This says what I have been wanting to say this days🖤

They say "time heals", but even now ... I know that's a lie. What people really mean is that eventually you'll get used to the pain. You'll forget who you were without it; you'll forget what you looked like without your scars.

— Claudia Gray, A Thousand Pieces of You

It is easy to mourn the lives we aren't living. Easy to wish we'd developed other other talents, said yes to different offers. Easy to wish we'd worked harder, loved better, handled our finances more astutely, been more popular, stayed in the band, gone to Australia, said yes to the coffee or done more bloody yoga.
It takes no effort to miss the friends we didn't make and the work we didn't do the people we didn't do and the people we didn't marry and the children we didn't have. It is not difficult to see yourself through the lens of other people, and to wish you were all the different kaleidoscopic versions of you they wanted you to be. It is easy to regret, and keep regretting, ad infinitum, until our time runs out.
But it is not lives we regret not living that are the real problem. It is the regret itself. It's the regret that makes us shrivel and wither and feel like our own and other people's worst enemy.
We can't tell if any of those other versions would of been better or worse. Those lives are happening, it is true, but you are happening as well, and that is the happening we have to focus on.

The Midnight Library by Matt Haig

"Don’t fall in love with a woman who reads
A woman who feels too much
A woman who writes
Don’t fall in love with a woman that’s cultured, delirious and crazy
Don’t fall in love with a woman that knows how to fly
A woman that knows how to turn her flesh into soul
And most importantly...don’t fall in love with a woman who loves poetry
A woman that stands in front of a painting for a long time
And can’t live without music
Don’t fall in love with a woman that’s strong and won’t bow down
You wouldn’t want to fall in love with a woman like that
Because if you fall for her
And whether she stays with you or not
Or if she loves you first
From a woman like this no one comes back...no one returns..."

PERIODT!!!!!

If my pain disappears, if it joins the unseen, if it leaves my mind, who am I?

Depression wasn't the word this was a plunge encompassing sorrow and revulsion far beyond the personal a sick drenching nausea at all humanity and human endeavor from the dawn of time the writhing loathsomeness of the biologic order old age, sickness, death, no escape for anyone even the beautiful ones were like soft fruit about to spoil and yet somehow people still kept fucking and breeding and popping out new fodder for the grave producing more and more new beings to suffer like this was some kind of redemptive or good or even somehow morally admirable thing dragging more innocent creatures into the lose-lose game. Squirming babies and plodding complacent, hormone drugged game. Oh, isn't he cute? Awww. Kids shouting and skidding in the playground with no idea what future hells awaited them: boring jobs and ruinous mortgages and bad marriages and hair loss and hip replacement and lonely cups of coffee in an empty house and a colostomy bag at the hospital. Most people seem satisfied with ths thin decorative glaze and the artful stage lighting that, sometimes made the bedrock atroctiy of the human predicament look somewhat more mysterious or less abhorrent
People gambled and golfed and planted gardens and traded socks and had sex and bought new cars and practiced yoga and worked and prayed and redecorated their homes and got worked up over the news and fussed over their children and gossiped about their neighbors and pored over restaurant reviews and founded charitable organizations and supported political candidates and attended the U.S open and dined and traveled and distracted themselves with all kinds of gadgets and devices, flooding themselves incessantly with information and texts and communication and entertainment from every direction to try to make themselves forget it: where we are, what we are. But in a strong light there was no good spin you could put on it. It was rotten top to bottom. Putting your time in at the office; dutifully spawning your two point five; smiling politely at your retirement party; then chewing on your bedsheet and choking on your canned peaches at the nursing home. It was better never to have been born, never to have wanted anything, never to have hoped for anything.


- The goldfinch by Donna tartt

"I hope it helps you build a garden inside of yourself"

Sleep well🤍

Have you ever been afraid of what you are becoming?

How it's like to fight voices.