Feels like my bf doesn't respect my identity
I told my boyfriend that I'm asexual and it didn't go well.
I made sure to lead with telling him I still love him and want to be with him, but he still accused me of secretly hating him and was very upset. After he calmed down, I explained I'd still be okay with doing things for him, but I'd like to do it way wayyyy less because it makes me anxious, though I still want him to be happy too. I understand it can be a deal-breaker, and told him to be honest with me if it was. He said he understood, and it wasn't a deal-breaker, and he agreed.
Though the past few weeks he's been complaining about the fact that I'm "not normal". He still tries to initiate several times a day and pouts when I turn him down, still saying it's because I don't love him. When I remind him what we talked about, he just says he understands, but then keeps bugging me about it. I don't even know what to do here. We've spent years together and I don't want to lose him, but he's not respecting my identity and it's driving me crazy.
Sorry if this isn't the place to put this, just needed to get it off my chest.
https://redd.it/1mpl4wz
@asexualityonreddit
I told my boyfriend that I'm asexual and it didn't go well.
I made sure to lead with telling him I still love him and want to be with him, but he still accused me of secretly hating him and was very upset. After he calmed down, I explained I'd still be okay with doing things for him, but I'd like to do it way wayyyy less because it makes me anxious, though I still want him to be happy too. I understand it can be a deal-breaker, and told him to be honest with me if it was. He said he understood, and it wasn't a deal-breaker, and he agreed.
Though the past few weeks he's been complaining about the fact that I'm "not normal". He still tries to initiate several times a day and pouts when I turn him down, still saying it's because I don't love him. When I remind him what we talked about, he just says he understands, but then keeps bugging me about it. I don't even know what to do here. We've spent years together and I don't want to lose him, but he's not respecting my identity and it's driving me crazy.
Sorry if this isn't the place to put this, just needed to get it off my chest.
https://redd.it/1mpl4wz
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I believe my asexuality came about because of my assault. That doesn’t make it any less valid.
CW for mentions of rape.
When I, (19M) was a child I was raped violently by a man four times my age. Ever since then I’ve never found anything to do with sex attractive and even have a heavy repulsion to it. I heavily believe my SA is the primary reason for this, and my therapist agrees.
The issue I have is that I see many people claiming that because my asexuality is due to a trauma in my life , it’s somehow less valid. I’ve even seen people say that people like me need to go to therapy and “work through” my asexuality. I’m so tired of it.
I am asexual. How I got there isn’t important. Just because a force in my life got me here doesn’t mean it isn’t real. I’m so grateful that our community exists and that I know there are people like me out there. 💜🤍🩶🖤
https://redd.it/1mpg07o
@asexualityonreddit
CW for mentions of rape.
When I, (19M) was a child I was raped violently by a man four times my age. Ever since then I’ve never found anything to do with sex attractive and even have a heavy repulsion to it. I heavily believe my SA is the primary reason for this, and my therapist agrees.
The issue I have is that I see many people claiming that because my asexuality is due to a trauma in my life , it’s somehow less valid. I’ve even seen people say that people like me need to go to therapy and “work through” my asexuality. I’m so tired of it.
I am asexual. How I got there isn’t important. Just because a force in my life got me here doesn’t mean it isn’t real. I’m so grateful that our community exists and that I know there are people like me out there. 💜🤍🩶🖤
https://redd.it/1mpg07o
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Why did the term allosexual get created as opposed to using "sexual" for them?
Just wondering why it didn't catch to call them sexuals as opposed to allosexual. For comparison, we have theists and atheists. It'd make sense to have sexuals and asexuals
https://redd.it/1mpp72b
@asexualityonreddit
Just wondering why it didn't catch to call them sexuals as opposed to allosexual. For comparison, we have theists and atheists. It'd make sense to have sexuals and asexuals
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Can asexuals watch lesbian porn?
I wanna know bc i have Heard some asexuals like watching porn. So can there be asexuals that like watching lesbian porn even though they dont feel sexual attraction to women?
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I wanna know bc i have Heard some asexuals like watching porn. So can there be asexuals that like watching lesbian porn even though they dont feel sexual attraction to women?
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Can asexual would want to have sex with the same gender without sexual attraction? If so, how?
Im so sorry for the TMI question. Especially with the last one, i am sorry.
But i have thought abt it for a while.
Can an asexual prefer of wanting to have sex with the same gender without being sexually attracted to one?
If so, how?
How can they want to have sex with the same gender if they dont feel sexual attraction to it?
I am curious
https://redd.it/1mq3py4
@asexualityonreddit
Im so sorry for the TMI question. Especially with the last one, i am sorry.
But i have thought abt it for a while.
Can an asexual prefer of wanting to have sex with the same gender without being sexually attracted to one?
If so, how?
How can they want to have sex with the same gender if they dont feel sexual attraction to it?
