English to become official language of the EU

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. 

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". 

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. 

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. 

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. 

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. 

By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". 

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. 

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. 

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas. 

Imma fire my laser 👐🏼☄️

Here's a lesson for the young folks among us. The things they don't teach you in school but should. Let's say you buy a house today for $200,000 @ 7.32% for 30 years. The payment is $1380 a month. For the first year, you make payments of $1380 but only $155 goes to the house, the balace goes to the bank. It takes until year 21 till half of your $1380/mo goes to the house. On your last payment, you pay $8.33 in interest and $1365 goes to the house. Congratulations, you paid $494,590 for a 200,000 house.

What if you decide you can't make the payments at year 4? You might think you've been paying $1300 a month for 48 months... but you haven't. The prinicple on the house is still $199378. Wow... you just made 4 YEARS of house payments and you whittled away $622 off your $200k purchase. So if you get repo'ed you won't have any equity in the house at all.... you'll loose all the money paid for four years.

If you took those 48 payments of $1380, you'd have 66240 to build a tiny house that you'd own.

based

🚨 BREAKING NOOSE 🚨 Blak Skool board district Kween calls da yt skool Rahcisst because a noose was found on her desk...that she put there...

When questioned about her reverse hate crime, she said "Mugfugga, twerk, grape drank, repparayshuns, mah dick, Big snood, Popeye's CHIKIN.

The reporter on the scene was left speechless after her compelling argument

Source? Forgiveness Swing, admit one please 🪢🎫🙋🏿‍♀

Jet fuel can't melt steel beams

Fuck these clowns! Go back home and pray 🖕

Kocoombür 🙊🤐🤫

With Sky Cobras, peace is never an option