You think I can fix myself?
I don't know.

People aren’t born sad; we make them that way.

Some days I wake up from a dream I dont remember and yet I am so happy....most days I wake up with this glum heart and I stare at a completely empty space doing nothing for hours searching for a thing that is too vague for my eyes to notice....and yet I wont stop from looking....its like I am untieing a knot that made my life so senseless....and then my heart bleeses me with this bouncing symphony...its starts beating like I am climbing a mountain and I become close to the top....and suddenly everything falls..my heart beat stops....my hands become too weak to untie.....once again...an infinite time again...I couldn't make sense out of it....now if you ask me what I am afraid of I will tell you this..."I am afraid that even your touch....the touch that raised my temperature whenever you caressed me...the touch that made me love you enough to idolize you....the touch that made me want to put you against the wall and kiss you...the touch that stole air from my lungs....that mighty touch isn't mighty enough to rescue this wandering heart of mine...my life is just LABYRINTH....
-Yeab T🌊-

Sad how we have to keep ourselves busy to run from the darkness.

And then it happens,that moment when your breath starts to slow and everytime you breath you breath out all the oxygen you have. Everything stops your heart,your lungs and finally your brain. And everything you feel and wish and want to forget it all just sinks and then suddenly...you give it air again. Give it life again

I am just fucking exhausted.

I don’t wanna be alone in the darkness.

This darkness feels like home.

When we cut what do we really want the blade to do for us?

Whatever that is,I crave it.

I don't wanna sleep or talk or cut or cry or heal or fight or wake up or dream or live. I don't wanna breath .I am just fucking tired of everything.

A wild longing for strong emotions and sensations seethes in me, a rage against this toneless, flat, normal and sterile life. I have a mad impulse to smash something, a warehouse, perhaps, or a cathedral, or myself…

—Hermann Hesse, from Steppenwolf

*MAD IMPULSE TO SMASH SOMETHING .........OR MYSELF*

While this anger is clearly visible for the whole world to see I find myself not in my body but as an outsider looking at myself wondering how I got these messed up or where the root of my anger lies.

Even my shrink won't understand how I can't breath out of nowhere...how the fuck am I gonna be able to explain smtn I don't even understand.