Allo writer looking for asexual opinions re: kissing in ace/allo couples (cross-post with r/asexuality)
Hello! I'm a (pansexual&panromantic) film academy student working on a short film with an asexual main character, and I've got a question about whether I should include kissing into the main character and her partner's romantic relationship? I know that some aces dislike kissing and some enjoy it, but I'm wondering if any of you would like to see either preference more represented in media? For more context, the main character (asexual and panromantic) and her partner (bisexual and non-binary) are in high school and have been dating for over a year, and the kissing I had in mind is more like an occasional quick good-bye peck on the lips rather than full-on making out. Thank ya'll in advance for your replies :D
https://redd.it/ce3kk0
@asexualityonreddit
Hello! I'm a (pansexual&panromantic) film academy student working on a short film with an asexual main character, and I've got a question about whether I should include kissing into the main character and her partner's romantic relationship? I know that some aces dislike kissing and some enjoy it, but I'm wondering if any of you would like to see either preference more represented in media? For more context, the main character (asexual and panromantic) and her partner (bisexual and non-binary) are in high school and have been dating for over a year, and the kissing I had in mind is more like an occasional quick good-bye peck on the lips rather than full-on making out. Thank ya'll in advance for your replies :D
https://redd.it/ce3kk0
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
r/Asexual - Allo writer looking for asexual opinions re: kissing in ace/allo couples (cross-post with r/asexuality)
0 votes and 5 comments so far on Reddit
5+ year relationship without sex. (There is hope)
Hello, I am an Asexual girl in her 20s and I've been in a relationship with my high school sweetheart for 5+ years.
​
I'm sorry for what's about to be a long post but I strongly feel if I share my full story it will educate others to not make the same mistakes that I had made:
When I was in my teens I dreaded the thought of a relationship. There wasn't a definite reason why I felt this way, it was just a reality for me. I was approached often and even agreed to some relationships with little to no interest in the person (yes I know now that it's wrong) There were times where I'd be repetitively asked by the same person and I'd eventually cave in. I don't mean to sound full of myself but I am a decent looking girl. I took good care of myself, wore makeup and maintained a healthy weight. The reason I feel obligated to note that is because to a lot of people one of the underlining reasons some are Asexual is because they're not confident in their appearance. I would like to further dismiss that stereotype by sharing my story.
At one point I questioned if I was a lesbian but that never amounted to anything. What I did know was that I loved playing video games, specifically mmorpg's. Starting when I was 9 my father and I put together a computer and I played every single day. Any free mmo I could find I played for hours. It became the only thing I cared about and made me very sheltered. I was playing games for 8 hours a day on average on school nights. Through all day to night the only thing that was on my mind was games. At one point I had a gross encounter with a guy on a game called "Free Realms" who'd start sending me really dirty whispers. I promptly blocked him but some of the things he said were so vulgar that my young mind drew a blank and that led me to start making male characters. I can not stress how different your gaming experience is when you're playing a female to a male toon. You're never approached, ever. Which to my sheltered self was great! At school if nobody was talking about video games I was not interested in the conversation. I don't mean to sound rude but I was a very dull person who kept to myself.
Somehow I was always in situations where I'd be openly harassed but I couldn't read between the lines of what's defined as sexual harassment so I wouldn't act on it. One day a kid who we will call "Mark" thought it would be okay to grab my hips and squeeze me from behind every day at the end of lunch. It made me super uncomfortable but I would always play it off as him joking around. Every time a guy did something like this to me I did nothing and it happened on numerous occasions. Do not let that happen to you. Do not be afraid to hurt someones feelings if you're uncomfortable.
At the start of my Sophomore year in high school I overheard a group of kids talking about this game called League of Legends and I was thrilled. I had never played before but this was the first time I found anyone who played any online games. This also just happened to be the group of kids who were associated with the boy that I had a crush on. When I say crush it was the equivalent of romantic interest, nothing physical. So we got a full group together and they showed me how to play. They amusingly assigned me the support role (haha female gamer role) without knowing I was aware of what they were doing. I didn't care though because my crush was ADC (with those of you who are not familiar with League of Legends it just meant I got to be closer to him while we played)
Behind the scenes my crush and I were talking more and more each day at school. I made an effort to get into classes with him seeing as he was two grades above me. When it finally came down to me revealing my interest in him I was surprised to find out that he was just as much interested in me.
It was a very up and down relationship at first. He wanted a full relationship and everything it came with. I worked with him on things I was comfortable and uncomfortable with. We finally hit a middle ground wh
Hello, I am an Asexual girl in her 20s and I've been in a relationship with my high school sweetheart for 5+ years.
