How did you find out you are asexual? Am I asexual?
Hi all.
I'll try to be short, but it's a long story.
I've been sexually abused several times in my life and I never really enjoyed sex. However I always believed it is not an optional thing: it's something you have to do if you are a woman and want to be with a man.
I met my current boyfriend and sex was okay with him. I could have very nice orgasms actually.
Then after 3 months together we had to stop for 6 weeks for medical reasons and that was the first time I experienced what a relationship without sex feels like. I felt really free and it was like a stone fell off my heart.
Since then, we have issues with our sexual life. We've been together for 2,5 years now, tried a lot of methods and strategies, but it just made things worse. Sex started to feel awkward, then it started to feel painful, and our last time being together all I could think of is that my soul us being raped. It's been 2 months since we had any sexual connection. I'm at a point where even kissing is hard.
I attend therapy weekly, and we are working on this issue with my psychologist. I was also diagnosed with depression 2 weeks ago and got some pills to make my feelings a bit more stable.
My boyfriend is very patient, supportive, and does everything he can to help me. He is not pushing me into anything, but sexual connection and intimacy is really really important to him, and he feels a kind of emptiness inside of himself, and I feel terrible about this, this is not what 'he signed up for'.
However I posted the whole story to another sub, and some people in the comments believe that I might be asexual.
It's really hard to decide at this point.
Fact 1: I never liked sex, and I would be the happiest if I never had to do anything sexual again
Fact 2: My virginity was taken at 14, by a man who manipulated me to have sex with him.
Fact 3: I find my boyfriend really attractive, and still, I can't make any intimate steps.
Fact 4: I was raped at 22.
So I am not sure if I am asexual, and that's why all the struggles, or I am just so severly traumatized about my sexual life that I just want to deny the whole thing as it is.
Also, I really hope my questions are not inappropiate, and I do not mean to talk about being asexual in a negative context at all! I don't think asexual people are not normal or anything like that, I really want to highlight this. I am just tired, disappointed, afraid, and I could really use some guidance with some experiences and toughts.
Thank you for reading my story and I'm grateful for any insights.
https://redd.it/1l52zsl
@asexualityonreddit
Hi all.
I'll try to be short, but it's a long story.
I've been sexually abused several times in my life and I never really enjoyed sex. However I always believed it is not an optional thing: it's something you have to do if you are a woman and want to be with a man.
I met my current boyfriend and sex was okay with him. I could have very nice orgasms actually.
Then after 3 months together we had to stop for 6 weeks for medical reasons and that was the first time I experienced what a relationship without sex feels like. I felt really free and it was like a stone fell off my heart.
Since then, we have issues with our sexual life. We've been together for 2,5 years now, tried a lot of methods and strategies, but it just made things worse. Sex started to feel awkward, then it started to feel painful, and our last time being together all I could think of is that my soul us being raped. It's been 2 months since we had any sexual connection. I'm at a point where even kissing is hard.
I attend therapy weekly, and we are working on this issue with my psychologist. I was also diagnosed with depression 2 weeks ago and got some pills to make my feelings a bit more stable.
My boyfriend is very patient, supportive, and does everything he can to help me. He is not pushing me into anything, but sexual connection and intimacy is really really important to him, and he feels a kind of emptiness inside of himself, and I feel terrible about this, this is not what 'he signed up for'.
However I posted the whole story to another sub, and some people in the comments believe that I might be asexual.
It's really hard to decide at this point.
Fact 1: I never liked sex, and I would be the happiest if I never had to do anything sexual again
Fact 2: My virginity was taken at 14, by a man who manipulated me to have sex with him.
Fact 3: I find my boyfriend really attractive, and still, I can't make any intimate steps.
Fact 4: I was raped at 22.
So I am not sure if I am asexual, and that's why all the struggles, or I am just so severly traumatized about my sexual life that I just want to deny the whole thing as it is.
Also, I really hope my questions are not inappropiate, and I do not mean to talk about being asexual in a negative context at all! I don't think asexual people are not normal or anything like that, I really want to highlight this. I am just tired, disappointed, afraid, and I could really use some guidance with some experiences and toughts.
Thank you for reading my story and I'm grateful for any insights.
https://redd.it/1l52zsl
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the Asexual community on Reddit
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My values are a real problem for me!
