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In a gesture of festive goodwill befitting the Easter Weekend, the Empire and its Zionist ally have delivered a seasonal gift to southern Iran in the form of at least 25 heavy airstrikes on the Mahshahr Petrochemical Special Economic Zone — one of Iran's most significant oil infrastructure hubs. Marun, Karoun, Bandar Imam, Amir Kabir, and Razi petrochemicals, along with the Fajr 1 and 2 power plants, have all received the Empire's compliments, with large columns of smoke rising over the complex in what the Ministry of Victory will no doubt classify as a precision demonstration of overwhelming success.

https://farsnews.ir/Maryam_Saheb_Mohammadi/1775288041098378189/%D8%AD%D9%85%D9%84%D9%87-%D8%AF%D8%B4%D9%85%D9%86-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D9%85%D9%86%D8%B7%D9%82%D9%87-%D9%88%DB%8C%DA%98%D9%87-%D9%BE%D8%AA%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%B4%DB%8C%D9%85%DB%8C-%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%87%D8%B4%D9%87%D8%B1

The strikes arrive, with impeccable timing, on a holiday weekend traditionally associated with resurrection — though what rises from the ashes of Iran's petrochemical infrastructure will likely not be what the architects of Operation Epic F**k-Up had in mind.

The oil price, already well acquainted with the concept of Easter miracles, is expected to respond accordingly. He is risen. So is Brent crude.

Listen to a summary of The Macro Butler weekly newsletter via podcast on Substack; YouTube; Rumble & TikTok.

https://themacrobutler.substack.com/p/no-gas-no-grain-how-energy-shortages-476

Animated by the spirit of Easter and the Malthusian enthusiasm of his Zionist ally, ‘Satanhyahu’ , the Warmonger-in-Chief took to social media on Saturday to announce, with characteristic theological flourish, that "all Hell will reign down" on Iran within 48 hours — "Glory be to God!" — a divine ultimatum delivered while the military of the Empire was quietly conducting a days-long search for an airman whose F-15E had been shot down by a country that has been comprehensively obliterated since Hour 1. The Defence Department maintained its customary silence about both the downed F-15E and the reported loss of an A-10 Warthog, because acknowledging that a decimated adversary is shooting down American aircraft would require revising the victory narrative that has sustained this enterprise for six weeks.

The 10-day deadline — itself an extension of a 5-day deadline, suggesting that Iranian compliance operates on a sliding scale — is running out, while the US has simultaneously stripped nearly its entire inventory of JASSM-ER cruise missiles from the Pacific to deploy against a war it already won, leaving 425 available for every other conflict on earth, including the one over Taiwan that China is watching with considerable interest. The aura of invincibility, it appears, has developed some aerodynamic difficulties. Glory be to God.

In a diplomatic masterstroke of breathtaking audacity, the Empire has instructed its puppet monarch of Bahrain to petition the United Nations to endorse the reopening of a strait that the Empire's own war effectively closed — a request that China, displaying the Confucian gift for recognising the obvious, has declined to support with the enthusiasm one reserves for being asked to validate the arsonist's insurance claim. The logic is, by any measure, spectacular: having launched a war next to the world's most critical energy chokepoint, disrupted 20% of global oil supply, and spread energy shortages across a planet, the Empire now seeks multilateral legitimacy for undoing the consequences of its own actions — via a hereditary monarchy whose sovereign independence extends approximately to the edge of the American naval base it hosts.

https://www.reuters.com/world/middle-east/bahrain-hopes-vote-revised-hormuz-resolution-friday-2026-04-02/

China's veto, delivered without apparent irony, reflects the Confucian wisdom that the superior nation does not endorse the agenda of the power that created the crisis it now volunteers to resolve. The Strait remains closed to the ships of the Empire. The UN remains unpersuaded.

The oil price has risen further like Jesus on Easter Sunday. And the depopulation agenda, that most ambitious of Washington and Tel Aviv's strategic objectives, continues to price itself into every grocery bill, fuel receipt from Montevideo to Tokyo.

