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Short Jokes

The Perfect Son. 
A: I have the perfect son. 
B: Does he smoke? 
A: No, he doesn't. 
B: Does he drink whiskey? 
A: No, he doesn't. 
B: Does he ever come home late? 
A: No, he doesn't. 
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? 
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday
@Englishteacherideas1

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts." 
The doctor asks, "What do you mean?" 
The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts." 
The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!"
@English teacherideas1

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.

The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"

One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

@Englishteacherideas1

A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi. 
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi. 
@Englishteacherideas1

PUPIL: "Would you punish me for something I didnt do?" 
TEACHER:" Of course not." 
PUPIL: "Good, because I havent done my homework." 
@Englishteacherideas1

When I want to teach the coulors, I just ask my students to pretend the phone is ringing and they will answer:

Phone rings: "Green, green!" 
They answer: "Yellow?" 
They ask: "White?" 
They hang up: "Pink!"

While teaching this use your hands pretending you are holding the phone. 

@Englishteacherideas1

Son: Dad, what is an idiot? 
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me? 
Son: No.
@Englishteacherideas1

Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said,"oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches." Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!" 
@Englishteacherideas1

Thanks to Our MOMS

♥ For all of the support, the friend, and love you have given me, I thank you and love you, Mom.

♥ I am so thankful that God made you my mom.

♥ For all of the times I never said thank you because I thought you knew, I thank you now more than ever, mom.
@Englishteacherideas1

♥ No one can take your place, mom, but you take the place of so many others and I am gracious.

♥ Mom, I don’t always take the time to tell you how much I am thankful for you and everything you have done. I love you.

♥ I don’t tell you how important and special you are in my life, but, Mom, I am forever grateful for all that you are and who you have taught me to be.

♥ Thank you, mom, for everything and I hope someday that I am at least half the person you are.

@Englishteacherideas1

♥ You are like no other, mom, for giving me life, nurturing me, and always being the first one I call for advice and just to say hello. Thank you.

♥ For all of those things you didn’t have to do for me, I thank you, Mom, for those and even for the ones you felt obligated to do.

♥ There are not enough words to even describe how important you are in my life, Mom, and you continue to influence how I live mine. I am forever grateful.

♥ The hands that held me first are still the ones that hold me when I feel lost and I am forever grateful for you, my mom.

♥ I am the luckiest egg you ever hatched, mom. Thank you for everything.

@Englishteacherideas1