Realizing I'm Asexual at 35
I'm a 35 year old woman and I just recently realized that I am asexual. I was in a heterosexual marriage for 13 years. He left me a little over a year ago. I miss so much about him and about our relationship/partnership. However, I don't miss sex and I have never enjoyed it. I like romance and some sensual touching but that's it. I'm actually just now realizing that I was in a QPR with my best friend in high school. We are still close, but she is married now and it's just different.
Mostly I feel very comforted by this epiphany. I feel so comforted when I read about other asexuals in a way that I never felt comfortable in the heterosexual community. I feel comforted when I see the asexual pride flag. I am, however, struggling a bit with feeling out of place and old within this community. And there are days when I wonder why bother taking on a label at this point in my life. I would love to find a nonsexual romantic partner but, living in Indiana, it feels like a stretch.
Anyway, just feeling a lot of different feelings. Any other asexuals over thirty feeling old or out of place?
https://redd.it/qag79l
@asexualityonreddit
I'm a 35 year old woman and I just recently realized that I am asexual. I was in a heterosexual marriage for 13 years. He left me a little over a year ago. I miss so much about him and about our relationship/partnership. However, I don't miss sex and I have never enjoyed it. I like romance and some sensual touching but that's it. I'm actually just now realizing that I was in a QPR with my best friend in high school. We are still close, but she is married now and it's just different.
Mostly I feel very comforted by this epiphany. I feel so comforted when I read about other asexuals in a way that I never felt comfortable in the heterosexual community. I feel comforted when I see the asexual pride flag. I am, however, struggling a bit with feeling out of place and old within this community. And there are days when I wonder why bother taking on a label at this point in my life. I would love to find a nonsexual romantic partner but, living in Indiana, it feels like a stretch.
Anyway, just feeling a lot of different feelings. Any other asexuals over thirty feeling old or out of place?
https://redd.it/qag79l
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
Realizing I'm Asexual at 35
I'm a 35 year old woman and I just recently realized that I am asexual. I was in a heterosexual marriage for 13 years. He left me a little over a...
Anyone else get upset when a relatable character suddenly becomes overtly sexual?
I’ve been thinking a lot now about my sexuality and I’m more and more accepting that I am asexual or at minimum in the asexual spectrum.
I was thinking about how I will strongly relate to a character and then sometimes out of nowhere the show decides to have some random over the top, ridiculous sex scene (as shows annoyingly do, and mostly it’s completely unnecessary and adds nothing…looking at you, HBO lol) and I feel almost betrayed/disgusted? Of course it’s because I was putting myself into the character.
But I’ve been noticing a pattern of how much I love and relate to characters that don’t engage in overtly sexual behavior. Romantic, I like because I am not aromatic.
Example: The Office
(I know, cliche, but I’ll never stop loving it lol, also I want to use an example that is mainstream enough)
A big part of me loving the Jim and Pam relationship was how non-sexual it was. The idea that it was almost purely romantic made me identify with it so much. It was easy to imagine they were a somewhat asexual couple (obviously they weren’t, but I hope my point still gets across)
I still need time to put a lot more thought into this to be able to better articulate my feelings about this topic, but for now I thought it was an interesting observation that just came to light for me!
https://redd.it/qaibgn
@asexualityonreddit
I’ve been thinking a lot now about my sexuality and I’m more and more accepting that I am asexual or at minimum in the asexual spectrum.
I was thinking about how I will strongly relate to a character and then sometimes out of nowhere the show decides to have some random over the top, ridiculous sex scene (as shows annoyingly do, and mostly it’s completely unnecessary and adds nothing…looking at you, HBO lol) and I feel almost betrayed/disgusted? Of course it’s because I was putting myself into the character.
But I’ve been noticing a pattern of how much I love and relate to characters that don’t engage in overtly sexual behavior. Romantic, I like because I am not aromatic.
Example: The Office
(I know, cliche, but I’ll never stop loving it lol, also I want to use an example that is mainstream enough)
A big part of me loving the Jim and Pam relationship was how non-sexual it was. The idea that it was almost purely romantic made me identify with it so much. It was easy to imagine they were a somewhat asexual couple (obviously they weren’t, but I hope my point still gets across)
I still need time to put a lot more thought into this to be able to better articulate my feelings about this topic, but for now I thought it was an interesting observation that just came to light for me!
https://redd.it/qaibgn
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
Anyone else get upset when a relatable character suddenly becomes...
I’ve been thinking a lot now about my sexuality and I’m more and more accepting that I am asexual or at minimum in the asexual spectrum. I was...
Gave a presentation for my university today on asexuality and aromanticism! Yay!
https://redd.it/qaqhso
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/qaqhso
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
Gave a presentation for my university today on asexuality and...
Posted in r/Asexual by u/sixfootsauropod • 988 points and 39 comments
Experiencing aesthetic attraction is real weird
Especially when you have a type. Does anyone else have a type? I find gender non-conformity very attractive, especially "soft butch" women and men with long hair. Women with muscly arms. Men with muscly pecs. Non-binary people who wear whatever the fuck they want. Goth/punk aesthetics. David Tennant.
But it doesn't inspire any sexual feelings in me, or desires, or fantasies. At most, I'll feel my face get warm, but the downstairs area is a dead zone (and I like it that way). I just like to look - that sounds creepy and voyeuristic when I say it.
"I am looking... respectfully..."
I compare it to looking at the sunset. The sunset is beautiful. I could look at it for ages. But the sunset does not inspire any sexual feelings in me. I don't want to fuck the sun.
https://redd.it/qaqip3
@asexualityonreddit
Especially when you have a type. Does anyone else have a type? I find gender non-conformity very attractive, especially "soft butch" women and men with long hair. Women with muscly arms. Men with muscly pecs. Non-binary people who wear whatever the fuck they want. Goth/punk aesthetics. David Tennant.
