Tips for those who get uncomfortable when the topic of sex comes up

19 y/o male here. First I want to say that if you’ve felt this way before, that is, you get uncomfortable or feel resentment toward allosexual people: you are not alone. I felt this way strongly at first but it subsided after a while. I want to share three ways I learned to get over it:

1. Maintain a support system: this can look like a friend group, online support forum, or even friends that understand or relate to you. You can vent to them and if they understand it can make you feel less alone.

2. Embrace your sexuality: instead of running from it, which is what I did for a while, you can embrace it. People told me constantly “you’ll get over it” or “you’ll find someone someday” and hearing these only made me more confused. I had to learn that it’ll take time for people to understand but I need to stand my ground and find certainty. Doing this helped me navigate my feelings more and now I feel more confident in myself.

3. Realize it doesn’t matter. Allosexual people will do what they are biologically programmed to do: have sex. That doesn’t mean we have any obligation to. I’ve often had people tell me that “it’s in our nature, you can’t just not have sex” and that is a primitive way of thinking. People are biologically programmed to kill others for resources, too, but we evolved. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter so don’t apologize for being you. Once you stop loving for others and realize sex doesn’t matter, and is just a natural part of life’s cycle, it gets easier.

In time, you will find it does get easier. These three things may or may not apply to you, but they applied to me. Hope this helps and stay healthy guys <3

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Are you guys okay with kissing?

Im a bit conflicted. Like a smooch is fine by me but French kissing.. idk

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All the instances of *physical* attraction I've had. (RARE)
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This is just funny
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Song I wrote about my asexuality

Hey so I wrote/composed this song about my asexuality, and I was in a very dark place when I made it. I wanted to share it here because I know the lyrics might resonate with some of you as well. If you have the chance to check it out, here's the link:

https://open.spotify.com/track/18Q6NOKd40XxjZI68N9Vv5?si=062cb56e9c25442f


P.S. If this is advertising, I understand if it's taken down or moved

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I thought i was a late bloomer or there was something wrong with me medically. but now i think i may actually be asexual

Ever since my body started developing and my peers were dating and experiencing things, i was never interested in sex and never really felt any sexual attraction towards any guy. i know i feel other different types of attraction but i was always uncomfortable or repulsed with sexual attraction. I thought it was because of my birth control that helps with my menstrual cycle but when it was lowered i still couldnt feel sexual attraction. I’m currently talking to a guy, and he told me how he values at least some sexual stuff in a relationship but whenever hes sexual with me i get uncomfortable. i would rather talk about our interests and cute little dates, than about sex. i do like him but i don’t think he’d want to be with someone who doesn’t want sex ever

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My aroace tattoo
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Since we claimed him...
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Does it bother anyone else when people use “intimacy” and “sex” as synonyms?

I don’t want to judge anybody, and I think it’s great that so many people are able to find sex to be a way of feeling closer to someone, but using “sex” and “intimacy” as synonyms is probably one of my biggest pet peeves. I don’t get why people can’t just say “sex”.

This has gotten even worse for me in the past several months since I met my best friend, who is also asexual. We’re both sex repulsed, and my stepdad knows this, but he keeps lecturing me to have sex with them so we can have “intimacy”, and that we should be fine doing it since we hug each other, which is also a form of intimacy.

This has honestly ruined the word “intimacy” for me entirely, and I cringe whenever I hear it, despite once associating it with positive feelings, even while knowing that some people use it to describe sex.

I guess all of these conversations I’ve been forced to engage in have made this worse, but I was wondering if anyone else here had the same feelings when it came to this word and its use as a synonym for sex.

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I think I might be asexual

I (19f) have been questioning whether or not I’m asexual for a while for a lot of different reasons.

When I was younger I never had crushes on people or romantic interest. For a while I didn’t pay it any mind because I thought I was just a late bloomer or something but by the time I was 15 it felt like it became a problem.

Friends would ask me what was wrong with me and why I never had a crush on anyone. The only time I ever wanted a boyfriend was when my friends were dating people and I wanted the companionship and the emotional intimacy that I saw they had.

Whenever the topic of sex came up I always got really uncomfortable and I would try and brush it off.

I thought I would just have to give it time and that those feelings would come eventually but they never have. I avoided getting a boyfriend in high school partly because I was really shy and partly because I grew up in a really small school and knew everyone from the age of five. I thought I felt nothing because there wasn’t anyone I was interested in anyone yet and that once I was dating someone everything would click.

I started seeing this guy a few months ago. He was a really nice guy but the whole time leading up to the date I felt terrified. Not nervous or excited but absolutely terrified. When I was on the date I felt awkward and uncomfortable but I made myself continue to see him because I thought I needed to try and make it work. I think I was feeling insecure because I hadn’t even kissed anyone before and I felt bad about myself for my lack of experience. I guess I was embarrassed because I felt like everyone I knew had at least some experience.

