When did you realize you were Ace?
I think for me the turning point was my last relationship: who used sex to manipulate me, and since me at the point was totally dependent upon him was basically forced into having sex with him to get my basic needs met, IE food, roof over my head. I think since it’s made me repulsed and resent sex although.
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I think for me the turning point was my last relationship: who used sex to manipulate me, and since me at the point was totally dependent upon him was basically forced into having sex with him to get my basic needs met, IE food, roof over my head. I think since it’s made me repulsed and resent sex although.
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Asexuality being a sexual orientation
At the risk of being downvoted into oblivion, I wanted to bring up an issue I have with some of the discussion around asexuality, and it could be because of my age (50+) that I’m finding this hard. Sexual orientation (heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, asexual …) I believe that your sexual orientation is determined by biology, and how the brain develops in the uterus and after birth. That’s one reason why “conversion therapy “ is such a horrific practice. I was taught that we don’t choose to be gay, bi, etc. People just are, and should be accepted as they are.
Asexuality then, strictly speaking, as a sexual orientation, is no sexual attraction to others (in so far that it is analogous to other sexual orientations). Here is where I have trouble. There are many people talking about being “made” asexual through trauma, being “temporarily “ asexual because sexual orientation can be fluid and ever changing. I just can’t imagine saying to my friend who is gay that his orientation can change and he might wake up one day and be attracted to girls. Or someone telling me that I’ll change my mind later and become attracted to whoever. I can understand questioning your sexual orientation- you assume you are heterosexual but later discover you are bi, pan, etc. But I didn’t choose to be asexual and spend decades believing I was broken. I am not attracted sexually to anyone. I have working parts, a libido, can orgasm, can enjoy having sex, BUT I don’t feel that sexual spark.
I guess the idea that sexual orientation is a sliding spectrum that you can zoom around on on a whim feels very invalidating to me on a personal level. And maybe some people are “trying on” the label and making it mean whatever suits them. I believe that attraction comes in many forms, that how we define ourselves does change over time … but that there are some things that we just ARE. Maybe I feel so uneasy about this because I remember when being gay was seen as a “rebellion” and “attention seeking “ and people were being pressured to conform to heterosexuality, and I get nervous that some of the discussion I’m seeing, which has the goal of being more accepting, seems to skate close to the line of invalidation.
Signed an asexual, heteroromantic, sex-positive older female identifying person.
https://redd.it/1el4lzu
@asexualityonreddit
At the risk of being downvoted into oblivion, I wanted to bring up an issue I have with some of the discussion around asexuality, and it could be because of my age (50+) that I’m finding this hard. Sexual orientation (heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, asexual …) I believe that your sexual orientation is determined by biology, and how the brain develops in the uterus and after birth. That’s one reason why “conversion therapy “ is such a horrific practice. I was taught that we don’t choose to be gay, bi, etc. People just are, and should be accepted as they are.
Asexuality then, strictly speaking, as a sexual orientation, is no sexual attraction to others (in so far that it is analogous to other sexual orientations). Here is where I have trouble. There are many people talking about being “made” asexual through trauma, being “temporarily “ asexual because sexual orientation can be fluid and ever changing. I just can’t imagine saying to my friend who is gay that his orientation can change and he might wake up one day and be attracted to girls. Or someone telling me that I’ll change my mind later and become attracted to whoever. I can understand questioning your sexual orientation- you assume you are heterosexual but later discover you are bi, pan, etc. But I didn’t choose to be asexual and spend decades believing I was broken. I am not attracted sexually to anyone. I have working parts, a libido, can orgasm, can enjoy having sex, BUT I don’t feel that sexual spark.
I guess the idea that sexual orientation is a sliding spectrum that you can zoom around on on a whim feels very invalidating to me on a personal level. And maybe some people are “trying on” the label and making it mean whatever suits them. I believe that attraction comes in many forms, that how we define ourselves does change over time … but that there are some things that we just ARE. Maybe I feel so uneasy about this because I remember when being gay was seen as a “rebellion” and “attention seeking “ and people were being pressured to conform to heterosexuality, and I get nervous that some of the discussion I’m seeing, which has the goal of being more accepting, seems to skate close to the line of invalidation.
Signed an asexual, heteroromantic, sex-positive older female identifying person.
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I hate when allos say "Romance without sex is platonic"
People who say this must not actually like their partners or something because it's one of the most idiotic phrases I hear repeated constantly. Have they never watched a Disney movie?
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People who say this must not actually like their partners or something because it's one of the most idiotic phrases I hear repeated constantly. Have they never watched a Disney movie?
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purity culture and asexuality
I grew up in the 2000s-2010s and I tentatively say I was a victim of purity culture. I had the ring and the high I got from thinking I was better than everyone else makes me so embarrassed to this day. As a teen, I started labeling myself as a sex repulsed asexual and sometimes I think that I was just, being performative but I know now, as an atheist and an adult that I still am asexual. I feel comfortable in my identity and I am sex repulsed but I feel so bitter at the idea of not being able to stick it to big purity culture and be a whore. Like this isn't a joke, I wish I was not sex repulsed, I am so resentful of the way purity culture harmed me. I did turn out to be asexual but sometimes I still wonder if thats just because of my fear of intimacy because I didnt allow myself to explore. I'm happy where I am all in all but idk, tldr; i wish i could be sexually active out of spite
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I grew up in the 2000s-2010s and I tentatively say I was a victim of purity culture. I had the ring and the high I got from thinking I was better than everyone else makes me so embarrassed to this day. As a teen, I started labeling myself as a sex repulsed asexual and sometimes I think that I was just, being performative but I know now, as an atheist and an adult that I still am asexual. I feel comfortable in my identity and I am sex repulsed but I feel so bitter at the idea of not being able to stick it to big purity culture and be a whore. Like this isn't a joke, I wish I was not sex repulsed, I am so resentful of the way purity culture harmed me. I did turn out to be asexual but sometimes I still wonder if thats just because of my fear of intimacy because I didnt allow myself to explore. I'm happy where I am all in all but idk, tldr; i wish i could be sexually active out of spite
https://redd.it/1eljx7h
@asexualityonreddit
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