What kind of dog lives in a particle accelerator? A Fermilabrador Retriever.

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Why did the kid cross the playground? To get to the other slide.

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What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? Same middle name.

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I was going to learn how to juggle, but I didn't have the balls.

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At the boxing match, the dad got into the popcorn line and the line for hot dogs, but he wanted to stay out of the punchline.

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What do you do on a remote island? Try and find the TV island it belongs to.

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Did you hear about the runner who was criticized? He just took it in stride

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What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.

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Why is it so windy inside an arena? All those fans.

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So a duck walks into a pharmacy and says “Give me some chap-stick… and put it on my bill”

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It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs, because they take everything literally.

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Why does Han Solo like gum? It's chewy!

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How do you make a 'one' disappear? You add a 'g' and it's 'gone'

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Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie? He was too far out, man.

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Why do valley girls hang out in odd numbered groups? Because they can't even.

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A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, ‘First offender?’ She says, ‘No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!’

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How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern? You use a pumpkin patch.

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Past, present, and future walked into a bar.... It was tense.

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I knew i shouldn’t have ate that seafood. Because now i’m feeling a little… Eel

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When people are sad, I sometimes let them colour in my tattoos. Sometimes all they need is a shoulder to crayon.

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