The day after his wife vanished in a kayaking accident, Long, a man from Anchorage, opened his door to find two serious-looking Alaska State Troopers standing before him.

"Mr. Wilkens, we regret to inform you that we have news regarding your wife," one trooper began.

"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens blurted out, anxiously.

The troopers exchanged glances. One spoke, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some fantastic news. Which would you like to hear first?"

Bracing himself, a pale Mr. Wilkens responded, "Give me the bad news."

The trooper said, "I'm sorry, sir, but we recovered your wife's body in Kachemak Bay this morning."

"Oh no!" gasped Wilkens.

After a moment, he gathered himself and asked, "So, what's the good news?"

The trooper explained, "Well, when we brought her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and six large Dungeness crabs attached to her. We're confident you’re entitled to a share of the catch."

Stunned, Wilkens asked, "If that's the good news, then what's the fantastic news?"

With a straight face, the trooper replied, "We're pulling her up again tomorrow."

A police officer knocks on a man's door holding a picture of a woman.

"Sir, is this your wife?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry to say this but it looks like she's been hit by a truck."

"Yeah, but she's got a great personality and the kids just love her."

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13880107/Colorado-Dads-despair-sodium-nitrite-son-ordered.html

https://archive.is/BlcbQ

A grieving father has shared the despair he felt after learning the truth about a $13 substance his teenage son bought online.

Bruce Brown said the odorless, yellowish-white powder was delivered in a standard UPS package to his Colorado home in late November 2022, and was addressed to his 17-year-old son, Bennett, a competitive soccer player.

He thought it was just an athletic supplement, and texted his son that night asking what it was - but never received an answer, according to USA Today.

In reality, the substance was sodium nitrite - a hazardous chemical that is becoming increasingly popular amongst youths to end their own lives, which Bennett did the very next day.

'They shipped it in two days to him and it sold for the price of about $13,' Bruce recounted. 'That was the cost of my son's life.'
After his son's death, Bruce learned that Bennett had visited an online forum where people encourage others to end their lives.
It also reportedly details various methods to do so.
He noted that it can be counteracted with methylene blue, but sodium nitrite acts so quickly that the antidote often can't help or is not available in time.

The substance is easily available for purchase from major retailers, with the parents of two teenagers who died by suicide using the drug previously suing Amazon because their children purchased the compound through the website, according to USA Today.
He was apparently having second thoughts on taking his own life, canceling the order - only for the store's website to prompt him to buy it anyway.

The teen then ingested the toxic substance, but was apparently again having doubts - reaching out to a relative and saying he needed to go to a hospital immediately.

Paramedics then rushed to his suburban house and transported him to a local hospital but died in the ambulance.

From chat, thanks @Atomic_Rooster

What do you call a laughing motorcycle?

Yama.hahahahahahahahaha

From chat, thanks @Atomic_Rooster

Check out this free gas hack

Black Superman

This is from the ooga booga group, but I know it's blocked on iOS devices....

Poor bastard