A bit confused
This is something that's been bugging me a lot lately. I made a post to r/questioning the other day, and I wanted to know a little more about asexuality because someone over there suggested that I look into it.
I’m a 21 year old guy and I'm not sure if I've ever actually felt a REAL sexual attraction to anyone. This kind of worries me as I feel like I should know more about my sexual orientation by this point in my life. I can look at a girl and think she's cute, and because of this, I always just assumed I was straight but I’m not sure it’s really a sexual attraction. If it is, it certainly doesn't seem as strong for me as it is for most people.
I’ve never had sex, never even come close. It's not that I'm not interested in it, but it seems like it would be awkward for me so the idea of it is sort of intimidating and makes me uncomfortable. I often wonder if there's another reason for this. I was raised in a religious family (Catholic) so sex was always taboo and something that, even just discussing it was always a bit awkward. I remember when I first learned about sex, my initial reaction was something like “Ew, I have to be naked with someone and do what?!” which might be a fairly common FIRST reaction, but like I said the idea of having sex with someone still seems awkward and intimidating to me.
I think I sometimes feel some sort of attraction to certain people, but I’m not sure it's sexual. I feel like I could develop a sexual attraction to someone if I got to know them well enough and was comfortable enough around them. From what I’ve been told this is called demisexuality. This seems like it could describe how I feel because I want to be able to have that kind of relationship and closeness to someone, I’m just not sure if there's anyone I’m attracted to or comfortable enough around to want it with them specifically. I kind of hope that this is just due to social anxiety/ self consciousness that prevents me from meeting or developing connections with people, but I’m not too sure.
Anyways, thanks if you read all this. I guess I’m just looking for some advice or wondering if anyone has any input or similar experiences/ feelings.
https://redd.it/cagg1k
@asexualityonreddit
This is something that's been bugging me a lot lately. I made a post to r/questioning the other day, and I wanted to know a little more about asexuality because someone over there suggested that I look into it.
I’m a 21 year old guy and I'm not sure if I've ever actually felt a REAL sexual attraction to anyone. This kind of worries me as I feel like I should know more about my sexual orientation by this point in my life. I can look at a girl and think she's cute, and because of this, I always just assumed I was straight but I’m not sure it’s really a sexual attraction. If it is, it certainly doesn't seem as strong for me as it is for most people.
I’ve never had sex, never even come close. It's not that I'm not interested in it, but it seems like it would be awkward for me so the idea of it is sort of intimidating and makes me uncomfortable. I often wonder if there's another reason for this. I was raised in a religious family (Catholic) so sex was always taboo and something that, even just discussing it was always a bit awkward. I remember when I first learned about sex, my initial reaction was something like “Ew, I have to be naked with someone and do what?!” which might be a fairly common FIRST reaction, but like I said the idea of having sex with someone still seems awkward and intimidating to me.
I think I sometimes feel some sort of attraction to certain people, but I’m not sure it's sexual. I feel like I could develop a sexual attraction to someone if I got to know them well enough and was comfortable enough around them. From what I’ve been told this is called demisexuality. This seems like it could describe how I feel because I want to be able to have that kind of relationship and closeness to someone, I’m just not sure if there's anyone I’m attracted to or comfortable enough around to want it with them specifically. I kind of hope that this is just due to social anxiety/ self consciousness that prevents me from meeting or developing connections with people, but I’m not too sure.
Anyways, thanks if you read all this. I guess I’m just looking for some advice or wondering if anyone has any input or similar experiences/ feelings.
https://redd.it/cagg1k
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
r/asexuality - A bit confused
28 votes and 6 comments so far on Reddit
Being Asked What Do You Like About Their Body?
This is by far one of the hardest questions I ever have to answer and I get so much anxiety from it.
I love being near my partners body but when they ask what I like about it or how I am attracted to it, well I have no answer. I always say oh I like the ability to cuddle with it or the smoothness, but that's about as physical as I can get it. I feel horrible that I cannot say that oh Im attracted to this body part because it makes me feel this way or something. I don't know it's a big struggle. I tell my partner she is attractive by society's standards, it's just to me I never felt that towards anyone or anything. I have preferences but not real attraction. Anyway, just curious if any other ace gets anxiety from that question?
https://redd.it/cakpcv
@asexualityonreddit
This is by far one of the hardest questions I ever have to answer and I get so much anxiety from it.
I love being near my partners body but when they ask what I like about it or how I am attracted to it, well I have no answer. I always say oh I like the ability to cuddle with it or the smoothness, but that's about as physical as I can get it. I feel horrible that I cannot say that oh Im attracted to this body part because it makes me feel this way or something. I don't know it's a big struggle. I tell my partner she is attractive by society's standards, it's just to me I never felt that towards anyone or anything. I have preferences but not real attraction. Anyway, just curious if any other ace gets anxiety from that question?
https://redd.it/cakpcv
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
r/Asexual - Being Asked What Do You Like About Their Body?
