News broke that American institutional investors have gained access to TON. Now the TON Foundation can officially funnel TON to these mysterious half-human, half-god entities.

And, as per tradition, we’re now waiting for a denial from the American institutionals along the lines of: “What TON? Get lost, we don’t know you. Nothing’s open, and what’s more, it’s securely locked from the inside.” 😁

Disclaimer | All combo| RUS Channel | AddList
Submit a news tip | Chats: English | Russian

It’s a nice, free morning today. Got an idea to write some news. Well, not exactly news, just whatever’s out there. So, here we go…

Pasha Durov bought an egg. He’s not a flashy guy at all, didn’t go for the Black, just the basic Onyx Black. Cost him 65 TON, and all the channels went wild hyping it up. Four months without buying anything, and now… an egg. I don’t know, all I can come up with are dirty jokes as commentary. I’ll save those for the New Year’s corporate party, I guess.

They say the Chinese guy isn’t even real. Might even be working for the TON Foundation. At first, I thought it was Roxman in disguise—why else would he be flexing with non-flashy stuff? But maybe not; all these Chinese guys look the same anyway.

Those same Chinese folks keep splurging on expensive gifts. Just the other day, they swept the floor on Sailor Moons, for example. Feels like a charity move, since it looked like no one would touch them even for 1000 TON.

That’s about it, really. Eagles on OTC are selling cheaper and cheaper, and all we’re left with is waiting for custom gifts from Snoop Dogg and Penguins. Personally, I’m not a fan of this initiative—kind of a negative vibe collab, to put it in terms you’d get. But with every new gift, it stings less, and soon I won’t care at all.

Disclaimer | All combo| RUS Channel | AddList
Submit a news tip | Chats: English | Russian

And Snoop Dogg is the real deal! The song’s basically a promotional integration, but it was sung and rapped by the actual rapper. I watched and listened closely, and I didn’t spot any obvious signs of neural networks being used. 😁

That’s good news. Now the shilling’s kicking off on big channels, and the story’s already popped. I’m curious how it’s going in the Western press, but Telegram’s collab is definitely making some noise. At least they did something nicely for once. Hopefully, some fresh blood mixed with money flows into Telegram and its gifts.

Those were the good news, and now we continue our broadcast…

Disclaimer | All combo| RUS Channel | AddList
Submit a news tip | Chats: English | Russian

Now about the gifts themselves. I’ve come to a few conclusions.

First, Telegram doesn’t like that someone’s making big profits on the secondary market with gifts and has decided to sell them at high prices from the start. Honestly, what’s with these prices? The cost of paying for Snoop Dogg’s services? They’re sucking money out of the market. With every new collection, the market gets poorer and heavier. Snoop Dogg’s gifts feel like a rekt story—completely unaffordable collection, and it’s unclear where to get the money for these to sell even slightly above cost on the secondary market. Pavel Durov, in his new post, says that in 21 days, there’ll be some heat. Very curious who this heat will end up burning.

The second conclusion is that we’re closer than ever to Telegram being blocked in Russia. Everyone and their dog has already taken offense, and Mizulina can’t keep up with the flood of complaints. If Pavel Durov loses a big chunk of the Russian-speaking community, no amount of Americans, Chinese, or the rest of the world will fill that gap. At least not now, with the current level of global adoption of the messenger. Sure, the audience needs to be diversified, and we see some steps in that direction, but Telegram isn’t ready to lose Russia yet. Releasing gifts with weed is just too bold a move.

Disclaimer | All combo| RUS Channel | AddList
Submit a news tip | Chats: English | Russian

I’m not gonna play the prude here—I don’t care if they’re selling weed and joints on Telegram, let them. Personally, these gifts don’t vibe with me and have zero connection to my collection. I hope there aren’t any hearts in there; I haven’t checked yet. But who cares about my opinion? Some people will dig it: a joint, cool, whatever.

Disclaimer | All combo| RUS Channel | AddList
Submit a news tip | Chats: English | Russian

Alright, I should say something encouraging, giving hope for a bright future, since there won’t be much time to write anything in the near future. But, as they say, there’s no money, but hang in there. The gifts are dropping in price more than expected. What else can they do when they’ve drained 10 million dollars from the market in half an hour? And there’s even more celeb collabs ahead. In the end, the push into the West is being paid for out of our pockets. Looks like this topic has run its course—let’s switch to a new one. And no, please, not stickers; they turned out stillborn anyway.

Disclaimer | All combo| RUS Channel | AddList
Submit a news tip | Chats: English | Russian

Pavel Durov advised studying math, so I decided to give my brain a little workout. If Bitcoin doubled in value over the last year, while TON halved, how much richer would I be if I had sold TON back then and bought Bitcoin? Math says I’d be four times richer. But then you add the variable of tap-to-earn games, and it gets even sadder. I’d be tempted to tilt now, but it’s not the time to sulk—I’ll wait for the right moment.