Happy Easter Everyone!

While Operation Epic F**k-Up drains American military capacity and the Ukrainian meat grinder continues its Malthusian harvest, Eurostan is ensuring its young men remain conveniently locatable, properly registered, and no more than one bureaucratic decision away from being told that their approval has, regrettably, been reconsidered. The Ministry of Peace reports that this is not conscription. It has always not been conscription.

In Eurostan, effective immediately, the German Reich — has determined that young men aged 17 to 45 wishing to leave the country for more than three months must first obtain permission from the Bundeswehr Career Center, because nothing says "voluntary military service" quite like requiring state approval to take a gap year. The Military Service Modernization Act, which sounds considerably more benign than "we are quietly preparing a conscription infrastructure while insisting everything remains voluntary," has moved restrictions previously reserved for declared states of war into permanent peacetime policy — a distinction the Ministry of Defence assures is entirely procedural, since approvals are almost always granted. Almost always.

https://www.euronews.com/2026/04/04/conscription-law-men-now-need-approval-for-trips-abroad

For those whose attention span extends beyond the last five minutes of a TikTok scroll, a brief historical reminder: once upon a time in 2019, the current Warmonger-in-Chief presented himself to the American electorate as the Peace Maker-in-Chief — the man who would drain the swamp, end the forever wars, and deliver his citizens from the Neocon agenda that has reliably bankrupted the Empire in blood and treasure since 1945. That was, of course, before he launched Operation Epic F**k-Up, began sending troops into another Middle Eastern quagmire projected to cost trillions, and declined to release the Epstein files that might have explained which particular swamp residents he was actually protecting. The transformation from Peace Maker to Warmonger is, by any measure, a remarkable character arc — one that students of Washington's revolving door of plutocratic self-interest will find entirely unsurprising, even if the voters who believed the original pitch do not.

What would cause a man to change so much? The ancient answer, as always, is the same: follow the money, follow the files, and note carefully which promises evaporate the moment the Oval Office door closes behind them.

Iranian drones struck Kuwait's power generation plants, water desalination facilities, the Kuwait Petroleum Corporation's Shuwaikh oil complex, and a government office complex — a single evening's retaliation for the Empire's Easter Weekend strikes on Iran's Mahshahr Petrochemical Zone. No casualties were reported, which is the sole consolation available in an escalation that has extended the conflict to a country that was not, technically, a party to the original holy war. The puppet monarchies of the Gulf, toasted whatever the outcome, are receiving their invoice. It is arriving by drone, on a Sunday, without warning and without red lines — because the war that was won on Hour 1 of Day 1 has never recognised any.

https://www.reuters.com/world/middle-east/fire-erupts-kuwaits-shuwaikh-oil-sector-complex-after-drone-attack-state-news-2026-04-05/

From the Oval Office, the ‘Theocrat-in-Chief’ summoned divine authority to sanctify Operation Epic F**k-Up. From his Easter pulpit, the Vicar of Christ delivered the Almighty's unambiguous response: God rejects the prayers of those who wage war and turns His face from hands full of blood. The mystics have always taught that those who invoke heaven most loudly are often furthest from its grace.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTE_I7YLo4g&t=1s

In a world where theocrats of every denomination — whether they reside in Washington, Tel Aviv, or Tehran — compete to invoke the divine in service of decidedly earthly ambitions, the most radical act available to the ordinary human being remains the simplest: step away from the noise, gather with those you love, reflect on what truly matters, and remember that every dark chapter in history has eventually turned the page. Uncertainty is not the absence of a path forward — it is merely the condition under which that path must be found. It has always been found.

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In the hallowed spirit of Easter, the Warmonger-in-Chief ascended unto Truth Social to describe the Iranian people as "crazy bastards" and threaten to consign them to darkness and hell — a seasonal greeting that the Pope, having just reminded the world that God rejects the prayers of those with hands full of blood, will have received with considerable theological dismay.