Am I asexual or was I not attracted to him ?
Hello! Posting this in hopes that someone could help me figure out some things.
22F recently broke up with my bf of 2 years 23M. For these 2 years, we did not have real sex, and he got tired of it and I had to let him go so he could get fulfilled in a more sexual relationship. He wanted more and I still wanted less. It was not a match at all sexually. In the beginning, I was excited and I wanted to engage in these things with him, I had butterflies etc, but after a while I started to feel disgusted by it and not turned on at all. So I kept telling him "another time" or "I have low libido". Meanwhile, he was the total opposite, like hypersexual. Kept trying to grab me in a sexual way everytime he was near etc. I eventually made a list of the things I didn't wan't him to do, it worked and I felt better for a year. But not him, he built resentment for holding back. Then eventually got impatient I guess and that's why we broke up. In this relationship, we tried to have p-i-v sex like 3 times and it never worked. We were both too nervous I guess, we are both virgins.
My conclusion from this relationship is either that I'm asexual, have REALLY low libido, or I just wasn't into him enough. Let me explain why these makes sense to maybe see which one makes more sense? And if someone asexual could tell me how it was to find out they were, I would love to hear that as well so I could see if I relate or not.
Why I could be asexual: I don't really feel sexual attraction to random people, like I do think they look good and I get crushes, but it's never sexually intended. I imagine myself holding hands with them etc. If they're really really hot then yeah maybe I'll picture myself alone in a room with them. But then, this could also just mean I'm demisexual. right? Also in high school my friend kept telling me she thinks I'm asexual cause I never talk about this stuff. But I'm just shy tbh and this feels like a private part of me. I would say I'm a prude.
Why I could just have low libido: During our relationship, I read a romance book and it really boosted my libido lol. It put me in mood for stuff that I usually don't want, so that's making me think I'm not really asexual, just wasn't turned on? If I have low libido and he had high libido, it just made me libido even lower because I felt forced.
Why I wasn't into him enough: We never had a honeymoon phase, our relationship was complicated from the start, as 2 overthinkers. We never said I love you, just, "I like you!" He also had pretty bad hygiene so that turned me off many times, his pp smelling bad etc. Also, we didn't want the same things out of each other. I could not touch him cause it tickled him, and he touched me only for sexual stuff, not to make me feel loved etc, while that's what I craved. To get my hair played with. I literally had to beg him, and he would only do it in return of sexual favors :(
What do you think? I tried to not write too much and make things clear but if u have any questions to help me find out what I am, pls ask! And pls tell me how you discovered for yourself
https://redd.it/1n36ahp
@asexualityonreddit
Hello! Posting this in hopes that someone could help me figure out some things.
22F recently broke up with my bf of 2 years 23M. For these 2 years, we did not have real sex, and he got tired of it and I had to let him go so he could get fulfilled in a more sexual relationship. He wanted more and I still wanted less. It was not a match at all sexually. In the beginning, I was excited and I wanted to engage in these things with him, I had butterflies etc, but after a while I started to feel disgusted by it and not turned on at all. So I kept telling him "another time" or "I have low libido". Meanwhile, he was the total opposite, like hypersexual. Kept trying to grab me in a sexual way everytime he was near etc. I eventually made a list of the things I didn't wan't him to do, it worked and I felt better for a year. But not him, he built resentment for holding back. Then eventually got impatient I guess and that's why we broke up. In this relationship, we tried to have p-i-v sex like 3 times and it never worked. We were both too nervous I guess, we are both virgins.
My conclusion from this relationship is either that I'm asexual, have REALLY low libido, or I just wasn't into him enough. Let me explain why these makes sense to maybe see which one makes more sense? And if someone asexual could tell me how it was to find out they were, I would love to hear that as well so I could see if I relate or not.
Why I could be asexual: I don't really feel sexual attraction to random people, like I do think they look good and I get crushes, but it's never sexually intended. I imagine myself holding hands with them etc. If they're really really hot then yeah maybe I'll picture myself alone in a room with them. But then, this could also just mean I'm demisexual. right? Also in high school my friend kept telling me she thinks I'm asexual cause I never talk about this stuff. But I'm just shy tbh and this feels like a private part of me. I would say I'm a prude.
Why I could just have low libido: During our relationship, I read a romance book and it really boosted my libido lol. It put me in mood for stuff that I usually don't want, so that's making me think I'm not really asexual, just wasn't turned on? If I have low libido and he had high libido, it just made me libido even lower because I felt forced.
