"I hope that someday when i am gone,someone somewhere picks up my soul off these pages and thinks 'I would have loved her.'"

I guess for most days it will just be like this. I won't know how or why but my soul bleeds and there is this sadness I cannot control.

I don't know the last time i said this but you know i am here for you adel to listen and help in any way I can...starting from the tiniest bit of detail you want to share about your day
@YeabT29🖤

This.

There might have been a better choice or a better way of doing things. Of loving myself. Of loving others. Of inhaling the air. Of accepting the sun in the morning and sending her farewell at night. Of loving my body. Of smiling more. And talking more. Of choosing a lover. Of talking back that to that man who tried to grope my breast. Of loving God. Of praying more. Of saying "I love you" to myself. Once. Or maybe sometimes. Of ignoring the blade and saying not today. No you arenot gonna conspire with the God of evils to make me bleed. Of living more. And of spending time with friends. And saying "hi" to strangers more. Even though I did that a lot. Of moving even a tiny finger despite the paralysis. Of tilting my head towards heaven and giving my thanks. Of kissing the petals of the flowers I pass by. The paw of that dog I so much love. Of surviving. Of not giving up. And taking my 5 minute wait before I decided to just do it. Or. There.might. have. Been. A. Better. Way. Of letting. People. Love. Me. More. Or maybe. Just maybe. There might be a better way of saying all this to myself kindly for all the ways I failed my self as a child of God. Because the way I woke up today despite everything I had to endure is the most loving way of WAKING UP.
-Yeab T

Almost a year ago i wrote this in thoughts of giving out a helping hand for a friend who ended up breaking my heart fpr the pieces i trusted her most for. Most times its not written enough about friendship heartbreaks. I remember carying that betrayal for months and months non stop....bandaging and tearing open that hurt. Till God finally let her go. Opening up and trusting people and then being walked all over had a huge effect on me. I was afraid i was gonna shut down but God carried me through it and taught me huge lesson that also laid foundation for my faith....in those times i saw how much fragile a human heart can be and how you should care for it. Most of us tend to miss that part in our relationship.
Maybe you are still going through this process or maybe you have let go finally like me....either way let love. Let others in. Not everyone carry a blade with them. But most of all be there for yourself.
-Yeab

Being my parent's child feels like.....

Bits of what i feel most days💔

For once....

episode03 - ሦስት ኪሎ podcast: ለመውደቅ ግን ተሥፋ አለኝ • https://anchor.fm/leoul-zewelde/episodes/ep-ers6ub

በዝምታ ውስጥ ፈልሰው የሚገቡ ብዙ ድምፆች አሉ። በዝምታ ውስጥ ያለፈ ሰላም ሽታ አለ። አዲስ ጬኸቶችም ቦታቸውን ይዘው ያውዳሉ። በየጥጋጥጉ ተሰግስገው በዝንጉነት የተረሱ ቁስሎችም አልፎ አልፎ ወይንም ብዙውን ጊዜ በሚባል ሁኔታ በሽታቸው ዙሪያውን ያከረፋሉ። ዝምታ የጩከት ለውጥ እንጂ ሙሉ ዝምታ አይደለም። በዝምታ ውስጥ በአለም ግርግር ሸፋፍነን ልናልፋቸው የሞከርናቸው ትናንሽ የመሰሉ ብሶቶች ድሀ ልጆቿን ለጦርነት ገብራ በጓዳዋ እንደምታነባ.....አልፎ አልፎ ሠርቆ ከሚወጣው ዋይታዋ ውጭ ብዙም የማይሰሙ እንደ መርፌ ኮሽታ ያሉ ህመሞች.....እነዚህ ሁሉ መድረክ ይይዛሉ። ይሄ ዝምታ ሰላም አለው። ይሄ ዝምታ ያደግኩበትን ወና ቤት ያስታውሰኛል። ቤት ቤት ይሸታል........💔
                                        -የአብ ተ

So much of life is crumpled up in all the things we fear to be. All the parts of us we fear to acknowledge knowing very well they are what set us free. So much of myself is found in all my so long forgotten childhood memories. So much of myself also existed in the parts of me that didnt want to just survive. So much of myself existed on the person i wish i was around people i call my own...comfortably. so much of myself existed around the thoughts flowing constantly in my brain. So much of myself existed around the kind of peaceful talks my soul yearns for. So much of me exists in the person i wish my parents saw through me. So much of who i am existed much more than academic validation. So much of who I am existed so much more than my mental illness....or even my loneliness. So much of myself lies in unsent letters for myself telling me to just be a little kind to myself and the body that carries me.
-Yeab T

One day at a time I might be able to forgive others for how they intentionally or unintentionally ridiculed my heart and pure love....but I doubt I will be able to forgive myself for accepting it all and just telling myself to stay a little bit longer.