Growing up my mom preached to us almost everytime about the need of ሰው....me and my siblings werenot that much fond of the idea. We liked our personal space and having only few people around. It was always a struggle feeling comfortable when እንግዳ came to visit and more painful when they stayed for a long time. Even in family gatherings our mom introduced everyone to us saying"አጎትሽ ነው" or "አክስትሽ ናት" even though we know we werenot tiny bit related in blood to most of them. Yet she said "ሰው ማወቅ ጥሩ ነው መቼ እንደሚጠቅማችሁ አታውቁም"

People loved my mom because she was always present for them. ሰርግ.መልስ. ልጅ ሲወለድ. ሰው ሲሞት. She is always with people. And I saw that pay her forward in good in my tiny life.My dad was mostly the silent and restricted one and we took most of our genes from him yet he too also saw the importance of this.

ግቢ የገባሁ ጊዜ my mom stayed almost a week and in that span of time she introduced me to everyone. Most of the ግቢ ዘበኞች knew me they carried my bag ከbreak ስመለስ.....kept an eye on me...even prayed for me with their wives. Even my friends whom I love I was introduced to through her.

Having spent the past couple of months away from people and isolated in a a certain way showed me that in the few moments I spend with people in the middle I feel something in me being liberated. I feel alive in a way. They become a good escape from my brain that always kept humming. Despite loving personal space, healthy amount of relationship with people is essential.My mom was right in this...የሰው ልጅ is indeed መድሀኒት but also should be taken in the right dosage.

From listening to so many stories of so many goodbyes left unsaid....so many broken promises and seeing so many people still wallowing on a past they couldn't seem to let go of I have accmulated a fear of becoming one that has the same effect on people's life. Leaving a dark trace behind. Saying "I was here" through my past presence in the cost of their sanity. የጠለሸ "ነበርኩኝ" የሚል ታሪክን ማስቀረት እፈራለሁ..... so in turn I have learnt በመቆየት ውስጥ ራስን እያጡ ሌላውን ማትረፍን or rather distancing myself enough from a person's life as to not leave any mark....በጎናችሁ ማለፍን እንጂ መልኩን አስተውላችሁ እንዳላያችሁት መንገደኛ.........

"የማያሽር መድሀኒት ስቃይን ያብሳል"

አሳስቧችሁ አያውቅም?
If its really you talking or people?
If your thoughts are programmed today or so long in the past?
"ተቀበል" እየተባለ እንደሚያዜም አዝማሪ
የሰውን ሀሳብ በአንደበቱ እንደሚቀኝ
ትላንትናችሁ ለዛሬ ጥያቄ መልስ እየሰጠላችሁ እንደሆነ ተሰምቷችሁ ያውቃል?
አፍ እንደሌለው ሰው ፍርሃት አንደበታችሁ ሊሆን ታግሏችሁ ያውቃል?

"I didn’t know that the war was still inside you, that there was a war to begin with, that once it enters you it never leaves..."

Most days I search on what i posted a year ago on a specific day to look back at what I used to be like but more to see if I changed even a bit. If today isnot just a change in a date and that I actually moved in a way from where i used to be. Change in those days feels good. More when it has a lot to do with healing.

We can't go over it
We can't go under it
We're just gonna have to go through it
We're gonna have to go through it
Swish, swish, swish, swish
🎶🎶

Each breath I take I say
"I am alive still and isn't that more than what I am supposed to be"
-Desireè Dallagiacomo-

A piece of advice - Don't get attached!

(I know I am not entitled to give advice, and I hate doing so. But who cares? 😂)

Starting from an early age, I've had the chance to be with many individuals as friends and brothers. Only a few of them are still in my life, while the rest have moved on. I'm quite sure they barely remember me. I always find myself blaming myself for their departure and living in the nostalgia of our memories.

And now, probably in the middle of my life, I realized attachment is the source of most pains. All the little scratchs on the wall of my heart ቢኮዛቸው attachment ነው 😅 ብዙ የቅርቤ ያይደሉ ሰዎች ብዙ ነገር ሲሉኝ ወይ ሲያደርጉብኝ ልቤ ድንጋይ የሆነ ያህል ምንም ሳይሰማኝ ሲቀር፤ የቅርቤ ያልኳቸው ደግሞ ለእነርሱ እንኳን በማይታወቅ አኳኋን፣ ከምንም በሚቆጠር ድርጊታቸው ብዙ ቆስያለሁ። እና ዛሬ መለስ ብዬ ሳስባቸው የማልረሳቸው ክፉ ትዝታዎቼ ከመቀራረብ የመነጩ መስለው ይታዩኛል። መስታወትን ይበልጥ የሚሰብረው ከሩቅ ነው ከቅርብ የተወረወረ ድንጋይ?

People are beautiful and loveable. But they are people after all. They have much in their own plates. No matter how much you love them, how hard you try, and to what extent you want them to stay, ultimately they will go - in one or another way.

የሆነ የሔኖክ ግጥም አለ that touched my heart - "አንዳንድ ሰዎች ማለት ጥርጊያ መንገድ ናቸው እስከሰዎች ድረስ" የሚል። እውነት ነው! ቢመረንም ቢጥመንም በቃ አንዳንዶቻችን ወደሌሎች ሰዎች የምናደርስ መንገዶች ነን። መንገድ ደግሞ ከመንገደኛው በፍቅር መክነፍ የለበትም - መንገደኛው ሂያጅ ነውና! People come and people go. It's not because they are bad, it's just because that's how life functions and how the system is wired. If things ain't working, you gotta smile and move on - there are much in life!

እና ሰውን መውደድ፣ ለቀረቡን ሁሉ መልካም መሆን እንዳለ ሆኖ ከሰዎች ጋር ያለንን attachment መቀነስ ከብዙ ሕመም ይጠብቀናል። Eat, laugh, enjoy, talk, fight with them but there should be some boundary. ብንችል priority መስጠት ያለብን ለራሳችን ነው! የሆነ ቀን ብቻችንን ስንቀር ከሁለት ያጣ እንዳንሆን!

እና ይሄ ነገር ልጅ ሳለሁ ቢገባኝ ኖሮ ከብዙ ሕመም ባመለጥኩ ነበር! I have been through a lot and it's not worth it - believe me, it's not totally worth it!!

Have a good night!
❤

My heart aches for the adults I see around me.
Holding to their only hope that is God and doing their best to survive. Because you can see “I wish I could have been this but my time is up” written all over their wrinkles and slumped shoulders. Just sitting and admiring the success and wins of their friends, with a genuine heart even.

As much as I feel for them, it’s a painful truth that I don’t want to end my days like them.