META We need to talk. It's getting toxic in here.
I've been noticing it a lot more as time goes on, but especially as we get closer to Pride time of year. Almost all the memes and supposed representation is focused on not liking sex.
I'm afraid of what this community is headed towards if we don't stop and take a moment to redirect. Incels and MGTOWs started with good intentions, but then got into an echo chamber and got too focused on side points that they became the toxic communities they are now. I would rather this community not go that route.
Let me state this clearly. Asexuality is defined by not experiencing sexual attraction. Nothing else. Sex repulsion is something else. Are there more people that feel like sex is gross or unnecessary for them in this community than the average? Of course there are.
But that's not what this community is defined by. Not experiencing sexual attraction is more like staring into the fridge without having a preference for what you eat. You might be hungry or not. Eating might be something you love to do or not. But the fact that you don't have a preference towards any particular food is the point.
Those of us that have and enjoy sex are still aces. These memes and other things that make it seem like any character that thinks sex is gross is ace? If that's all this community shares and takes joy in, it makes part of the community feel like we don't belong.
If that part of the community leaves because they don't feel welcome, that muddies the waters and creates the destructive echo chamber that has destroyed so many other formerly positive communities.
We've fought for years, decades even, to get the right definition of asexuality into the heads of the public at large. We can't let all that be for nothing, especially at this time of year. If we focus to much on the side points, nobody will take this seriously anymore.
One thing I've learned by dating and getting married is that there's a difference between theory and practice. Before I got to know my wife I thought I didn't like sex for me but I was fine with it conceptually. I considered myself sex positive, and fought even within the community to make a place for sex positivity for aces.
Here's the thing tho. This subreddit is feeling rather toxic towards sex positive aces these days. And a lot of it has that ring of sour grapes that the other communities I mentioned have. While saying things like "try it, you'll like it" is ignorant, it also isn't attached to the point. Some of us try sex and do like it, but that changes nothing about our orientation. Some try it and learn that we're demisexual. And that's cool too.
But we can't separate sex positivity from the community. That's where trouble starts. If we let the wrong message echo here we rush becoming toxic to the very ideas so many of us have fought long and hard for. Personally I've been educating nonprofessionally for almost a decade on asexuality, and I'm getting close to unsubscribing from the related subreddits and giving up associating myself with asexuality unless something changes.
I'm reticent to use the term "slippery slope" but this is a bad road to head down and it's hard to turn back once you get started. Please upvote this for visibility. I have no care about the points, but the whole community needs to see this if we're going to get our heads back on straight here. Please. Don't let this die after all the wonderful work that's been done over the years.
Just remember - when in an echo chamber, one must ACTIVELY fight to make sure the destructive noise doesn't drown out the sounds you want to amplify.
https://redd.it/sx0j8v
@asexualityonreddit
I've been noticing it a lot more as time goes on, but especially as we get closer to Pride time of year. Almost all the memes and supposed representation is focused on not liking sex.
I'm afraid of what this community is headed towards if we don't stop and take a moment to redirect. Incels and MGTOWs started with good intentions, but then got into an echo chamber and got too focused on side points that they became the toxic communities they are now. I would rather this community not go that route.
Let me state this clearly. Asexuality is defined by not experiencing sexual attraction. Nothing else. Sex repulsion is something else. Are there more people that feel like sex is gross or unnecessary for them in this community than the average? Of course there are.
But that's not what this community is defined by. Not experiencing sexual attraction is more like staring into the fridge without having a preference for what you eat. You might be hungry or not. Eating might be something you love to do or not. But the fact that you don't have a preference towards any particular food is the point.
Those of us that have and enjoy sex are still aces. These memes and other things that make it seem like any character that thinks sex is gross is ace? If that's all this community shares and takes joy in, it makes part of the community feel like we don't belong.
If that part of the community leaves because they don't feel welcome, that muddies the waters and creates the destructive echo chamber that has destroyed so many other formerly positive communities.
We've fought for years, decades even, to get the right definition of asexuality into the heads of the public at large. We can't let all that be for nothing, especially at this time of year. If we focus to much on the side points, nobody will take this seriously anymore.
One thing I've learned by dating and getting married is that there's a difference between theory and practice. Before I got to know my wife I thought I didn't like sex for me but I was fine with it conceptually. I considered myself sex positive, and fought even within the community to make a place for sex positivity for aces.
Here's the thing tho. This subreddit is feeling rather toxic towards sex positive aces these days. And a lot of it has that ring of sour grapes that the other communities I mentioned have. While saying things like "try it, you'll like it" is ignorant, it also isn't attached to the point. Some of us try sex and do like it, but that changes nothing about our orientation. Some try it and learn that we're demisexual. And that's cool too.
But we can't separate sex positivity from the community. That's where trouble starts. If we let the wrong message echo here we rush becoming toxic to the very ideas so many of us have fought long and hard for. Personally I've been educating nonprofessionally for almost a decade on asexuality, and I'm getting close to unsubscribing from the related subreddits and giving up associating myself with asexuality unless something changes.