Hello everyone!
I love reading! And my values are an integral part of my personality.
But I never thought that these two aspects of me would have so much difficulty coexisting...
When I read a book, I feel a deep connection with the author. After all, it was he who wrote with these words and invented with his wit the thrilling story that we are reading!
So when the story and/or the author is problematic, it completely blocks me and I can no longer continue the book.
I have tried books claiming to be inclusive, but these are so imbued with beautiful values that they almost forget that there is a story, a scenario and a characterization of characters behind...
I have never been immersed in an inclusive book like I was able to immerse myself in: Misery by Stephen King, The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien or Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, and so on...
Obviously I'm exaggerating, I've read several books that are in no way problematic and very appreciable in their content. But these were rather rare and for some, of average quality.
Unfortunately when I think of: inclusive book, I also think of romance genre book (every time romance... I love relationships between characters, but I'm aroace. If I could read something other than romantic and/or sexual relationships, that would be really cool...)
It would be so cool to have inclusive books that aren't of the romantic genre and that, for pity's sake, don't remind us 24/7 that they are inclusive books...
It's so cool that the main characters are queer and/or women and/or black, and so on...
Seriously, I love it so much!!
But this is more than enough, there is no need to include issues of our society, especially when the book is of the genre: Fantasy or Science-Fiction. For example.
I want a book where there is a strong, independent woman and where this is completely normal in the book! What I mean by that is that I don't want an issue in the book with a macho guy or with difficulty being among the top of the food chain.
In short, I want a book with characters from different minorities in real life, but who, in the story of the book, do not suffer any abuse because, in the book, are not seen as minorities!
I don't know if I managed to be clear, but if you understood, could you help me? Do you have any suggestions for books that I might like?
And if not, simply, do you have an opinion on the matter?
In any case, thank you for taking the time to read my post, I know it is very long. And have a good weekend! XOXO
https://redd.it/1l56kme
@asexualityonreddit
Hello everyone!
I love reading! And my values are an integral part of my personality.
But I never thought that these two aspects of me would have so much difficulty coexisting...
When I read a book, I feel a deep connection with the author. After all, it was he who wrote with these words and invented with his wit the thrilling story that we are reading!
So when the story and/or the author is problematic, it completely blocks me and I can no longer continue the book.
I have tried books claiming to be inclusive, but these are so imbued with beautiful values that they almost forget that there is a story, a scenario and a characterization of characters behind...
I have never been immersed in an inclusive book like I was able to immerse myself in: Misery by Stephen King, The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien or Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, and so on...
Obviously I'm exaggerating, I've read several books that are in no way problematic and very appreciable in their content. But these were rather rare and for some, of average quality.
Unfortunately when I think of: inclusive book, I also think of romance genre book (every time romance... I love relationships between characters, but I'm aroace. If I could read something other than romantic and/or sexual relationships, that would be really cool...)
It would be so cool to have inclusive books that aren't of the romantic genre and that, for pity's sake, don't remind us 24/7 that they are inclusive books...
It's so cool that the main characters are queer and/or women and/or black, and so on...
Seriously, I love it so much!!
But this is more than enough, there is no need to include issues of our society, especially when the book is of the genre: Fantasy or Science-Fiction. For example.
I want a book where there is a strong, independent woman and where this is completely normal in the book! What I mean by that is that I don't want an issue in the book with a macho guy or with difficulty being among the top of the food chain.
In short, I want a book with characters from different minorities in real life, but who, in the story of the book, do not suffer any abuse because, in the book, are not seen as minorities!
I don't know if I managed to be clear, but if you understood, could you help me? Do you have any suggestions for books that I might like?
And if not, simply, do you have an opinion on the matter?
In any case, thank you for taking the time to read my post, I know it is very long. And have a good weekend! XOXO
https://redd.it/1l56kme
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the Asexual community on Reddit
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(OC) Nile, my water genasi warlock, weilding the most ineffectual but stylish umbrella ever. Happy Pride everyone!
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Saw Indigo’s 2SLGBTQI+ sign in Toronto — emailed them weeks ago, still no A 🤷♀️
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From the asexuality community on Reddit: Saw Indigo’s 2SLGBTQI+ sign in Toronto — emailed them weeks ago, still no A 🤷♀️
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I fking hate how unrecognized we are.