0 votes and 3 comments so far on Reddit
Not really ace, but IDK where else to post this
Went to the center for democracy at the state library, and one of the things was a whiteboard with "Do you think public transport should be free?" and a bunch of sticky notes with opinions. Except one said "ACCEPTING HOMOSEXUALITY IS AGAINST GOD'S WILL. THERE WILL BE A PRICE TO PAY", and someone responded with another sticky note that says, "Thanks Karen, but this is about public transport. Besides, you won't be paying the price, so quit whining" and I have a new hero.
https://redd.it/caj563
@asexualityonreddit
Went to the center for democracy at the state library, and one of the things was a whiteboard with "Do you think public transport should be free?" and a bunch of sticky notes with opinions. Except one said "ACCEPTING HOMOSEXUALITY IS AGAINST GOD'S WILL. THERE WILL BE A PRICE TO PAY", and someone responded with another sticky note that says, "Thanks Karen, but this is about public transport. Besides, you won't be paying the price, so quit whining" and I have a new hero.
https://redd.it/caj563
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
r/Asexual - Not really ace, but IDK where else to post this
11 votes and 2 comments so far on Reddit
Moderator Mondays!
Woo, boy, here it goes, my first post of this kind. I hope it isn't bad. First, I want to wish everybody a good morning and I hope everybody's doing well. 4th of July passed, that was the most recent event; hope everyone had fun with that. This post will be less complex than u/southpawFA's post from last week. I guess I'm a simple man.
So I'm friends with an asexual person who doesn't have an account on here and one of the most unique and interesting things is to hear about her perspective on many things involving sexuality or really anything LGBT-related because of her asexuality. I figured that that could translate over to this subreddit.
So my question is: Ever since identifying as asexual, has that fact given you any kind of insight that you don't think you'd have if you weren't asexual? What kind of insight is that? It can be anything.
For me, I'd say personally that being asexual combined with tons of research has really made me notice and think more about how multi-faceted attraction is. It's very easy to get confused about the whole thing and get lost. That's a very common thing to happen, especially for people trying to figure themselves out. Additionally, being asexual to me has allowed me to notice the clear bias that people make for asexuality. It mostly takes the form of, say, bisexuality (denial, downplaying and flat-out irrational hatred), but for some strange reason, I think it seems kind of deeper for asexuals more so than anybody else, sort of like a "well, at least these people have sex unlike those ASEXUALS" type of thing (which isn't even true)
Of course, biases and hatred for anyone of any orientation is terrible, I just seem to notice or interpret it this way. Society really is tilted towards being sexual and not being sexual just really seems to irk people and that's where my insight ends. I can't seem to pinpoint a real reason for people to get so passionate about it. Maybe other people's insight can elaborate on this.
To me, being asexual also lets me see just different other LGBT group's perspectives are. They all have common, but different goals and different challenges. Maybe this isn't groundbreaking to other people, but I feel that people look as the LGBT community as a literal hivemind or a unit without considering the nice differences between the group's experiences, perspectives and general lifestyle.
Being asexual also allows me to experience and understand just how exhilarating the feeling of pride is. I'm proud of being asexual and I consider it a part of myself to a great degree. Though half the time I feel invisible or sometimes dread the typical fare of questions and assumptions, the times where I've been accepted or have come together with other asexuals is an amazing feeling, and over at this subreddit, it's one I feel quite a lot.
So that's my two cents on the whole thing. These things might be obvious to some people, but not to others. Just remember the theme here. I look forward to hearing from everybody.
Edit: I woke up early and the first thing I did was type this out. I hope the morning ailments haven't seeped into this post, haha.
https://redd.it/cakgkn
@asexualityonreddit
Woo, boy, here it goes, my first post of this kind. I hope it isn't bad. First, I want to wish everybody a good morning and I hope everybody's doing well. 4th of July passed, that was the most recent event; hope everyone had fun with that. This post will be less complex than u/southpawFA's post from last week. I guess I'm a simple man.
So I'm friends with an asexual person who doesn't have an account on here and one of the most unique and interesting things is to hear about her perspective on many things involving sexuality or really anything LGBT-related because of her asexuality. I figured that that could translate over to this subreddit.
So my question is: Ever since identifying as asexual, has that fact given you any kind of insight that you don't think you'd have if you weren't asexual? What kind of insight is that? It can be anything.
For me, I'd say personally that being asexual combined with tons of research has really made me notice and think more about how multi-faceted attraction is. It's very easy to get confused about the whole thing and get lost. That's a very common thing to happen, especially for people trying to figure themselves out. Additionally, being asexual to me has allowed me to notice the clear bias that people make for asexuality. It mostly takes the form of, say, bisexuality (denial, downplaying and flat-out irrational hatred), but for some strange reason, I think it seems kind of deeper for asexuals more so than anybody else, sort of like a "well, at least these people have sex unlike those ASEXUALS" type of thing (which isn't even true)
Of course, biases and hatred for anyone of any orientation is terrible, I just seem to notice or interpret it this way. Society really is tilted towards being sexual and not being sexual just really seems to irk people and that's where my insight ends. I can't seem to pinpoint a real reason for people to get so passionate about it. Maybe other people's insight can elaborate on this.