I am curious
https://redd.it/1mq3py4
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My experience
I don't know if anyone will relate to this, but basically, whenever I have sex, be it with any gender, even if I like kissing, cuddling, and even giving foreplay, I personally don't enjoy doing or even receiving sexual gratification in any other way. What I do like however, is seeing, and especially hearing, my partner get pleasure from doing it with me. Does anyone relate ?
https://redd.it/1mq3i2k
@asexualityonreddit
I don't know if anyone will relate to this, but basically, whenever I have sex, be it with any gender, even if I like kissing, cuddling, and even giving foreplay, I personally don't enjoy doing or even receiving sexual gratification in any other way. What I do like however, is seeing, and especially hearing, my partner get pleasure from doing it with me. Does anyone relate ?
https://redd.it/1mq3i2k
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Just a reminder for everyone, you’re valid 🫶
Got into an argument today about the definition of asexuality. I just wanted to remind everyone that even if you’re not sex repulsed, you’re still asexual and valid. Don’t let anyone, especially anyone on Reddit, to tell you differently.
https://redd.it/1mq8mwo
@asexualityonreddit
Got into an argument today about the definition of asexuality. I just wanted to remind everyone that even if you’re not sex repulsed, you’re still asexual and valid. Don’t let anyone, especially anyone on Reddit, to tell you differently.
https://redd.it/1mq8mwo
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Ironically, I’ve never been part of a sub that mentions sex so much
I really wish there was an “ask an ace” sub or something like it, where people who really love answering constant questions about “am I ace if I like sex?” “Is my girlfriend ace?” “I’m hypersexual and I am dating an asexual - what should I do?” Etc
I know this makes me incredibly grumpy and old, but I know I’m ace, I embrace my sexuality or lack of, I’m proud and fiercely protective of the ace community, I like the fact that I can view the world without the sex tinted glasses!
I’m not sex repulsed, I just find it sooooo boring, and frankly a bit sad that people place so much importance on one aspect of a relationship. I just wish conversation here wasn’t based on the one thing that the majority of us aren’t overly bothered about, like all of the time!
Yes, I’ve already said, I’m old and grumpy. Can we talk about something else? Pleeeeeease? Just for one day?
Let the down voting commence!
https://redd.it/1mqarol
@asexualityonreddit
I really wish there was an “ask an ace” sub or something like it, where people who really love answering constant questions about “am I ace if I like sex?” “Is my girlfriend ace?” “I’m hypersexual and I am dating an asexual - what should I do?” Etc
I know this makes me incredibly grumpy and old, but I know I’m ace, I embrace my sexuality or lack of, I’m proud and fiercely protective of the ace community, I like the fact that I can view the world without the sex tinted glasses!
I’m not sex repulsed, I just find it sooooo boring, and frankly a bit sad that people place so much importance on one aspect of a relationship. I just wish conversation here wasn’t based on the one thing that the majority of us aren’t overly bothered about, like all of the time!
Yes, I’ve already said, I’m old and grumpy. Can we talk about something else? Pleeeeeease? Just for one day?
Let the down voting commence!
https://redd.it/1mqarol
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No one cares about maintaining friendships
This might be more of an aroace issue, but as someone who needs to have a couple of friends around to feel like a human being, I'm so fucking tired of people who don't want to put in the effort. I feel like a lot of allo people don't view friendships as relationships, or if they do, they view them as something lesser. Like, bitch, you still have to text back. You have to schedule time to hang out and maybe get each other little gifts all the same.
I have gotten coffee with so many people. I have joined interest groups (and quickly exited them because ✨some men love being creeps✨), and sat there just hoping for a text back. Whenever I try to throw some kind of house party or do any kind of event, half the people flake. This shit makes me want to stay home and self-isolate so bad even though I know that's a terrible idea. Sometimes it just feels like I can't even go anywhere because I'm not coupled up. Traveling outside my city just isn't feasible for me because it's expensive solo and not exactly safe.
Even the people who do seem to want to put in the effort usually stop when they get into relationships. It's like, cool, I'm happy for you and all, but damn. It sucks to know that something so important to me is the last priority for literally everyone else. I don't even have the fall back of being friends with my exes like a lot of the queer people I know seem do. I literally don't understand how I'm supposed to find friends, let alone any kind of QPR, under these conditions.
My quest for friendship did let me join a knitting club that was mostly just old ladies for a bit though (listen, I was just hoping I could meet other queer girls who like yarn, idk), 10/10. Felt slightly less insane and got decades of concentrated gossip.
https://redd.it/1mqa5w9
@asexualityonreddit
This might be more of an aroace issue, but as someone who needs to have a couple of friends around to feel like a human being, I'm so fucking tired of people who don't want to put in the effort. I feel like a lot of allo people don't view friendships as relationships, or if they do, they view them as something lesser. Like, bitch, you still have to text back. You have to schedule time to hang out and maybe get each other little gifts all the same.
I have gotten coffee with so many people. I have joined interest groups (and quickly exited them because ✨some men love being creeps✨), and sat there just hoping for a text back. Whenever I try to throw some kind of house party or do any kind of event, half the people flake. This shit makes me want to stay home and self-isolate so bad even though I know that's a terrible idea. Sometimes it just feels like I can't even go anywhere because I'm not coupled up. Traveling outside my city just isn't feasible for me because it's expensive solo and not exactly safe.
