So I was starting to think I was Asexual and now I find out there are different types of Asexual people and now I am starting to get a migraine LITERALLY!!! Maybe I'm just too old to Figure out what I am🤷♀️
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Asexual but I want to experience an orgasm. Is my partner the problem?
Disclaimer: I love my partner. I do my best to be caring, supportive, and empathetic to the fact that they have complex trauma and autism, which is a newer diagnosis they are personally struggling with. This is just a necessary place to vent. I will probably come off as an asshole, but I am in therapy and I put a lot of effort into not being an asshole to my partner or most other people.
Is it possible to orgasm with someone who is emotionally exhausting? As I mentioned above, my partner has complex trauma and a LOT of shame which still controls most of their mental narrative. I knew about their trauma before we got engaged, but the autism diagnosis came a few months before our wedding so learning how to balance those support needs as a couple is still new to us. My partner cries a lot. They have to talk out almost every feeling they have. They react strongly to what is apparently my direct tone of voice which I can't control well enough. Also, my limited ability to be empathic (because I am a twentieth-century historian who is updated on current events) does not align well with their moderate to high support needs. All of these things are okay, and we work hard to be connected and supportive as a couple. But I struggle to see my partner as a capable provider, so it's hard for me to receive pleasure from them during sex. It's hard for us to maintain consistency because I generally don't want to have sex. It's not bad...I just don't want to spend the time and emotional energy for something that will leave me unsatisfied.
All things considered, we have a good sex life. But I am asexual and have never orgasmed. Not with them (my first and only sexual partner) and not by myself. I have tried seven types of toys, multiple settings, a wide variety of porn, and stimulation from an actual person. No amount of time or environmental changes can do it for me. I get close, I think, and then anything sexual in my brain and body just shuts off. Am I doomed to never experience the pleasure of sex or could the problem be my partner? Would I orgasm with another person who I wasn't living my daily life and therefore daily stresses with? Is the missing piece someone who I can trust to take over so my brain can finally shut off and follow through on its biological design for pleasure? I know that I'm asexual because sex doesn't interest me but a rush of happy brain chemicals and not having to carry the shame of not being able to orgasm would be amazing.
I couldn't cheat on my partner, because they couldn't emotionally handle it and I won't add hurt like that to their trauma list. But I can't help wondering if I'm missing something. I also don't want to feel jealousy when I make my partner orgasm multiple times, because they deserve that and I'm happy to provide. I just wish that someone could provide for me.
Other Disclaimer for the mods: I have no idea if I used the right tag. This is a rant for me but it's written like a request for relationship advice but also it's a personal story...happy to change it if need be. Thanks!
https://redd.it/1lnwydn
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Disclaimer: I love my partner. I do my best to be caring, supportive, and empathetic to the fact that they have complex trauma and autism, which is a newer diagnosis they are personally struggling with. This is just a necessary place to vent. I will probably come off as an asshole, but I am in therapy and I put a lot of effort into not being an asshole to my partner or most other people.
Is it possible to orgasm with someone who is emotionally exhausting? As I mentioned above, my partner has complex trauma and a LOT of shame which still controls most of their mental narrative. I knew about their trauma before we got engaged, but the autism diagnosis came a few months before our wedding so learning how to balance those support needs as a couple is still new to us. My partner cries a lot. They have to talk out almost every feeling they have. They react strongly to what is apparently my direct tone of voice which I can't control well enough. Also, my limited ability to be empathic (because I am a twentieth-century historian who is updated on current events) does not align well with their moderate to high support needs. All of these things are okay, and we work hard to be connected and supportive as a couple. But I struggle to see my partner as a capable provider, so it's hard for me to receive pleasure from them during sex. It's hard for us to maintain consistency because I generally don't want to have sex. It's not bad...I just don't want to spend the time and emotional energy for something that will leave me unsatisfied.
All things considered, we have a good sex life. But I am asexual and have never orgasmed. Not with them (my first and only sexual partner) and not by myself. I have tried seven types of toys, multiple settings, a wide variety of porn, and stimulation from an actual person. No amount of time or environmental changes can do it for me. I get close, I think, and then anything sexual in my brain and body just shuts off. Am I doomed to never experience the pleasure of sex or could the problem be my partner? Would I orgasm with another person who I wasn't living my daily life and therefore daily stresses with? Is the missing piece someone who I can trust to take over so my brain can finally shut off and follow through on its biological design for pleasure? I know that I'm asexual because sex doesn't interest me but a rush of happy brain chemicals and not having to carry the shame of not being able to orgasm would be amazing.