Why I wasn't into him enough: We never had a honeymoon phase, our relationship was complicated from the start, as 2 overthinkers. We never said I love you, just, "I like you!" He also had pretty bad hygiene so that turned me off many times, his pp smelling bad etc. Also, we didn't want the same things out of each other. I could not touch him cause it tickled him, and he touched me only for sexual stuff, not to make me feel loved etc, while that's what I craved. To get my hair played with. I literally had to beg him, and he would only do it in return of sexual favors :(
What do you think? I tried to not write too much and make things clear but if u have any questions to help me find out what I am, pls ask! And pls tell me how you discovered for yourself
https://redd.it/1n36ahp
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the Asexual community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the Asexual community
i hate this
I hate when you're genuinely being kind and supportive standing up for someone and somebody's like “they're not gonna let you hit bro” 🥀
BRO I wouldn't wanna hit someone eitherway. I AM NOT A VIOLENT PERSON!
https://redd.it/1n398hk
@asexualityonreddit
I hate when you're genuinely being kind and supportive standing up for someone and somebody's like “they're not gonna let you hit bro” 🥀
BRO I wouldn't wanna hit someone eitherway. I AM NOT A VIOLENT PERSON!
https://redd.it/1n398hk
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the asexuality community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the asexuality community
I'm disturbed by something my therapist said about attraction
One of the reasons I started therapy was that I wanted to explore why I can’t seem to feel attraction toward people, despite multiple attempts. I want to have a partner but I can't really fall in love so it never works.
My therapist told me I’m “picky” and that I need to learn to like the other person. He compared it to eating anchovies, saying that if you eat anchovies every day, you will eventually learn to like them—and that, in the same way, it works with people.
I told him I have tried forcing myself many times, and it has never created attraction. For example, I have a male best friend who is attracted to me, has confessed his feelings, and with whom I’ve attempted kissing and touching many times over the years. When my friend takes it too far with touching, I get so uncomfortable I almost want to hit him. My therapist didn’t seem to believe me and said I must not be doing it often enough. He insisted that I have to initiate, force myself to kiss, and do it daily for at least six months.
He also insisted that "eveyone does this" because many people are staying in a relationship only because they have a kid, or because they share a house.
When I asked him what this implied about sexual orientation—because if you can learn to like anyone, what’s the point of having orientations—he said that sexual orientations are not real, and that all humans are essentially bisexual.
I feel really disturbed. I was expecting a therapist to perhaps mention he wanted to explore where my lack of attraction comes from, not that he would actually believe that you can force yourself. I'm not sure I ever want to see a therapist again. I've already seen 7 in my life and never helpful. (I'm not from the US, if this matters)
https://redd.it/1n3d0la
@asexualityonreddit
One of the reasons I started therapy was that I wanted to explore why I can’t seem to feel attraction toward people, despite multiple attempts. I want to have a partner but I can't really fall in love so it never works.
My therapist told me I’m “picky” and that I need to learn to like the other person. He compared it to eating anchovies, saying that if you eat anchovies every day, you will eventually learn to like them—and that, in the same way, it works with people.
I told him I have tried forcing myself many times, and it has never created attraction. For example, I have a male best friend who is attracted to me, has confessed his feelings, and with whom I’ve attempted kissing and touching many times over the years. When my friend takes it too far with touching, I get so uncomfortable I almost want to hit him. My therapist didn’t seem to believe me and said I must not be doing it often enough. He insisted that I have to initiate, force myself to kiss, and do it daily for at least six months.
He also insisted that "eveyone does this" because many people are staying in a relationship only because they have a kid, or because they share a house.
When I asked him what this implied about sexual orientation—because if you can learn to like anyone, what’s the point of having orientations—he said that sexual orientations are not real, and that all humans are essentially bisexual.
I feel really disturbed. I was expecting a therapist to perhaps mention he wanted to explore where my lack of attraction comes from, not that he would actually believe that you can force yourself. I'm not sure I ever want to see a therapist again. I've already seen 7 in my life and never helpful. (I'm not from the US, if this matters)
https://redd.it/1n3d0la
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the asexuality community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the asexuality community
why have sex when i can have a bird?
Like, they sing, they peck, and they're birds, doesn't that sound way more interesting than sex?
https://redd.it/1n37h1r
@asexualityonreddit
Like, they sing, they peck, and they're birds, doesn't that sound way more interesting than sex?
https://redd.it/1n37h1r
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the aaaaaaacccccccce community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the aaaaaaacccccccce community
Does anyone developped intrusive thoughts after finding out abt asexuality?
Bc i did…i dont even wanna talk abt any details of myself. Bc i won’t
Lets say that you never felt sexual attraction in your Life and thought that sexual attraction meant admiration or cuteness aggression.
Until you found out abt asexuality and then realized how you misunderstood sexual attraction your entire Life bc of how ppl described it to you.
And now you started to develop intrusive thoughts abt if you are feeling sexual attraction and are just unconsciously repressing it yayyy.
Or the fact that your brain is telling you how you are forcing yourself not to feel that way for others bc you are forcing yourself or be ace or that you think its ‘’ shameful ‘’ even though you don’t know what could possibly be shameful abt sexual attraction but STILL don’t know how it supposed to feel either
( don’t talk abt how sexual attraction feels pls. I dont want any explanation since sexual attraction is just so confusing and very hard to even know you feel it or not to the point it becomes a crisis. So plsss dont explain it to me )
And now you are sitting there with your brain not giving you a break : D
Soooo, yeah. Who wants to talk abt it?
https://redd.it/1n3ksq3
@asexualityonreddit
Bc i did…i dont even wanna talk abt any details of myself. Bc i won’t
Lets say that you never felt sexual attraction in your Life and thought that sexual attraction meant admiration or cuteness aggression.