Healthcare paperwork. Sex-ed with schools and colleges. Even in personally-motivated stuff like dating.
The healthcare stuff has caught on to homosexuality and bisexuality being more accepted, and in some cases accepting transgender people, but to be honest I've never seen any healthcare-related form have an "asexual" box to check.
My state has these laws where doctors are required to ask some questions for sexual abuse screening. Last time I had a doctor's appointment, they asked me word-for-word "Do you feel safe in your relationship?". I'm not sure if that's what the computer actually said to say, but that sentence being used to ask every person comes off as "you're an alien to us if you aren't in a relationship". I know this is about asexuality, but there's a lot of aro-aces around and even though I'm not aromantic myself, I found that to be insulting to aro-aces. I also know that it's state-mandated screening, however phrasing it as "Are you in a relationship?" and then "Do you feel safe in your relationship (if applicable)?" would have been a better way to ask that.
When I entered community college, oh god. I'll just jump to it. I don't want to explain all of it, but here's a word-for-word between me and a college professor in a classroom with a bunch of other students after he said that a lot of 18 year olds are interested in sex:
Me: "Well, not everyone. Some people don't have having sex as their number-one priority."
Prof: "You know what we call those people? Losers."
That was an extremely unwelcoming moment for me. I just started to accept that I was asexual not long before my professor said that, and that's the worse you can do as a fking college professor.
In general, I feel like asexuals are forgotten or just never educated about in the first place, and as I felt so unwelcome to society and alone, I joined this subreddit and it definitely cheers me up more. The more representation we have, the less alienated and "broken" we feel. I know that LGBTQ people have been more represented and accepted in comparison to a time like the 1990s, however saying "equality for everyone" and then having asexuals be in the back (or forgetting about us in the first place) just makes us feel like we aren't valid and goes against the meaning of "equality".
I'm sorry to be on the sad side of things, but I just had to get this out of my head.
https://redd.it/1l5emgh
@asexualityonreddit
Healthcare paperwork. Sex-ed with schools and colleges. Even in personally-motivated stuff like dating.
The healthcare stuff has caught on to homosexuality and bisexuality being more accepted, and in some cases accepting transgender people, but to be honest I've never seen any healthcare-related form have an "asexual" box to check.
My state has these laws where doctors are required to ask some questions for sexual abuse screening. Last time I had a doctor's appointment, they asked me word-for-word "Do you feel safe in your relationship?". I'm not sure if that's what the computer actually said to say, but that sentence being used to ask every person comes off as "you're an alien to us if you aren't in a relationship". I know this is about asexuality, but there's a lot of aro-aces around and even though I'm not aromantic myself, I found that to be insulting to aro-aces. I also know that it's state-mandated screening, however phrasing it as "Are you in a relationship?" and then "Do you feel safe in your relationship (if applicable)?" would have been a better way to ask that.
When I entered community college, oh god. I'll just jump to it. I don't want to explain all of it, but here's a word-for-word between me and a college professor in a classroom with a bunch of other students after he said that a lot of 18 year olds are interested in sex:
Me: "Well, not everyone. Some people don't have having sex as their number-one priority."
Prof: "You know what we call those people? Losers."
That was an extremely unwelcoming moment for me. I just started to accept that I was asexual not long before my professor said that, and that's the worse you can do as a fking college professor.
In general, I feel like asexuals are forgotten or just never educated about in the first place, and as I felt so unwelcome to society and alone, I joined this subreddit and it definitely cheers me up more. The more representation we have, the less alienated and "broken" we feel. I know that LGBTQ people have been more represented and accepted in comparison to a time like the 1990s, however saying "equality for everyone" and then having asexuals be in the back (or forgetting about us in the first place) just makes us feel like we aren't valid and goes against the meaning of "equality".
I'm sorry to be on the sad side of things, but I just had to get this out of my head.
https://redd.it/1l5emgh
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
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Happy Pride! r/aaace, take some LGBT Clone Trooper Legions!
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From the aaaaaaacccccccce community on Reddit: Happy Pride! r/aaace, take some LGBT Clone Trooper Legions!
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