I couldn't cheat on my partner, because they couldn't emotionally handle it and I won't add hurt like that to their trauma list. But I can't help wondering if I'm missing something. I also don't want to feel jealousy when I make my partner orgasm multiple times, because they deserve that and I'm happy to provide. I just wish that someone could provide for me.
Other Disclaimer for the mods: I have no idea if I used the right tag. This is a rant for me but it's written like a request for relationship advice but also it's a personal story...happy to change it if need be. Thanks!
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Do you find the scent of people arousing?
I'd like to do a survey on how people identifying under asexual labels perceive and react to scent.
Do you feel like certain people's natural scent (not perfume or shampoo) is sexually arousing?
If you have dated, did you perceive your partners' scent as: no scent / neutral / non-sexually good / arousing?
If you identify as demi, did your perception of their scent change over time, as attraction grew?
Please also include your sexual orientation, gender, and whether you consider yourself sex-favorable, neutral, or repulsed.
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I'd like to do a survey on how people identifying under asexual labels perceive and react to scent.
Do you feel like certain people's natural scent (not perfume or shampoo) is sexually arousing?
If you have dated, did you perceive your partners' scent as: no scent / neutral / non-sexually good / arousing?
If you identify as demi, did your perception of their scent change over time, as attraction grew?
Please also include your sexual orientation, gender, and whether you consider yourself sex-favorable, neutral, or repulsed.
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I made the first ever ace pop EP (I think)
https://open.spotify.com/album/6564B7EuzRYyYdpCXfAjjB?si=All_qQupRn6QjE-HyTSypw
This is insane!!! Europop vibes and very danceable about being ace.
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https://open.spotify.com/album/6564B7EuzRYyYdpCXfAjjB?si=All_qQupRn6QjE-HyTSypw
This is insane!!! Europop vibes and very danceable about being ace.
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Spotify
ACE POP EP
Gabrielle Riegel · EP · 2025 · 3 songs
As you can imagine, the comment section didn’t cope well with it
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Im asexual :)
I literally just joined Reddit just for one episode of Big Mouth. Like, damn, it was so good. I think it really helped me understand asexuality better.
I mean, I kinda knew—or thought—I was ace, but I was never 100% sure, you know? Like sometimes I do like people, but I don’t want anything more. Just a good relationship, that’s it.
But man, that episode with the new guy who’s asexual? I felt so seen. It was amazing. I loved it. 😼🤙🏿
https://redd.it/1lo2huk
@asexualityonreddit
I literally just joined Reddit just for one episode of Big Mouth. Like, damn, it was so good. I think it really helped me understand asexuality better.
I mean, I kinda knew—or thought—I was ace, but I was never 100% sure, you know? Like sometimes I do like people, but I don’t want anything more. Just a good relationship, that’s it.
But man, that episode with the new guy who’s asexual? I felt so seen. It was amazing. I loved it. 😼🤙🏿
https://redd.it/1lo2huk
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Any other aces feel like they're gonna be single forever?
I'm a 32 year old sex-repulsed asexual. I've been single for over 10 years and I feel like I'm never gonna be with anyone romantically at this point. I've met people who would be interested, but inevitably, sex is a huge part of their intimate lives and I just feel like I can't give them that. And I don't want to "compromise" by giving in to something I genuinely don't want. So, I'm more or less resigned to staying single for the foreseeable future.
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I'm a 32 year old sex-repulsed asexual. I've been single for over 10 years and I feel like I'm never gonna be with anyone romantically at this point. I've met people who would be interested, but inevitably, sex is a huge part of their intimate lives and I just feel like I can't give them that. And I don't want to "compromise" by giving in to something I genuinely don't want. So, I'm more or less resigned to staying single for the foreseeable future.
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Non ACE to ACE dating
ACE to Non ACE dating
I 21M started recently dating a girl (19) and we hit it off pretty well. We were initially far away from each other so had all of our conversations either by call or text for a little. For about a week we would flirt, she asked to kiss or hold hands when we met, and I am all for it. After meeting, she followed through with her previous talk and we did those things. After a little while however, she seemed a bit more reserved, didnt come close while cuddling, no kissing. I initially thought she was just a bit scared to do those things or they made her nervous. After leaving her house one night, I talked with her through it. She had never heard of Asexuality or anything, but said it described her perfectly. She likes to think of those things, wants to try them, but is anxious the entire time she's physically close. She then told me her plan was to just sick up the shitty feelings she got and do them just to make me (or whoever she really ends up with) happy.