​
I'm sorry for what's about to be a long post but I strongly feel if I share my full story it will educate others to not make the same mistakes that I had made:
When I was in my teens I dreaded the thought of a relationship. There wasn't a definite reason why I felt this way, it was just a reality for me. I was approached often and even agreed to some relationships with little to no interest in the person (yes I know now that it's wrong) There were times where I'd be repetitively asked by the same person and I'd eventually cave in. I don't mean to sound full of myself but I am a decent looking girl. I took good care of myself, wore makeup and maintained a healthy weight. The reason I feel obligated to note that is because to a lot of people one of the underlining reasons some are Asexual is because they're not confident in their appearance. I would like to further dismiss that stereotype by sharing my story.
At one point I questioned if I was a lesbian but that never amounted to anything. What I did know was that I loved playing video games, specifically mmorpg's. Starting when I was 9 my father and I put together a computer and I played every single day. Any free mmo I could find I played for hours. It became the only thing I cared about and made me very sheltered. I was playing games for 8 hours a day on average on school nights. Through all day to night the only thing that was on my mind was games. At one point I had a gross encounter with a guy on a game called "Free Realms" who'd start sending me really dirty whispers. I promptly blocked him but some of the things he said were so vulgar that my young mind drew a blank and that led me to start making male characters. I can not stress how different your gaming experience is when you're playing a female to a male toon. You're never approached, ever. Which to my sheltered self was great! At school if nobody was talking about video games I was not interested in the conversation. I don't mean to sound rude but I was a very dull person who kept to myself.
Somehow I was always in situations where I'd be openly harassed but I couldn't read between the lines of what's defined as sexual harassment so I wouldn't act on it. One day a kid who we will call "Mark" thought it would be okay to grab my hips and squeeze me from behind every day at the end of lunch. It made me super uncomfortable but I would always play it off as him joking around. Every time a guy did something like this to me I did nothing and it happened on numerous occasions. Do not let that happen to you. Do not be afraid to hurt someones feelings if you're uncomfortable.
At the start of my Sophomore year in high school I overheard a group of kids talking about this game called League of Legends and I was thrilled. I had never played before but this was the first time I found anyone who played any online games. This also just happened to be the group of kids who were associated with the boy that I had a crush on. When I say crush it was the equivalent of romantic interest, nothing physical. So we got a full group together and they showed me how to play. They amusingly assigned me the support role (haha female gamer role) without knowing I was aware of what they were doing. I didn't care though because my crush was ADC (with those of you who are not familiar with League of Legends it just meant I got to be closer to him while we played)
Behind the scenes my crush and I were talking more and more each day at school. I made an effort to get into classes with him seeing as he was two grades above me. When it finally came down to me revealing my interest in him I was surprised to find out that he was just as much interested in me.
It was a very up and down relationship at first. He wanted a full relationship and everything it came with. I worked with him on things I was comfortable and uncomfortable with. We finally hit a middle ground wh
ere both parties were happy and we've been strong ever since. It can work as long as you're both willing to put in the effort with the person you love, I promise you.
​
Note: Reading back on this I'm under the impression I wasn't the greatest of people and I probably thought too highly of myself in many instances. I'm not the same person I was and if given the opportunity I would apologize to every person who approached me that I had stringed along.
https://redd.it/ce2hpd
@asexualityonreddit
​
Note: Reading back on this I'm under the impression I wasn't the greatest of people and I probably thought too highly of myself in many instances. I'm not the same person I was and if given the opportunity I would apologize to every person who approached me that I had stringed along.
https://redd.it/ce2hpd
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
r/Asexual - 5+ year relationship without sex. (There is hope)
9 votes and 2 comments so far on Reddit
I went on a date by accident once because I just don't think that way
https://redd.it/ce0rbe
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/ce0rbe
@asexualityonreddit
When your allo friends have you 3rd wheel a date so you get garlic bread.
https://redd.it/ce2165
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/ce2165
@asexualityonreddit
Do you ever struggle with wanting physical intimacy/sensuality?
Hi! First time on this sub, I'm struggling a bit here with sensual feelings towards a friend. Currently identify with Aro/Ace.
Short(ish) rundown:
- I experience very little to no sexual attraction to others. I *can* admire another's physicality, or even want to touch them (physical attraction), but desire absolutely zero sex. For me, most sexual situations have landed between entirely neutral and slight repulsion.
- Rarely any romantic attraction. It makes me feel uncomfortable and trapped when someone expresses romantic feelings for me. In cases when I am attracted to someone, I have no desire for a relationship with them. I know that, while I am capable of reciprocating romantic gestures, the feeling isn't there, and I'd end up feeling as if I was playing a role. If it pleases the other person, I would be happy for a while, but in the end it becomes very draining. It makes me feel terrible that I could not/cannot provide what my partners needed.