A man is asked:
- What do you love?
- I love buying gifts on Telegram! I’d buy them 24 hours a day, never leave the Tunnel, I love buying them so much it tears me apart, I can’t live without gifts!
- Hmm, got it. What else do you love?
- I love stickers! I love buying stickers! I’d buy them round the clock, buy, buy, and buy some more, even if I’m buried in stickers up to my ears, as long as my hand sticks out!
- Uh… why the hand?
- I love buying gifts!

Life’s gotten good, life’s gotten fun. To Drake.

Next up with his batch of new Telegram gifts is, once again, Pasha Durov. This time, under the guise of Drake. They dug up the right celebrity username from the stashed ones, set up a fake channel, and now, as usual, it’s time to flood it with all sorts of gifts—definitely a couple of Pepes. Just a few trifles left: generate a song and a video using neural networks and pay Drake to lazily lift a finger to post about the awesome Telegram gifts.

But, guys, snap them up quick so Pasha can post about the wild hype for this elephant dung.

Next, let’s do gifts from Kanye West. Swastikas and other Nazi symbols would look great in profiles.

Looks like we couldn’t sort out the formalities again. The posts about Drake’s gifts got deleted. Classic Telegram. 😁

We should delete all the posts about tap-to-earn games. In Telegram, if it’s deleted, it’s like it never existed.

According to statistics, every fourth owner of a Plush Pepe goes on dates twice as rarely as every second one.

Telegram's support can be described in one word - disgrace. Remember the update with account freezes? There was so much talk about being able to appeal. And what’s the result? Accounts are still automatically blocked and unblocked. No money for Pasha to set up a proper support team, but plenty to buy his girlfriend a role in some crowd scene where she’ll be shot by Nazis, cowboys, or aliens (not sure what the movie’s about yet) in the first minute.

Yesterday, Pasha, slamming his hat on the floor, decided to personally tackle extortionists, but as usual, he only sparked a wave of hate over paid messages. And it’s not just that you have to pay—nobody even reads them, and the message gets deleted automatically after a month.

So, I take it I need to write that Wallet is now available to Americans? Well, fine, let them use it, but I’ll stick to my good old TonKeeper.

Hope all the formalities are sorted out there? You know how things go with Telegram.

I'm diving into the news about Telegram's wallet now being available to Americans. While checking my wallet, I got a kick out of its slick address—alpha vibes, you know.

Here’s where it gets messy due to the recent rebranding. The Wallet that flags me as a scammer and blocks wallets I send money to isn’t called Wallet anymore—it’s now Crypto. And Ton Space? It’s either Wallet or TON now. Are the marketers just slacking, or what’s the deal with these names? How am I supposed to tell people where to send money? “Send me TON to Crypto”? “Send me Not Pixel to TON”? Sounds like nonsense.

So, it turns out the non-custodial wallet, formerly Ton Space, is what’s rolled out to the West. The phrase itself is odd. I don’t get how a non-custodial wallet can “roll out” anywhere. By that logic, you could say TonKeeper or MetaMask are now “available” to Americans too—they’ve always been available. The real issue is you can’t cash out without KYC.

For example, in Telegram’s wallet, you can’t swap TON for U.S. dollars via MoonPay. You can exchange for euros, Polish złoty, or Turkish lira, but not dollars.

So, the news boils down to this: American Telegram users now have a TON tab, which is the Wallet?

Yesterday, everyone was saying this wallet is available to 89 million Americans. I checked the U.S. population—347 million. 🤔 So who exactly gets access to this wallet?

President Admin Ton Fo promised great news this quarter! The news will be interesting, relevant, and moderately funny. 😁

Telegram got updated, and now you can sort gifts. Been waiting for this for ages—my collection was such a mess. Too bad it’s still buggy and inconvenient, and not even translated into Russian yet.

I really miss filters for gifts, backgrounds, and patterns. Say I want to create a folder for heart-shaped cookies. There are like a hundred of them, out of maybe a thousand gifts total. I mark all the cookies, move them to a folder, and there’s 99. How do I know which gift I accidentally missed? Or maybe I only have 99 to begin with?

They’ll probably polish it eventually. At least you can now change the order of gifts—that’s already a win.

Looks like we were thinking about the wrong kind of "going west." Turns out, it’s Durov’s girlfriend heading west, not Telegram.

Good price for the gift. 🤡

Looks like the 100k star limit is becoming a thing of the past.

http://t.me/nft/LunarSnake-72536

Go to hell with your stickers 😁

Pavel Durov's buddy is planning to invite Muhammad Ali to Telegram. From the afterlife. Apparently, Telegram’s signal reaches beyond just parking lots. Am I nauseous because I’m sick or because of this kind of nonsense?