Until you found out abt asexuality and then realized how you misunderstood sexual attraction your entire Life bc of how ppl described it to you.
And now you started to develop intrusive thoughts abt if you are feeling sexual attraction and are just unconsciously repressing it yayyy.
Or the fact that your brain is telling you how you are forcing yourself not to feel that way for others bc you are forcing yourself or be ace or that you think its ‘’ shameful ‘’ even though you don’t know what could possibly be shameful abt sexual attraction but STILL don’t know how it supposed to feel either
( don’t talk abt how sexual attraction feels pls. I dont want any explanation since sexual attraction is just so confusing and very hard to even know you feel it or not to the point it becomes a crisis. So plsss dont explain it to me )
And now you are sitting there with your brain not giving you a break : D
Soooo, yeah. Who wants to talk abt it?
https://redd.it/1n3ksq3
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the Asexual community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the Asexual community
I am making queer coat of arms, finally got around to adjust and give full colors for Ace, still looking for ideas/ advice/ suggestions for Aro-Ace. Anyone got anything good?
https://redd.it/1n3mxix
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/1n3mxix
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the Asexual community on Reddit: I am making queer coat of arms, finally got around to adjust and give full colors for Ace…
Explore this post and more from the Asexual community
I am making queer coat of arms, finally got around to adjust and give full colors for Ace, still looking for idead7 advice / suggestions for Aro-Ace. Anyone got anything good?
https://redd.it/1n3mui4
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/1n3mui4
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the aaaaaaacccccccce community on Reddit: I am making queer coat of arms, finally got around to adjust and give full colors…
Explore this post and more from the aaaaaaacccccccce community
came out to my family, didn't really go as I expected.
Came out to my family last night, and this is how they responded
Dad: "Well, cats exist." For context, my dad is a vet. And apparently, cats are such f*cked up animals that in almost every part of the textbook content on mammals should come with a side note that says 'except cats'. Idk if that's true or he's just exaggerating. Him being a dog person might have sth to do with it as well. But yeah. I guess in his book a human not having any sexual attraction isn't any weirder than a mammal being able to drop from great heights and being fine. Which does make sense.
However, he did go on Google to 'research' asexuality and decided it was fate that I was born on the year of the dragon.
Mom was surprised that I wasn't bi or lesbian. "You always said you thought (female princess character) was pretty!" "When I was like 3, mom, and I'm ace, not blind!" "Oh."
My brother, a psychology major just went into his room and brought out his textbook, opened to the part of Freud and generously handed me a pen, saying "Stab him to death- you already killed his theory, might as well finish the job."
My family is weird, but I love them.
\+) my family is pretty conservative, so I was expecting some kind of backlash or having to explain myself. I mean I did, but only because my parents had never heard of that term. My brother helped, said he had a classmate who was aro.
https://redd.it/1n3oqy5
@asexualityonreddit
Came out to my family last night, and this is how they responded
Dad: "Well, cats exist." For context, my dad is a vet. And apparently, cats are such f*cked up animals that in almost every part of the textbook content on mammals should come with a side note that says 'except cats'. Idk if that's true or he's just exaggerating. Him being a dog person might have sth to do with it as well. But yeah. I guess in his book a human not having any sexual attraction isn't any weirder than a mammal being able to drop from great heights and being fine. Which does make sense.
However, he did go on Google to 'research' asexuality and decided it was fate that I was born on the year of the dragon.
Mom was surprised that I wasn't bi or lesbian. "You always said you thought (female princess character) was pretty!" "When I was like 3, mom, and I'm ace, not blind!" "Oh."
My brother, a psychology major just went into his room and brought out his textbook, opened to the part of Freud and generously handed me a pen, saying "Stab him to death- you already killed his theory, might as well finish the job."
My family is weird, but I love them.
\+) my family is pretty conservative, so I was expecting some kind of backlash or having to explain myself. I mean I did, but only because my parents had never heard of that term. My brother helped, said he had a classmate who was aro.
https://redd.it/1n3oqy5
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the asexuality community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the asexuality community
what’s the freakiest explicit song you vibe too even though you’re maybe sex repulsed?
i’m currently vibing so bad at “house tour” by sabrina carpenter (the queen of freakyland) and i’m sex repulsed lol
https://redd.it/1n3uy3f
@asexualityonreddit
i’m currently vibing so bad at “house tour” by sabrina carpenter (the queen of freakyland) and i’m sex repulsed lol
https://redd.it/1n3uy3f
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the aaaaaaacccccccce community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the aaaaaaacccccccce community