I am a slave to it.

One thing I always struggle with is making the ones I love understand everything I do in life. My life as in a life bruised with depression,anxiety and other mental illnesses I am not sure about...yet. living with anxiety and depression is far from living a normal life like a normal person. You are forced to deal with constant triggers,mood swings,fear,anger,tiredness...constant feeling of tiredness,sadness,sleep paralysis,loss of motivation and many more I can't express with words. I have never been this open on here but most days I feel absent for a reason I amnot aware of. I feel lost and sad without any specific reason . When my mind notices it I dont have any answers to its questions...when that same question comes from the people I love I don't say anything cause how can i answer something i can't even understand. How?
When you are me.your loved ones have many questions and in world that sees mental illness as a demon embodying you...no word that comes out of your mouth will ever make sense. You'll try to make it make sense but you will die trying. Your loved ones will love you but they won't carry the burden of being you nor know what it's like to be YOU. Almost all your days they won't understand why you are the way you are. But loving them somedays eases the pain. They have a power over you. Here is what it is. You are a wound. They are the anesthetic and the blade. They can ease your pain but also cut you open. I can't even begin to write that pain of being misunderstood. There is this part of a movie which says " sometimes I just wish that I could fade away because it's easier to be alone e than it is to constantly be misunderstood by the ones I love the most." That says it all for me. I know some of you know that unbearable pain. For that i am sorry. But what can we do. That is the power of Love. Somedays it mends. Somedays it breaks....and we....we are the poor slaves....despite what it makes us feel we are obliged to do what it wants. Even if most days our heart craves what kills it. Because it is what makes it Beat in the first place.
-Yeab T🖤-

#rhyme
#Sinday
#explicit (light)

An Artist

I usually cross the line, baby—call me "beyond."
Steering out of the common lane is what drives me on.
My art takes her breath away, gasping her response.
"Your womb is my canvas; you liking how I draw?"
She breathes, "I can't see it, painted in the dark."
"Close your eyes and, baby, you'll see it all.
"The scratches form slow, the sketches are raw."
Once she feels the passion of my strokes,
She demands, "Paint like you have a gallery show.
"Paint like this is your last night before due.
"I want your paintbrush to drip till it has no more hue."
Her words make it hard... for me to think.
I go deeper in the bottle of ink.
I really can't swim, but I love the way I sink.

Today On December 21-2020, the two giant planets Jupiter and Saturn will appear so close together in the sky that they will almost look like one object. Jupiter and Saturn come within 0.1 degrees of one another and create the brightest star in the skies since the star of Bethlehem. It will be the closest Jupiter and Saturn have been since 1623 and it won't even come that closes again for another 500 years. The Mayans now reorganising and saying this could certainly be the end of the world as we know it. so,go out! tell your crush that you love them,punch a police officer, Rob a bank,get as high as you possibly can on drugs you don't even know & if you survive you can blame it on the world not ending.

"But it made you stronger."

"I was just a child, I didnt need to be strong. I needed to be safe and loved."

My depression will live with me through my days but in those rare moments I forget that I have embodied it...In those rare moments You Smile
-Yeab T🌕-

Just so you know a goodbye didn't take a life time.......a simple wave would have done it and now I don't even remember the last time we saw eachother let alone laughed or talked or actually said goodbye...and that hurts so much in a way which is impossible for a human to bear....
-just thought you should know-

-Take my mind
And take my pain
Like an empty bottle takes the rain
And heal, heal, heal, heal
And take my past
And take my sins
Like an empty sail takes the wind
And heal, heal, heal, heal
And tell me some things last.

"My soul bleeds and the blood steadily , silently, disturbingly slowly, swallows me while."

Fyodor Dostoevsky

"15 years old, no blood in your hands.You still believe that love has no casualties, that daisy petals can provide answers about a heart's intention.

3 years later you can't clean the blood out from your fingernails,You've stopped asking the flowers if he loves you. You know he doesn't

19 years old, no blood on your hands just burns, from trying to love the sun but no longer need the warmth, you love yourself and its finally enough"