfortable but i guess i’m struggling to come up with ways to do that because i don’t completely understand the problem.
i was also hoping that maybe someone with an asexual partner could give tips on how they wrapped their head around it?? for me sex was something really scary and vulnerable and the thought that he didn’t entirely want to be doing it or wasn’t enjoying it makes me feel disgusted with myself. i guess i’m feeling guilty because even though he never told me, i feel like i should have known. i thought we were both having fun and the thought that he wasn’t makes me feel horrible. i never want him to feel bad about it, but i guess it hurts a little because it meant so much to me and it didn’t mean the same thing to him. i know that’s a selfish thing to think but it’s just honest.
thanks for reading this if you did. i’m not sure if anyone will see this but i really just want to understand a sexuality and how to support him and how to deal with the guilt of it myself
https://redd.it/1o3mbh5
@asexualityonreddit
my partner recently came out to me as asexual. we’ve been sexual before and he told me that the reason he hadn’t told me until recently is because he was confused, he didn’t really understand it himself and he knew that i enjoyed it so he was mostly doing it because “he didn’t mind” it for my enjoyment. i want to support him, but admittedly i’m having my own confused feelings about it. i’m not mad at him for being asexual, certainly not mad that he doesn’t want to have sex. but i guess i’m just feeling a little hurt.
to help explain this i would like yo explain some back story. i was sexually assaulted last year by a boy who was very close to me. my partner is the only person who i have trusted with my body or been able to be sexually active with and not have severe flashbacks and breakdowns. to me, it wasn’t just sex. i can’t explain it but to me it was so much more than sex. it was trusting someone in a way that i never thought would be possible again , allowing someone to see me in ways i thought i was going to hide forever. but as a person with diagnosed bpd, i know that i tend to become more sentimental about things and become easily upset or emotional about things i don’t understand. i have a feeling that’s what happening. i’m upset because something that meant so much to me and i thought meant something to him was really just a chore, but i know this probably isn’t entirely reasonable.
i want to understand him and support him as much as i can. i don’t want him to feel bad about it. but i’m struggling to understand it all and i can’t really decipher why it’s hurting me so much. i want to make it clear that i am not mad at him in anyway, and definitely not mad that he doesn’t want to have sex. i guess i’m just more hurt that it wasn’t as important to him as it was to me.
i was hoping that maybe someone who is asexual could help explain it to me?? or maybe things that help them feel supported in their relationship? i want him to be comfortable but i guess i’m struggling to come up with ways to do that because i don’t completely understand the problem.
i was also hoping that maybe someone with an asexual partner could give tips on how they wrapped their head around it?? for me sex was something really scary and vulnerable and the thought that he didn’t entirely want to be doing it or wasn’t enjoying it makes me feel disgusted with myself. i guess i’m feeling guilty because even though he never told me, i feel like i should have known. i thought we were both having fun and the thought that he wasn’t makes me feel horrible. i never want him to feel bad about it, but i guess it hurts a little because it meant so much to me and it didn’t mean the same thing to him. i know that’s a selfish thing to think but it’s just honest.
thanks for reading this if you did. i’m not sure if anyone will see this but i really just want to understand a sexuality and how to support him and how to deal with the guilt of it myself
https://redd.it/1o3mbh5
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the Asexual community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the Asexual community
Going out makes it worse
I don’t really know what to say, but my sexuality has always been something that Ive pushed to the back of my mind. I went out tonight drinking. It always makes me painfully aware of how different I am. In a small town like mine I feel truly alone as an asexual. I try to understand everyone else but I can’t. I try to see if it’s my anxiety or that maybe I’m just prudish but I am genuinely repulsed and I honestly can’t deal with coming to terms with that. I want love but I will never be enough in that regard. Maybe I’ll regret this post. I needed to get it off my chest.
https://redd.it/1o3q0kv
@asexualityonreddit
I don’t really know what to say, but my sexuality has always been something that Ive pushed to the back of my mind. I went out tonight drinking. It always makes me painfully aware of how different I am. In a small town like mine I feel truly alone as an asexual. I try to understand everyone else but I can’t. I try to see if it’s my anxiety or that maybe I’m just prudish but I am genuinely repulsed and I honestly can’t deal with coming to terms with that. I want love but I will never be enough in that regard. Maybe I’ll regret this post. I needed to get it off my chest.
https://redd.it/1o3q0kv
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the Asexual community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the Asexual community
Don't know if am Asexual or impotent, story..
I'm 26M now had a girl friend when i was 19 for 4 months, i liked her a lot but never sexually attracted to her, she was not that good looking so i thought it is because of that, well at the end of our relationship she wanted to go physical so i force myself, i do performed decent but couldn't ejaculate she get that i am not physical attracted to her at all so broke things off, from that to till now 7 years i kind of figured that i am Asexual cause i am rarely attracted to someone physically, i'm straight that is am sure off.
Now the problem is a girl again approached me, same hometown but living in different cities so met her once, she is extremely good looking i really liked her and sexually attracted to her up till some days ago when during call she decided to send her nudes and from that day she always send something or the other but as I'm getting more and more of her pics and videos the sexual attraction i had for her is going away, it’s not like she doesn't look the way i imagined, she looks even better than that. So last night send an extremely sexy video of her and asked for my dick pic but my dick didn't even respond plus my mind was empty like nothing is going on inside it even after watching her video. I tried thinking forcefully to get it up but still kind of got nothing. So now I'm confused if i am just Asexual or just impotent or both??
https://redd.it/1o3plqq
@asexualityonreddit
I'm 26M now had a girl friend when i was 19 for 4 months, i liked her a lot but never sexually attracted to her, she was not that good looking so i thought it is because of that, well at the end of our relationship she wanted to go physical so i force myself, i do performed decent but couldn't ejaculate she get that i am not physical attracted to her at all so broke things off, from that to till now 7 years i kind of figured that i am Asexual cause i am rarely attracted to someone physically, i'm straight that is am sure off.
Now the problem is a girl again approached me, same hometown but living in different cities so met her once, she is extremely good looking i really liked her and sexually attracted to her up till some days ago when during call she decided to send her nudes and from that day she always send something or the other but as I'm getting more and more of her pics and videos the sexual attraction i had for her is going away, it’s not like she doesn't look the way i imagined, she looks even better than that. So last night send an extremely sexy video of her and asked for my dick pic but my dick didn't even respond plus my mind was empty like nothing is going on inside it even after watching her video. I tried thinking forcefully to get it up but still kind of got nothing. So now I'm confused if i am just Asexual or just impotent or both??
https://redd.it/1o3plqq
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the Asexual community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the Asexual community
How do I reassure my partner?
https://www.reddit.com/r/Asexual/comments/1o3mbh5/i_need_help_understanding_asexuality/niwahnb/
https://redd.it/1o3ssb0
@asexualityonreddit
https://www.reddit.com/r/Asexual/comments/1o3mbh5/i_need_help_understanding_asexuality/niwahnb/
https://redd.it/1o3ssb0
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
supportingyoubb's comment on "i need help understanding asexuality"
Explore this conversation and more from the Asexual community