Forwarded from apparently i’m still alive (Mike)
What was the moment you knew? What was the single moment you knew that you wanted to be dead? The thoughts started to ring in your head like thousand of whispers, aching, begging to be freed, didn’t they? Did you feel the horrid emptiness in your stomach? Did you wanna scream, but your mouth won’t just utter neither voices nor words?
Believe me, I know those feelings. It’s like a thousand voices telling you that you are way better of dead. You can’t escape from that feeling. That barren feeling when you just want to hold your ears to stop the voices in your head. That feeling when you just feel powerless to do anything with your own mind. That goddam feeling when your eyes sting when you are about to cry. No one should ever feel that feeling.
I had 3 suicide attempts through my entire life. And in each and everyone, I edged closer to death. But somehow, while I just bled out on that floor, I felt euphoria. I felt something I had not felt for a long time.
People look at the way I smile and they think, oh, look at that kid. He’s happy. His smile is perfect. But practice makes perfect right? Through all this pretending I had forgotten what it felt like to be happy. And most things that made me happy, faded like ash in the wind. They were scattered to the empty world.
After my second suicide attempt, I tried to get better. Honestly, I did. But what was there to get better for? What was there to live for? Nothing, so I attempted suicide again, but horribly failed.
But sooner or later, at the end of the day I realized that my happy heart wouldn’t make anyone else happy. My death, my disappearance in the nothingness of life, would break more hearts. And why would I want anyone else to feel that feeling?
-ma
Believe me, I know those feelings. It’s like a thousand voices telling you that you are way better of dead. You can’t escape from that feeling. That barren feeling when you just want to hold your ears to stop the voices in your head. That feeling when you just feel powerless to do anything with your own mind. That goddam feeling when your eyes sting when you are about to cry. No one should ever feel that feeling.
I had 3 suicide attempts through my entire life. And in each and everyone, I edged closer to death. But somehow, while I just bled out on that floor, I felt euphoria. I felt something I had not felt for a long time.
People look at the way I smile and they think, oh, look at that kid. He’s happy. His smile is perfect. But practice makes perfect right? Through all this pretending I had forgotten what it felt like to be happy. And most things that made me happy, faded like ash in the wind. They were scattered to the empty world.
After my second suicide attempt, I tried to get better. Honestly, I did. But what was there to get better for? What was there to live for? Nothing, so I attempted suicide again, but horribly failed.
But sooner or later, at the end of the day I realized that my happy heart wouldn’t make anyone else happy. My death, my disappearance in the nothingness of life, would break more hearts. And why would I want anyone else to feel that feeling?
-ma
Forwarded from Beneath the facades
Time to pretend new year is gonna bring anything other than false hopes
Forwarded from Lost·In·Pieces (Dandelion)
You need to realize that the sadness that you are feeling right now will not be permanent. But I also need you to realize that the sadness that you’re feeling right now will happen again anytime in the future because we live in a world where bad things happen to good people and bad people. But until then I hope you feel okay with the fact that joy will come like how spring comes after winter. But I also hope that you’ll feel okay when summer ends. When the crushed leaves of autumn starts falling on you. Just please don’t kill yourself. Because I know that someone out there loves you. And that the love that he or she is feeling for you right now is permanent.
~Confessions of a wallflower
~Confessions of a wallflower
I don't know why we need to break so hard. I don't know why we break so hard.