Boy asks dad why we say people have a green thumb when their thumbs aren't actually green.

Dad says "people don't really have green thumbs but if they are good at gardening, we say they have a green thumb. It's like when you catch someone stealing red handed but their hands are actually black.

They like their chicken, eh?

Retiree misses the job

Keeping tradition alive

...

Women
& Weapons
@survival4u

Poor bastard

An irishman walked in the local pub with a bowling ball bag. Set it on the bar and ordered two shots of whisky. By the time the bar keep returned with the drinks, he had unzipped the bag and there was a big grinning toothy head.

Bar keep said "praise Jesus, what's that?"
The man says, It's me son... he was born 21 years ago this very day with no arms or legs. Since it's his birthday, I'm bringing him here for his first drink.

With that the man holds a shot glass up to the son's lips and dumps it in. While the boy is shuddering from the taste, the father chugs his down.

Soon the boy says , Dad, I don't feel so good and falls out of the bowling ball bag. Soon enough the boy starts to quiver and shake and POOF out sprouts a torso.

No one can believe it. Someone shouts It's the liquor, give him another drink quick!

The bar tender pours another shot and they pour it in the lad's mount. POOF out pop two arms.

QUICK GET HIM ANOTHER DRINK

this time the boy holds his own shot glass and drinks... POOF out pop two legs. He jumps off the bar and starts running around and dancing.

He comes back to hug his dad and says "Dad do you remember when I was a wee lad and you'd ride me around in that bike basket? What I wouldn't give to have a bike now!

The bartender says to the boy, I've got a bike in teh storeroom you can have. Just run and get it, it's yours.

In a hot second the kid appears from teh back room with the bike. He steps up on one pedal and coasts out thru the open front door into the street. As soon as he cleared the sidewalk he was hit by a guiness truck and killed.

everyone in the bar put their heads down for a moment to say a silent prayer for him.

The bartender said "He should have quit while he was a head".