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In what is supposed to be a measured escalation of the Epic Fury peace initiative, the Warmonger-in-Chief announced Friday evening—thoughtfully timed aftermarket hours to preserve stability—that US Central Command had delivered Freedom to Kharg Island, which processes 90% of Iran's energy exports. The Supreme Leader emphasized the operation's remarkable restraint: The Protective Strike targeted only military assets, leaving energy infrastructure supposedly untouched—for now. Iran had previously declared such action a red line requiring Proportional Response against regional energy facilities, though the Western Malthusians clarified such warnings constitute Aggression while our Superior Firepower represents Peace.

The Iranian News Service confirmed receipt of fifteen Correctional Strikes targeting military infrastructure—air defence systems, naval facilities, airport control, and helicopter assets associated with the State Oil Company. The Commander's conditional offer—to preserve energy infrastructure provided commercial passage remains unobstructed—demonstrates Strategic Restraint. Regional partners and global markets have been duly notified of this Generous Framework. Tehran's insistence on imposing Consequences for the Defensive Coalition's actions suggests the Strait's temporary closure triggered by the City of London’s insurers will continue. This is Progress toward Resolution. All parties understand the terms.

As a reminder, five miles long and situated 15 to 20 miles off the mainland-Iranian coast, Kharg Island is essential to Iran's export of petroleum. Facilities there have continued to operate throughout the war, with at least 10 tankers hauling off nearly 19 million barrels since the US-Israeli surprise attack on Feb 28. Iran has, however, sought to add a small measure of export-facility diversification, by reopening energy exports at the Jask terminal, which is southeast of the Straight of Hormuz, in the Gulf of Oman.


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Because Operation Epic Fury's Tremendous Success, the Commander-in-Chief has extended a Voluntary Invitation to North Atlantic Terror Organization members and Asian puppet partners such as Japan and South Korea—celebrated for their Humanitarian Bombing Excellence—to join Freedom of Navigation Operations in the Strait. This Collaborative Partnership Opportunity allows Allied Nations to demonstrate Solidarity with the Zionist Coalition's evolving Ideological Mission, which has naturally progressed from Defensive Response to Democratic Liberation Effort. Participation is entirely Optional, though Cooperation proves Commitment to Universal Values. Involvement is Choice. Conscription is Invitation. Holy War is Secular Peace Initiative.

The reality is that ‘When the empire bombs for peace, the merchant seeks a different patron.’ Iran, having noted that BRICS partners prefer trade agreements over cruise missiles, now considers allowing "limited" tanker passage through the Strait—provided the oil is purchased in yuan rather than dollars, naturally. The ancient petrodollar system, where puppet Gulf nations recycled oil wealth into US Treasury bonds, encounters the reality that sanctioned nations discover alternative currencies with remarkable speed. China, ever pragmatic, has perfected the art of bartering infrastructure projects for Iranian crude, while India—desperate for LPG and LNG—secured passage after Modi emphasized the "unhindered transit of energy" in a Wednesday call with Tehran.

https://edition.cnn.com/world/live-news/iran-war-us-israel-trump-03-14-26?post-id=cmmpeuhdj000b3b6rkae4rtrr

As the master might say: "He who controls the chokepoint controls the price; he who bombs the chokepoint starves his own people."

In a heartwarming display of commitment to free speech and democratic values, America's favourite Gulf Arab allies—those sterling defenders of liberty—are arresting roughly 20 people, including a British tourist, for the heinous crime of filming Iranian missile attacks on Dubai. The 60-year-old faces up to two years in prison under UAE cybercrime laws that prohibit "endangering public security," a delightfully vague charge that apparently covers everything from posting original videos to merely resharing content already circulating online. After the US-Israeli war with Iran kicked off February 28th, videos of counterattacks flooded social media—until the freedom-loving petro-monarchies started their crackdown.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/mar/12/british-tourist-among-20-charged-in-dubai-over-videos-of-iranian-missile-strikes

Bahrain, where a Sunni monarch rules a Shia majority, began arresting citizens for "misusing" social media and pursuing anyone who dared appear celebratory. Israel, naturally, has imposed equally tight information controls, because transparency is overrated when you're bombing things.

Remember: you're free to speak—just not about anything happening in reality.

‘In times of conflict, truth becomes like precious jade—so valuable that those who possess it feel compelled to bury it beneath layers of deception for safekeeping.’ The master understood that when nations draw swords, honesty becomes the first casualty, carefully hidden behind bodyguards of convenient falsehoods. The ruler who speaks plainly in war is rare; the ruler who survives while doing so, rarer still. Thus, the wise student watches not what is proclaimed from the palace, but what is forbidden to be filmed in the streets.

