One fine spring day two guys were fishing on the bank of a local lake. All of the sudden a tweaker came running out of the woods yelling like crazy.... straight down the boat dock and off into the water. He never came back up. The two guys fishing ran to the dock and one of them jumped in and started diving underwater to find the guy. Sure enough he found him! They pulled the guy out of the water and one of them started mouth to mouth to get the guy breathing again. The other guy climbed out of the water and started looking at what his buddy was doing... and said "hey I don't remember that tweaker having a snowmobile suit on do you?"

Everything reminds me of her. Broaching splines in a gear.

Anyone with toddlers?

A doctor couldn’t get hired at the hospital, so he opened his own clinic.

Outside, he hung a sign:

TREATMENT: $20

IF WE CAN’T CURE YOU — YOU GET $100 BACK

A jew lawyer saw the sign and thought, “I’ll make some easy money.”

He walked in.

Lawyer: “I’ve lost my sense of taste.”

Doctor: “Nurse, bottle No. 14 — three drops on his tongue.”

The lawyer sputters, “Ugh! That’s kerosene!”

Doctor: “Great — your taste is back. That’ll be $20.”

Irritated, the lawyer returned a few days later.

Lawyer: “I’ve lost my memory. I can’t remember anything.”

Doctor: “Bottle No. 14 again — three drops.”

Lawyer: “Hey! That’s kerosene! You gave me that last time!”

Doctor: “Perfect — your memory is back. That’ll be $20.”

Fuming, the lawyer came back one more time.

Lawyer: “My eyesight is terrible. I can’t see a thing.”

Doctor: “I’m afraid we can’t help with that. Here — take this $100.”

The jew lawyer looks at the bill.

“Hey… this is only $20!”

Doctor: “And just like that… your eyesight is restored. That’ll be $20.”