Should I sink or swim or slowly disappear?

.....All those days I ached for her touch to rub my body and cleanse it with water.....cleanse my heart with her love.

To my saviour,

At times I find myself searching for you. Without deeply understanding it I find myself listening to a worship song and I see my inside longing for your arms to hold me where noone can and I ache for the love I know I had lost. Some days I want to call out your name...shout till the temple's curtain are torn and everything turns into ash...till all souls bow to your grace seeing how I praise you...witnessing how i speak so fond of you. I want the world to notice and be awed by how I am saved. I look into myself and I watch my soul reaching for you and I envision my comeback to be like never before. Today I fall for your grace and tomorrow when it all downs on me I disdain you and your kingdom. I didnt choose to be that. If it was in my power I would be like the chosen and live on the Green fields but I am just another wanderer on the gate of your kingdom. But know that I love you and that I believe you are the superior of all. And even in my dark days I will hold you in the spaces of my broken heart. You are there in my smile and my anger. You are there in my tears and my panick attacks. You hold me tight when I cry in the dark. You wont run from me because I am somehow abnormally different. You will love your lost sheep not because she deserves it but because you are the greatest love of them all. You will love me because you are love. Because love found a home in you. Because everything about you speaks of peace and happiness.
-Yeab T💛-

o-b-s-e-s-s-i-o-n
with someone will take you to an endless unexplored levels of depth!

@drapthoughts

I'm scared that if I let go of the pain I'd lose who I am with it

Sometimes I want to disappear. Sometimes I want to show everyone what they did to me. Most of the time I want people to see what I see, feel what I feel. Pain. Anger. Hate. Loneliness.

Hope y'all love it

Maybe we expect too less of depression and when it does cripple us that's why we break beyond fixing point.

“sorrow found me when i was young.
sorrow waited. sorrow won.”

• @regretletters •

I just wanted to feel wanted.

I just feel like I am sinking and I don't know what to do. This disease it just comes whenever it wants and takes whatever it feels like taking. I have tried to run to the arms of the ones I love it didn't help. I tried shoving a bunch of pills inside my body but I think the darkness has won over that too. I don't know who I am without it. I don't know how to run from it. It's like if I didn't force myself with the distractions it would cripple me. And all I do is just run from the pain or hide from it. I fear what would happen to my poor soul if I ever get sick of running. I don't know how to help myself nor do I have the power for it. I believe the darkness doesnt get to win but I also believe I have lost the fight way before.
@wordsofpain

my biggest problem is that part of me doesn't want to get better.
part of me found comfort and familiarity in the absolute suffering and agony.
IT'S HOME.

• @regretletters •

It's odd how we feel everything and suddenly nothing.

Does it depress you? To know how truly alone you are.

There is like this deep burning, writhing thing inside of me that does not want this pain and suffering to end.

i am always in this state of anxiety...uk like the kind that makes me feel like i can never experience life to the fullest whether its happiness joy sadness ....its like my life line is restricted by a straight line which i cant pass no matter wt but suddenly disappears when im in pain ..maybe thats why i always self sabotage ..trying to get away from the anxiety and pain is the only way i know how to