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To whoever needs to hear this.🖤 Night
There is something about growing up in a loud household that just follows you everywhere. You could be somewhere distant from your home and overhearing a loud noise or two people fighting takes you back in time without any need for time traveling. I think it would be good if I just whisper to myself "its ok we arenot there anymore" just to ease the pain. But that won't do much. My bones shatter inside me and that is no metaphor.It took me going out of home and moving to realize its effects more. The shouting....the throwing things...the silent days....even those silent days where your fear escalates fearing something will happen. I wonder if my parents get to relive it like me. I am sure my siblings will. Its their invisible hands holding mine in all of this. Its the dark circles beneath their eyes that speak for them. That is also grief I think. The grief of having to make peace with these as normal because my parents didn't know any better. If I get the chance to speak all thats on my mind will I shout and go maniac infront of their eyes?I don't know. But I too realize that little me also lives in them. That one day they too were me....unwillingly pushed into this sad of a reality. Maybe I got to this point of forgiving them because I want to forgive myself that I see in them too.
-Yeab
-Yeab
I am going back to uni today. And over the past couple of days I was in this phase of a kind of " fake" reality in which i only tried to focus on the positive...trying to obsessively fixate myself on the thought of being perfect at everything and ace everything that is to come. It was until I sat infront of my sister and without knowing it enough I was in tears from fear of going back. As soon as it started approaching literally for half a day I can really feel the fear in my body and I didn't know what to do. The thing I thought I was gonna be achievable crippled me ገና ሳስበው and at that point I couldn't find it in me to talk the good hopeful talk to myself. The sadness of leaving this place is almost unbearable and added to that the weight of not knowing what awaits me escalates the chest pain much more. Is it OK if I don't have anymore "you got it!" Left in me? If I just peacefully watch myself shatter this time. I dont know. I donot know. Maybe not knowing and not being sure of what is to come is sometimes ok.
-Yeab
-Yeab
❤1
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I amnot crying you are
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Tiktok out to get me Zare😭🖤
After waking up multiple times through the night with physical pain and my brain feeling like it carried the world's heaviness finally decided to go out and sit outside. The morning looks so beautiful . If it wasn't for my android it would have had great photos. Sitting here now i am realizing that our body is also one witness on everything that goes on in our brain. These days i am feeling እንደውም that it carries more. So much of our experiences and so much of what we have passed is stored in every bits of it. Just like a Gout attack eating away at your joints. The feeling of uneasiness,as if there is no tommorow. This has to be the fastest rollercoaster.
If I end up waking up tommorow, i should have an apology letter prepared filled with kind words asking for forgiveness.🖤
-Yeab
If I end up waking up tommorow, i should have an apology letter prepared filled with kind words asking for forgiveness.🖤
-Yeab