From what I understand, wanting to give/receive physical intimacy, sensual or otherwise, has nothing to do with sexual attraction. In my case, cuddling, sensually touching or even kissing someone is an emotionally fufilling way for me to express my deepest gratitude toward that person, rather than an invitation for sex or a romantic relationship.
(However, I wouldn't want to make out with a romantic though, unless they understand that I will probably never date, fall in love with, or want to bang them. Even then, the idea still doesn't fully sit well with me.)
I don't go out looking for one-night stands or cuddlesluts to snuggle, but for me, being physically intimate with someone I trust is strong need that I struggle finding an outlet for. It's a need for a warm body to hold and kiss. They don't even need to reciprocate, or be into my gender orientation.
TL;DR: If I like someone enough as a friend, it makes me want to please them physically (In a non-sexual, non-romantic way) out of gratitude. Even when I am not romantically, sexually, or even physically attracted to them. It's a weird feeling, I wanted to see if anyone here has felt a similar way. Thank you in advance for any responses.
https://redd.it/ce2yxe
@asexualityonreddit
Hi! First time on this sub, I'm struggling a bit here with sensual feelings towards a friend. Currently identify with Aro/Ace.
Short(ish) rundown:
- I experience very little to no sexual attraction to others. I *can* admire another's physicality, or even want to touch them (physical attraction), but desire absolutely zero sex. For me, most sexual situations have landed between entirely neutral and slight repulsion.
- Rarely any romantic attraction. It makes me feel uncomfortable and trapped when someone expresses romantic feelings for me. In cases when I am attracted to someone, I have no desire for a relationship with them. I know that, while I am capable of reciprocating romantic gestures, the feeling isn't there, and I'd end up feeling as if I was playing a role. If it pleases the other person, I would be happy for a while, but in the end it becomes very draining. It makes me feel terrible that I could not/cannot provide what my partners needed.
From what I understand, wanting to give/receive physical intimacy, sensual or otherwise, has nothing to do with sexual attraction. In my case, cuddling, sensually touching or even kissing someone is an emotionally fufilling way for me to express my deepest gratitude toward that person, rather than an invitation for sex or a romantic relationship.
(However, I wouldn't want to make out with a romantic though, unless they understand that I will probably never date, fall in love with, or want to bang them. Even then, the idea still doesn't fully sit well with me.)
I don't go out looking for one-night stands or cuddlesluts to snuggle, but for me, being physically intimate with someone I trust is strong need that I struggle finding an outlet for. It's a need for a warm body to hold and kiss. They don't even need to reciprocate, or be into my gender orientation.
TL;DR: If I like someone enough as a friend, it makes me want to please them physically (In a non-sexual, non-romantic way) out of gratitude. Even when I am not romantically, sexually, or even physically attracted to them. It's a weird feeling, I wanted to see if anyone here has felt a similar way. Thank you in advance for any responses.
https://redd.it/ce2yxe
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
r/Asexual - Do you ever struggle with wanting physical intimacy/sensuality?
22 votes and 22 comments so far on Reddit
The news and their obsession with sexuality
Please remove if this isn't allowed.
I am furious that the articles surrounding the tragedy in Utica, NY are spending a lot of time on the victims sexuality. This was not a hate crime and by posting headlines and stories that make a big deal about her queerness, the news trivializes hate crime, it misses the point about her passing, it distracts from the real issue and generally just appears like trying to support the wrong part of who she was. "Look at us, we are talking about a queer story and it isn't even pride anymore! Aren't we special".
​
I know this is not really a rant, rants are normally longer. I just wanted to get this out there and start a conversation.
https://redd.it/ce7dwh
@asexualityonreddit
Please remove if this isn't allowed.
I am furious that the articles surrounding the tragedy in Utica, NY are spending a lot of time on the victims sexuality. This was not a hate crime and by posting headlines and stories that make a big deal about her queerness, the news trivializes hate crime, it misses the point about her passing, it distracts from the real issue and generally just appears like trying to support the wrong part of who she was. "Look at us, we are talking about a queer story and it isn't even pride anymore! Aren't we special".
​
I know this is not really a rant, rants are normally longer. I just wanted to get this out there and start a conversation.
https://redd.it/ce7dwh
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
r/Asexual - The news and their obsession with sexuality
10 votes and 1 comment so far on Reddit
What is romantic attraction and what does it feel like to you?