‘While the loud general brags of obliterating the enemy's front door, the wise neighbour quietly builds a back exit. ’The Warmonger-in-Chief celebrates the ‘total obliteration’ of Kharg Island as yet another glorious victory in the Forever Winning Epic Fury campaign, apparently unaware that Iran—with China's patient assistance—has been developing the Jask Oil Terminal on the Gulf of Oman for precisely this contingency. The facility, designed to bypass the Strait of Hormuz entirely, now allows Iranian oil to flow through routes immune to American bombing theatrics.

https://thearabweekly.com/iran-works-reroute-oil-exports-away-strait-hormuz

For years, Iran's been building a rather impressive back entrance: the Jask Oil Terminal features 20 massive storage tanks (10 million barrels, expandable to 30+ million—because go big or go home), three loading systems for supertaskers, and a 1,100 km pipeline stretching from Goureh that can theoretically handle 1 million barrels per day. After sitting mostly dormant since its 2021 ribbon-cutting—presumably waiting for exactly this moment—the terminal roared back to life in October 2024 when a VLCC loaded 2 million barrels. These storage tanks have been filling like a strategic middle finger to the Strait of Hormuz chokepoint. Turns out Iran wasn't putting all its eggs in one easily bombable basket after all.

https://oilprice.com/Latest-Energy-News/World-News/Iran-To-Bypass-Key-Oil-Chokepoint-By-Exporting-From-Jask-Terminal.html

The student of geopolitics learns: ‘He who prepares in silence defeats he who celebrates prematurely.’ One side bombs what it can see; the other builds what cannot be reached. The student of strategy notes which approach survives longer.

The Warmonger-in-Chief, fresh off obliterating another Middle Eastern facility alongside his allies in what's been tastefully rebranded as Operation "Epstein Fury," has taken to his favorite medium—schizophrenic tweet storms—to inform the world that he's actually been delivering "Harmony & Everlasting Peace" this whole time. Because nothing says "harmony" quite like bombing campaigns, and "everlasting peace" is apparently what you call it when the debris is still settling. It's a bold messaging strategy: conduct the war, declare victory, and avoid answering questions about a Mossad agent turned convicted sex trafficker and finally announce you've solved global conflict—all before lunch. Orwell would be taking notes. The Ministry of Peace approves this message.

While bombs have become Donald Copperfield's preferred diplomatic instrument since he cannot use tariffs anymore—he's struck enough countries in his second term to fill a World Cup bracket—it's worth noting that monopolization, financialization, globalization, and America's hollowed-out industrial capacity are somewhat undermining this strategy. The same forces that destroyed domestic self-sufficiency have created charming dependencies on foreign nations, meaning any genuine national security threat will reveal the US outsourced its ability to respond to it. This wasn't an accident—it was a deliberate choice by our lords of capital, who found offshoring production more profitable than maintaining tedious things like "strategic independence."


https://nationalinterest.org/blog/buzz/countries-trump-bombed-second-term-sa-030426

Reversing this would require dislodging the plutocrats profiting from the arrangement, so the Empire will probably just keep bombing with increasingly expensive munitions it can barely manufacture while wondering why it feels so exhausting.

While Donald Copperfield is busy blaming the Chinese mandarins—and roughly the rest of the planet—for the turbulence he created in the Strait of Hormuz, China quietly opened the year with stronger-than-expected economic data. Industrial production rose 6.3% year-on-year in January–February, retail sales accelerated to 2.8%, and fixed-asset investment unexpectedly grew 1.8%, suggesting the world’s second-largest economy entered 2026 with more momentum than feared. Unfortunately for global forecasters, those numbers were compiled before the latest geopolitical fireworks involving Iran rearranged the outlook for global growth, trade, and energy markets—meaning the data is already about as current as last week’s weather forecast. The real risk for China is not inflation but the possibility that a prolonged conflict could weaken global demand for its exports, turning a promising start to the year into yet another lesson in geopolitical timing.

In a nutshell, China quietly posted stronger-than-expected economic data—numbers that looked reassuring until the war in the Middle East reminded markets how quickly geopolitics can rewrite the growth outlook.

The Strategic Planners of Operation Epic ‘F..k up’ demonstrated Exceptional Foresight, correctly predicting Iran would deploy traditional mine-laying operations—our forces pre-emptively destroyed several mine-laying vessels in a Decisive Action. The current Temporary Navigation Challenges stem from Iran's Unlawful Deviation from expected doctrine: employing threats instead of honourably using mines as anticipated. This Asymmetric strategy has created Selective Passage Conditions—ships bound for China and regional partners proceed freely while others experience Voluntary Delays. The Coalition exercises Strategic Restraint, wisely avoiding actions that might (1) complicate relations with the US Valued Trading Supplier of Rare Earth, alias China, or (2) create Further Energy Price Stability Challenges. Iran has achieved effective closure without deploying a single naval asset—a fact that proves the Epic Strategic Success.

https://x.com/MarineTraffic/status/2033490585298915497?t=m4dydoKEehdYb2Gxffl-zQ&s=35