But it doesn't inspire any sexual feelings in me, or desires, or fantasies. At most, I'll feel my face get warm, but the downstairs area is a dead zone (and I like it that way). I just like to look - that sounds creepy and voyeuristic when I say it.
"I am looking... respectfully..."
I compare it to looking at the sunset. The sunset is beautiful. I could look at it for ages. But the sunset does not inspire any sexual feelings in me. I don't want to fuck the sun.
https://redd.it/qaqip3
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
Experiencing aesthetic attraction is real weird
Especially when you have a *type*. Does anyone else have a type? I find gender non-conformity very attractive, especially "soft butch" women and...
Sexualition of male spaces
I've been noticing, and I'm sure many of you have, that male spaces, especially online ones, are overly sexualized. Reddit as a whole is mostly male, and subs like TIFU and AskReddit are good examples of places where sexualized content gets a disproportionate amount of attention. However, it's especially true for dedicated male spaces, like AskMen.
As a demisexual man I find it really frustrating and tiring. Seeing so much sexualized content, seeing men constantly talking about the way they want women to look, how much they like sex, and so on.
I can admit that sex is an important part of life for most people, and I'm not sex-repulsed. I can imagine this is even tougher for those of you who are. But even so, much of this conversation does repulse me, because it's all so hollow - very few are talking about anything with much nuance, like their experiences in a matter-of-fact light, ways to engage healthily, or being respectful. Much of it seems to really reduce sex to a feeling, and reduce the women to agents subjected to sex rather than active participants in it.
This frustrates me on a few levels - I'm frustrated for the women who are reduced to this, for the perpetuation of this culture that shows no signs of slowing down. I'm frustrated about feeling excluded, unwelcome, and like an outsider even though it's not a practice I want to be part of. I'm frustrated for the men who get dragged into it, never seeing how the reductivism harms their views of sex and especially of women.
Anyways, I'm just posting this because I really felt alone about it, and didn't know where else I could talk about it. I wish there was a way to filter NSFW posts from specific subreddits out of my feed, maybe I'll have to unsubscribe from them entirely.
https://redd.it/qb22z0
@asexualityonreddit
I've been noticing, and I'm sure many of you have, that male spaces, especially online ones, are overly sexualized. Reddit as a whole is mostly male, and subs like TIFU and AskReddit are good examples of places where sexualized content gets a disproportionate amount of attention. However, it's especially true for dedicated male spaces, like AskMen.
As a demisexual man I find it really frustrating and tiring. Seeing so much sexualized content, seeing men constantly talking about the way they want women to look, how much they like sex, and so on.
I can admit that sex is an important part of life for most people, and I'm not sex-repulsed. I can imagine this is even tougher for those of you who are. But even so, much of this conversation does repulse me, because it's all so hollow - very few are talking about anything with much nuance, like their experiences in a matter-of-fact light, ways to engage healthily, or being respectful. Much of it seems to really reduce sex to a feeling, and reduce the women to agents subjected to sex rather than active participants in it.
This frustrates me on a few levels - I'm frustrated for the women who are reduced to this, for the perpetuation of this culture that shows no signs of slowing down. I'm frustrated about feeling excluded, unwelcome, and like an outsider even though it's not a practice I want to be part of. I'm frustrated for the men who get dragged into it, never seeing how the reductivism harms their views of sex and especially of women.
Anyways, I'm just posting this because I really felt alone about it, and didn't know where else I could talk about it. I wish there was a way to filter NSFW posts from specific subreddits out of my feed, maybe I'll have to unsubscribe from them entirely.
https://redd.it/qb22z0
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
Sexualition of male spaces
I've been noticing, and I'm sure many of you have, that male spaces, especially online ones, are overly sexualized. Reddit as a whole is mostly...
Got my ace pin today! Just in time for Halloween-going to sneak up on all my friends! 😁
https://redd.it/qauewn
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/qauewn
@asexualityonreddit
Is anyone else’s mental health affected by allosexual people?
It’s entirely illogical and I completely respect that allosexuals have their own needs, but I get depressed as hell whenever I hear about somebody having sex on a regular basis. I also get a icky feeling when sex is glorified in a certain way. Im usually sex-indifferent, but there are moments where sex-repulsion starts to creep in. Idk if it’s insecurity or what, and I’m not sure what’s going on psychologically when these feelings happen, but it feels awful. Does anyone else have this experience?
https://redd.it/qb3bfk
@asexualityonreddit
It’s entirely illogical and I completely respect that allosexuals have their own needs, but I get depressed as hell whenever I hear about somebody having sex on a regular basis. I also get a icky feeling when sex is glorified in a certain way. Im usually sex-indifferent, but there are moments where sex-repulsion starts to creep in. Idk if it’s insecurity or what, and I’m not sure what’s going on psychologically when these feelings happen, but it feels awful. Does anyone else have this experience?
https://redd.it/qb3bfk
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
Is anyone else’s mental health affected by allosexual people?
It’s entirely illogical and I completely respect that allosexuals have their own needs, but I get depressed as hell whenever I hear about somebody...
Do any asexual’s enjoy massages?
I’m completely sex and romantically repulsed. However I’m very sensual and I love massages. Does anyone else feel the same way ?
https://redd.it/qb9rqd
@asexualityonreddit
I’m completely sex and romantically repulsed. However I’m very sensual and I love massages. Does anyone else feel the same way ?
https://redd.it/qb9rqd
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
Do any asexual’s enjoy massages?
I’m completely sex and romantically repulsed. However I’m very sensual and I love massages. Does anyone else feel the same way ?