Everyday is a struggle.

It's the fear of being broken. It's the fear of giving people the power to break you.

Most days I feel nothing.

Do you feel this huge pain on your chest when you try not to make a sound when you cry?

That very deadened feeling, which is so very different from feeling sad. Sad hurts but it’s a healthy feeling. It is a necessary thing to feel.
Depression is very different.

And I felt like my heart had been so thoroughly and irreparably broken that there could be no real joy again, that at best there might eventually be a little contentment. Everyone wanted me to get help and rejoin life, pick up the pieces and move on, and I tried to, I wanted to, but I just had to lie in the mud with my arms wrapped around myself, eyes closed, grieving, until I didn’t have to anymore.

I just want it all to stop.

Most days I wish I was not who I am.

Who would I even be if love wasn't there?

Would I even stand to be alive?

I was given a second chance in life.

I have decided not to take it.

I thought I could change,and bt changing myself alter the world around me.

But change is a fool pipe's dream.

I was never lucky.

Your heart killed mine.

It scares to love someone so much and to not have them love you back.