To me, being asexual also lets me see just different other LGBT group's perspectives are. They all have common, but different goals and different challenges. Maybe this isn't groundbreaking to other people, but I feel that people look as the LGBT community as a literal hivemind or a unit without considering the nice differences between the group's experiences, perspectives and general lifestyle.
Being asexual also allows me to experience and understand just how exhilarating the feeling of pride is. I'm proud of being asexual and I consider it a part of myself to a great degree. Though half the time I feel invisible or sometimes dread the typical fare of questions and assumptions, the times where I've been accepted or have come together with other asexuals is an amazing feeling, and over at this subreddit, it's one I feel quite a lot.
So that's my two cents on the whole thing. These things might be obvious to some people, but not to others. Just remember the theme here. I look forward to hearing from everybody.
Edit: I woke up early and the first thing I did was type this out. I hope the morning ailments haven't seeped into this post, haha.
https://redd.it/cakgkn
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
r/Asexual - Moderator Mondays!
8 votes and 3 comments so far on Reddit
Joke's on him my family and friends already know I spend all my time watching video essays and coloring
https://redd.it/caolrw
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/caolrw
@asexualityonreddit
Follow the hashtag #asexualpride on IG, always some gems to be found
https://redd.it/camxwl
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/camxwl
@asexualityonreddit
I could do a similar one about anime fans who also sexualize everything, but it's not like they represent everyone
https://redd.it/cau3mx
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/cau3mx
@asexualityonreddit
Anyone else feeling profoundly lonely because of their asexuality?
I’ve been having trouble articulating what I’ve been feeling lately so I’d like to just kind of chat with people on this sub and figure this shit out.
I’m lonely. I have no interest in dating or romance. But I want companionship. I have friends, but no one that I’m super close with, maybe that’s the issue? I don’t have a “best friend.” To be honest, I’m not even sure how to have a best friend. I’ve never had someone that I “clicked with.” I just have people that I hang out with as a group but no one that I know how to talk to one-on-one. And then the problem is that as I get older, my friends are going and finding spouses to be their best friends to go and experience life with.
My coworker will talk about how she and her husband renovated their house together and how they got a cat together and how they traveled to Europe together. And I guess I’m sad because I want to have those kinds of experiences where you share your life with someone. But I want it to be platonic, and most people would think that’s a crazy thing to ask for. I guess I just want a guaranteed best friend? Someone who is a go-to when I want to try something new or travel somewhere. And I don’t know how to find that without a romantic relationship being in the picture.
And I guess maybe I feel like there isn’t as much of a visible community behind asexuality that other LGBT umbrellas have, which also makes it difficult to find friends or people to talk to about it. In my city there’s a bar where they have lesbian pool night. And I want to go and I would love to make friends with non-straight people for once. But I’m not a lesbian. So I feel like I’d be intruding in their space. But I’m
just so tired of only being friends with straight people and having to always hide this aspect of myself.
I dunno man. Anyone else want to chat about loneliness with me?
https://redd.it/cau38h
@asexualityonreddit
I’ve been having trouble articulating what I’ve been feeling lately so I’d like to just kind of chat with people on this sub and figure this shit out.
I’m lonely. I have no interest in dating or romance. But I want companionship. I have friends, but no one that I’m super close with, maybe that’s the issue? I don’t have a “best friend.” To be honest, I’m not even sure how to have a best friend. I’ve never had someone that I “clicked with.” I just have people that I hang out with as a group but no one that I know how to talk to one-on-one. And then the problem is that as I get older, my friends are going and finding spouses to be their best friends to go and experience life with.
My coworker will talk about how she and her husband renovated their house together and how they got a cat together and how they traveled to Europe together. And I guess I’m sad because I want to have those kinds of experiences where you share your life with someone. But I want it to be platonic, and most people would think that’s a crazy thing to ask for. I guess I just want a guaranteed best friend? Someone who is a go-to when I want to try something new or travel somewhere. And I don’t know how to find that without a romantic relationship being in the picture.
And I guess maybe I feel like there isn’t as much of a visible community behind asexuality that other LGBT umbrellas have, which also makes it difficult to find friends or people to talk to about it. In my city there’s a bar where they have lesbian pool night. And I want to go and I would love to make friends with non-straight people for once. But I’m not a lesbian. So I feel like I’d be intruding in their space. But I’m
just so tired of only being friends with straight people and having to always hide this aspect of myself.
I dunno man. Anyone else want to chat about loneliness with me?
https://redd.it/cau38h
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
r/asexuality - Anyone else feeling profoundly lonely because of their asexuality?
32 votes and 7 comments so far on Reddit