(I'm very tired, apologies if this is scattered)
I've known for most of my life that I am asexual. For the longest time I thought it was bi because I was physically attracted to both males and females, but now I know that this isn't the case.
Thinking about my past romantic relationships, it's hard to put into words what I felt for the other person. Before we got together, attraction was always there, whether it be physical or something about their personality. But when I actually started dating them, I quickly felt trapped and uncomfortable, and just overwhelmed with how romantic my partner seemed to be. Their displays of affection give me so much anxiety because I couldn't respond genuinely. I loved them very much but I could not reciprocate the feeling back. It made me feel terrible.
I understand loving someone very strongly like a best friend, even to the point of wanting to hug or cuddle or kiss them or be physically intimate. But this isn't really romantic for me, it's just a physical expression of gratitude and trust. It's mainly driven by a desire to just be affectionate with someone I value as a close friend. It's a big stress reliever for me. Like petting a cat or something.
Anyway, I can someone please explain to me what romance feels like? What is the difference between romance and love? Thank you.
https://redd.it/ce8dtd
@asexualityonreddit
(I'm very tired, apologies if this is scattered)
I've known for most of my life that I am asexual. For the longest time I thought it was bi because I was physically attracted to both males and females, but now I know that this isn't the case.
Thinking about my past romantic relationships, it's hard to put into words what I felt for the other person. Before we got together, attraction was always there, whether it be physical or something about their personality. But when I actually started dating them, I quickly felt trapped and uncomfortable, and just overwhelmed with how romantic my partner seemed to be. Their displays of affection give me so much anxiety because I couldn't respond genuinely. I loved them very much but I could not reciprocate the feeling back. It made me feel terrible.
I understand loving someone very strongly like a best friend, even to the point of wanting to hug or cuddle or kiss them or be physically intimate. But this isn't really romantic for me, it's just a physical expression of gratitude and trust. It's mainly driven by a desire to just be affectionate with someone I value as a close friend. It's a big stress reliever for me. Like petting a cat or something.
Anyway, I can someone please explain to me what romance feels like? What is the difference between romance and love? Thank you.
https://redd.it/ce8dtd
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
r/Asexual - What is romantic attraction and what does it feel like to you?
4 votes and 2 comments so far on Reddit
Archie comics decides to clear up the confusion on whether Jughead is asexual or not with a good old fashioned Crisis of Infinite Jugheads.
https://redd.it/ce9kb0
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/ce9kb0
@asexualityonreddit
It says something, that there's people who would rather enjoy their lives than chase attachment to someone, just so they can get some dopamine
https://redd.it/ceaey1
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/ceaey1
@asexualityonreddit
i made a wallpaper for myself! i can repost it without my name later if people want
https://redd.it/ceau65
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/ceau65
@asexualityonreddit
Finally letting my emotions out
I have a love hate relationship with my asexuality. I try to be prideful like I am with being biromantic but there are some days where it's just so difficult and I legitimately wish I was just straight or bisexual. But I never told anyone, not even this subreddit because I like to be the person who is openly queer and that my friends can go to with questions or frustrations about their sexuality and for some reason I though expressing what I dislike about being queer would ruin that.
Anyway, I was talking to one of my straight friends about enemies and some how asexuality got brought up. I was really tired as the effects of two energy drinks had worn off and I started going off about my frustrations. I was afraid he wouldn't listen or care but I just kept going, I couldn't stop. Be he did listen, there was a couple things he got wrong (he's new to the friend group and hasn't really known anyone from the lgbtq+ community before) but he tried his best to help me. Nothing he said was really profound but just being there for me and listening and telling me I was valid helped so much.
He's a true ally.
https://redd.it/cedb2h
@asexualityonreddit
I have a love hate relationship with my asexuality. I try to be prideful like I am with being biromantic but there are some days where it's just so difficult and I legitimately wish I was just straight or bisexual. But I never told anyone, not even this subreddit because I like to be the person who is openly queer and that my friends can go to with questions or frustrations about their sexuality and for some reason I though expressing what I dislike about being queer would ruin that.
Anyway, I was talking to one of my straight friends about enemies and some how asexuality got brought up. I was really tired as the effects of two energy drinks had worn off and I started going off about my frustrations. I was afraid he wouldn't listen or care but I just kept going, I couldn't stop. Be he did listen, there was a couple things he got wrong (he's new to the friend group and hasn't really known anyone from the lgbtq+ community before) but he tried his best to help me. Nothing he said was really profound but just being there for me and listening and telling me I was valid helped so much.
He's a true ally.
https://redd.it/cedb2h
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
r/Asexual - Finally letting my emotions out
11 votes and 2 comments so far on Reddit