What do you identify as?
Saw a post of someone who said they noticed more aroaces than here than alloaces, so I was curious as to what the numbers are. Someone suggested creating smaller subs for alloaces, one for demiaces, one for aroaces, and then keeping this collective umbrella ace sub.
Comment what you think of this if you have any opinions. Also floating the idea of separate subs for sex-repulsed, indifferent and favourable.
View Poll
https://redd.it/s9qsq7
@asexualityonreddit
Saw a post of someone who said they noticed more aroaces than here than alloaces, so I was curious as to what the numbers are. Someone suggested creating smaller subs for alloaces, one for demiaces, one for aroaces, and then keeping this collective umbrella ace sub.
Comment what you think of this if you have any opinions. Also floating the idea of separate subs for sex-repulsed, indifferent and favourable.
View Poll
https://redd.it/s9qsq7
@asexualityonreddit
Got mine a couple months ago but never shared so here you go.
https://redd.it/s9uh24
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/s9uh24
@asexualityonreddit
I had a fun conversation with my friend, we’re both ace and sex-repulsed lol
https://redd.it/s9rtbh
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/s9rtbh
@asexualityonreddit
Young aces doubting ourselves and pressuring ourselves into s*x be like
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https://preview.redd.it/68h4oeee45d81.png?width=1839&format=png&auto=webp&s=3d3357a8957cd0d40ea7fd6f0dddb6004f9cfd9a
https://redd.it/s9qfgr
@asexualityonreddit
​
https://preview.redd.it/68h4oeee45d81.png?width=1839&format=png&auto=webp&s=3d3357a8957cd0d40ea7fd6f0dddb6004f9cfd9a
https://redd.it/s9qfgr
@asexualityonreddit
Yes, I know, cake and garlic bread are amazing, but can we talk about pizza?
https://redd.it/s9z9pz
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/s9z9pz
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
Yes, I know, cake and garlic bread are amazing, but can we talk...
Posted in r/aaaaaaacccccccce by u/Responsible_Walrus10 • 116 points and 30 comments
I'm disappointed (in the community?) (rant about compulsory sexuality)
I will probably mute this because I'm not looking for discourse, I just need to get this out of my head after I sadly wasted a lot of time yesterday looking for validation only to get more and more upset.
I'm some flavor of asexual. I'm not sex-repulsed as I don't mind and even like talking about it and sometimes like porn (mostly drawn and written). I'm also 100 % sex-positive. But...I'm sex-averse. And a virgin. With a libido that sometimes seems like it doesn't exist. I've also never been in a relationship for several reasons with not all of them related to asexuality. For me, sex is off the table. I don't like the thought of it and I highly assume that I would not like it. I also don't feel like I'm missing out or that I need to try it in order to know that I don't like it. That's my main reason for identifying as asexual because I don't have a full grasp on what sexual attraction is and whether or not I've felt it.
Now, I did some research on asexual people in relationships with allosexual people because apparently that's common and apparently, there's a lot of pressure on asexual people to get into relationships with allosexual people because "only 1 % are asexual, it's either that or you end up alone", thanks AVEN?? I don't see people in the gay community telling gay men to get into relationships with women just because there are fewer gay men than straight women out there but whatever. I know that some asexuals are in allo/ace relationships and happy and some like sex for one reason or another so they have zero issues conforming. I don't have anything against that. It's their life. But many aces (maybe even the majority) don't like sex so, of course, they would have issues in a relationship with an allosexual person. So yesterday, I was looking up a thread on someone fretting about not liking sex but being in a relationship with an allo who needed it apparently.