A couple of weeks ago he kissed me and I hated it. It was barely a peck but I still felt so uncomfortable that I avoided seeing him as much as possible. Tonight I saw him again and we hung out with some friends before he drove me home. He kissed me again and when I tried to pull away he held me by the back of the head and just kept kissing me. I sort of stiffened up and waited for it to stop till I could get out of the car.

I literally felt nothing but uncomfortable. It just felt awkward to me and unnatural. Maybe it’s because I’m a bad kisser or something but I felt like I just didn’t know what to do. I don’t know if I’m asexual or just not attracted to him specifically but I’ve spent the last few hours feeling sick to my stomach.

I feel like something’s wrong with me and I’m not feeling the way I’m supposed to about this. I don’t know what I should do.

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Does it bother anyone else when people use “intimacy” and “sex” as synonyms?

I don’t want to judge anybody, and I think it’s great that so many people are able to find sex to be a way of feeling closer to someone, but using “sex” and “intimacy” as synonyms is probably one of my biggest pet peeves. I don’t get why people can’t just say “sex”.

This has gotten even worse for me in the past several months since I met my best friend, who is also asexual. We’re both sex repulsed, and my stepdad knows this, but he keeps lecturing me to have sex with them so we can have “intimacy”, and that we should be fine doing it since we hug each other, which is also a form of intimacy.

This has honestly ruined the word “intimacy” for me entirely, and I cringe whenever I hear it, despite once associating it with positive feelings, even while knowing that some people use it to describe sex.

I guess all of these conversations I’ve been forced to engage in have made this worse, but I was wondering if anyone else here had the same feelings when it came to this word and its use as a synonym for sex.

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Ace detective
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dream relationship
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My ideal relationship
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When they ask what an ace person wants...

https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxXEYOgxOU5cT49V\_SfqQbtpDDcu2IFnSw?si=vnmGRoah1XHn\_7BB

This is a clip from the YouTube channel "A Story Worth Telling".

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reeeeeeeeeeee!!!
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Pigeons have Ace and Aro flag colours combined but not Aroace colours
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sexual attraction vs. desire

I am curious, there's got to be a difference between sexual attraction and the desire to have sex.

I often find people very attractive and may fantasize about them, but I don't want to follow up on any fantasies. I don't have a desire to actually have sex much at all, but I enjoy thinking about it with other people. I also watch porn and masturbate.

My point is, I'm trying to search for a term or something that differentiates sexual attraction from the desire to have sex. Like maybe could it just be "Aegosexual attraction"?

I have been experimenting with the aego label, but I just want some solid terms to help me do more research.

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Educating newcomers vs. Downvoting them

I came to this subreddit about a week ago and am still actively trying to learn what asexuality means to others as well as how certain things apply to me. I wasn't aware that there are stigmas associated with certain viewpoints in this subreddit and I got shadowbanned for stating that someone who "doesn't feel sexual attraction probably won't enjoy sex." While I now know that this isn't true, and that many asexual individuals can enjoy sex, I wasn't given the chance to be educated on that, I was instantly downvoted by tons of people. I was trying to give advice (clearly I shouldn't have been), but I think that this community should lean towards education vs. gatekeeping and downvoting people who think differently about a topic, or simply just aren't educated.

I meant no harm yet my words were taken as offensive. Maybe that's just the internet in 2025, I just think we should be more inviting to newcomers. That's all.

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Asexuals with Allosexual partners, how do you reconcile their need for sexual interaction with the lack of sex drive, desire, etc.?

I've (25M) been with my bf (25M) for about 6 years now, for the first 3 months we were both pretty sexualy active, but then suddenly his sex drive dropped to the bottom, then he got into theraphy, meds, etc which I was okay with and wanted to support his mental health journey which has immensely improved. On the partnership side is a 10000/10, I couldn't ask for someone better. But I do need to have sex, not even frequently, but something; but he just wants cuddles (which I love). When I've asked my friends that are in pretty sexually active relationships they have told me to break up since we can't seem to make it work after this many years.
We've talked about it and we both agree in that we don't want to break up and the both feel happy in the relationship, is just that I feel sexually unsatisfied most of the time (not unhappy, just unsatisfied). Sometimes (veeeery unfrequent) we would do stuff, but it's so sporadic (maybe like 2 or 3 times a month every other month) that I still feel the need for more (but yet I'm grateful for when we do it and couldn't feel happier to do it with him).
So I wanted to see from the perspective of someone who might be on the same boat, sexually incompatible but still wanna try to make it work because everything else is just perfect.
How do you guys make it work??

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My dad is afraid I’ll die a virgin

Even though I have come out on multiple occasions as biromantic ace, my dad still can’t comprehend that I don’t want to do sex ever, and hopes I will one day try it, and it’s just so annoying. He denies my asexuality and calls me bi, which is still kinda progressive and at least better than my mom who calls me a lesbian, but still pretty annoying.

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