I'm reticent to use the term "slippery slope" but this is a bad road to head down and it's hard to turn back once you get started. Please upvote this for visibility. I have no care about the points, but the whole community needs to see this if we're going to get our heads back on straight here. Please. Don't let this die after all the wonderful work that's been done over the years.
Just remember - when in an echo chamber, one must ACTIVELY fight to make sure the destructive noise doesn't drown out the sounds you want to amplify.
https://redd.it/sx0j8v
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
[META] We need to talk. It's getting toxic in here.
I've been noticing it a lot more as time goes on, but especially as we get closer to Pride time of year. Almost all the memes and supposed...
30 hours of suffering fueled by garlic bread and I've finally finished my ace mandala!
https://redd.it/sx3mm4
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/sx3mm4
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
30 hours of suffering fueled by garlic bread and I've finally...
Posted in r/asexuality by u/hananananbatman • 333 points and 8 comments
Me when I think why I’m not like “everyone”. Me when I listen something related to… you know what
https://redd.it/sxiaxf
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/sxiaxf
@asexualityonreddit
Always my fault.
I'm a guy. I'm pretty sure I'm on the asexuality spectrum. Whenever I look it up, it's always my fault. "Here are 10 reasons why a guy has a low libido" or something like that. Fuck that. Why can't I just not want sex??
am i making any sense lol
https://redd.it/sxufkj
@asexualityonreddit
I'm a guy. I'm pretty sure I'm on the asexuality spectrum. Whenever I look it up, it's always my fault. "Here are 10 reasons why a guy has a low libido" or something like that. Fuck that. Why can't I just not want sex??
am i making any sense lol
https://redd.it/sxufkj
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
Always my fault.
I'm a guy. I'm pretty sure I'm on the asexuality spectrum. Whenever I look it up, it's always my fault. "Here are 10 reasons why a guy has a low...
[Sex Repulsed Asexuals] "I don't want sex" means "i don't want sex" there is no "compromise"
https://redd.it/sxxg98
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/sxxg98
@asexualityonreddit
The author of Florida's "Don't Say Gay" bill is adding an amendment that would require schools to out LGBTQ students to their parents even if the school believes the disclosure will result in "abuse, abandonment, or neglect"
I know that we normally don't talk about politics here, but we have to call attention to this, because this bill in Florida is going to put children at risk of great harm. LGBTQ+ people in Florida need help on the double!
​
I kid you not, this is the actual bill amendment, sadly. Here's the rest of the content of the bill.
​
Carlos Smith, Florida's 1st LGBTQ+ Latino state rep, provided a link for everyone to see.
​
This is the evil that Rep. Joseph Harding and Florida governor Ron Desantis wish to inflict on LGBTQ+ youth and the adults who wish to protect them. This is their bill.
​
This is the content of the amendment:
>The school principal or his or her designee shall develop a plan using all available governmental resources, to disclose such information within 6 weeks after the decision to withhold such information from the parent. The plan must facilitate disclosure between the student and parent through an open dialogue in a safe, supportive, and judgment-free environment that respects the parent-child relationship and protects the mental, emotional, and physical well-being of the student.
​
This amendment is to be inserted after this part of the bill, in lines 77-81. This is what that part says on p.4 of the bill:
>This subparagraph does not prohibit a school district from adopting procedures that permit school personnel to withhold such information from a parent if a reasonably prudent person would believe that disclosure would result in abuse, abandonment, or neglect...
​
Republicans in Florida want to subject children to abuse for being born this way. It's an absolute travesty of a bill now made even worse. This bill is going to inflict immense harm on children, and Republicans are still going forward with it.
https://redd.it/sxzd7y
@asexualityonreddit
I know that we normally don't talk about politics here, but we have to call attention to this, because this bill in Florida is going to put children at risk of great harm. LGBTQ+ people in Florida need help on the double!
​
I kid you not, this is the actual bill amendment, sadly. Here's the rest of the content of the bill.
​
Carlos Smith, Florida's 1st LGBTQ+ Latino state rep, provided a link for everyone to see.
​
This is the evil that Rep. Joseph Harding and Florida governor Ron Desantis wish to inflict on LGBTQ+ youth and the adults who wish to protect them. This is their bill.
​
This is the content of the amendment:
>The school principal or his or her designee shall develop a plan using all available governmental resources, to disclose such information within 6 weeks after the decision to withhold such information from the parent. The plan must facilitate disclosure between the student and parent through an open dialogue in a safe, supportive, and judgment-free environment that respects the parent-child relationship and protects the mental, emotional, and physical well-being of the student.
​
This amendment is to be inserted after this part of the bill, in lines 77-81. This is what that part says on p.4 of the bill:
>This subparagraph does not prohibit a school district from adopting procedures that permit school personnel to withhold such information from a parent if a reasonably prudent person would believe that disclosure would result in abuse, abandonment, or neglect...
​
Republicans in Florida want to subject children to abuse for being born this way. It's an absolute travesty of a bill now made even worse. This bill is going to inflict immense harm on children, and Republicans are still going forward with it.
https://redd.it/sxzd7y
@asexualityonreddit