As a scuba diver I can attest why we roll backward off the side of the boat… if we rolled forward we’d still be in the boat.

I think my wife is trying to kill me... i caught her with a can of Polish remover.

What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? The porcupine has pricks on the outside.

The older I get the more I can relate to an old country song: Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys.

Cowboys like smoky old pool rooms
And clear mountain mornings
Little warm puppies and children
And girls of the night
Them that don't know him
Won't like him and them that do
Sometimes won't know how to take him
He ain't wrong, he's just different

Be a man that attracts women, not girls.

Wife just cruised thru for lunch and told me a funny. After the rehearsal for a wedding her grandmother turned down her hearing aids because she wasn't interested in the conversations going on. A few minutes later everyone was raising their hands so she raised hers too. Everyone started laughing at her. She turned up her hearing aids to see what was so funny.... the question had been who wants to play a round of golf tomorrow morning before the wedding and now they are asking her what time they should pick up up at the house.

GMT-800 production