You hold a blackened rage inside the empty chambers of your impenetrable heart, is that why you push away people who are willing to give you the most pristine kind of love?
Is that why you chose me?
Is that why you chose me?
A thing you hold in your conscious
Can mess with you
And all the anxiety and the depression
Everything that is in your head
However much they temper with your sanity
Nothing could ever exceed Guilt
Has anything ever clenched you for so long
You have learnt to live with it?
Have you ever felt disgusted in your reflection?
Have you ever thought that even if you kill yourself it wont be enough?
Yeah that is the power of guilt
Guilt can do that to a person
And at times when I choose to not forgive myself which is most of the times
I don't know how to live with myself
It didn't matter my condition
I should have done better for you
Fighting for you could have been a choice
But loving you was never one
Showing you I cared wasn't one
I was so hung up on the idea that for your
Healing to begin that you needed to fight for you first
If I said "I love you" once would it have made a difference
If I stood up to you whenever you were unreasonable
Would I have Saved you?
Instead of watching you lose yourself and crying my eyes out
Instead of Whatever I did
If I did something different would I have healed you?
I doubt it but still Guilt was better than believing you actually wanted to leave
Saving you wasn't in my power
And saving me isn't for sure
I guess everything crippled me
Reading your goodbye letters to mom
Not once but many times
Watching you bang your head on the wall didn't sound BPD for my 11 year old mind
For someone who couldn't shed tear and had to man up as your poisoned body fought for life thinking you would leave was too weak of a thought
For all that happened to you this blame being
Directed to me had to be done
It was heartless of you to have left me
It was too cold hearted of our mom to live in her child's absence
But it is too inhumane of me to still be breathing
And what would really be heartless is if I ever FORGIVE myself
-Yeab T🥀-
@wordsofpain
Can mess with you
And all the anxiety and the depression
Everything that is in your head
However much they temper with your sanity
Nothing could ever exceed Guilt
Has anything ever clenched you for so long
You have learnt to live with it?
Have you ever felt disgusted in your reflection?
Have you ever thought that even if you kill yourself it wont be enough?
Yeah that is the power of guilt
Guilt can do that to a person
And at times when I choose to not forgive myself which is most of the times
I don't know how to live with myself
It didn't matter my condition
I should have done better for you
Fighting for you could have been a choice
But loving you was never one
Showing you I cared wasn't one
I was so hung up on the idea that for your
Healing to begin that you needed to fight for you first
If I said "I love you" once would it have made a difference
If I stood up to you whenever you were unreasonable
Would I have Saved you?
Instead of watching you lose yourself and crying my eyes out
Instead of Whatever I did
If I did something different would I have healed you?
I doubt it but still Guilt was better than believing you actually wanted to leave
Saving you wasn't in my power
And saving me isn't for sure
I guess everything crippled me
Reading your goodbye letters to mom
Not once but many times
Watching you bang your head on the wall didn't sound BPD for my 11 year old mind
For someone who couldn't shed tear and had to man up as your poisoned body fought for life thinking you would leave was too weak of a thought
For all that happened to you this blame being
Directed to me had to be done
It was heartless of you to have left me
It was too cold hearted of our mom to live in her child's absence
But it is too inhumane of me to still be breathing
And what would really be heartless is if I ever FORGIVE myself
-Yeab T🥀-
@wordsofpain
My depression will live with me through my days but in those rare moments I forget that I have embodied it...In those rare moments that You Smile
-Yeab T🌕-
-Yeab T🌕-