I was shocked to see replies to this thread saying things like "sometimes you have to have sex" and basically shaming them for being selfish + a lot of talk about "compromise" which, in my opinion, conflicts with my belief of what affirmative (or as some people call it "enthusiastic") consent is supposed to be about, about how you shouldn't have sex if you aren't comfortable with it and / or don't get anything out of it, about how it's not healthy to have sex out of guilt or obligation. Yet, those replies were upvoted and I've read countless other posts about ace people (often women) forcing themself to have sex out of guilt / to save their relationship / because it would be "selfish" to refuse it to a partner who "needed" it. I know this is a thing in many straight relationships but can I just say how disappointed I am to see this kind of thinking being at least somewhat normalized in the ace community? I went to other places on the internet where I trust people to be mindful of consent but saw people comparing having sex solely for their partners with going to a restaurant they don't like as much but their partner does. Am I the only one for whom this isn't remotely the same thing? That being coupled with the whole "asexual people can have sex!" (yes, I know) and "being asexual doesn't mean being sex-averse" (for many people, it does mean that) made me feel kind of isolated and feel like there's a lack of support for people who don't want to or probably shouldn't "compromise" and who probably should be discouraged from getting into monogamous relationships with allosexual people who need sex to live. It's just...for me a big part of being ace is not wanting sex and it's not like there is a separate community for sex-averse or -repulsed people to seek validation from. But after reading all of that, I feel like I need that validation and I'm obviously not the only one who needs it with so many people being stuck having sex they don't want because they're the ones not being "normal" for being asexual/sex-averse (yes, coming from an asexual person themself).
I don't know
I will probably mute this because I'm not looking for discourse, I just need to get this out of my head after I sadly wasted a lot of time yesterday looking for validation only to get more and more upset.
I'm some flavor of asexual. I'm not sex-repulsed as I don't mind and even like talking about it and sometimes like porn (mostly drawn and written). I'm also 100 % sex-positive. But...I'm sex-averse. And a virgin. With a libido that sometimes seems like it doesn't exist. I've also never been in a relationship for several reasons with not all of them related to asexuality. For me, sex is off the table. I don't like the thought of it and I highly assume that I would not like it. I also don't feel like I'm missing out or that I need to try it in order to know that I don't like it. That's my main reason for identifying as asexual because I don't have a full grasp on what sexual attraction is and whether or not I've felt it.
Now, I did some research on asexual people in relationships with allosexual people because apparently that's common and apparently, there's a lot of pressure on asexual people to get into relationships with allosexual people because "only 1 % are asexual, it's either that or you end up alone", thanks AVEN?? I don't see people in the gay community telling gay men to get into relationships with women just because there are fewer gay men than straight women out there but whatever. I know that some asexuals are in allo/ace relationships and happy and some like sex for one reason or another so they have zero issues conforming. I don't have anything against that. It's their life. But many aces (maybe even the majority) don't like sex so, of course, they would have issues in a relationship with an allosexual person. So yesterday, I was looking up a thread on someone fretting about not liking sex but being in a relationship with an allo who needed it apparently.
I was shocked to see replies to this thread saying things like "sometimes you have to have sex" and basically shaming them for being selfish + a lot of talk about "compromise" which, in my opinion, conflicts with my belief of what affirmative (or as some people call it "enthusiastic") consent is supposed to be about, about how you shouldn't have sex if you aren't comfortable with it and / or don't get anything out of it, about how it's not healthy to have sex out of guilt or obligation. Yet, those replies were upvoted and I've read countless other posts about ace people (often women) forcing themself to have sex out of guilt / to save their relationship / because it would be "selfish" to refuse it to a partner who "needed" it. I know this is a thing in many straight relationships but can I just say how disappointed I am to see this kind of thinking being at least somewhat normalized in the ace community? I went to other places on the internet where I trust people to be mindful of consent but saw people comparing having sex solely for their partners with going to a restaurant they don't like as much but their partner does. Am I the only one for whom this isn't remotely the same thing? That being coupled with the whole "asexual people can have sex!" (yes, I know) and "being asexual doesn't mean being sex-averse" (for many people, it does mean that) made me feel kind of isolated and feel like there's a lack of support for people who don't want to or probably shouldn't "compromise" and who probably should be discouraged from getting into monogamous relationships with allosexual people who need sex to live. It's just...for me a big part of being ace is not wanting sex and it's not like there is a separate community for sex-averse or -repulsed people to seek validation from. But after reading all of that, I feel like I need that validation and I'm obviously not the only one who needs it with so many people being stuck having sex they don't want because they're the ones not being "normal" for being asexual/sex-averse (yes, coming from an asexual person themself).