Now sex isn't super important to me, but I would like a wife with a desire for me. I care about this woman too much to let her be made uncomfortable by someone she's supposed to love for the rest of her life, and im fairly certain that if I do break it off with her she will just let herself be a doormat for a man that doesn't care.
Right now we are at a point where we both know that the other isn't the right match. I told her about some Ace dating apps, but she is hesitant.
Is there any advice anyone can give to either help her take the leap to being openly Ace(to herself mainly) or to me to ensure she doesn't go back to suppressing her feelings, next time for someone who maybe won't care
Edit:TLDR: woman im dating hides her asexuality to keep men, how do I help her not bury her sexuality
https://redd.it/1lo99kp
@asexualityonreddit
ACE to Non ACE dating
I 21M started recently dating a girl (19) and we hit it off pretty well. We were initially far away from each other so had all of our conversations either by call or text for a little. For about a week we would flirt, she asked to kiss or hold hands when we met, and I am all for it. After meeting, she followed through with her previous talk and we did those things. After a little while however, she seemed a bit more reserved, didnt come close while cuddling, no kissing. I initially thought she was just a bit scared to do those things or they made her nervous. After leaving her house one night, I talked with her through it. She had never heard of Asexuality or anything, but said it described her perfectly. She likes to think of those things, wants to try them, but is anxious the entire time she's physically close. She then told me her plan was to just sick up the shitty feelings she got and do them just to make me (or whoever she really ends up with) happy.
Now sex isn't super important to me, but I would like a wife with a desire for me. I care about this woman too much to let her be made uncomfortable by someone she's supposed to love for the rest of her life, and im fairly certain that if I do break it off with her she will just let herself be a doormat for a man that doesn't care.
Right now we are at a point where we both know that the other isn't the right match. I told her about some Ace dating apps, but she is hesitant.
Is there any advice anyone can give to either help her take the leap to being openly Ace(to herself mainly) or to me to ensure she doesn't go back to suppressing her feelings, next time for someone who maybe won't care
Edit:TLDR: woman im dating hides her asexuality to keep men, how do I help her not bury her sexuality
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Neck kisses
( hey, i don’t know what flair to use bc i am not exactly venting. I am ranting abt something. So i Hope that this flair is slightly similar to that )
Hi, i have rant abt this before and ima rant abt it again bc i am already tired of this world rn.
Number one, i love neck kisses, it feels good, sensual and i like it.
I never percieved it sexually bc to me they are just kisses on the necks and all. But ppl in my whole enviorment says its sexual. Like yeah, its ok to have an opinion abt it and its okay if you find it yourself sexual. But these ppl are just too much, cuz they say sh1t like this ‘’ no, they are sexual and sexual only. If someone liked neck kisses then they wanna find their g-spot to arouse the person ‘’
……STOP IT
WHYYYYYY.
So you’re telling me that if i would want to peck someone on the neck they are gonna assume that i am trying to find A G-SPOT????
ARE YOU SERIOUS RN?????
Bro, i mean yeah, neck kisses would mostly feel ticklish for me, but arousing? No tbh.
Im not saying ppl shouldn’t be, its okay if they find them arousing. But BRO….HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KISS SOMEONES NECK WITHOUT THEM THINKING I WANNA DO SEXUAL THINGS TO THEM?????
DUDE I AM NOT TRYING TO FIND YOUR G-SPOT. I JUST WANNA KISS YOUR NECK BC I LIKE IT AND THATS HOW I SHOW AFFECTION. It is meant non-sexually when i do it. Im not trying to lead to something here
I just want to kiss ppls necks without ppl thinking its sexually intented. Like, NO THATD NOT WHAT I AM TRYING TO DO PLS STOP.
My whole enviorment literally thinks if you do one sensual thing then it sexual and sexual only and that you shouldn’t think otherwise bc sensual things lead to sex-
LET ME ENJOY MY SENSUAL NECK KISSES IN PEACE THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I want sensual things. I want non-sexual SENSUAL THINGS MAN….it feels good for em and i like it. I find ppl sensually attractive LEAVE ME ALONE MAN.
I dont wanna lead it to sex bc…..why?
And at this point idk if i feel sensual attraction or sexual attraction ( or maybe both, but i doubt that i am feeling both. I think i am feeling only one of them )
My whole enviorment says sexual attraction is hugs cuddles kisses and Even though its not sexual, it doesnt matter bc its still sexual.
Ur joe King……right?
Like….i have a strong sensual attraction, so its so hard to tell if i feel sexual attraction. I can’t Even remember a Time feeling it…its insane.