Even the people who do seem to want to put in the effort usually stop when they get into relationships. It's like, cool, I'm happy for you and all, but damn. It sucks to know that something so important to me is the last priority for literally everyone else. I don't even have the fall back of being friends with my exes like a lot of the queer people I know seem do. I literally don't understand how I'm supposed to find friends, let alone any kind of QPR, under these conditions.
My quest for friendship did let me join a knitting club that was mostly just old ladies for a bit though (listen, I was just hoping I could meet other queer girls who like yarn, idk), 10/10. Felt slightly less insane and got decades of concentrated gossip.
https://redd.it/1mqa5w9
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How do I tell if it's genophobia or asexuality
Ever since I heard about the concept of sex I thought of it as gross and I would even have intense nightmares about sex and "sexy" things as a preteen. My parents told me it would most likely change with time but boy were they wrong! Once I got to high school my friend group thought I was weird for not wanting to be sexually active like the "cool kids" and making excuses not to hit on that hot girl in my class (they pressured me into making a move so I fumbled on purpose). As a teen I heard of other like-minded people on the internet (Asexuals!) but just recently I've also heard that fear of sex is also classified as genophobia, which google says is a problem that needs to be treated, but idk what the qualifications are for both. I know I'm afraid of sex but I didn't know it wasn't normal to be that way.
https://redd.it/1mqdq4o
@asexualityonreddit
Ever since I heard about the concept of sex I thought of it as gross and I would even have intense nightmares about sex and "sexy" things as a preteen. My parents told me it would most likely change with time but boy were they wrong! Once I got to high school my friend group thought I was weird for not wanting to be sexually active like the "cool kids" and making excuses not to hit on that hot girl in my class (they pressured me into making a move so I fumbled on purpose). As a teen I heard of other like-minded people on the internet (Asexuals!) but just recently I've also heard that fear of sex is also classified as genophobia, which google says is a problem that needs to be treated, but idk what the qualifications are for both. I know I'm afraid of sex but I didn't know it wasn't normal to be that way.
https://redd.it/1mqdq4o
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Do any of you read spicy content?
Just curious what people have to say. I (27, afab nonbinary) was always drawn to written media. When I was a teen, I never really liked people, I just got lost on Ao3 or similar pages. It was mostly fanfic of franchises I enjoyed, and I always knew it’s just fiction, read and carried on with my day.
Back then, ofc I gatekept that, well who should I have told anyways? By now, I kinda grew out of that, but it‘s still my favourite kind of media if I ever feel like I want to dip my toes in the still waters of what I suspect to be Demi/Aegosexuality.
https://redd.it/1mq6j60
@asexualityonreddit
Just curious what people have to say. I (27, afab nonbinary) was always drawn to written media. When I was a teen, I never really liked people, I just got lost on Ao3 or similar pages. It was mostly fanfic of franchises I enjoyed, and I always knew it’s just fiction, read and carried on with my day.
Back then, ofc I gatekept that, well who should I have told anyways? By now, I kinda grew out of that, but it‘s still my favourite kind of media if I ever feel like I want to dip my toes in the still waters of what I suspect to be Demi/Aegosexuality.
https://redd.it/1mq6j60
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Hello can anyone answer this cause I'm so confused...
Before I start, I'm not trying to offend anyone, I'm just confused about stuff. I'm a straight girl, even though I have friends convinced otherwise, and I've been in a relationship for a little bit now. But I don't really feel anything for him romantically. Like, I don't really like hugs and kisses and such (we aren't going any further than that at the moment). I thought I really liked him, and I definitely don't want to upset or hurt him in anyway. I like the idea of relationships and that kind of thing, I used to want a relationship and before we got together I liked the idea of being with him. I like the concept in theory, but I don't think I really like it now. I did some googling and found out I might be cupioromatic (I think I spelled it right, and that's just what Google says, idk). If anyone is please don't be offended by my lack of knowledge, I might be overreacting, but could anyone tell me if that's what's going on or if it could be something else, or fall under a different name? (Also this is my first time using this website, idk really how it works.)
https://redd.it/1mqombo
@asexualityonreddit
Before I start, I'm not trying to offend anyone, I'm just confused about stuff. I'm a straight girl, even though I have friends convinced otherwise, and I've been in a relationship for a little bit now. But I don't really feel anything for him romantically. Like, I don't really like hugs and kisses and such (we aren't going any further than that at the moment). I thought I really liked him, and I definitely don't want to upset or hurt him in anyway. I like the idea of relationships and that kind of thing, I used to want a relationship and before we got together I liked the idea of being with him. I like the concept in theory, but I don't think I really like it now. I did some googling and found out I might be cupioromatic (I think I spelled it right, and that's just what Google says, idk). If anyone is please don't be offended by my lack of knowledge, I might be overreacting, but could anyone tell me if that's what's going on or if it could be something else, or fall under a different name? (Also this is my first time using this website, idk really how it works.)
https://redd.it/1mqombo
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