I don't know
if this is me having a savior complex because I'm okay without a relationship and probably don't want one in the first place, but seeing what I view as unhealthy at best and coercion at worst being so normalized and sex-aversion being treated as a choice instead of something that's a part of someone's identity made me feel like we aren't doing enough to combat this line of thinking.
To clarify, I'm not saying sex-favorable asexuals being happy to please their partner or for any other reason (kink, physical sensations, etc.) is an issue. I'm talking about asexuals who don't like it but are expected to challenge their boundaries for the sake of a relationship. I'm also not saying that allosexuals who need sex to be happy should be forcibly kept in relationships that make them unhappy.
I would like more support for people who, for whatever reason (or no reason at all) don't want sex and that it's not selfish to want boundaries to be respected or to have boundaries at all. That guilt and obligation are not good reasons to have sex or do anything intimate with a partner and that sex isn't the same as doing the dishes. That having sex with someone who's uncomfortable with it and only consents out of obligation is much more selfish than refusing to have sex in the first place. That it's better to not be in a relationship than in one that's incompatible. There's so much pressure on people to get into relationships in the first place just to be in one followed by the pressure to have sex because "that's what you do" outside of any communities. I wish we could focus more on that pressure instead of going on and on about how asexuals can have sex if they want to please their partners.
https://redd.it/sa2mty
@asexualityonreddit
To clarify, I'm not saying sex-favorable asexuals being happy to please their partner or for any other reason (kink, physical sensations, etc.) is an issue. I'm talking about asexuals who don't like it but are expected to challenge their boundaries for the sake of a relationship. I'm also not saying that allosexuals who need sex to be happy should be forcibly kept in relationships that make them unhappy.
I would like more support for people who, for whatever reason (or no reason at all) don't want sex and that it's not selfish to want boundaries to be respected or to have boundaries at all. That guilt and obligation are not good reasons to have sex or do anything intimate with a partner and that sex isn't the same as doing the dishes. That having sex with someone who's uncomfortable with it and only consents out of obligation is much more selfish than refusing to have sex in the first place. That it's better to not be in a relationship than in one that's incompatible. There's so much pressure on people to get into relationships in the first place just to be in one followed by the pressure to have sex because "that's what you do" outside of any communities. I wish we could focus more on that pressure instead of going on and on about how asexuals can have sex if they want to please their partners.
https://redd.it/sa2mty
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
I'm disappointed (in the community?) (rant about compulsory sexuality)
I will probably mute this because I'm not looking for discourse, I just need to get this out of my head after I sadly wasted a lot of time...
Does anyone else think that Rapunzel from Tangled might be asexual?
If you watch the movie, she doesn't care that Eugene/Flynn is supposedly sexy, he gives her the "smolder" which, judging by his reaction when Raps doesn't care, usually works on women. She finally falls for him once they get to know each other, which is what I imagine romantic attraction is like. She also never looks at another person throughout the movie or series. She also wears purple.
https://preview.redd.it/w4ris93029d81.png?width=804&format=png&auto=webp&s=18e4a8d1eb3ab67775192e8db9347555c9f1fb19
https://redd.it/sa3oo7
@asexualityonreddit
If you watch the movie, she doesn't care that Eugene/Flynn is supposedly sexy, he gives her the "smolder" which, judging by his reaction when Raps doesn't care, usually works on women. She finally falls for him once they get to know each other, which is what I imagine romantic attraction is like. She also never looks at another person throughout the movie or series. She also wears purple.
https://preview.redd.it/w4ris93029d81.png?width=804&format=png&auto=webp&s=18e4a8d1eb3ab67775192e8db9347555c9f1fb19
https://redd.it/sa3oo7
@asexualityonreddit
