Sooner or later you will see me as I see myself. And that will kill me.

What i would do to be away from all of these?

Once in a while, even more often take some time to be away from the environment you're used to. Unknowingly we identify ourselves with the people and situations surrounding us that once we're detached from them we don't know how to function.
Learn to do some things alone.
Validate your thoughts, journal them. Take care of your body, drink water and eat well.
Before anything, be your own person.

If we were given a choice I think I would always choose to disapp.......

Have you ever been in a place where you know you are sinking down into the abyss but you just let yourself be cause no part of you is fighting not to. Cause apparently at some point just letting the water drown you became a better choice than fighting and still drowning.

A heart,such a fragile thing.

The little jems we forgot to notice.

Whatever you went through in life make sure you dont rub it off on all the good hearts that want to love you. Dont make them carry a burden they had no hand in.

Why home, doesn't feel like a home anymore? It feels like we're trapped here. It feels like a cage here, where I can't go beyond the door or their expectations, even if there will be a rain of taunts. You're no longer allowed to raise a voice against them, even if it's for your survival. The only thing you can do is, eat with trembling hands while having tears in your eyes. And you're not allowed even to cry, you're not allowed to shed visible tears. Because it sends them a message that you don't love them anymore. And they are not ready for this type of rejection. Even they are not ready for any kind of rejection. If they have said to stand, you should stand still even though there is no ground to stand on, just an open space in hell, the only space that feels like home.

Home is not a paradise anymore. They moved it a bit up in the corner. Now you have to bear unbearable taunts, anger to get there.

So if you're a survivor, you'll reach there while having your body ripped, and anyone can notice if they are strong enough to open your skin. The cover I told you about, got ripped off while maintaining the silence in my house. Now everything is visible on my skin, in my eyes, and in my voice. Anyone can notice the shaking tone shift whenever someone asks me, "How's home?"

Because I'm scared to tell them that "Home does not feels like home anymore."

What if you never had a past "home" to compare with it with? What if home was just always viewed from a far and not experienced to begin with? Or is that just me?

As it shows up in you too.

For now To have አያት to talk calmly to or to just suffocate my nephew with love would be a good coping mechanism can't lie.

I think we all deserve to be loved on how our hearts want to be loved. Specifically on our own way. A few weeks back i was talking with a friend and I asked him "Do you think we should love people on how they want to be loved or how we want to love them or can love them?" I don't remember what he replied it must not have been satisfying enough. But that single question cannot seem to leave my mind. Will it not be too much of a weight to love people for all their brokeness and needs however their heart requires? Will it also not limit the real essence of love if we tend to their hearts however we choose to and ignore all its "this is how and where you should love me" flags?
-Yeab T

Growing up without being shown any real form of affection is all fun and games until you grow up to be an adult who takes the most mundane and bare minimum actions as grand and expect less for themselves.

Some warmth for your heart.

Welp