For most of my life I struggled with making people understand the reasons to why I do the things I do. To make it sensible for them to grasp the knowledge of what it's like to be me. My past experiences...things I have done in the past have left scars,those on the inside still rotting to this day and those on the outside that looked like they have healed to deceive those who look at them. That struggle sometimes tightens the noose and sometimes it sings me to sleep.....that is if you dare to call it a lullaby. I have come to learn that not every word is meaningful and not every word is understood but to say "I could see no other way to survive. That's why I did it" is my bandage to hide your questions I ask myself everyday. And isn't that what I have been waiting for my entire life-something to silence the voice.
-Yeab🌬

It has been a beautiful fight. It still is. There are some days that feel too much for me to survive, there are moments that just drain my soul and there’s nothing I can do about it. Sometimes it feels like I’m raging a war against myself and it’s either I win or I drown in my tears. Sometimes I lay under the moon and tell myself, it’s time to stop fighting. I tell myself that it’s okay if things aren’t going to be the way I hoped they’d turn to be, then I remember that I didn’t come all this way just to be okay with things that break my heart. There’s a graveyard in my heart filled with secrets and people’s names, people who have always let me down. But this is the thing about the people you had pinned your hopes on, you can’t just forget about them. Part of them stays, it makes you understand why certain things just broke your heart and honestly I feel like no one should forget about the heartbreak and the lessons they learn from such tragedies. And so I tell myself, everytime someone breaks my wings, I will take my broken wings and try to fly. It doesn’t end now, it never started to end this way.

There is no end to poetry even when you thought the words aren't there,they are.

Maybe someday I will find it in me to forgive God and God will find it in himself to forgive me but what about the ones who witnessed the trauma we caused eachother and the pain that came in it,what about the silent watchers...those who bled and ached and didn't think to groan in pain to show the harm done to them...tear they didnot make fall...heart they didnt break...promise they didn't keep...words they never said...those who were forced to make sacrifice-in blood for a sin they didnot commit...what about my wrists,huh? How will they find it in their heart to forgive me?

-Yeab T🌬

Despite the intense love that I carry in my soul, in the end, I do not fear losing anything because I understand very well that I do not let go of anything from my hand before I wasted my anxiety, my entire feelings, and an abundant crowd of attempts at preservation and survival. So whatever seeps out of me has not the strength need to return or reclaim my first passion for it.

I have loved you with all the powers contained in the ribs of a person seeking stability, with all the heartbeat that has tormented throughout his life, with all the rigidity of the ribs that starved, strayed and sore.

We all have bad and good side to ourselves. Whichever is loved will the light shine on. Are you willing to love me enough to let me be what I long to be?
-yeab

She hated reading. She only liked this italian poet "cesare pavesse". He said,"we donot remember days we remember moments". She always said that as it was supposed to fix something. Did it? Yea,it did.

Tell me how to be in this world
Tell me how to breath and feel no hurt

Wish I was there for you at the time your parents fought. Wish I put my hands on your chest and witnessed your heart break-even if I would kill for you to not feel it. Wish I was there when you got fake married to your fake wife in 2nd grade. Wish I could be there to laugh at you as your palms sweat as you passed your 8th grade crush. Wish I played with you when you got nobody to play with on the playground. Wish I put bandaid over your scars and became bandaid for your inner ones. Wish I just listened to your laughter as you almost peed. Wish I knew your happiest days and your worst.Wish I knew you from the beginning of time to help you and LOVE you through your struggles. Through your agony. Wish I stayed and never left like most of the people in your life. Wish we loved eachother in our heartbreaks. Wish we was there for eachother to mend our scars when the world dragged us through blinding agony. Wish you had known me a little earlier...a little deeper. Wish I wrote for you. Wish I had you earlier in my wilting and fading life. Even if you will be forced to let go of me because I am not the keeping type. Even if in the slightest bit of chance you will stay,you will be stuck with silencing my voices and calming my constantly hurting soul and loving its pieces. Wish I loved you sooner in my life to have a reason to live for each time I wake up. Wish I used you earlier in my life to keep my heart beating-even though it is selfish of me on all grounds to do so.
-Yeab T🌬

Watch "Can 2 Strangers Fall in Love with 36 Questions? Russell + Kera" on YouTube
https://youtu.be/GeSzLqqyNgs

I looked for big things in everything. Signs. Faces. Feelings. Even the ones hidden. Even the ones you think you are hiding. REASSURANCE. In every single thing. Tons of them. The story behind people's eyes. Their trauma and their happiness. I look to notice why they are shaking their leg. What is worrying them? Faces in the bus lost into the abyss when you look at their eyes. Maybe they miss home. Maybe they miss their mother. The bags beneath old woman sitting by the gate in the church. Are they the tears she held in? Are they the tears of her son when he got his heart broken? Are they the tears he didn't weep? What about the stars? Not the same poetry line about how they shine rather why one seems brighter the other dimmer?is it hiding its beauty from us or is it just sad? The house help. Her back. Is it hurting? Is it angry at her for it? See,you may think those things are imminent,not worthy of a thought,not that big. But believe me take a minute and wonder. You'll see. But somedays. Somedays. It's the little things that enchant me. How my daddy's shoes lie beneath his bed after a tiring work day. My mother's smile after she cried. How she makes her pearls look good. The people making their way to church at 12 o'clock just when the sun start shining. A bunch of old men talking about politics like they run the country. That erupting laughter in the middle of their talks. Even the shouts of those middle aged men watching football. When a child holds your finger with his whole fist. A newborn sleeping soundly. How my parents never stop thinking and worrying for the lives they created fearing they might not wake up tomorrow. God. Isn't God beautiful? These thoughts. Aren't they? This is what makes me remember that life is beautiful. Love is beautiful. Pain is beautiful. This little details. Are you willing to look?
-Yeab T🌬

"silence depressed me. It wasn't the silence of silence.
It was my own silence"
—Sylvia Plath