But yeah, back to neck kisses.
i just wish neck kisses weren’t just percieved as sexual and just finding someone’s g-spot. Like, it can be more than that man. What if i want to me a sensual/ non-sexual affection?
I would like that man😭
Sooo yeah, the moral of the story is. Neck kisses aren’t always sexual for some ppl ( sure Hope so. Idk ). And stop making it think like its sexual and sexual ONLY ( heck forcing ppl to think this way )
Anyways Thats my rant, Hope you enjoyed it!
https://redd.it/1lo8jm5
@asexualityonreddit
( hey, i don’t know what flair to use bc i am not exactly venting. I am ranting abt something. So i Hope that this flair is slightly similar to that )
Hi, i have rant abt this before and ima rant abt it again bc i am already tired of this world rn.
Number one, i love neck kisses, it feels good, sensual and i like it.
I never percieved it sexually bc to me they are just kisses on the necks and all. But ppl in my whole enviorment says its sexual. Like yeah, its ok to have an opinion abt it and its okay if you find it yourself sexual. But these ppl are just too much, cuz they say sh1t like this ‘’ no, they are sexual and sexual only. If someone liked neck kisses then they wanna find their g-spot to arouse the person ‘’
……STOP IT
WHYYYYYY.
So you’re telling me that if i would want to peck someone on the neck they are gonna assume that i am trying to find A G-SPOT????
ARE YOU SERIOUS RN?????
Bro, i mean yeah, neck kisses would mostly feel ticklish for me, but arousing? No tbh.
Im not saying ppl shouldn’t be, its okay if they find them arousing. But BRO….HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KISS SOMEONES NECK WITHOUT THEM THINKING I WANNA DO SEXUAL THINGS TO THEM?????
DUDE I AM NOT TRYING TO FIND YOUR G-SPOT. I JUST WANNA KISS YOUR NECK BC I LIKE IT AND THATS HOW I SHOW AFFECTION. It is meant non-sexually when i do it. Im not trying to lead to something here
I just want to kiss ppls necks without ppl thinking its sexually intented. Like, NO THATD NOT WHAT I AM TRYING TO DO PLS STOP.
My whole enviorment literally thinks if you do one sensual thing then it sexual and sexual only and that you shouldn’t think otherwise bc sensual things lead to sex-
LET ME ENJOY MY SENSUAL NECK KISSES IN PEACE THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I want sensual things. I want non-sexual SENSUAL THINGS MAN….it feels good for em and i like it. I find ppl sensually attractive LEAVE ME ALONE MAN.
I dont wanna lead it to sex bc…..why?
And at this point idk if i feel sensual attraction or sexual attraction ( or maybe both, but i doubt that i am feeling both. I think i am feeling only one of them )
My whole enviorment says sexual attraction is hugs cuddles kisses and Even though its not sexual, it doesnt matter bc its still sexual.
Ur joe King……right?
Like….i have a strong sensual attraction, so its so hard to tell if i feel sexual attraction. I can’t Even remember a Time feeling it…its insane.
But yeah, back to neck kisses.
i just wish neck kisses weren’t just percieved as sexual and just finding someone’s g-spot. Like, it can be more than that man. What if i want to me a sensual/ non-sexual affection?
I would like that man😭
Sooo yeah, the moral of the story is. Neck kisses aren’t always sexual for some ppl ( sure Hope so. Idk ). And stop making it think like its sexual and sexual ONLY ( heck forcing ppl to think this way )
Anyways Thats my rant, Hope you enjoyed it!
https://redd.it/1lo8jm5
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Asexual male and realising that I probably will never have a healthy relationship
I speak from my personal experience and I can say that it’s just a too huge part of a relationship and 95% of the girls would either leave or cheat on you if you don’t want to do it with them. The only possibility would be finding someone who is also asexual too or has a low libido which is very rare. I just feel boring, miserable, hopeless and empty.
It’s not my intention to offend anybody by that but maybe someone is here that can give me an advice how to cope with this situation.
https://redd.it/1lob99u
@asexualityonreddit
I speak from my personal experience and I can say that it’s just a too huge part of a relationship and 95% of the girls would either leave or cheat on you if you don’t want to do it with them. The only possibility would be finding someone who is also asexual too or has a low libido which is very rare. I just feel boring, miserable, hopeless and empty.
It’s not my intention to offend anybody by that but maybe someone is here that can give me an advice how to cope with this situation.
https://redd.it/1lob99u
@asexualityonreddit
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